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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Why am I not attracted to anyone?      Home login  
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 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 26
Why am I not attracted to anyone?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
It could be that you are way too selective or not enough. What that means is that you are letting your Cognitive side of your brain decide instead of the instinctual, raw side of you.

Let me explain.

Close your eyes and think of all the guys that you have gone out with. They more than likely fit a pattern. They are good or semi good looking. They have average to good manner, the probably seem to fit your normal to good criteria. In other words, they have all been 'safe" dates.

Now, close your eyes again and think what would be the type of man that you would want him to tear your clothes off and either make love to you passionately or pardon the expression fvck your brains out. Yes. YOu have to think to yourself in raw animalistic emotions. What type of guy would that be? Why does it have to be a fantasy? Does this type of guy runs? Rides motorcycles? Likes to climb mountains? Think about it. Then start going for guys like that, instead of waiting for the usual cookie cutter type of guy that you have been going out with.
 guyd42
Joined: 10/13/2008
Msg: 27
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Why am I not attracted to anyone?
Posted: 6/11/2010 3:51:39 PM
“Even attractive guys that have taken me out, I haven't found myself to have any chemistry with them either.”

Seems like you have no clue what you want and are totally confused. Everything about your post screams; I need therapy. No offense but it looks like you need professional help.

“To be honest, I think it's smarter to be picky and keep looking until you find what YOU want rather than take anything that comes along...”

Absolutely! That’s why many have been here for 6,7,8 years and wondering what the hell is going on!
 marcela84
Joined: 5/23/2010
Msg: 28
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Why am I not attracted to anyone?
Posted: 6/12/2010 6:30:18 AM
For the record, I am not posting from my own account, so please do not abash whats written there or the pictures, they are not mine. I knew better than to do that.

Anyway, I want to thank those who responded with postive and encouraging advice, perhaps it is best that I take a break from dating and instead focus on myself. I think a lot of you are right, I do need to take some time to figure out what I really want and need from a relationship. It is true that I do have a certain "type" that I am usually drawn to, but mentally/emotionally it is never all there. I was just trying to expand my options beyond my "type", and I'm sorry but I don't think there is anything wrong with that, however "cocky" that may come off...

P.S. I am not interested in lesbianism.. I think by now I'd have a good idea about my sexual orientation. I also don't believe I need "psychological help" because I'm looking for love and a serious relationship. Sorry if my post came off as****, that was not what I intended. I am not a holier than thou type of person, and I tried to describe my situation with as much tact as possible. I'm here for advice, not to be berated.
 marcela84
Joined: 5/23/2010
Msg: 29
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Why am I not attracted to anyone?
Posted: 6/12/2010 6:32:37 AM
I don't know why POF put **** there but it should say "cocky"
 candid_1
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 30
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Why am I not attracted to anyone?
Posted: 6/12/2010 10:48:27 AM
This reminds me of going to the fridge, opening the door, looking, and closing it without taking anything from it... You, my dear girl, are simply not hungry. If I were you, I'd take a break from dating. Close the door and wait. Until you are hungry, nothing will look good. You need someone to tempt your appetite, pique your interest.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 31
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Why am I not attracted to anyone?
Posted: 6/12/2010 11:19:22 AM
Honestly this is pretty normal. The problem comes when you try to date men you have no attraction to. Most of the people we meet online we won't be attracted to, because we don't get that face to face immediate chemistry or lack of it answer right away so we end up talking to a lot more people we don't know if we're into until we meet them.

In person we just don't talk to people we're not into in the first place, so it seems different. We also don't have to address it as much in person, but online it's more prevalent, especially when we meet someone we have things in common with and enjoy talking to only to find out they aren't attractive to us (and hopefully, vice versa).

Just continue to do what you're doing, and if/when you do have an attraction (and find other compatible traits to work with) then take it from there.

I also agree that if it all seems like a chore - you may just have no interest in dating. Sometimes we don't really want to date, but feel like we should keep trying out of force of habit, or societal programming. It's perfectly fine to just not date at all unless you actually want to.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 32
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Why am I not attracted to anyone?
Posted: 6/12/2010 12:20:39 PM
I think CW35's brief note is most on track. You are most likely in a transitional stage wherein you now subconsciously temper your pure lust factors, with larger long-term considerations. It's a sure sign of GOOD maturity. When you were in your teens and early twenties, the desire for a good roll in the hay might have outweighed other considerations, so your lust had free reign in your emotional state.. so you found tons of guys to be attractive sexually. Now you want more than a one time experience, so how hot a guy seems to be will INCLUDE a host of smaller, less noticed items on your inner checklist; how he dresses, details about his behavior that suggest his level of seriousness, and so forth.
If you have any real concern that something medical may be involved, and you can afford it, a visit to your doctor should let you calm that fear.
 Sarah2211
Joined: 1/12/2010
Msg: 33
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Why am I not attracted to anyone?
Posted: 6/12/2010 5:25:17 PM
Big mistake to date just any guy that asks you out.

You are probably driving away the right guys.... they are seeing you date all different "types" of men, and some may be thinking that you are having sex with all of those guys.

You said something about "even the attractive guys " - those should be the ones you are dating, period. It's dangerous to date anyone that asks you out. Some guys get pushy, violent, become stalkers, or think that they are owed sex just because you went on a date. Some guys get all mental about the cost of dinner or whatever.

Just look at the hostile response in this thread. You admitted to giving guys that you aren't attracted to a chance, and they attack you for it. They all have a false sense of entitlement.

No one deserves a date with anyone else. No one deserves a chance. Start to imagine your life as if today could be your last day on earth. How are you going to spend it?

A) spend the day with a friend or family member that you truly care about
or
B) go on a date with a stranger that you aren't attracted to.

Get your priorities straight, because tomorrow you could die in a car accident or be diagnosed with cancer. Yes, it's VERY possible. I know 3 cancer patients right now, one of them is 7 yrs old, one 25, and the third is 39, so yes, it could be you next.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 34
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Why am I not attracted to anyone?
Posted: 6/12/2010 5:31:38 PM
In the last six years I've met three guys I found interesting. One turned out to be married and the other two live too far away to pursue a relationship.

It's not easy to find a good match. Don't worry. Date around but wait until it feels right to stick with someone.
 happy-go-lucky_
Joined: 7/21/2009
Msg: 35
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Why am I not attracted to anyone?
Posted: 6/12/2010 9:05:03 PM

Hi everyone, I just want to know if any others have ever experienced similar to what is going on with me. For about the past year or so now, I have gone on a ton of dates. The thing is, every guy that I've gone on a date with, I have had no sexual attraction to whatsoever. No chemistry. I am wondering if maybe I have some kind of hormonal imbalance?? But I'm in my twenties, so that would have to be a real stretch. I am looking for something special, so I don't really turn guys down for a date and I think they all deserve a chance for asking me out.(I'm not talking about sex here! Just a date..) Even attractive guys that have taken me out, I haven't found myself to have any chemistry with them either. Should I take a break from dating? I don't know what else to do. I want a relationship, but I need some kind of chemistry, otherwise I'd rather just hang out with my friends and take care of my sexual needs on my own. Any insight? This has never happened to me before..
My dating experiences basically represent the other side of the coin relative to yours. I am also looking for a relationship, but while I have dated many women that I found myself strongly attracted to, nobody seems to be interested in me and they eventually move on.

To be perfectly honest, a year doesn't seem like a long time to me, for what I've described above has been a pattern in my life for over a decade. I don't mean that to be discouraging, however, quite the contrary--my recommendation is to be a bit patient, continue to be discerning as well as reasonably discriminating in your preferences and tastes in men, and I'm sure you'll find a decent guy sooner or later.

I guess our experiences are common to a certain cross-section of people, but I personally don't see any reason to get discouraged or to change or to stop doing whatever you think is worthwhile.
 Cmaj7
Joined: 6/2/2010
Msg: 36
Why am I not attracted to anyone?
Posted: 6/13/2010 1:34:28 PM
I think it is just one of those variables in our lives that define us. I've known people who find it very eash to get attracted to someone. They never seem to be single for any length of time. And they do form healthy relationships. I've also witnessed people who very rarely get that spark. There are failures and successes in both cases.

You are correct in waiting until you feel some spark. It might not happen though from a single date. As others have mentioned you can probably curve your frustration by only dating guys that you have at least some interest in. Even if it is only a minor interest.

Good luck. Relax and enjoy life. There's more to life than the pursuit of a mate.
 mn400
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 37
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Why am I not attracted to anyone?
Posted: 6/13/2010 7:47:31 PM
Have you read the book The Secret? You attract in the universe what you are seeking. Before "the Secret" I sat down and wrote down a list of exactly what I wanted in a man. (It's better to go to the grocery store knowing what you want otherwise you buy unneeded items).
I then put that list in order of importance. While I don't expect to get everything on my list I do have a concrete idea of what I'm looking for. I think it's easier to make this list BEFORE you meet someone. That way you don't loose site of your ideals. BTW, I did this years ago and while I am single now, right after I made this list I was introduced to a man that I dated for 1 1/2 years and then had a three year relationship with my next boyfriend, who I gave this advice to while we were just friends and he decided I fit his list.

Although these relationships eventually ended they were much better than previous relationships that I didn't have a concrete idea of what I wanted. Some ideals do change as we get older. I still believe attraction needs to be strong. It helps us overlook some of the small issues. Sometimes we women look for the "bad boys" for sexual attraction. It's been my experience they don't work out in the long run.Good luck
 pasmal
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 38
Why am I not attracted to anyone?
Posted: 6/14/2010 12:51:17 AM
I think the angry male replies here represents the fragility of the male ego. I guess men think any form of rejection can destroy them, vs reacting with objectivity, like maybe you two aren't right, a match.
Men get so angry because dating is just sexplay, power, reassurance, comfort to them, while women are selectively looking for the one ideal long term guy with whom to invest a future--kids, home etc.
The going gay...really, if all men are like the ones on POF or other sites, we all--men and women should be gay. Then men can have sex casually 10x a day with different people and women can do their Sapphic routines. I'm sure there will be relief and drama, but at least occasional good times vs the misery of the hetero world.
OP, not knowing your age--25? If so, that is very young--you really don't start to understand yourself until 28 and after. Right now, you are exploring--accepting dates with different types. You are doing the necessary--finding what you don't like/do like, meeting boredom, wanting a break. Go with instincts on the dating, but do take time to explore your life vs expect serious dating at this age. Don't have kids, get serious with anybody young, just learn how to be true to self, develop who you are. On this path, you will meet your partner.
 eastwood969
Joined: 12/21/2009
Msg: 39
Why am I not attracted to anyone?
Posted: 6/15/2010 2:07:09 AM
It was nice of you to give them all a chance. But this is in your psychological makeup. You sound like a very nice girl whom probably has too much fun with friends and above average intelligence allows you to read people too quickly and is sending negative reinforcements. You might be religious or you could have been abused as a child but thats not what your indicating. You said some of them were attractive so its my view that they would have to be extremely intelligent. I think you are looking for a geek and you just don't realize it yet.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 40
Why am I not attracted to anyone?
Posted: 6/15/2010 8:12:47 AM
For the record, I am not posting from my own account, so please do not abash whats written there or the pictures, they are not mine. I knew better than to do that.

Why not?

P.S. I am not interested in lesbianism.. I think by now I'd have a good idea about my sexual orientation.

I would have also expected you to have a good idea about what you want in a guy so it's difficult to understand how you could have gone on ``a ton of dates,'' yet be puzzled over not being attracted to any of them. I can only think of a few reasons for that, all of which are some failure on your part to know (or admit, posibly even to yourself) what you want and and your odds of finding it. Being interested in girls is consistent with having no interest in any guy despite having gone out on a ``ton of dates.'' The other possibilities are a statistical fluke or having expectations that are drastically different from the criteria you use to qualify a guy as a potential date.

Most of the people we meet online we won't be attracted to, because we don't get that face to face immediate chemistry or lack of it answer right away so we end up talking to a lot more people we don't know if we're into until we meet them.

That's true, but if a woman meets, say 100 guys and she is puzzled by not being attracted to even 1 of them, then she isn't admitting to herself that what she wants is not what she really uses as criteria when selecting guys to meet.
 DoubleParked
Joined: 10/22/2008
Msg: 41
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Why am I not attracted to anyone?
Posted: 6/15/2010 11:17:51 AM

You probably believe the generic notion that...everyone is suppose to date.

First off , you may be a people pleaser and don't have the heart to turn down these guys who are hitting on you even though you are not at all interested in them. These guys may be attractive in a conventional sort of way, but that is obviously NOT the kind of guy that attracts YOU. Hang out with your friends, look around and see who turns YOU on. He might be the short bald guy with the wicked sense of humour that you pass on the street everday. Try to get over the feeling that people will think you are a LOSER for not actively dating. They could care less what you do. If necessary make up an 'imaginary BF' who is attractive and rich and smart, but unfortunately is 'out of town on business alot'. Your friends will be envious at your good fortune and you can walk around with a MONA LISA smile on your face because you HAVE A SECRET!
 ForumsGee
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 42
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Why am I not attracted to anyone?
Posted: 6/18/2010 9:51:33 AM
Im the same.. I broke up with someone who I fell deeply in love with.. but he was on a different agenda, he played with my emotions and then discarded me once he knew he had my affection... I found him on a dating site while he still "loved" me .. said he wanted to see what was out there ..yeah right!

Anyhow we broke up got together and broke up .. Im still hurting over it and its been well over a year now.

I find that there is no feelings at all.. I seem to have lost a zest for life. This sounds dumb but even children and animals I once loved, I have no feelings for.. not normal eh?
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 43
Why am I not attracted to anyone?
Posted: 6/18/2010 9:59:56 AM
I am totally weirded out that you would use someone else's profile to ask your question.

Now everyone is going to think poor Marcela is having troubles. She's probably doing fine and dandy.

I call foul.
 NarcissusTemple
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 44
Why am I not attracted to anyone?
Posted: 6/18/2010 1:17:02 PM
I am totally weirded out that you would use someone else's profile to ask your question.

Now everyone is going to think poor Marcela is having troubles. She's probably doing fine and dandy.

I call foul.

Possible explanation: Maybe it's a multiple personality thing?
One of her personalities is schtupping and the other one isn't. The one that isn't is posting.

OT:
I went through a similar phase when I became very focused on career & education.
I knew that a relationship would distract me from my goals.
Part of me still wanted to date, but the men I met during that time were viewed with little interest.
Hope that helps, OP. Good luck.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 45
Why am I not attracted to anyone?
Posted: 6/18/2010 2:40:44 PM

For the record, I am not posting from my own account, so please do not abash whats written there or the pictures, they are not mine.


Faker?LOL.

The men you went out with were not real either..See you are normal Op * sheesh*.
Lies and fake profile..

IMO You should not date anyone.

If NO man got your hormones going out of "tons"..It's you.
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 46
Why am I not attracted to anyone?
Posted: 6/18/2010 3:14:08 PM
First off I didn't read any responses before posting, please excuse any duplication.

Reading your OP, made me stop and think. I have questions, who knows I may have answers!

You say "the past year" what changed in that time? Eating, sleeping patterns, other things, end of a relationship? Is it "no chemistry" or is there levels, some a little, others nothing at all? Nothing wrong with wanting somebody special, I think most seek that to some degree. Degrees will vary with the person, I know, I'm a little weirder than most, so I NEED somebody special.

I applaud your open minded nature with regard to dating. Giving many a chance, is good, it tells you "I like this, I don't like that"! It will help you to hone in on what you want.

Finally I will comment and not ask. Some women, will develop a relationship with "BOB", nothing wrong with that. But when it becomes a substitute for a human being, even though the orgasms are more routine or pleasureable, it makes it more difficult for some to reach out to others. They leave for a date satisfied from the night before, or just before the date. At least that is what was shared with me by a number of women. If this is the case, give "BOB" a rest, see of that changes things after a few weeks in the desire department.

If none of this seems to strike a cord, well I'll wait for your answers.

EDIT to add: I just saw the bit about your using another profile, with someone elses pic. Seems to me, we can't help you. When you LIE, which is what you do when you represent yourself as someone else. It makes the whole point moot. I guess in the end all I can think is your a "forum troll", looking for attention.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 47
Why am I not attracted to anyone?
Posted: 6/18/2010 6:32:14 PM

Harsh and unnecessary!! A little jealous because you don't fit into either catagory with that attitude?


Oh yeah you got me! I'm jealous that I have no chance with a woman living almost a thousand miles away who posted a fake profile with fake pics. I'm sure my currently GF is glad that I'm not hell bent on wooing the OP over with flattery and sympathy.
 Frau Blücher
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 48
Why am I not attracted to anyone?
Posted: 6/18/2010 8:56:03 PM

I am looking for something special, so I don't really turn guys down for a date and I think they all deserve a chance for asking me out.

Is the “something special” the fact that they asked you out? The reality of life is that there are far, far, FAR more mismatches than connections, so why not date just the suitors who have that “something special” potential instead of dating out of pity? Honestly, I wouldn’t want to go out with a fellar if he only said “yes” because I had the balls to ask him. Of course, if I had balls, he probably would have accepted in the first place.
 BigDKGRGFM
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 49
Why am I not attracted to anyone?
Posted: 6/19/2010 9:50:42 AM
OP,
Take a break. You have no idea what you what right now, and that is why this happens. Once you know what you want, you will then run into a guy that will have chemistry with you.
Also it can take a second date to start feeling the chemistry as well. My girlfriend, I was attracted to her but not any chemisrty on the first date. Fast forward a year and we still avaerage sex once a day, desire to be around one other. We still spend quite a bit of time with each other as well.

Another possibility (Just throwing this out there) is you might be lesbian and not being attracted to ANY guy might just be your subconcious trying to tell you that you are going for the wrong gender.

Take a break, and HONESTLY examine youself. Only by doing that can you determine WHY you are feeling that way, and then take steps to correct whatever is bothering you.

Best of luck to you.
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 50
Why am I not attracted to anyone?
Posted: 6/19/2010 9:56:21 AM
Ok, I think I got this figured out....

The lovely Marcella gets a message from a potential suitor. Having been busy and not a forum reg, The young lady reads her email and does not log off her account.

The OP wanders by Marcella's computer and decides to do a little web surfing, her friend wont mind, why not? She discovers the forums and not realizing that there might be a profile attached, poses her questions for us to ponder.

Meanwhile, Marcella still has no idea that POF even has a forum and her friend, the OP had no idea that there was a profile involved with PHOTOS of her friend, no less.


Plausible?
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