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 Pud78
Joined: 4/29/2010
Msg: 26
Long distant relationship ?Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I have had two Long distance relationships and they do make you focus more on the relationship more and not take each other for granted and the time you spend together is precious and from that aspect they work.
They are though lacking the closeness that a relationship should have as your not a proper couple and do not share the life troubles the same way that you would if you were living together.
I personally want a proper relationship that leads to being a couple and living together and feel that the chances of meeting someone that I could do that with are increased if they lived local to me.
I would not discount a long term relationship providing that the long term aim is living together and sharing that life but any communication you go into online can't be thought of long term so I only search locally and in turn generally only talk locally.
 Carm0n
Joined: 11/21/2009
Msg: 27
Long distant relationship ?
Posted: 8/4/2010 1:58:10 PM
thank you all for your input.
he is driving all the way up here, and staying in a B+B in a nearby village. I would only agree if he did the travelling. I was trying hard to put him off at the time, we had that conversation in the first emails. If one of us did not drive then I would never have agreed. I was actually looking for no-one more than 20mins away. Life never goes to plan!
I'm busy this week and he is on holiday next week so it'l be the week after. Gives us time for many more phone calls. Its refreshing for a man to not try and talk about sex! But then he had only just joined so was a dating site virgin. He is not the usual type at all.

As I have said, I have no idea what will happen when we meet in person, you never know until you do. I think its harder for him, he will drive for 4hrs not knowing how it will go
 aries074
Joined: 5/11/2009
Msg: 28
Long distant relationship ?
Posted: 8/4/2010 1:59:56 PM
."but, Isolde, if you really seem to get on and can chat for ages on the phone it's a day out if nothing else!Or else you'll always wonder."

I can very much relate to that view. I might be seen as contradicting myself here but, despite my long-held negativity towards LDRs, I did travel to Rugeley to meet someone last year and to Liverpool a few months ago. I got on great with both women message and phone-wise, and therefore, the curiosity on what they were like in the real world got the better of me. The mutual attraction might not have been strong enough for the relationship I am looking for, ,but nonetheless, I enjoyed their company and they were really nice days out.
 Carm0n
Joined: 11/21/2009
Msg: 29
Long distant relationship ?
Posted: 8/4/2010 3:03:27 PM
^^^^ thanks for that cynisism, I am not so naive, he is going with 2 already to make three. His daughters who are both at uni and I have spoke to
 indigovelvet
Joined: 5/9/2010
Msg: 30
Long distant relationship ?
Posted: 8/4/2010 3:06:07 PM
For some reason I thought this was about people who've been in long term marriages! It can seem as though you are in a long distant relationship at times and poles apart even though you are under the same roof! There is distant and then there is distance! I would never rule a long distance relationship out, especially if they live somewhere near the sea, but distance is definitely a factor I take into consideration when I look at someone's profile. Besides, when you are seeing someone more local they can bugger off home to their own bed when you've had enough of them.
 Cheburashka
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 31
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History
Long distant relationship ?
Posted: 8/4/2010 3:24:33 PM

Would you agree to meet someone who lived more than 4 hours away? (after long chats on the phone)
Would you maybe just think that you would meet and then take it from there?
Basically see how you get on in real life and figure out the future logistics once you have met.


of course.
10min car
25min boat
2 hour taxi
3-5 in airport/airplane
30min taxi

does your 4 hours by car still seem so bad when he could very well be your destiny isolde?
 nigelwright
Joined: 3/24/2007
Msg: 32
Long distant relationship ?
Posted: 8/4/2010 4:01:56 PM
I would date anyone more than an hour or so away.
Its just so expensive these days for fuel.

I have done the long distance dating and found it ok.
The problem comes when you decide to move in and one person has to relocate hundreds of miles away from their family.
 try1more
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 33
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History
Long distant relationship ?
Posted: 8/4/2010 9:24:35 PM
this is the problem with over thinking.
stop thinking of this as a dating site, the place to meet "the one"
try thinking of it as a place to just meet other single people and "maybe" one you want to date.
you've found someone you can talk to, get along with, whats wrong with making friends?
put it this way if you had a good friend and they moved 4 hrs drive away would you write em off or keep in touch and meet when you could?
as for what if's, deal with them if and when they happen.

hope it goes well for you
 datetastic
Joined: 12/24/2009
Msg: 34
Long distant relationship ?
Posted: 8/7/2010 1:07:50 PM
Personally, I think long distance relationships can be ideal. Perhaps it's because I am getting older and a bit commitment phobic.

You meet every month in a place halfway and have a lovely few days in a hotel or a nice cottage, sightseeing, having fun, no time to argue or get too mundane. then off you pop to dull old home life but you have the next time to look forward to.

So, fellow forumites, any men who live miles away down south from Glasgow, do get in touch lol - Carlisle, York, Durham, here we come.
 Gagged
Joined: 1/30/2009
Msg: 35
Long distant relationship ?
Posted: 8/7/2010 3:28:16 PM
I've done the long distance thing and it didn't work for me. That's not to say it wouldn't work for anyone else. We're all different and want different things.

I won't be trying it again in a hurry though, anything more than an hour or so in the car is probably out of the question.

Never say never....
 NuDig
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 36
Long distant relationship ?
Posted: 8/7/2010 6:11:28 PM
hours? Not sure, I've been having a long distance relationship (Swansea to Birmingham) for quite a while, I suppose it depends what you want out of it? Is your ultimate goal to live with someone? If so, you have to go into the relationship with the view to one of you moving. Neither me nor my partner have any intention of living together, he's kind of stuck where he is because of his children and I'd have to sell my house. It works for us, it might not work for everyone. We met on holiday so it wasn't a conscious decision to start a long distance relationship but it's so rare for me to meet some one that I click with on so many levels that I wouldn't have not done it purely for that reason.p


"Click" lol, what like "we hit it off on sooooooooo many levels"? any more well worn cliches??

You kust like ****ing the guy when its convenient for you. There's nothing more to it than that, it's a relationship of convenience and that's all it is. From your profile, you get bored easy and living with this chap I imagine you would be out of there within a year. Take the specs off we're not all blind and stupid.


Neither me nor my partner have any intention of living together
I rest my case

 samstyles
Joined: 6/6/2009
Msg: 37
Long distant relationship ?
Posted: 8/8/2010 2:42:14 AM
It has occurred to me that since I work away during the week, whether I date there or here, its going to be sort of a distance relationship isn't it, at least some of the time. :(

I dated a guy from London quie seriously at one time, the distance certainly contributed to the break up, not because we were apart so often, but because it meant that in order to get to see him and my kids very often they had to spend time together quite a bit too, and without him being able to just decide he's going to pop home to avoid tension. He's the only boyfriend who met my kids, and it didn't end well!
 SaMurray007
Joined: 8/2/2010
Msg: 38
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Long distant relationship ?
Posted: 8/8/2010 3:13:25 AM
In my last relationship, I fell for my pen pal in California while visiting her. For almost 2 years it was wonderful, we would talk every day, visited every chance we got, but I would not have entertained the idea without the knowledge that she was planning to move to Scotland no matter what happened.

While we did ultimately break up, it wasn't really due to distance factors, and I wouldn't be totally averse to a long distance thing again, however while just trying to get back into dating, I won't be specifically looking too far away.

Maybe not quite as far as about 20 hours door to door next time. :)
 Gagged
Joined: 1/30/2009
Msg: 39
Long distant relationship ?
Posted: 8/8/2010 4:17:22 AM

You kust like ****ing the guy when its convenient for you. There's nothing more to it than that, it's a relationship of convenience and that's all it is. From your profile, you get bored easy and living with this chap I imagine you would be out of there within a year. Take the specs off we're not all blind and stupid.


And who are you to judge someone else's relationship?
Not everyone aspires to a 24/7 live in relationship, some because of other factors in their lives, children for instance. Some because they may have been burned before and want to retain their independence and space and some just because they don't bloody want it.

As long as the relationship works for the people involved in it and they are happy, it's all good.

No one has the right to sit in their ivory tower and judge the lives of others.
 Carm0n
Joined: 11/21/2009
Msg: 40
Long distant relationship ?
Posted: 8/8/2010 4:24:35 AM
^^^ I agree, and it was abit of a personal attack I think. and uncalled for

( You kust like ****ing the guy when its convenient for you.)
surely you could say it about any relationship

And for me I def want it at my convienience, as I hate to be suffocated but of course for his convienince also, isnt that the whole point If each of us is not happy then we have nothing ot build upon.
And if you think someone can have a relationship like that but its just about sex, then that would not work, take it from someone who had a great FWB, and the best sex of my life, no matter how good friends you are, it gets boring in the end. So, I very much doubt that is what is being described there
 Carm0n
Joined: 11/21/2009
Msg: 41
Long distant relationship ?
Posted: 8/8/2010 11:04:56 AM
so you came back then?

your forgetting, I have 2 and they are Lipizzaners not ponies thank you, lol

and by the way, if a thread bores you, you could always do what I do, ignore it
There wont be any details given either

vvvvvvv there will be no sex I can assure you.

and I agree about being tight, I'm from Yorkshire
 Bob The Bleeder
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 42
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Long distant relationship ?
Posted: 8/8/2010 2:47:48 PM
I don't think distance matters I used to drive 75k a year so whats a few hours to see someone you care about, my longest relationship was with someone who was a 3.5hr drive away and it wasn't permanent we did live together after a year and saw each other every weekend or every other weekend.
I would be more concerned about someone who wanted to permanently live separate lives cos that just wouldn't be going anywhere. Might as well have a friend with benefits because that's all it is.
 aitche
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 43
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Long distant relationship ?
Posted: 8/10/2010 1:52:09 AM

"Click" lol, what like "we hit it off on sooooooooo many levels"? any more well worn cliches??

You kust like ****ing the guy when its convenient for you. There's nothing more to it than that, it's a relationship of convenience and that's all it is. From your profile, you get bored easy and living with this chap I imagine you would be out of there within a year. Take the specs off we're not all blind and stupid.


I'm not sure where to start with this, let's start with my boredom threshold shall we? My longest relationship to date was 16 years, then he died - nothing to do with me being bored. My reasons for not wanting to live with someone again stem from the fact that my life has already fallen apart once and I don't want it to happen again. If I keep my independence, it's not so hard to re-build things when relationships end, there is no happily ever after - people who think that are kidding themselves, you can be head over heels in love but people die every day and there's nothing you can do. I have my own life and although it would break my heart (again) if anything happened to my partner, at least I wouldn't have to start completely again.

If I wanted someone to conveniently fvck, surely I'd pick someone closer? Who had no kids? Who had no ex? Who I didn't care much about? If it was purely for sex? The sex is actually amazing, but you wouldn't stay with someone if it wasn't, would you?

It is rare, wouldn't you say, to meet someone who fancy like crazy and shares the same taste in music, comedy, art, politics, ethics, places, people. It may sound like a cliche, is there another way of saying we hit it off on so many levels? We like walking on the beach too, so shoot me.

If convention says that a relationship's not 'real' unless you get married and live together, then screw convention, and if anyone wants to judge me about it, so be it. But as you don't know me, or him, I don't think you're in a position to, do you?

Have a nice day.


H.x
 peter1951
Joined: 5/11/2009
Msg: 44
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Long distant relationship ?
Posted: 8/10/2010 2:38:44 AM
Surely it isn't a case of whether a long distance relationship is right or wrong...
it's simply whether a long distance relationship is right or wrong for us.

We're all different and approach relationships from different angles depending on our personal preferences and on our individual circumstances.

From a personal point of view I sometimes find my available time is limited and therefore when it comes to a relationship I'd rather choose to spend my time with a partner than driving alone in my car.

But never-say-never! in 1972 I hadn't planned to meet a Polish woman and marry her, but I did!
 aries074
Joined: 5/11/2009
Msg: 45
Long distant relationship ?
Posted: 8/10/2010 2:52:54 AM
"there is no happily ever after - people who think that are kidding themselves"

To a great extent, I agree. A partner dying is one factor. Another is simply that of two people outgrowing one another. It is rare to find someone with whom you click on so many levels -depending on the ages, it is perhaps even rarer in this day and age for this to remain the case for as loong as you might have wished or envisaged.
However, back on topic - my thoughts are basically the same as those of Peter 1951.
 Penelope232
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 46
Long distant relationship ?
Posted: 8/10/2010 7:17:56 AM
I was 200 miles apart from my first husband before we were married. It lasted 18 years. 150 miles apart from 2nd husband - marriage lasted 11 years. It depends whether you view 2 marriages of 18 and 11 years respectively as a success or a failure. Clearly for me distance lends the kind of enchantment that persists, but not forever. Enjoying getting to know more local people now, however, but feel no temptation to marry again....
 indigovelvet
Joined: 5/9/2010
Msg: 47
Long distant relationship ?
Posted: 8/10/2010 7:52:18 AM
Hmmm..... I just remembered a long distance relationship where we spent more time talking on the phone than actually seeing one another. Apart from the price of petrol, it got a bit much when I had to fake an orgasm just to keep the phone bill down. I've no idea what he thought when one evening I breathlessly answered the phone after frantically trying to find it and had "Love the One You're With" playing in the background.
 Korotky
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 48
Long distant relationship ?
Posted: 8/10/2010 11:57:39 AM

when I had to fake an orgasm just to keep the phone bill down...


Priceless...







PS; What's your phone number?
 finbarrsaunders
Joined: 1/26/2010
Msg: 49
Long distant relationship ?
Posted: 8/10/2010 4:32:26 PM

the work of the ant-Christ is never done.


He's not the messiah, he's a very naughty termite!
 A_Cornucopia
Joined: 5/21/2007
Msg: 50
Long distant relationship ?
Posted: 8/10/2010 8:13:22 PM


hours? Not sure, I've been having a long distance relationship (Swansea to Birmingham) for quite a while, I suppose it depends what you want out of it? Is your ultimate goal to live with someone? If so, you have to go into the relationship with the view to one of you moving. Neither me nor my partner have any intention of living together, he's kind of stuck where he is because of his children and I'd have to sell my house. It works for us, it might not work for everyone. We met on holiday so it wasn't a conscious decision to start a long distance relationship but it's so rare for me to meet some one that I click with on so many levels that I wouldn't have not done it purely for that reason.p



"Click" lol, what like "we hit it off on sooooooooo many levels"? any more well worn cliches??

You kust like ****ing the guy when its convenient for you. There's nothing more to it than that, it's a relationship of convenience and that's all it is. From your profile, you get bored easy and living with this chap I imagine you would be out of there within a year. Take the specs off we're not all blind and stupid.



Neither me nor my partner have any intention of living together

I rest my case


And your 'case' is - that you're a billy no mates jerk with no manners who cannot help but be personally abusive? The logic here is almost as demented as that of your political rants. How can a relationship based between Swansea & Birmingham make for "when its convenient for you"?
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