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 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 76
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Taken In Hand RelationshipPage 4 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
Different strokes for different folks. I would imagine this type of relationship would take a lot of effort to work. Maybe thats the secret of its success?

you know when you are in a good relationship when each partner instinctively knows when to take the lead without being asked. Synchronicity is so hard to find sometimes.
 pauline2012
Joined: 11/28/2011
Msg: 77
Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 3/11/2012 2:19:44 PM
If you google taken in hand and go on some of the forums.

Yikes, that is all, so many people who seem to be convincing themselves they are happy.
 Pandora0237
Joined: 11/21/2010
Msg: 78
Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 3/11/2012 2:31:06 PM
Stepford wives???

Too open to abuse by men, the power will go to too many of their heads, and if their brains aren t big enough to cope, well??!!
 flossiescratchwood
Joined: 2/23/2012
Msg: 79
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Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 3/11/2012 2:48:39 PM
I watched the remake of Stepford Wives last night. It was a woman to blame.Cracked me up that did.

Doesn't appeal to me.I need a man to fetch and carry and go upstairs and turn the heating on because I can't be arsed right now.
 pauline2012
Joined: 11/28/2011
Msg: 80
Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 3/11/2012 2:55:23 PM
I have to question the motives of any man who wants his partner to be submissive and again I'm not talking about spanking.

Seriously, that site gave me the heebies.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 81
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Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 3/11/2012 3:05:00 PM
As long as there is mutual consent then its none of our business. Like abusive relationships, or those girls that have a taste for the bad boys and keep going back for more because they find nice blokes boring, guys that go for the type that is like is mother then get s bored etc the list goes on.

Once i saw this guy punch his wife/girlfriend in the face. I promptly knocked him out, which resulted in me wearing a stilletto heel in the head. who was right and wrong in that situation? all 3 of us had our own valid points of view, its all subjective. As it turns out they were both famous for it, as far as i know shes still with him. Some people feel they have exactly what they deserve. *shrug*

"there's now't queer as folk"
 CharityTrue
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 82
Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 3/11/2012 6:32:47 PM
"A loving wife/gf who chooses NOT to argue, belittle or nag, who respects and trusts you implicitly and takes care of you."

Is this really only possible in a relationship where the man dominates utterly?


(Most) women respond differently to naturally dominant men.
I've seen it time and again, even women who claim to hate these type of men...
It's baseline, subconscious, psycho-sexual stuff...
You say "dominates utterly" like it's a bad thing... To answer your question, I can only say the relationships where I have seen this happen have been ones where the man is in control/dominates... Dominates does not mean domineering, bullying, or any other negative.. It's to do with personal authority and those lovely things are freely given to him because his partner feels GRATEFUL for him... (Imagine that...) He doesn't let her down, he's reliable, he takes care of her, he's resolute, honest and strong and masculine. She feels safe, protected by him, her kids are safe, she feels lucky, happy calm, contented and it creates in her a strong desire to please him and intense physical attraction on both sides...
Everyone wins, not so bad...

In the relationships where the man is not dominant,( ie. most) relationships I see a high level of distrust, disrespect and unhappiness. Where instead of a loving partnership, it's a competition, battle for dominance, lots of anger, no trust, no cooperation. Just not nice...

Many naturally dominant men are kind patient loving, responsible people.. they are not monsters. On the other hand, many "equality-loving" beta men live in fear of saying/doing the wrong thing upsetting their delicately-balanced lives(wives...lol), and usually carry around a lot of resentment and anger.

TIH relationships are not for everyone.
Most of the women on this thread who are so turned off by the idea are the clear majority, so umm, yeah, might be difficult to find... I see so much fear/anger in posts of women here...
If the idea repulses you; it's probably not for you...
For others, it's an idea that stirs something deeply embedded within themselves and they choose this lifestyle and find it fulfilling for themselves and their partners...
And don't we ladies have the right to choose?
The idea is nothing new, it's kind of the way maybe a lot of our grandparent's marriages were in many ways. The main difference being, it is a voluntarily entered into "alternative" lifestyle choice now, rather than a culturally enforced one...
Many women have grown up with and lived through decades of feminism followed the dream of "having it all" and been left wanting, dissatisfied.... This relationship satisfies a part of them that maybe they hadn't explored before, but to their surprise, they find fulfills them...

So many people have a negative understanding of dominance, submission, authority etc...
It's often mistaken for aggression, weakness or hunger for power...
 OldTomBombadil
Joined: 1/22/2010
Msg: 83
Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 3/11/2012 7:09:39 PM
Nothing bores me like routine. Being dominating is fun some days, being dominated the next. This woman lacks imagination, but whatever floats her boat. I'm not going to be marrying her if she can't stand up to me.
 CharityTrue
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 84
Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 3/11/2012 7:35:30 PM
Someone who plays at switcheroo would be of no interest to this kind of woman...
There's usually a lot more honesty in these rels than "normal" ones...
Again, confusing submission for weakness...
Not only can TIH women stand up to their men, they have know fear in doing so because it's not usually going to cause a war... the male partner is usually more relaxed with his partner because he knows he has the final word and is generally more generous and accommodating to his wife/gf... See how that works?
 try1more
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 85
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Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 3/11/2012 9:01:53 PM
i like yer thinkin there charity! now bring me a beer n turn telly over will yer there's a good girl :-)

jokin aside, your right there is often too much competition between couples, often they dont feel they're allowed to be themselves.
the man mustn't be allowed to dominate, and the woman mustn't be allowed to get her way.
i think most people of either gender would look down on a relationship where the woman was bossing her man around, so it's a bit odd when they disagree with this.
thats the trouble with feminism, when it becomes itself repressive, an inversion of what was before.
you "can" have too much of a good thing!

edit:
i think tih is kind of a backlash against feminism, a correction if you like.
 OldTomBombadil
Joined: 1/22/2010
Msg: 86
Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 3/11/2012 10:02:35 PM

Someone who plays at switcheroo would be of no interest to this kind of woman...
There's usually a lot more honesty in these rels than "normal" ones...
Again, confusing submission for weakness...


It's not "switcheroo", it's taking it in turns to be tied up. ;P What you're describing still sounds boring. I'd rather a tempestuous relationship full of passion and desire than her just obediently lying down on her back for 3 minutes and thinking of England.

And where exactly is the "honesty" in the woman remaining silent about her own feelings and opinions? Seems to me this type of relationship is a cop out for women too afraid to sieze their own destiny.
 CharityTrue
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 87
Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 3/12/2012 6:55:05 AM

i like yer thinkin there charity! now bring me a beer n turn telly over will yer there's a good girl :-)

Oh, haha, that's soo funny... never heard that before in a discussion like this...
and I understand you feel like you need to take the piss, but you're just playing into the hands of the fear women have of being taken advantage of by men...Joking aside, I would gladly do it if my man said that... Just not any man, lol Would you like it if your gf said "Sure honey" or better yet, had it there waiting before you asked? Yeah, that would be horrible for you... lol Much better to have "Get it yourself, I'm not your slave!"


jokin aside, your right there is often too much competition between couples, often they dont feel they're allowed to be themselves.
the man mustn't be allowed to dominate, and the woman mustn't be allowed to get her way.
i think most people of either gender would look down on a relationship where the woman was bossing her man around, so it's a bit odd when they disagree with this. (Confusion reigns supreme in most modern relationships)
i think tih is kind of a backlash against feminism, a correction if you like.


Much of feminist ideology for the last 3 decades has conditioned women to look at men as enemies, rather than partners and everyone has suffered from it. Men are scared of saying, doing the wrong thing, many have lost their natural instinct to lead within a relationship... Many women have become so conditioned to fear men that any offer of help is viewed as a desire to control, leading to the whole "I don't need no man, I do it for myself" way of thinking. But men and women do need/complement each other, and we've lost a lot of the natural ability to communicate/share/love each other. Surely that's why we are all here...

Of course...It's my preference and it works for me. I am honest about what i like. I find most people are quite repressed/confused/unhappy... Esp. women... Notice the strident chorus of disapproval and negative judgement about these relationships.
Very few women say "Not my cup of tea," they judge TIH as morally wrong, hurtful to the women, even abusive, or symptomatic of mental health issues...


It's not "switcheroo", it's taking it in turns to be tied up. ;P What you're describing still sounds boring. I'd rather a tempestuous relationship full of passion and desire than her just obediently lying down on her back for 3 minutes and thinking of England.

I submit that what "sounds boring" to a person, could be construed as such due to the limitations of one's own imagination. What you describe couldn't be further from what i know about. Tempests(DRAMA) wears thin and gets very old quickly when you get older and grow up. Perhaps one day you may want to settle down with a wife and raise a family. You can have passion without all the drama. .
I further submit that you are projecting your own negative boring ideas onto something that you know nothing about. And where do you get the idea that this kind of woman just lies on her back for 3 minutes and thinks of england? Geez, that would be a holiday! As i said before, I know many relationships like this and the passion the couple have for each other is real and honest because there are few arguments, they are happy, secure with each other and there isn't the seething resentment (which KILLS desire) between them you see all the time with a lot of couples. The difference between the TIH women and others is that there is a LOT more sex. TIH woman makes sex a priority... Not just by laying down (Lazy!) but by taking the time to find out what pleases her mate and doing it, regularly... She sees it as her responsibility to make/keep him happy, and she takes it seriously, doesn't play power games of denial, punishment and shaming her man's natural desire for sex, actually... I've seen more kindness, more respect, more laughter, more flirtaciousness, more fun in these relationships than others, so far from them being the horror show so many have made them out to be, my experiences have been different... Very positive...

And where exactly is the "honesty" in the woman remaining silent about her own feelings and opinions?.
What nonsense...
You fail to understand the simplicity of the concept. Women talk a lot. We have opinions about everything... (How many women have you lived with, son?) I'll tell you what, the greatest gift I've learned how to give is silence... sometimes, a guy is just tired and wants to switch off. Women have become so accustomed to demanding that a man must meet our needs at all times. Well a man has needs too, Some time, some space, some silence...Learning how to allow a guy to have this is a wonderful thing. It helps him to think and come back full of compassion for you and your problems. Bombarding him as he walks in the door, demanding to know what he's thinking, getting him to listen and trying to make him respond the way you want him to respond ultimately damages the relationship. And we women can be persistent and wear down the strongest man. Grinding him down to a shadow of his former self, without even knowing how damaging our words can be... but i digress, I am not always silent about my feelings or opinions, I use my wisdom to choose the best time to discuss things. I don't chatter non-stop about stuff he doesn't care about and demand he get excited about it...


Seems to me this type of relationship is a cop out for women too afraid to sieze their own destiny.
And there are other destinies for women aside from playing tie up games with you. Fear seems to be the major thing these women have left behind...Many women have seized the destiny the media showed them and found it did not make them happy. TIH is making a lot of women and men very happy, many of them considerably older than you, that have lived life a bit, so maybe, just maybe, they have learned something along the way that you will eventually get to. Who knows...
 indigovelvet
Joined: 5/9/2010
Msg: 88
Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 3/12/2012 8:35:05 AM
I go by what I've already said in this thread and would reiterate that I'd be nervous about "surrendering" (a term used in TIH relationships) myself to another to the extent a TIH relationship would require, without feeling I've lost myself somewhere along the way.



you know when you are in a good relationship when each partner instinctively knows when to take the lead without being asked. Synchronicity is so hard to find sometimes.


I totally agree and you don't need to be in TIH relationship to find that either..... just good communication skills and understanding body language.




 punkadiddle
Joined: 12/8/2011
Msg: 89
Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 3/12/2012 8:47:02 AM
To me tih refers to one partner (usually the woman) cowed into submission. There is a difference between a naturally submissive partner seeking out a more dominant partner to complement them - rather than someone losing their identity to another and feeling their own identity is not as significant.

For me, in a relationship, there are some things that I’m good at and some things he’ll be better at. I’m happy with that set-up. During my marriage, for instance, if I relinquished control of the finances to my ex it would have been financial suicide.
 pauline2012
Joined: 11/28/2011
Msg: 90
Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 3/12/2012 8:50:23 AM

To me tih refers to one partner (usually the woman) cowed into submission. There is a difference between a naturally submissive partner seeking out a more dominant partner to complement them - rather than someone losing their identity to another and feeling their own identity is not as significant.


Would agree with that.
 CharityTrue
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 91
Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 3/12/2012 8:59:22 AM
No-one needs to be in a TIH relationship, just trying to offer a different view to all the negative ones posted..

Nervousness and fear are at the bottom of a lot of posts here...

People who seek out TIH rels are taking active responsibility to find that partner who "instinctively knows when to take the lead"... Women looking for those kind of men who want to lead, and men looking for women who aren't afraid to be lead...

If you are lucky enough to find an awesome man who fits the bill, don't be nervous about surrendering, be honest with yourself about what you want. In surrendering, you will find out so much more about yourself than if you give way to your fears, and hold on to "control"...
 OldTomBombadil
Joined: 1/22/2010
Msg: 92
Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 3/12/2012 1:57:46 PM

TIH is making a lot of women and men very happy, many of them considerably older than you, that have lived life a bit, so maybe, just maybe, they have learned something along the way that you will eventually get to. Who knows...

Well Oscar Wilde once said that the young are always willing to give those that are older than themselves the full benefits of their inexperience...

Half your argument seems to be based on the idea that it's unfair of the woman to expect anything from a man... while in the same breath you espouse the joys of doing as you're told at all times. And while you'll probably argue that that is a generalisation- you'd conceed that she needs to cook, clean, be available for sex at all times, etc.

The other half seems to be that if you have a relationship in which one person is sworn to not argue back under any circumstances, there'll be fewer arguments. Well obviously.

In 2 years me and my ex were together, we never once fell out. We cooked together, worked hard at our jobs, loved each other, conversed regularly whether it was about her interests or mine. If we hadn't been after different things in life, we'd still be together. She wanted kids and I didn't. Of course, we could've had a TIH relationship where I'd simply tell her she's never having kids- end of, and she could live an unfulfilled life, never getting her one greatest wish.

Finally, I know very few modern women who shame their partners out of having sex. Quite the contrary. Jo Brand might joke about wishing sex was over sooner but most women love it. I'm used to doing it regularly, for hours at a time, switching between various things to please each other completely. For most men, being able to make her orgasm, preferably multiple times, is something to be proud of and worth investing time and energy into getting right.
 flossiescratchwood
Joined: 2/23/2012
Msg: 93
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Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 3/12/2012 2:23:19 PM


i like yer thinkin there charity! now bring me a beer n turn telly over will yer there's a good girl :-)


Oh, haha, that's soo funny... never heard that before in a discussion like this...


oh excellent.I get a chance to say "lighten up won't ya love" which as a diehard feminazi happens once in a blue moon.

Honestly Charity you need to read up a bit on feminist 'ideology' and it's multifaceted variants and maybe get to know a few of the old harridans before you make pronouncements on man hating feminsim.
 helen1981
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 94
Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 3/12/2012 2:57:33 PM
Yes there are many different types of feminism. I would call myself a feminist but I don't hate men. I loved my grandfather, brother and love my dad. Besides I believe feminism is about men and women working together to fight inequality in the system.

For me I don't like the taken in hand relationship. Why should I get a man a beer when he has legs himself. For me relationships are about give and take so I may sometimes get a man a beer and sometimes he will get me one. I don't think I man hating just because I don't want to be someone's slave.
 Jo van
Joined: 5/23/2009
Msg: 95
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Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 3/12/2012 3:01:22 PM

People who seek out TIH rels are taking active responsibility to find that partner who "instinctively knows when to take the lead"... Women looking for those kind of men who want to lead, and men looking for women who aren't afraid to be lead...

And if the "master" feels "uncomfortable" with other men looking at your body/face, will you wear the burka, to make him feel "better"....?
All done "voluntarily" of course....

Such "conservative" thinking, about male and female "roles", are based on a time when "might is right", and "your wife deserves to be beaten, if she disobeys you."

I thought we'd progressed past the point when the biggest or physically strongest, got their way.
Spousal rape was only made a crime as recently as 1991, before then, it was considered a husband's "conjugal rights".

I'd prefer 'partnership' to 'ownership'.
I would find it a huge 'turn-off' that any woman would consider such unquestioning obedience, and agree to be subservient, at the outset.
I think it's creepy.
Like wearing burkas is, but each to their own, as they say...
 pauline2012
Joined: 11/28/2011
Msg: 96
Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 3/12/2012 3:43:39 PM
Lmfao, Im sorry but to me some of these TIH relationships may be as has been suggested above because some men want their partner to be a good wee wifey and cook tea, fetch drinks etc.

Come on seriously, why on earth would I be afraid about a TIH relationship, I just think it's a load of old claptrap and that doesn't mean I'm a raging bra burner or hate men or want to make every decision in a relationship, I just don't want one where the man gets a final say for no other reason that he has a penis and I don't.

If that's what floats people's boats then sail on but I'd rather be in a partnership that was as equal as possible based on mutual respect.

Surrendering? Surrendering to what exactly? Some bloke that wants his supper cooked every night but promotes himself as being an alpha male in order to get it cooked.

Ive looked at some of these TIH sites and a lot of women on there seem to be convincing themselves they are happy with their lives, I would seriously question that.
 Geordie_Colin
Joined: 6/20/2011
Msg: 97
Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 3/12/2012 6:15:36 PM

Yikes, that is all, so many people who seem to be convincing themselves they are happy.

I so agree.
 indigovelvet
Joined: 5/9/2010
Msg: 98
Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 3/12/2012 6:43:53 PM
Surrendering? Surrendering to what exactly? Some bloke that wants his supper cooked every night but promotes himself as being an alpha male in order to get it cooked.



I've just started to learn Argentine Tango and for some reason it reminded me of this thread... you follow and surrender to the dance..... I'm loving it but it's difficult. I feel sorry for some of the men as they've got their work cut out trying to take the lead!
 ariesagain
Joined: 9/7/2011
Msg: 99
Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 3/13/2012 12:00:48 AM
msg 100

Ceroc is the same, which is why I am not finding it easy to progress from beginners to intermediate stages. I am not assertive enough in my leading! I would obviously be hopeless in any TIH relationship.


 SwanSpirit
Joined: 10/30/2008
Msg: 100
Taken In Hand Relationship
Posted: 3/13/2012 12:22:03 AM
Indigo I've got 2 left feet, so all I'd be surrendering to is the floor when I tripped over!
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