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 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 226
Is online dating a waste of time for men?Page 10 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
It's possible that women send more thoughtful messages since they do it less often but in your case, the thoughtful messages might be due to the fact you have a thorough profile.

Actually, they don't. The majority of contact messages I received from women (including my fiancee) started out, ``I know I'm probably older than your age preference and that I'm probably not your type, but...'' (fill in comment about my profile). Comments in older threads about contact messages indicate women would wonder why a guy wold bother writing to a woman if he felt that way and that they'd delete that sort of message without a reply. I answered those sorts of messages because I allowed for the possibility that a lot of women don't feel comfortable being more direct and aren't used to rejection.

The effort required by males and females is different, but I don't think males put more effort into online dating than females or vice versa. Women receive more first contact messages than males, so women would naturally have to spend more of their time reading messages and selecting the messages to which they should resply. If they are lazy and casually dismiss any but the very best and witty, then they're selecting guys who are great at writing witty messages. Guys have to spend their time writing something that at least gets them noticed enough to make it to the ``maybe'' pile. Both have to be willing to just meet a lot of people and stop expecting a guarantee of anything before meeting.

The rule of thumb for messages ought to be, ``Be careful with what you send and liberal with what you accept.'' That's what I did. If everyone did that and didn't dawdle in setting up a pesronal meeting, a lot more people would find online dating easy.


I added some personality to mine and now the majority of emails I receive include at least one humorous line.

I read your profile. It's great. There are zillions of opportunities in it for a guy to exploit in a contact message. If I ran into a profile like that, my difficulty would be what to leave out. I easpecially like the testamonial.
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 227
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/23/2010 10:14:28 AM
I have a rather cryptic profile. There's plenty there to talk about if you happen to think like me though.

I get a lot of guys who write "Wow, interesting profile, I would love to have a conversation with you!"

So I'll bite, I'll reply and ask them what in particular captured their attention.

99% of the time, it's the photos. Sigh.

I've thought about taking photos off my profile completely, but I know I like seeing who I am talking to in the forums, so I leave it.....for now.
 Ineedyounow35
Joined: 9/20/2010
Msg: 228
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/23/2010 10:38:33 AM
Just view online dating as entertainment or something to do after all the household errands and chores are done on a rainy day. You either have to be a perfect 1o when it comes to writing out your profile, or a 10 in the looks department to really have success at it. Anyways there is nothing wrong with being single.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 229
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/23/2010 2:13:08 PM
I know some men who have used other dating sites. According to them, the answer is no. Most women that contacted them first sent either "winks" or generic emails such as "I liked your profile. I would be interested in getting to know".


That's mostly what I get...


Another poster stated that the photos are the most important thing in a picture.


HUH? Photos in a PICTURE?

The way I see it women don't REALLY have their pick just because of the numbers.

It's like during the Dot.Com boom. companies were seeking programmers like crazy and offering the world to them yet there were thousands of programmers who couldn't get but the simplest of jobs. The reason was because, although these companies were desperate for programmers, what they REALLY were after were the ROCKSTAR cream of the crop programmers! I knew some who would get tons of job offers and have recruiters trying to steal them away and others who complained that programming didn't pay. The interesting thing is the companies sometimes would mass contact new graduates inviting them to apply, only to turn them down.

So, I get emails from ladies all the time... They're just not the ones I want usually.
Some guys email every woman, looking first to see who responds, THEN seeing if they're interested in the woman.

To me that is a lot of work and not very efficient for the man OR the woman. It creates a scene where the women are overwhelmed and that does TWO things; 1. It makes it work for them so they don't pay attention thereby passing over some guys who MIGHT have potential for them and. 2 It greatly inflates their ego and expectations!

I sit back after writing a novel of a profile and posting current pics that show a range of how I look and wait for a woman who likes my pictures and profile enough to write. When that happens I respond with either a continued conversation or an email saying I don't think we'd be compatible.... no explanation, just a polite no thanks.
 jamisond
Joined: 7/31/2010
Msg: 230
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/23/2010 4:41:36 PM
O yes I have seen inflated egos result from getting tons of mail. I'm sure the ones with the inflated egos don't realize that 60 percent of their messages were probably sent to 70 other women as well.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 231
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/23/2010 8:06:53 PM


It's possible that women send more thoughtful messages since they do it less often but in your case, the thoughtful messages might be due to the fact you have a thorough profile. When I first tried online dating I had a rather generic profile and received generic emails


LOL... that's a load of shit. I get anywhere between 20 to 30 emails a week (first time contacts) - do you know what those emails say?

One sentence. "Hey I love your eyes, can we chat?" Or "I hope your week was good, love to hear from you!"

That's it - zero substance - zero thought. Your opinion is about as valid as the idea that the world is flat.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 232
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/23/2010 8:12:57 PM

Another poster stated that the photos are the most important thing in a picture. That may be for many people. But the profile is just as important to me. A man could have great photos. But I wouldn't be interested in him if we had very little in common, he had a negative profile etc. Also I wouldn't reject a man simply because he had a mediocre photo. Some people aren't photogenic and could look much better. Much of the time, I would reject a man based on photos when there is a clear visual dealbreaker. Such as obesity.


That's exactly what I said - in different words. Hence the pics ARE the most important element of the profile. As you said yourself obesity is an issue (as it should be). If a guy is grossly overweight you aren't going to bother reading the profile (and neither would I if she were large and in charge). Therein lies my point. The pic is the FIRST thing you look at. It is the FIRST thing you see. The pic is what gets you a 'seat at the table.' From that point, I agree, it IS about the profile. As I said in my post - you could be hottest thing on the planet, but you think you're a princess or that the world revolves around you because "you're pretty" - you can bet you last dollar you wont be getting an email from me.


I know some men who have used other dating sites. According to them, the answer is no. Most women that contacted them first sent either "winks" or generic emails such as "I liked your profile. I would be interested in getting to know". As stated earlier, the content of the first email doesn't matter that much to me unless it is blatantly inappriorate or it included something that wasn't on his profile. The purpose of the first email is just to see if there is any initial interest based from the profile and photos. I don't need a man to state that we have things A and B in common when I can determine that by reading his profile.


Excellent post. It's nice to see there are women out there who do get it.
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 233
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/23/2010 8:23:07 PM
"It's possible that women send more thoughtful messages"

Hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!! Gawd I wet myself on that one!

OK I've received more than 80 messages first from women on here since last November. Far less than 15 were of substance. Most of those came from fellow forumites.

The ones who messaged me about dating were, "hey liked your profile", "you seem like fun, wanna chat?", "Hi my name is___, email sometime"!

Of course that doesn't count the "so how evil are you?" Then go onto explain what they like. Hahahaha!!!

For women it's "I dain to write you, so of course you'll write me back" thought process.

Hahaahahaha!!!
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 234
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/23/2010 8:37:41 PM

Your opinion is about as valid as the idea that the world is flat.

My opinion stated it's *possible* and it was in response to a guy who said he believed thought had gone into the emails he receives. I further stated that the type of emails a person receives might be a reflection of the contents of their profile (rather than the gender of the person writing).

I'm not aware of any research that has compared the emails sent by men and women to know for sure who sends the more thoughtful emails (thus my use of the word *possible*) but it does make sense to me that the person who sends few emails is more likely to put extra effort into each email than the person who sends out many emails.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 235
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/23/2010 9:39:08 PM

I'm not aware of any research that has compared the emails sent by men and women to know for sure who sends the more thoughtful emails (thus my use of the word *possible*) but it does make sense to me that the person who sends few emails is more likely to put extra effort into each email than the person who sends out many emails.

You could also argue that the person who sends out few emails sends few emails because he/she isn't very good at writing them or that those who send out many emails get more practice writing. I think anyone who writes well does a lot of writing. I can only go by what I've received in the way of first contact messages from women. However, I'm not sure that it matters for any practical reason. What matters is doing what gets quality dates.

I wrote to a lot of women, but if I had to do it over again, I'd consider adopting jco's approach and wait for women to write to me. The main reason for that is (1) despite changing my status to Not Single/Not Looking and putting a note at the top of my profile that I'm not looking for dates, I still get messages from a about a dozen women each month; (2) Women who contacted me were appeared more interested (at least outwardly). For example, my fiancee contacted me; (3) Writing messages for women who expect prose is harder than whatever work is required to evaluate the intelligence of a woman who just says ``Hi'' and reply to everyone, even if I wasn't interested in a date.

One thing is for sure. If someone decides to cut off his/her nose to spite his/her face by trying to do less work than he/she perceives the ``other side'' is doing, dating here is going to suck.
 cuteazabutton
Joined: 8/8/2006
Msg: 236
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History
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/24/2010 7:19:49 AM
I feel sometimes it is a waste of time for them to be here because they dont even bother to reply back to you when u do send them a message. In their profiles they say to send them a message but when u do and they see your pic with the message and if they dont like it they dont even bother to even say "thank you" but im not interested. Leaving a message "unread/deleted" to me is very rude.
 Rarebird76
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 237
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/24/2010 9:43:20 AM
I have a rather cryptic profile. There's plenty there to talk about if you happen to think like me though.

I get a lot of guys who write "Wow, interesting profile, I would love to have a conversation with you!"

So I'll bite, I'll reply and ask them what in particular captured their attention.

99% of the time, it's the photos. Sigh.
My favs from your profile: French pirates (I hope they had blunderbusses). trebuchets (I can't get enough medieval siege action.), bladed weapons (blunt are good too..spiked maces, flails & clubs etc), Vlad III the Impaler (defending wallachia and impaling foes is good times). If I were to put in ALL my interests the 'repel' rate would go up most certainly (though it's pretty well peaked as is). More info for them to write you off as a weirdo or whatever. But I'm writing this as if I really care anymore ( I don't).
 miketheawesome
Joined: 8/11/2010
Msg: 238
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/25/2010 10:16:04 AM
Just try an original message, something off the wall.
 MrFication
Joined: 5/6/2010
Msg: 239
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/25/2010 7:38:02 PM
Agree with Cinsav.

The pictures are the most important aspect of the profile. So much can be gathered from visual cues. My understanding is that this site is for dating (primarily) and not 'just friends'. That being said the key (to me anyways) is physical attraction. If that part isn't there---->no dating is going to happen. The other connections may happen from messaging and reading the profile, but if the picture doesn't do it...then look for the next one.
As for more thoughtful messages....yeah, the ones I used to get were really short. The 'Hey, nice profile.', 'Wanna do something this weekend?', 'Got any tatts?', 'u got n e more pics', etc. I've heard the explanation behind this is that they don't really consider them to be 'real messages', but more like 'attention getters'. Meaning they have some interest in you, and want you to send the first 'real message'! Kind of like..."hey, I'm over here. Check out my profile and send me a message if you like it."
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 240
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/25/2010 8:37:28 PM
Interesting, but not surprising, to see that the thread has gone off topic by so many who have chosen instead to foster a gender war. As far as I am concerned, the "waste of time" is for those who, bitter, unhappy & feeling the need to find fault, blame their lack of success (if that's what you want to call it) on everyone else. If you are of the belief that all people who have one thing in common are the same, I imagine you ARE wasting your time here, regardless of your gender.
 cherryyblossom
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 241
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/26/2010 5:15:41 PM
I just looked at Maxim and they say only 5% of men sleep with 95% of all women. To me, it seems only 5% of men get accepted and women do the rejection 95% of the time. Interesting statistics, but still very sad for dudes.
 az109
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 242
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/26/2010 6:02:44 PM
95% of women is several billions of women. I doubt that any man let alone 5% of men manage to nail them all.
 *MrP*
Joined: 8/21/2010
Msg: 243
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/26/2010 6:52:41 PM

I just looked at Maxim and they say only 5% of men sleep with 95% of all women.


I don't buy that stat at all.....frankly I wouldn't believe anything you'd read in Maxim anyway. It's more like 20% of men getting 80% of the women or 25%/75%.

MrP
 Excalibur240
Joined: 6/9/2008
Msg: 244
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 11/4/2010 4:52:38 AM
If you do a Google search for "online dating" you will find some excellent academic research that quantifies the contact initiation and response rate of men verses women. The research shows that men are by far the initiators of contact...partly because there are more men's profiles than there are women. . Women get more initial contacts by a ratio of nearly 10 to 1 which was partially attributed to social norms.

The research shows that women tend to read the free text portion of a man's profile looking for subtle clues before they respond. Whereas, men are more likely to initiate contact based on physical attributes displayed in a woman's photo gallery.

Another interesting part of one of the studies shows that women who perceive themselves as attractive tend to respond more to men that they perceive as being equally attractive.

One study summed it up very nicely....If you want to be successful with online dating...have a great photo, interesting free text...and be female.
 umbrellaman21
Joined: 9/21/2010
Msg: 245
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 11/4/2010 7:34:26 AM

and be female.


LOL...guess the men are out of luck. j/k
 eastwood969
Joined: 12/21/2009
Msg: 246
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 11/4/2010 8:32:40 AM
If you are getting one or more emails a day you are not wasting time but yes it has been a waste of time for me, but what else am I going to do. There is not enough money in my account to run around all the time. The escorts services are probably just police waiting for another entrapment case. The government people think we are all just stupid when really we are just broke thanks to their chinese favoritism. So what else is there to do but waste time reading and typing. I put this question to you, my friend because you ask and you deserve a reasonable answer. I don't know why I can't just walk outside and watch 25 to 40 year old women walk by in the wind with no panties on but it has something to do with laws and goddamned politicians.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 247
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 11/4/2010 8:36:42 AM
Being a woman doesnt make it any easier on here.Haven't gotten a message in months except for the pigs who just want to have casual sex and they think I will do.Whatever I don't care anyway.I have bigger problems.
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 248
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 11/4/2010 9:11:11 AM
Waste of time?
Yeah, huge. All of five minutes to attach pictures, ten minutes of profile writing (10 minutes gets you a better profile than 90% of the guys on here), and about five minutes to send thoughtful messages.

Huge waste of 20 daily minutes. In those 20 minutes you could have almost watched a TV show, drank 2/3 of a beer, or gone for a short walk. Would hate to sacrifice that just to find a nice woman to date...
 Ineedyounow35
Joined: 9/20/2010
Msg: 249
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 11/4/2010 11:09:51 AM
Meh, maybe one should just go marry a complete stranger. LOL! Or find something else to complain about, like why do you have to tie your own shoes? I mean it only takes a few minutes to check for new messages, and you have not gotten any, so what? You won't have to waste your time responding to them, and use your time more wisely by doing something like picking the lent out of your belly button or trimming your nose hairs or remembering to go by toilet paper because you ran out from having such a crappy attitude.
 Mr No Baggage
Joined: 10/11/2009
Msg: 250
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 11/4/2010 12:00:13 PM
Yeah, it is a waste of time for ordinary guys.
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