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| | Weird third date and mixed signalsPage 4 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) | so many 'mixed signals' and 'weirdnesses.' geez. sounds like the most mixed signals are the internal ones - where people convince themselves they SHOULD be dating but don't really want to, and give themselves an excuse to bail by tuning their filters of interpretation so finely that everything is a dealbreaker. 'hey! you scratched your nose! what gives? i'm outta here.'
the op went out with him three times, so presumably there was something there she liked. ...
at some point. ...
sometime. ...
maybe just a tiny bit. ... ? maybe she could focus on that ... ?
nah. | |
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| Weird third date and mixed signals
Posted: 6/18/2010 7:23:38 PM |
I think he is cheap and don't want to spend his money on you because he is not sure if he will get lucky.
No, he's not cheap just by that. You weren't there on their dates -- you don't know if she deserves better or if he does, technically. And for a guy merely wanting to split the bill on the 3rd date doesn't mean he's cheap. It COULD be he lost interest. OR...
...After a few thoughts on the situation she described: It's the 3rd date. If I get the sense that the gal may have an entitlement-flavor "I deserve to have guys to pay my way" attitude, and she may more enjoy being 'taken out', I would be taken aback if she comes out of "nowhere" to (GASP) "offer" to pay the TIP. I would be more inclined to think:
"Okay, there's mixed signals either way, so I'm just going to see if she's the type of gal who's going to feel entitled (=disappointed if not done) for me to pay the bill, and it being a treat to me for her to pay the tip. I'm going to split the bill AFTER I've already treated her to two dates already. If she's not into that, great -- I didn't pay money on someone who's not my type. If she's cool about that, then great -- that is my type of gal who doesn't expect a guy to pay her way every time."
He may have done that because he lacked interest, or to see if you were the type of gal (which would not be his type) who'd freak out underneath by having to pay what you ordered.
Some gals test a guy to see if he's just in it for sex by not going past 2nd base for many weeks.
Some guys test a gal to see if she's looking for an attention whore-of-a-guy by splitting the bill at the right place on say, a 3rd date.
Both parties have suspicions, and both parties can end up seeing how they react. If a guy gets frustrated because she won't do more than a handjob on their 3rd date, yeah -- see ya. If a gal gets frustrated because he won't pay *HER* bill after he's payed the first two? Yeah, see ya.
I don't know if that's the best approach -- but my guess it's best done when you have a feeling she's like that and as a guy you're repelled by that type of gal in other ways anyway... OR you're already losing interest in her being like that, and you go for broke, as it can be a ballsy thing to do for a lot of guys. | |
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| Weird third date and mixed signals
Posted: 6/19/2010 9:40:04 AM | | I think some people read too much into these things. Just because a man suggested going dutch, it doesn't mean that he is cheap or not interested. Some men simply may not always want to pay for the entire date. I don't blame them. I wouldn't want to date someone who always expected me to pay. In that situation, if a man had already paid for the 2 dates, then I would offer to pay for entire 3rd date. | |
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| Weird third date and mixed signals
Posted: 6/20/2010 2:33:22 AM |
kind of expensive these days to be the one always picking up the cheque.....i think payin your half is only fair.
no mixed signals....just reality.
Aint that the truth. This isnt 1843, rural america where we're taking a horse and buggy to a dinner party. This is 2010, and sh*t is DAMN expensive out there, plus a crappy economy. I tell you ladies what....If you pay every now and then, I will LOOOOOVE you forever. It is SOOOOOOOOOO appreciated by a man these days when a woman just pays her way, OR even offers to pay for a date here and there. What a concept, eh?
You're "old fashioned?" Okay then, and you can enjoy your evenings alone. Because if your driving sense of self worth in terms of someone else, is them "spending money" on you to show how much they care, or how big of a "gentleman" they are, then your head isnt screwed on correctly for our modern world. Keep up with the rest of us out there in the daily hustle. Milk isnt 5 cents a bottle anymore kids.
I had a woman I was dating awhile back, and let me tell you...she wouldnt pay for ANYTHING....nor would she OFFER EVER...We went on a LOT of dates (because i honesty did enjoy her company), and you know what? After awhile I got tired of going out with her...I just took her for being a cheapskate. Yes ladies, you TOO can be cheapskates.
It wasnt a good look, and its just flat out unattractive to me. She claimed to be "old fashioned" as well.
I have no issues paying their way, but really, if you dont even offer once, or get pissy because i ask you to split a check with me? Come on now, you're done. I dont need a woman that focuses on BS like that.
In that situation, if a man had already paid for the 2 dates, then I would offer to pay for entire 3rd date.
And believe me, we appreciate it, and we notice it. | |
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