| She won't write back!
Posted: 7/26/2005 1:35:40 AM | I take the time and effort to courteously respond , usually at some length, to every email, IM, flower, wink....whatever, depending on the site, even if I'm not remotely interested (or the sender doesn't meet my key criteria, i.e., he takes drugs/smokes/drink heavily, he's married, lives light-years away, is interested only in instant sexual gratification!), but I am always honest & polite, explain as graciously as I can why I don't wish to pursue the conversation or a relationship, and I always end every note with genuine best wishes for the other person in their love-quest.
What distresses me is when the sender becomes very defensive, offended or inflamed by my response (as if I OWED him a date, or roll in the hay, because he deigned to write me), and accuses me of racism, ageism/cradle-robbing, weight/height prejudice, gold-digging, frigidity or whatever chip he happens to have on their shoulder at the moment. It's like he now wants to challenge me and my right to choose who I wish to connect with, and I simply won't be engaged in that kind of debate. It's at that subsequent point that I delete without reading, or block altogether.
The "race card" is the hardest one to deal with. I've been jumped on consistently by men of colour, who say I brush them off because they are African American, or East Indian, or whatever. That is utterly preposterous...I've been married (now separated) to a dark-complected Hong Kong Chinese man for 20 years (long before such mixed-race coupling was generally accepted -- imagine what I went through, living in a tiny "white-bread" southern Ontario town as the only mixed-race married couple there, and then I had the "affrontery" to bring 3 mixed-race "alien-eyed" children into the world). Hell, I've only dated three "white" guys my entire life...so I am conseqently deeply offended by the implication that I am "racist". I'm NOT rejecting a man on the basis of the colour depth of his skin, but by the shallowness of his character! | |
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| She won't write back!
Posted: 7/26/2005 7:50:44 AM | I'm not saying do not respond...if You have time to do that,, great...That is very nice...But some Men Just do not take the hint sometimes......It could lead to false hope...replying to Them...possibly send out the wrong message....I have sent many mails..ending up with no reply...The ones that did answer I'm thankful..and Many of them now are great friends..
...So to the ones that did not reply...God No biggie...Don't cry in Your cornflakes Because She did not reply as fast as Your mail hit Her in Box...take it as a suttle hint...and thank Her for not wasting Your Time..........just my POV..............
this post is directed at no one...but to the Forum Question and Topic... | |
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| She won't write back!
Posted: 7/26/2005 7:54:30 AM | Personally, I think it's a little obsessive to check what has been read, read/deleted, unread/deleted, etc. But I guess that depends on your motivations, how many emails you send, your expectations, etc.
Generally, I don't understand why everyone is so frustrated with how other people handle it. Just handle it how you want and move on... no need to be nasty about it. | |
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| She won't write back!
Posted: 7/26/2005 8:00:02 AM | Yes it truly borders on stalking ......................................but Hey...I'm good at that........
.I just find the Whole Forum Question STUPID....it answers it's self..
."SHE WON"T WRITE BACK".think about it........reall really simple........either She was Struck by a Car....since He sent his mail...or.......she does not care to respond....simple...... | |
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| She won't write back!
Posted: 7/26/2005 8:09:45 AM | DragonRed... can I ask you a personal question?
(assume yes)
If you find the question stupid, why do you come here? And even if you come, why do you attack people? Why not just move on to something that interests you? | |
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| She won't write back!
Posted: 7/26/2005 8:14:41 AM | Myisland.....thank You....Dragon bows to You........
......NuttyLion.....why do you have to make it into somthing it is not....who cares what I think...as far as attacking ,,You would now when I was.....Why are You here...Your not stalking Me are You..wink wink......Why Do You have to keep posting to Me...You sound lonely.....????????? | |
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| She won't write back!
Posted: 7/26/2005 8:18:52 AM | Dragon,,,and I to you Sir Dragon,,,,
Some of us just don't open, read, delete or otherwise tempt fate with email, specifically for the reasons stated in this thread, someones always got an issue.
If you write and get no answer, move along to the next,,, | |
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| She won't write back!
Posted: 7/26/2005 8:18:54 AM | DragonRed;
Very well spoken! I just find it strange that this same question keeps popping up! And it will, again and again and again......
I never even knew there was a way for people to see if you've read or deleted an e-mail!
And I agree, it does border on stalking. How do people have enough time to do all that? I read my e-mail and answer if it's from someone whom I deem to be of interest. If not, I delete, without even giving it a second thought. It just never entered my mind that by not answering, someone could be hurt by that. Silly me! But, I won't change my ways. And I too, find the question stupid and juvenile. | |
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| She won't write back!
Posted: 7/26/2005 10:52:19 AM | Yeah it sucks, but like POF says, some people get alot of mail and don't respond to all of them.
POF should add an option button in the received mail section that automatically sends the person a message like:
"Thanks for the interest but I am not. Good luck in your search." | |
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| She won't write back!
Posted: 7/26/2005 3:14:58 PM | Personally, I would rather get a lot of "no reply" s than a ton of "Sorry, not interested"s.
I think the latter would be worse for my ego. | |
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| She won't write back!
Posted: 7/27/2005 3:22:20 AM | I have to totally agree with Spiderwoman, better no reply than alot of "sorry not interested". Because sometimes a no reply turns into a reply a few weeks later... You just never know.   | |
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| She won't write back!
Posted: 7/27/2005 5:14:25 AM | I totally agree with the guy who totally agrees with Spiderwoman.
You just never know, in a few weeks, you may have plenty of replies.
so many, that you don't have enough time to reply to them all, at least for a few weeks!
But, if it has been a few weeks, then you should accept that no one wants you.
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| She won't write back!
Posted: 8/4/2005 12:14:55 AM | Nice.
If it's been a few weeks, then accept that nobody wants you.
The best thing about using a service like this, is that you can test the waters. If a certain approach isn't working, then try something else. You can't go back to the ladies you've already tried to talk to, but you just have to learn to move on past that.
Don't put all your eggs in one basket. | |
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| Your Eggs Are All in One Basket
Posted: 11/19/2008 5:07:12 PM | I've mulled this question over repeatedly... and i've come to these conclusions.
1. No one else gets to tell me how to live my life.
So all the guilt tripping and efforts to make me be a nice girl (ie: it's just basic human decency/courtesy to reply to EVERY message you receive) and trust me, it's hard to not want to be a nice girl, are not going to dictate my actions. A lot of the trouble women find themselves in is because they ignore their instincts and act like the 'nice girl'.
2. I believe in my basic human decency and always do my best to be considerate of others.
So that translates to this: If someone went to some effort i will usually reply even if i'm not interested. If they did not, it's at my discretion as to whether or not it's necessary to reply. Sometimes you just have to have the leeway to go with your gut, and sometimes no reply seems to be the wisest course of action.
3. Sometimes I really am busy or just plain forget.
That means sometimes i meant to reply and never got around to it. I'm human so shoot me.
What I keep coming back to is this: WE HAVE TO STOP THINKING WE CAN CONTROL OTHER'S BEHAVIOUR. There is this endless effort to have people be and act the way WE want them to. The reality is the only thing in our realm of control is OUR actions. I understand we would all prefer this world to be a much gentler place to each of us, but again all we can control is how we behave regardless of what others do. Ultimately we have to stop basing our self esteem on whether or not someone replies to our well thought out (or not) messages, and yes i have written messages that have been completely ignored. Such is life no? | |
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| She won't write back!
Posted: 11/19/2008 6:10:45 PM | I usually just keep it short, something like...
Hey whats up, my name is Kevin. I read your profile and im interested and think maybe we should get to know each other. Message me back if you would like to talk. :)
Im a college student who spends all week and weekend writing papers...im not writing anyone a long message | |
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| She won't write back!
Posted: 11/21/2008 10:09:17 AM | | We all suffer from this, men and women alike.... I always write back as long as its not written in a sexual undertone... | |
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| She won't write back!
Posted: 11/21/2008 5:15:17 PM | | Gotta be aggressive and not think too much. I found out that works more than being careful and thoughtful. | |
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| She won't write back!
Posted: 11/21/2008 8:54:39 PM | Try writing to somebody else, if the person does not reply, its because they are just not into you. Don't take it personally, or else you come accross as needy, that is a turn off immediately.
The site is called plenty of fish for a reason, just keep fishing!
Eventually you'll catch a boot or a real prize winning fish. You might hook an awesome catch. Who knows right? | |
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