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| Why do most women not reply or give it a try?
Posted: 5/10/2008 5:04:06 PM | cowboysanta I just noticed your posts after a month later! lol I think you make a wonderful point about men reading what the women write on the forums. Looks only goes so far. As men we are naturally going to be more visual than women of course. However, we must truly get to know their personality and part of this is viewing what they write on the forums. As men if someone asks us why we like a particular lady. I think the first words out of our mouth should never be about her looks. It should be about her personality first then her looks come second or third. Also, the posters who are discussing how some of us need to improve our profiles, I would have to agree 100%. My profile could use massive improvement.
Same goes for women as well of course as someone else mentioned a few posts above. | |
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| Why do most women not reply or give it a try?
Posted: 5/10/2008 9:29:21 PM | | its a matter of chance encounter on all realms .. is it not? on the internet it's more forced, meeting.. as opposed to accidentally being in the produce aisle at the grocery store at the same time.. or bein introduced to a friend of a friend at a wedding, bday party, etc... if it happens.. it happens.. I can say tho that my mother and both of my brothers are with their online SO's.. Im the black sheep I suppose? Maybe the life I had before the internet was mine? I'd hate to think so at this wonderful time of my life.. but who knows? I wouldnt say that women/ men dont give it a chance... maybe they did... maybe they did step outside the comfort zone of what they knew and it just wasnt right? Believe me.. I decline all lesbian and under 35 yr old offers! Sorry! | |
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| Why do most women not reply or give it a try?
Posted: 5/10/2008 9:57:39 PM | Personally I find that poem quite offensive, as a decent male I do not think that way, the problem is there are some very deluded people who do believe that utter crap. I have come across women who play just as much as men so lets cut out the blatant generalisation hey. I don't for one minute believe either my father or any of my 3 brothers, numerous uncles and male cousins have the outlook touted in the poem either.
Another poster mentioned she always replies because someone took the time to write and that is the way I feel about it, if someone sends me a message I reply and let them down fairly and I hope tactfully if their profile is not in sync with mine, or if I am still in conversation with someone else who upto that point insists on using the site rather than private e-mail.
In turn I would hope people have the common decency to reply to me too, otherwise what this communicates to me is the time I spend on an e-mail is not of value, and if my time is not of value ipso-facto I must not be of value.
I think one of the problems is internet dating can be a smorgasbord and there is always someone just a little better on the horizon, I get a fair share of non replies, but I also get a good number of sudden stops after one, two or 3 e-mails?
Personally internet dating reduces us all to images and people forget there is a human behind the image and it is easy to ignore them and hope it will just go away. | |
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| Why do most women not reply or give it a try?
Posted: 5/11/2008 12:52:43 AM | Jim,
Words are just words, that poem was the product of observation and is most definitely a generalization. It can, and does, work both ways..but there's no denying that it does hold truth.
Now, as a generalization, there are exceptions. If you're one of those exceptions, then there's no need to get offended, as it would not apply to you. That having been said, I completely agree with the rest of your post.
L8r,
Poet | |
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| Why do most women not reply or give it a try?
Posted: 10/21/2008 6:31:17 AM | There are a lot of reasons for no replies, on both sides of the fence.
Firstly, there is the physical attraction, which generally is the very first thing everyone goes on. When you see a picture of someone you find attractive, you click.
Secondly, is the profile. Is it interesting? Does it leave opportunities for conversation? Is there anything to it at all? These play into the mix. If the profile is dull, a lot of times there will not be a response. If it is poorly written, that could also be a turn off.
Thirdly, are there any commonalities? Do you share interests and how many? Are there things you want to do that this person could assist in making it possible?
What people fail to realize that in this stage of life, you have usually had several relationships and are pretty set in what you are looking for. With a narrower set of wants and needs, finding a match is that much harder. It is like shopping for a car. When you are young, you want something with wheels, but as you age, suddenly you want the convertible, in red, with a particular interior, certain options, certain price range, certain distance from your house, and usually won't settle for anything less. The same is true of partners. When you are young, if you got along, that was all that counted, but as you age, you have to wonder if they will accept your kids, your flaws, you traits, your moods, etc. so getting along is just the tip of the iceberg.
We need to relax a bit and have patience. There will be guys, and girls, who are only after sex, but there will be others who are genuine. There will be people you are physically attracted to, but not mentally. You will make friends with people you are mentally attracted to, but not physically. When you have narrowed your specifications, finding matches will naturally take longer and be harder. If you have contacted people and they do not have the common courtesy to respond, do you really want to be involved with someone like that? If they do respond and tell you they are not interested, don't be offended, be polite and thank them for at least being honest. Isn't it better to find out now rather than after several dates that were doomed before you left the house?
We all have specific wants and needs. We all have specific types and qualities we are searching for. We put the limits on ourselves, so why are we surprised when others have the same types of limits?
The best thing you can do is examine what you want and see what you can bend. Maybe take the chance on someone who has a few things that are not deal breakers. For example, lets say a girl likes dancing and you don't/can't. Don't rule her out. If you let her know up front you don't but would be happy to take her anyway and let her have fun doing something she enjoys, who knows what could happen. Or, let's say a man likes motorcycles, and you are terrified of them. Just because he rides does not mean you have to. You may want to try, or just let him go for his rides while you hang with your friends. By compromising, you may find someone that at first glance was not what you thought you wanted, but once you got to know him/her you realize that you found more than you expected.
Don't take non-responses so personally. Dating is hard, and like marriage, takes work. If you are afraid of working hard to find someone you are compatible with, are you sure you can handle marriage?
Just my 2 cents worth. | |
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| Why do most women not reply or give it a try?
Posted: 10/21/2008 8:13:30 AM | | wow, I am surprised at how men handle rejection. we women are inundated with e-mail, I answer when I can & when they are several days old I delete them. it's nothing personal, I'm just busy. as for pics, I don't have one, because looks are not that important to me, and no I am not coyote ugly. if you are rejected, so what, move on after all there are plenty of fish. | |
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| Why do most women not reply or give it a try?
Posted: 10/22/2008 8:35:59 AM | | I agree wholeheartedly. Men fail to realize that women do get a lot more emails than men, and when you have a lot of mail and little time, you may not get back to them. My guess is that the thinking is "I took the time to write, she could at least respond". I think men are not as worried about rejection as they are about the uncertain. They have to wonder if the mail got through, if she meant to reply, was she interrupted, etc. I think the men are more upset about the not knowing than rejection. At least if you are rejected, you know and can move on. If you get no reply, then the uncertainty is there. However, some men do not handle rejection well, but not a lot you can do about that. I personally would prefer at least a No Thanks because then I know and do not bug her by writing a second time and fill up her mailbox with unneeded mail. | |
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| Why do most women not reply or give it a try?
Posted: 10/22/2008 9:29:40 AM | I vote with you Alan! At this stage in my life, I know what I want and don't want, have been through enough changes that I also realize that we are all "evolving" . Life is a process, relationships take TLC, and I've found few who actually want something long term.......commitment seems to be a long forgotten thing today.
Anyway, that's my 2 cents worth. | |
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| Why do most women not reply or give it a try?
Posted: 10/22/2008 7:14:03 PM | | It's because we all live very busy lives...I personally get too many messages to handle. If there is an attractive man who messages me (mind you, he also has to have a good jod and be a little creative) I might message him back...but it won't be a long reply...you see, I am very busy going to school and raising children. If this handsome and attractive man is persistent, (he has to be VERY persistent) then I might see about meeting him. | |
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| Why do most women not reply or give it a try?
Posted: 10/23/2008 8:22:14 AM | If this handsome and attractive man is persistent, (he has to be VERY persistent) then I might see about meeting him.
So only the obsessive need apply. Oh well, at least you have a type. | |
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| Why do most women not reply or give it a try?
Posted: 3/15/2009 8:53:37 PM | Cajunangel - I totally agree with you... I don't know how many men I have reached out to just to pay a compliment on their profile or to simply just say hello and not to even get an acknowledgment in return....
And YOU MEN question why some of the women don't make the first move at contacting... Well Sir Men!!! I speak on behalf of some of the women (including myself) on here when I say we simply get tired of just trying to give a friendly hello and strike up a conversation and all we get in return is a read/delete or simply just a delete response.... In my opinion that is just right out rude rather you find that person interesting to you or not - you can at least acknowledge with a simple Thank you.
Rather I find the person that sent me a message interesting or not I still have enough respect and common courtsey to respond.. Period! And it should work both ways..
It doesn't mean that you owe that person anything other then the courtsey of responding. Plus you never know....... hmmmmmmmmmmmm you just might make a friend out it... | |
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| Why do most women not reply or give it a try?
Posted: 3/18/2009 1:12:12 PM |
And YOU MEN question why some of the women don't make the first move at contacting... Well Sir Men!!! I speak on behalf of some of the women (including myself) on here when I say we simply get tired of just trying to give a friendly hello and strike up a conversation and all we get in return is a read/delete or simply just a delete response.... In my opinion that is just right out rude rather you find that person interesting to you or not - you can at least acknowledge with a simple Thank you..
Most do not reply because they're not interested, and if they do reply with a thank you but not interested they usually receive a nasty e-mail back. Then they have to delete and block the person.
It's best not to complain about not getting a reply and move on leaving the situation alone, then find someone that wishes to reply that is interested.
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| Why do most women not reply or give it a try?
Posted: 3/18/2009 7:23:32 PM | It's called respect, manners and courtesy to reply back to someone.
Don't classify all of us women in that category...I have never sent a man a nasty e-mail back....my response to them is "thanks for the reply back, I hope you find what you are seeking, good luck".... | |
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| Why do most women not reply or give it a try?
Posted: 3/18/2009 7:42:39 PM |
It's called respect, manners and courtesy to reply back to someone.
Don't classify all of us women in that category...I have never sent a man a nasty e-mail back....my response to them is "thanks for the reply back, I hope you find what you are seeking, good luck"....
It's called respect?
If you would read what I said ,I didn't say "ALL"! And I never accused you of sending nasty e-mails so do not get so personal. | |
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| Why do most women not reply or give it a try?
Posted: 4/9/2009 7:00:18 AM | I'm with JimStone60 on this ...this is my first ever forum attempt but it caught my eye because I ALWAYS REPLY TO EVERY EMAIL! Well I think I have unless it was an offensive one...and they are rare...there seem to be some lovely, genuine guys on this site and I have made some great pals. I find some of the statements, such as : "Someone once said that women want 1 man to satisfy her every want and desire while men want every woman to satisfy there 1 need and desire! :P I think one of the most important things people need to realize about dating sites is this: WE CHOOSE THIS AS A LAST RESORT! :P I'd bet that at least 90% of the people on any given dating site have had multiple disastrous relationships because they chose the wrong people to date. "
...as well as the poem downright offensive! Both many of the statements, and the poem are full of generalisations. This is 2009 for goodness sake, not 1959! And even then i don't think the generalisations were true. I have 3 grown up sons, and yeah I raised them, unexpectedly, (last thing I ever dreamed would happen in a 19 year marriage, most years of which I thought I was really happy) as a single mum from when the youngest of my children was 5, but they were lucky to have had had good mature male role models at school or in their sporting pursuits as well as the values that I instilled in them, and they are all extremely respectful, caring, loving, romantic and equal partners in their relationships.
Give guys a chance...i think they are gorgeous in general!heartyou: There are some lovely, heartfelt profiles. I think some guys may be a little shy and afraid of rejection in their first email, but I prefer to try and give them the benefit of the doubt, since i have made very clear on my profile what I am looking for in a guy who contacts me...
And don't get me started on bagging out single mums!...OK my kids are all grown up and flown the coop, so I am not quite in the single mum category any more, but unless you've walked in some-one's shoes you can't judge why they are in a particular situation, such as single motherhood! No-one should have to put up with bad treatment or abuse or personality changes on either side, or maybe some are widowed...so give them a break too!: | |
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| Why do most women not reply or give it a try?
Posted: 4/9/2009 7:10:57 AM | I have NEVER received a nasty email back from any guy,  since i keep my response emails gentle, with a simple explanation stating the reason i don't think it would work , eg distance, age, incompatible interests or whatever...being respectful and kind to a guy who has been brave enough to contact me only takes a few minutes of my time to let him down gently if necessary...I do get busy at times with my work etc and can't always respond straight away, but it is usually about max 3 days, and nothing to do with the guy - just some temporary extra commitments in my life at present...  | |
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| Why do most women not reply or give it a try?
Posted: 4/9/2009 7:18:30 AM | I should have posted my response here but this is my first forum attempt, since I totally agree with you! It takes so little time to gently let a guy down, politely and tactfully for them having been brave enough to contact me.
I too am a bit puzzled, though, by the contacts that seem to be going great and then fizzle out after a few emails to and fro...guess I'd appreciate an explanation from the guy why that happened, but i haven't come up with a way of asking why, and maybe they just lost interest or found a better fish ...guess I'll never know and it's their prerogative! | |
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| Why do most women not reply or give it a try?
Posted: 4/13/2009 10:16:55 PM | People make choices...if you do not get a reply move on... Some people get over loaded with responses, others can not be bothered for what ever reason....
Look at the positives as there are plenty of fish and those are butt a few...
Wishing you well on the  trip in the futurre... | |
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| Why do most women not reply or give it a try?
Posted: 4/21/2009 1:21:04 PM | | I have contacted about 20 women. I have gotten 2 replies. Both negative. In my particular case, i believe, its my status. SEPERATED. I feel that i am being judged on their past relationships. But i will continue to be honest. To me, i think people like this might be a little narrow minded. I feel each seperation has its own set of circumstances. Don't judge the book by its cover. Or maybe i'm just down right ugly. | |
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