|
|
|
|
|
| | Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?Page 4 of 7 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7) | jrodriquez81 I was joking and I did express an opinion.I said "who knows
why they didn't show".Really the only person who knows is the person
who did not show up.We can come up with 1000 possible reasons and
all may be wrong.Again as for why they didn't show up,who knows! Only
the ladies who stood you up know, so my suggestion is ask them. | |
|
| Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 6/29/2010 3:01:04 PM |
Why the hell is this so common, and when did we all come to this oddball conclusion that it is somehow "okay" to just brush someone off like that? I'd like to believe most normal well adjusted people find it to be as bush league as I do!
obviously you are not good at reading people.
your record really speaks for it's self. | |
|
| Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 6/30/2010 1:08:50 PM | OP, if you give someone three chances to ditch you without a really good explanation, you are tacitly approving it. Most peeps on the fora wouldn't allow someone to stand them up more than once without a good reason - no wonder you are apparently having a bigger problem. Look here:
One strike would be them flaking out. I'd figure "okay, sh*t happens, no biggie"
TWO strikes would be a little more annoying, but I'd give them the benefit of the doubt, and be on alert.
THREE strikes though is OBVIOUSLY their habit. They are just THAT type of person.
Not sure what time frame you'd allow someone to flake out on you three times before you finally get pi$$ed off with them. Three meetups or 100?
Since you asked about your posting history, if, IRL your communications are sometimes a little on the dramatic side, as they can be in your posting history, it could wear thin after a while. Who knows? I'd also agree with the guy one up in thinking that maybe you're not reading people or are drawn to a specific type of person who is.........wait for it........a flake. Who knows whether it's geographic - did you move and deliberately start hanging out with botoxed honeys living in McMansions rather than cute mid-west girls who all aspired to be math teachers?
Just my $.02....... | |
|
Fifi47
| | Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 79 | |
| Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 6/30/2010 5:44:21 PM | | Some people might flake out due to the fact that they might have been communicating with someone else and decided the other person might be a better catch or match. This is rude and immature behavior IMHO......I am a bbw without a full body shot (although I state that I am a bbw in my profile)...I never stand someone up now, and never did when I was a woman of "average" size. (referring to previous post). All the men who have stood me up have been nice looking men of average height and weight.....maybe they should have kept their mouths shut and not agreed to meet if they did not plan to do so, but then that would require maturity and manners.... | |
|
| Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 6/30/2010 7:06:52 PM | OH wait wait, I came back!! Forgot one date, don't know if it counts, you guys decide!
On another thread, about funny POF dates, I wrote about a woman, who showed up, but hid behind a large plant at the front of the restaurant! I spoke with her, we didn't end up on a date, BUT she did show up!!! | |
|
| Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 6/30/2010 7:55:11 PM |
obviously you are not good at reading people.
your record really speaks for it's self.
Ive mentioned a few encounters for this specific subject. How would my 'record' speak, if no one knows my record?
For all anyone here knows, I could be 50-2 and my record could be pretty good.
Food for thought. | |
|
| Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 6/30/2010 8:27:55 PM | IMHO the MAIN reason they disappear is that they are married or in a relationship, just playing around on the internet, and when push comes to shove, they flake out. Anyone who has done any online dating at all will tell you the percentage of standups is significant. I read somewhere that something like 40% of the profiles are people in relationships already, just cruising to see what they might be missing. Wifey or hubby is sitting in the other room watching TV while they are chatting you up.
Here's a great question to ask early in emailing: "Is there a a man or woman in your life who thinks they are your significant other?" They will usually answer this question yes or no honestly--because the question startles them. Don't ask if they are in a relationship, they may be but will say no, because, duh, they are cheating, so...in their minds they are not.
Secondary reason, they are 10-20 years older and many pounds fatter than their posted photos. They chicken out at the last minute.
And thirdly, probably a minority, are just flakey folks. | |
|
| Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 6/30/2010 10:46:47 PM | I hate it. I have a "friend" that does it all the time. We used to be very good friends, but the flaking out and other bad qualities such as (lying constantly, always late, and some stuff I wont get into) made it so that I try not to associate with him as much as possible.Which makes things hard since we have lots of mutual friends. I've called him out on it numerous times and he gets defensive, turns it around on me like saying "you were 5 mins late to dinner with us yesterday" even though I called and said I would be late. He on the other hand, calls after he is already 10-15 mins late saying he is "just around the corner" which usually means he just left.
I've known him for 3yrs so I know how he is and what his excuses mean. If we all went out as friends to a bar, he would just randomly leave with someone he met there like a friend he knew from work, and wouldn't say where he was going or let someone know what was going on, he would just disappear on us. It got to the point where I would always drive my car in case I got left behind, or make sure he drove and the group followed because it got so bad.
Bad friendship examples aside: I've had it happen to me once or twice. The one I remember distinctly was talking to a guy online, he suggested we go see a movie.Cool, I can do that.And he picked the theater and the time to be there so we could pick a movie out once we were there together. I got there early like I normally try to, called him to see if he was still on his way, and no answer. Waited 20mins,called again and sent a text in case he had a bad signal.No answer. At this time, he is 10mins late, he calls from a different number and says he is 5mins away. 45mins go by, he's not there. I decide to leave because I hate the waiting game and him being late pissed me off. I drove off and 30mins later he calls me and says he is there and asked where I was. I told him I dont appreciate waiting over and hr when we had plans and he was only 15mins away. I knew this because he lived on a military base not far away. I call it flaking because he never showed, and I doubt he really showed up.But it wasn't worth my time, so no biggie. | |
|
| Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 7/1/2010 2:01:53 AM | And you know what strikes me as odd as well? Either im interpreting this wrong, or people are kind of taking on the opinion that someone else kind of makes them flake out due to whatever reason of that particular person?
In other words....they flaked out because of me being this way, or that, way, or yada yada, whatever you'd like to fill in the blanks with.
Isnt that kind of BS, and a huge cop out?
Thats like an abusive man, claiming he HAD to whip his wife's ass, because she was acting up and MADE him do it.
You're either an abusive person, or you arent. No one FORCES you to be something you are not.
Flakes are just simply like that, no matter who they meet. They'll flake on me, you, your brother, your mother, their mother, their aunt, their uncle...etc etc.
I mean look at the girl in this thread, talking about her own FAMILY MEMBERS flaking out on them. It is what it is. No one creates you. You create yourself. | |
|
| Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 7/1/2010 4:43:07 AM | Inked Angel....good example....I hear stories like this happening all the time....it's the "next best (or worst) thing to being stood up, without actually being "stood up". Because the person who is pulling that crap can say they never stood you up....they always find some loophole or something that caused them to behave the way they did.
They say, "Well, I was THERE!" 
| |
|
| Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 7/1/2010 10:55:23 AM | OP, I don't think anyone is outright blaming you because people are flakes. But as I mentioned previously, if you allow people to continually flake out, you facilitate it to some degree. Who knows, maybe your picker is also a little broken? Furthermore, being late is sometimes a passive-aggressive way of getting back at those who force you to adhere to their timetable.
Thats like an abusive man, claiming he HAD to whip his wife's ass, because she was acting up and MADE him do it.
No it isn't. Beating someone's a$$ is not even remotely comparable to flaking out. That's just being overly dramatic. I'm pretty vigilant about effectively using my time and anyone sharing my time. I won't wait for rationalizers, absent-minded professors, disorganized people, adrenaline junkies who are always late, or rebels who want to defy authority and keep people waiting.
I mean look at the girl in this thread, talking about her own FAMILY MEMBERS flaking out on them. It is what it is. No one creates you. You create yourself.
My own brother USED to do this all the time. Anyhoo, he eventually got "bootstrapped" quite a few times when I waited around for him and he didn't show. But when he needed me to look after his dog he finally learned respect. If I told him to drop the dog off (he lives 45 minutes away from me) at a specific time and wasn't there. I left. He had to wait around or come back.
Start dating people who work in live TV. Guarantee you they'll be on-time. | |
|
| Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 7/1/2010 7:39:48 PM | No, beating someone's ass is not comparible to flaking, and im not comparing them LITERALLY....but the example is very sound, and isnt "overly dramatic" (is everything dramatic to you?)
Ive seen a few people in this very thread mention someone elses behavior perhaps being the reason for someone to flake. My thing is this....No one makes you act a certain way. You simply are, or you arent that type of person already.
An abusive man, has the capacity for such inside of him before he even meets the woman to "bring it out" in him. A flake, is a flakey person in general.
And my picker isnt THAT broken in general. Its not like ive gone out with 10 flakes in a row. Ive just met enough (and more frequent along the years) to wonder whats been the deal out there.
There isnt really much one can do to avoid flakey people. You kind of learn how they are on the fly....there generally arent TOO many signs....You learn, WHEN they flake out.....and as ive already mentioned, I pretty much drop people when they do it once now. | |
|
| Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 7/2/2010 5:06:08 AM |
Im sure people from other states could fill me in, but from my own personal experience...I never recall having had these issues when I was back east in NY...People just werent like that.
Yeah...not sure where you lived in NY, but everywhere I've lived here I've run into flakes. There are flakes everywhere you go. At least in So Cal they can use traffic as an excuse! Up here..."Oh, there was a big tractor accident and I couldn't get through."
| |
|
| Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 7/2/2010 2:52:16 PM | For all anyone here knows, I could be 50-2 and my record could be pretty good.
I'd bet my bottom dollar that a record 50-2 is very unlikely in your dating repertoire otherwise you would have never created a thread.
every one here has met their fair share of throw backs in the dating world your no one special or should assume you are exempt in some special way from meeting the odd "FLAKE"
| |
|
| |
| Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 7/3/2010 3:31:07 AM |
Yeah...not sure where you lived in NY, but everywhere I've lived here I've run into flakes. There are flakes everywhere you go. At least in So Cal they can use traffic as an excuse! Up here..."Oh, there was a big tractor accident and I couldn't get through." .
A TRACTOR ACCIDENT?!
There were no tractors in the city.  | |
|
| Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 1/2/2011 2:38:05 PM | | I'll tell you what dude...its not just you. This is how girls are. I havent had much experience with girls actually flaking out with me on the date...but just in meeting in general or even during IM convos just flake out on me. I had a girl just 3 minutes ago who I was in a perfect convo with close out on me only because I asked her if she coudl send me more pics. Her phone was blocking her face and they were all blurry and she even admitted they were. The last thing she wrote me was "well...I am gorgeous" and then closed out. It's like, I never said you werent! I said I wanted to see cause I cant...when did it become wrong to wanna know what a person's general face looks like? Obviously I was interested or I wouldnt have messaged so chill out and send a few pics and lets move forward amicably. I had this other girl last week...she messaged me first. Said I was hott, said I was sweet, we talked on the phone two times. She was texting me all the time telling me that she couldnt wait to meet and everything. When it came down to actually hanging out I didnt hear from her and then she texts me this long text saying that she didnt think we were meant to meet and that she couldnt see herself with me. When I called her to try to talk it out then she wouldnt answer. I didnt understand it cause she talked me up one second then the very next second blows me off. Every girl I meet on here is a total flake with the rare exception of a normal girl that actually wants to meet up and get to know you...its not just the site...its girls in general, girls I meet off this site are the same way. | |
|
Yve5
| | Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 93 | |
| Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 1/2/2011 4:04:46 PM |
And im of the opinion that in this day and age of computers, phones, cell phones, email, texts, that its damn near impossible to be this rude to someone....WITH EXCEPTIONS being an accident, or your hands fell off or something..........................I seriously will not give a woman another chance if she does that to me, without a good reasoning behind it. You flake once? You're done..................What say you? Oh POF'er?
This has happened to me sooooo many times with online dating that I cannot remember how many. I'm talking about men who would be the one to ask me, talked about really looking forward to meeting even up to the last time we communicated and seemed quite responsible. I cannot imagine doing that to a man and consider it one of the most rude and inconsiderate things a person can do in the dating world. I’ve had things come up, but make sure I get in touch with the man to let him know, am very apologetic, and we reschedule. I agree in this day and time, with all the options to be able to contact someone and most having voice mail/answering machines/caller id and especially if they are a person who only use their cell phone and not a home phone to make calls, there’s not much way a person can have an excuse to not let the other person know they cannot make it. Also, as you, would give the man too many benefits of a doubt, etc. at first, but finally came to the conclusion that anyone who doesn't think of that as being rude and inconsiderate, is not the man for me. The man for me would have the same integrity to see this type of action as rude and inconsiderate also.  | |
|
| Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 1/2/2011 4:43:32 PM | It happens ALL THE TIME!
I am with another poster on here who said that if she had a dollar for everytime it happened, she would be an extremely rich woman. - Amen to that!
One time, I drove nearly an hour one way (driving is not an issue with me as I live out in the country - takes me 20 minutes to break the city limits) to meet with a person who never showed up........... - No call, no email, no show..........
But the twist...........A few months later, they called me wanting to know how I am doing......blah blah blah - acting like nothing ever happened. - Needless to say, I didn't return their calls.
If you do that crap to me, you definitely will NOT get a second chance.....much less the time of day from me. | |
|
| |
| Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 1/2/2011 6:05:20 PM |
A TRACTOR ACCIDENT?! There were no tractors in the city.
More likely a tractor trailer. Ever see one that's tried to go under an overpass just a few inches too low? The trailer end looks like a badly peeled sardine can.
Yup, I've been flaked out on. Man calls me, says he'll be there to pick me up in an hour and a half and we'll have lunch.
Guess who doesn't show up or call and cancel or ever even bother to contact me again? Guess who also wouldn't get a second chance to do it again if he did call, too? | |
|
| Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 1/2/2011 6:08:06 PM |
Either im interpreting this wrong, or people are kind of taking on the opinion that someone else kind of makes them flake out due to whatever reason of that particular person? In other words....they flaked out because of me being this way, or that, way, or yada yada, whatever you'd like to fill in the blanks with.
Isnt that kind of BS, and a huge cop out?
You mean like saying it's someone else's fault that you date a lot of flakes? You admitted that you would give flakes three chances to show up, so you must have had a lot of NO-SHOWS before changing your technique.
Is it THEIR fault that you kept hounding women who didn't show up the first time?
Could you be MORE clueless?
So...yes, I would say that you are interpreting a lot of things WRONG, most notably, the desire of certain women to date you. | |
|
| Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 1/2/2011 6:30:48 PM | Now, Ive had several women that ive met from here, insist that I was being petty for dropping them after they have flaked out on me, with lame excuses as to why they wouldnt make it days AFTER not respond to calls of the set time, and date....
The only way I could see a sane woman react that way is if you sparingly emailed, and what was taken by one person as a set-in-stone Date, was to the other a tentative "let's aim for that" date for the future requiring a confirmation shortly beforehand, before any thoughts of going.
Am I insane, or are these women ridiculously stupid? Is flaking a socially acceptable behavior at ANY time for ANY of you?
The only way you're insane is if you're reading a "Yeah, we should hit up Cheers after work next Thursday" to a gal you've hardly emailed as a set-in-stone date, never heard from her after that, but still went anyway. I wouldn't call you insane even then, just reading things wrong. :) In that case, no, she wasn't a no-show -- you just took something as a Date when it wasn't. She flaked out on making something tentative to an actual Date.
Unless it's something like that, I totally agree -- don't mess with someone who's flaked even once. 9 out of 10 times, you're going to be 'dissed again or blown off by them in a more appropriate manner. | |
|
| |
| Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 1/2/2011 8:02:30 PM | | I'd rather hear "I'm not interested" than show up somewhere just to be stood up. Why even make those plans in the first place if there's no interest? I'm guessing a lot of people either have significant others or they make a bunch of plans, decide what they want to do, and then ditch the rest. | |
|
|
|
|
Page
4
of
7 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
|
|
Home
login 
