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 letsgocanes11
Joined: 6/4/2010
Msg: 76
Is online dating a waste of time for men?Page 4 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
I'm actually begining to find females on this site not so genuine afterall. I now have mxied feelings about the whole online dating scene. I have made good friends who are girls from it but have not gotten a super relationship out of it as of it. Maybe my approach is all wrong? Who knows? I sure don't!
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 77
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/14/2010 12:07:30 AM
Many people post that they are disappointed in how their online dates turned out, or how so-and-so misrepresented something or lied about some detail like the car they drove or how close they lived.

But consider....are those discrepancies any worse than others you've been told by:

- Your boss about getting a raise or a better work assignment?
- Your parents about going to the amusement park when you were a kid?
- Your friends about paying you back the $100 you loaned them in a pinch?
- Your buddies about helping you move boxes or paint things?
- Your ex-lovers about taking you to dinner/dancing/travel on your birthday?

So what's all the fuss about?
 LongLensman
Joined: 9/7/2010
Msg: 78
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/14/2010 12:59:48 PM
[quote}Matters of the heart can in no way shape or form be related to a generic "rah rah" sports/life feel good statement. You can NOT compare falling in love (or dating)at all with diets, learning, working out, or whatever else ya want to throw out there. In other words, you can be putting a 110%(how about that for a cliche???) HONEST effort here, and that is NOT a guarantee for "success".

Look at Mr. Big Fish and his efforts to help maximize OUR success here in the pond. He's tried numerous "tactics" telling us how it will alllllllll work for us. And I do give him a pat on the back for the effort, but, personally, I don't see it working, if for any reason,,,,these are matters of the heart(not the brain). There is no "secret" formula in the laws of attraction with humans. If there is,,,please show me the way.

I don't consider being in this pond as "a waste of time", for a couple of reasons. I learn here, a lot actually. I also have thoughts and beliefs about people here in North America reconfirmed. It's hell, but it is good to know I'm not off in my thinking about the majority of people. Once in awhile though it would good to be proven wrong. When that happens (and it has a couple of times here) I then wish the person that did prove me wrong wasn't half way across this continent.
Read the words that have been spoken here,,,all the advice we are giving. Yeah,,,the single people giving out advice about how well the dating goes here. Ummmmm,,,,sound a little retarded?????? I think it does.

 az109
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 79
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/14/2010 1:50:08 PM

There is no "secret" formula in the laws of attraction with humans. If there is,,,please show me the way.
Spend time with someone while enjoying what they have to offer as a companion and without rejecting them for whatever they might do that would offend you if you weren't learning to like it.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 80
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/14/2010 4:42:26 PM
^^^^^ NOTHING to do with "attraction" there az. I can enjoy somebody's company without actually EVER being attracted to them. Some people call them "friends".

Good effort though. Anybody else wanna take a shot at that "formula"?????
 bry2167
Joined: 2/3/2008
Msg: 81
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/14/2010 4:54:22 PM
I think online dating promotes career daters. I am not very good at initiating contact so I take blame in not getting much mail but been deceived a couple times in the past. I have talked to a few gals on here that say they are getting tons of emails so it makes one wonder why they are still on here then. I would be just happy getting 1 or 2 emails a week...lol.
 wolftxusa
Joined: 5/6/2010
Msg: 82
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/14/2010 5:23:21 PM
"I would be just happy getting 1 or 2 emails a week..."
Sorry, as a guy it's your job to get it going. Here's a thought: Pick three women you like that you think might be your type AND where their profiles don't rule you out. Write one e-mail each offline (think notepad.exe) and save it, don't send it. Make sure it is tailored to the respective recipient. Think long and hard about the subject line, whether it is witty, funny or serious. Review spelling and grammar. Look for awkward style, possible misunderstandings, sexual innuendo (your choice, just be aware). Make sure it is lighthearted, a bit funny and easy to read. Make sure you reflect your personality in it. Now sleep over it. She waited years for you, so what's another day? Read it the next day and you'll see what's good/bad, clumsy/fluent, heavy/light, etc. Fix the bad stuff. Take another day if you are not sure. You have to be behind every sentence and word you wrote, and you better have a few paragraphs.

Then send all three and go to work/gym/pub and so forth. Do NOT check the 'read' status. Do NOT follow up if she does not reply. If you take this assignment seriously, I bet you will have one reply. Now you establish a chit-chat via mail and see how things progress. If you are genuine and reasonable, you will not be chewed out.
 jamisond
Joined: 7/31/2010
Msg: 83
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/14/2010 5:26:44 PM
I 've also wondered why women who are getting loads of mail everyday are still on here. I mean I understand that the majority of that mail is junk mail but surely if your getting 15 to 20 messages a day you should be able to find SOMEONE that interests you in a relatively short amount of time. I plan to leave this site immediatly as soon as I do meet someone if that happens. Getting 1 message a day is enough to work with, but so many people on here are just looking for friends or multiple casual dates and have no interest in long term. You also have no idea how many other people they are talking to on here.
 stella_ardente
Joined: 5/19/2010
Msg: 84
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/14/2010 6:09:25 PM
^^^
If "meeting someone" was all I wanted, I'd have deleted my profile about 12 hours after putting it up.

If I was on here "just looking for friends," I'd have deleted my profile after a few days ... because it would seem like an utter waste of time.

If I was on here "just looking for a friend ... with benefits", I could have deleted my profile about 15 minutes after putting it up.

If "meeting someone interesting who I like and find physically attractive" was all I wanted, I'd have deleted my profile about a week after putting it up.

But since none of those "if's" are what I want or what I'm looking for ... I'm "still on here."

Surely I'm not the only woman who uses online dating to increase her chances of finding someone to develop a relationship with that will be far beyond "meeting someone interesting who I like and find physically attractive."

To each their own path.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 85
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/14/2010 6:56:47 PM
Well said Jinks!

Everyone is on here for their own reason looking for what they are looking for no two is the same.

However if you have a attitude of this is not going to work guess what it most likely won't.
In my profile I state I am very picky. I also have some views that some would call hard to deal with.
However I am sure there is a woman somewhere out there that will see eye to eye enough to share a life with me.

Good luck to all but attitude is 99% of the battle.
 tallblonde7
Joined: 9/5/2010
Msg: 86
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/14/2010 7:54:39 PM
I wouldn't call it a complete waste of time. But I don't think people should have high expectations either. Online dating should be just one of several possible ways to meet people.
 pandusvenator
Joined: 11/17/2009
Msg: 87
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/14/2010 9:03:49 PM
I'm with MisterDynomite kinda. I don't message women except on very rare occasion...


I may email one a week as a first contact email. It's never to one of the "catch me if you can" types. In the real world these types would have a conversation with me no problem. I do it all the time. This way can be fun but I wouldn't put too much stock in it. Lots of dates if I choose but it's so hit and miss.
In the real world you communicate and there are nuances and inflection and smiles. In the cyber world it's completely reversed. You have to engage them with the written word.
 az109
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 88
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/14/2010 9:45:34 PM

^^^^^ NOTHING to do with "attraction" there az. I can enjoy somebody's company without actually EVER being attracted to them. Some people call them "friends".

Good effort though. Anybody else wanna take a shot at that "formula"?????
The way you read what I wrote, it made sense to you differently than it did to me when I wrote it. I will defer to your interpretation because I am a sucker for CAPITALIZED EMPHASIS. (You big stud, you.)



 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 89
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/14/2010 11:15:34 PM

Of course if you think the "numbers" game is part of finding the "one",,
I think that it is a game of numbers.
You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find the correct frog, because they all look and croak the same.

I am not very familiar with the chou-chou train some refer to, but don't men have to kiss a whole bunch of sleeping beauties (once we're into the fairy tales) to find one who doesn't snore too loudly and eventually is willing to get off the feather bed and make a sandwich??

Online dating is is a waste of time as much an an internship is a waste of time for a new doctor. It's a learning process. We apprentice here at the forum by some great masters of the trade and learn the craft.

Some are talented and learn fast. Others are thick-headed and they have to spend years at the forum before they become skilled enough to be set loose and date seriously.
For the theoretical part, we are all superb, but in practice we suck, and I don't mean that literally...

 AnotherPinHead
Joined: 9/2/2010
Msg: 90
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 4:14:01 AM
For a middle aged guy who puts some effort into it I'd say it's not a waste of time at all. I've never quite understand why 20-somethings, especially those still in school, feel the need to use it though.
 Wise_Monk
Joined: 7/21/2005
Msg: 91
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 5:42:37 AM

It isn't a waste of time for 'men.' However, it can be a waste of time for some men.

If online dating isn't working, then go out into the real world and meet women that way.

Quit depending sole on dating sites.


Of course, we have to consider that offline dating didn't work for many people, and so they turned to online. I read that a lot in many profiles.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 92
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 5:43:08 AM
For a middle aged guy who puts some effort into it I'd say it's not a waste of time at all. I've never quite understand why 20-somethings, especially those still in school, feel the need to use it though.


If you don't live in the dorms, its harder to build social relationships, and for a lot of us, dating coworkers = bad. I know that I am not really a fan of trying meet a potentional LTR in a club/bar. Additionally, there are plenty of good people out there that just don't congregate at your typical hangout spots. Then of course, even if they do, you don't know where they are in their lives. At least if they are on a dating site, you can -assume- that they are trying to date.

I think the biggest problem with 20-something women is that they have these really dry profiles that really don't say much about them. IMO, if you don't even have the capacity/attention span to talk yourself up, you're probably not that interesting of a person. It's also kind of pathetic when I see phrases such "I love to laugh," "tired of playing games," or "good man." All of these are pretty much no brainers, and really shouldn't need inclusion. If anything, they're just red flags to me that they are boring, easily manipulated, and have bad taste in their mates.


Is online dating a waste of time for men?


To answer the question directly, I would say that it depends. The more you have going for you as a guy (translation: being financially stable and/or attractive) the better chances you have. Women, from my experiences, are less willing to settle in the online dating world, while guys are willing to copy/paste messages to any girl that's remotely compatible.

I actually put this to a test. I posted two different craigslist ads, one where I was essentially myself (but a little less brazen than my current profile) where I played up my strengths. I also didn't say anything that anyone could make a clear inflection about my income or how I felt in regards to family life or whether or not I wanted children. I made a second one some time later where I was essentially your typical blue-collar white guy (and yes, I do think race is a factor, but that's a different thread), and I talked more about what I did for a living and what I was doing with my life than who I am as a person. I think I even added that I was making about 40k a year. The former profile got two replies, while the latter one averaged about six a day for almost two weeks.

I really think that with guys (especially my age), it's really a war of attrition. You really have to have all your ducks in a row, and you have to project that onto your profile in order to be able to make good use of online dating. Being -in- school isn't good enough, having an apartment (instead of a house), a job (instead of a career), and a car are bare minimums. Your values in family, and lifestyle etc. obviously factor in, but all the personality stuff you may or may not mention are subjective (less important initially) and are to be truly determined -if- you get to actually date any prospects.
 Livinginthereal
Joined: 8/10/2010
Msg: 93
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 5:53:23 AM
Posted By: jinx-redux

Message: Did the women you talked to explain, or did you ask, about the CONTENT of those messages, or the PROFILES of the men messaging them?

If your regular email account gets filled up with
offers from Big Box Electronics Retailer
offers from Amazon
offers for lotteries
offers for Viagra
offers for "sexy time web cam"
offers for elementary school teachers
offers for discounts on school supplies
offers for new credit cards
etc
... do you treat those the same as messages from old friends, new friends, colleagues, family members, anyone interesting to you?

My point is that a large to huge percentage of the messages most women get on here are likely not of interest, and she's not acting on them. The sheer volume is not a reflection of much of anything that matters *ultimately*.


So basically your average Joe.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 94
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 6:40:21 AM
I've never quite understand why 20-somethings, especially those still in school, feel the need to use it though


Have you notice the inordinate amount of time the young spend talking on their cells and texting each other rather than connecting in person it is probably just an extension of that.


think the biggest problem with 20-something women is that they have these really dry profiles that really don't say much about them. IMO, if you don't even have the capacity/attention span to talk yourself up, you're probably not that interesting of a person. It's also kind of pathetic when I see phrases such "I love to laugh," "tired of playing games," or "good man." All of these are pretty much no brainers, and really shouldn't need inclusion. If anything, they're just red flags to me that they are boring, easily manipulated, and have bad taste in their mates.


20 something women are not the only ones doing this. I find some women in their 40's and 50's have very poorly thought out profiles and I have recieved initial contact emails from women that says just "Hi" and little more - the reality is if a woman is attractive she know she does not have to put much effort into online dating.
 tallblonde7
Joined: 9/5/2010
Msg: 95
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 6:40:35 AM
I think the majority of men will get a relatively low percentage of positive replies in general. But some men will make it even harder for themselves by only looking at a woman's photos and not reading her profile, having a poor profile and photos themselves, sending extremely rude emails such as the ones containing sexual comments etc.

Like others have stated, women in general do get more emails. But sometimes the emails are from men who clearly don't match what a woman is looking for. Also some women on these sites are very picky.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 96
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 7:38:15 AM

I think the majority of men will get a relatively low percentage of positive replies in general. But some men will make it even harder for themselves by only looking at a woman's photos and not reading her profile, having a poor profile and photos themselves, sending extremely rude emails such as the ones containing sexual comments etc.


I agree with a lot of what you have said.
However have you took the time to browse the profiles of women?

Some NOT all have pics of them in lingerie their breasts all but exposed and posed in very sexual poses.
I took the time to look at your profile and you have very nice clear pics that show you as a person not a sex object.

I avoid the profiles with the women that has the half naked pics as I don't want that quality in a woman. Most men will see them and give it a shot. What do they truly have to loose?

If she finds him attractive and they end up hooking up then he got what he wanted if she gets mad and blocks him no skin off his nose.

The thing that is strange to me is while women are allowed to post almost phonographic pics I cant even post pics of me at the beach as I don't wear a shirt there.
I work out 5 days a week and am in better shape than most 20 somethings. Yet I cant show a pic that shows it.

Are there some men out there that will send massages that are out of line yes but sometimes you get what you advertise for.

To the OP's question if you are sure this won't work for you guess what it most likely won't.
A MLB player is considered a very good if his batting adv is around .300 that means he strikes out or doesn't get a hit 70% of the time.

If your not getting the response you desire take a look at how you have packaged yourself the problem may lie there. Just saying
 jamisond
Joined: 7/31/2010
Msg: 97
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 12:50:27 PM
Even though I posed the question is online dating a waste of time for men I was just looking to get opinions. I personally do not think it is a waste of time if you do it properly (By that I mean putting effort into your profile and not just sticking up the first picture of yourself you have on hand) and it is still better than the real world where chances of meeting someone are even less likely. I agree with some of the points mentioned. In the real world you usually work with a limited number of people (many of which are not single), people are affraid to make a move, and not everyone wants to go to clubs or bars which seems to be the only place to meet people these days. Here you have a much wider selection of singles and it's easy to make the first move. I still do believe this is the best dating site just because of the mere size of it. That being said women still do have the advantage due to the unequal gendre makeup (Surplus of men) of most dating sites but it is still worth a shot.
 HardwoodFloorBoard
Joined: 3/27/2008
Msg: 98
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 1:21:28 PM
Like an earlier poster, I think online dating will be a waste of time for SOME men.

Men in some demographics, and in some geographic areas will have a much smaller number of women to choose from, and of that number an even smaller number of women will be interested in that particular man.

The internet cannot really bridge geographical distance, and in practice, you are limited to choosing from among folks who are relatively close by, not the "millions" POF brags about.

Guys who live in sparsely populated areas, or places where the male/female ratio is skewed against them will probably not have any better luck online than in "real life", no matter how good an attitude they have or how much effort they put into it.
 stella_ardente
Joined: 5/19/2010
Msg: 99
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 2:59:46 PM
Posted by: LivingintheReal


So basically your average Joe.

Interesting conclusion you're drawing there.

So, you think people make themselves interested in, and subsequently respond to positively, every single ... or most ... or many, offers they get in their inbox from people offering them things they have no need or desire for?
Yeah, when Amazon offers me the latest, sexiest, hottest bestselling book or mobile phone or HD TV or garden hose or cordless multi-tool, I jump right on it. They are offering it, therefore I want it. I've bought 54 phones, 32 TVs, and several thousand books this year alone.
Ditto for when they offer me food (which they themselves refuse to ship to my location) or diapers (which I not only don't need, but that they also refuse to ship).

Thanks for pointing out the error of my ways. I'll be sure to say "yes, please" to these people who write to me, since their interest in me trumps my lack of interest in them:
lesbians
guys looking for a hook up
guys looking for a fwb arrangement
guys looking to have children
guys looking for a woman who lives her life based on Biblical principles or New Age principles
guys who live in places that require a plane ticket for me to meet

This is about 80-90% of the people who write to me, so I'll be one helluva busy gal. With an enormous credit card bill ... what with buying everything offered to me online, and all those plane tickets.

All of those people could be average Joe's (or Jane's), or far from average. They could be extraordinarily spectacular human beings in every conceivable way.
Whether they are average or wondrous to behold is totally irrelevant. They don't interest me.
They doubly don't interest me, because they all seem to be somewhat literate, yet failed to read my profile well enough to realize that I do not interest them.

But hey, if it makes ya feel better to think people aren't interested in ya cuz you're "average" (whatever the he11 that means), knock yourself out.
 letsgocanes11
Joined: 6/4/2010
Msg: 100
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 4:16:14 PM
Maybe the big question is: When you find someone that you like and that person likes you. There is a connection both physically and emotionally. Yet you both are still playing the field seeing what POF has to offer and both parties continue to hang out while hanging out with others from this site. Is it really giving both parties a fair chance at love? What is everyones take on this?
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