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 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 101
Is online dating a waste of time for men?Page 5 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
both parties continue to hang out while hanging out with others from this site. Is it really giving both parties a fair chance at love? What is everyones take on this?


Allright.. I will attempt to speak for everyone... It appears that many Forumites are here strictly for entertainment purposes..

Since the majority of their online time is spent in the Forums reading about others woes..
That leaves much less time for IRL meetups which would be much more productive towards finding an actual compatible SO..

Suggest moving out IRL to a target-rich environment and actually talking to strangers until you find someone you really feel compatible with..

Then you focus on them exclusively for a few weeks and see if the spark continues.. Voila..

But deeply embedded habits are hard to break.. So most Forumites come back to POFerland and see what's new with their online "mates"..

And actually the IRL attention for some pales to the high-fives and affirmations they may feel from afar from old "friends" online..

It's like gambling at the casinos.. Casinos know that a little reinforcement goes a LONG way to hook into someone's addictions...





The thing that is strange to me is while women are allowed to post almost phonographic pics I cant even post pics of me at the beach as I don't wear a shirt there.


I want some of those talking pics.. That must be the latest new feature here?...
 *MrP*
Joined: 8/21/2010
Msg: 102
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 4:36:58 PM
Online dating isn't for the faint of heart, but it's not a waste of time for men either.

Perhaps there are 7 guys for every 3 women on some dating sites, a quick glance at the local POF pond reveals that there are actually slightly more women than men 30-50 within a 25 mile radius of my zip code....the ratio comes out to roughly 13 women for every 12 men. I doubt that these figures are much different in other locales. Now if you want to talk about quality, that an entire different ballgame....it's extremely slim pickings for someone who actually has standards.

I know a several guys who get dates through POF.....one is currently in a happy relationship with someone he met here. If you consider numerous bad first dates and meeting flakes, fakers, poofers, head cases, and psychos as online dating "success" then I guess you can include me on that list. Again, as others have stated, it isn't about quantity but quality....which is why I'm taking an indefinite break from it all.

Ironically, get more quality messages from women with my current "I don't give a sh!t" profile than I did when I had a real profile up. Go figure.

MrP
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 103
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 4:47:53 PM

Ironically, get more quality messages from women with my current "I don't give a sh!t" profile than I did when I had a real profile up. Go figure


That may be some valuable advice for those men seeking help with their profile. I recall another guy on a different thread saying the same thing about his responses.
 Pull_Me_Under
Joined: 12/5/2009
Msg: 104
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 4:52:18 PM
Simple answer is yes. I know a few ladies that have profiles on here and on another site. They get hundreds of emails a week.
 weathervanes
Joined: 3/31/2010
Msg: 105
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 7:30:45 PM
My take, you find someone who "lights your fuse".....then a short time later they tell you they're not sure if the compatability is there, in reality someone else came along so, viola, instant doormat------been there done that---soooooo, it is a waste of time...
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 106
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 7:43:09 PM

That may be some valuable advice for those men seeking help with their profile. I recall another guy on a different thread saying the same thing about his responses.

It's true. Initially, I was here for the forums and wrote my profile as a lark thinking that no one could possibly read it and write to me. I was wrong, so I expanded on what I wrote. I still get new contact messages almost every day, even though I now have a fiancee (who I met here) , changed my status to Not Looking/Not Single and put a note at the top of my profile saying that I wasn't taking any more applications for dates. I'm not sure an I don't give a shit attitude is the ky. I think the key is writing something that doesn't look like every other generic profile so that it isn't boring to read so that a person seems interesting (at least to some people).
 jamisond
Joined: 7/31/2010
Msg: 107
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 7:53:20 PM
//the OP lives in perhaps one of the most target rich environments and shooting galleries with women in his age range and I'm not talking bars or clubs either...//

I'm not sure I know what youmean by this. What do you mean? I'm curious. We both live in the lowermainland of BC. What makes this any different than anywhere else?
 1966ok
Joined: 7/11/2009
Msg: 108
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/15/2010 9:08:30 PM
At your age you should be out meeting people in the real world.Then 20 years later when you get my age you can rightfully pose this question.Experience life & enjoy,you won't find that on a computer, good luck.
 Captain_Wayne
Joined: 5/24/2010
Msg: 109
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/16/2010 1:07:14 AM
"I would guess that some of the guys that are complaining, have about two lines on their profile. I see a lot of that."

I wrote to the character limit on my profile and I have gotten repeated complaints that it is too long.
Just about any guy can get a date. The question is, can he get a date with someone he really wants to date? Jamisond is entirely correct in that the most desireable women are going to have their mailboxes filled to overflowing. If they do not respond, it is not necessarily because they find you undesireable, they just have too many choices. It is not fair to get angry with them for not responding. The ones I take issue with are the ones that you are seeming to get along great with, and then they just vanish.
The biggest problem I have is the problem that caused me to finally hide my profile. I repeatedly got responses to my profile from gigantic women who were angered when I did not respond favorably. It seems that a great many of them blame men for not wanting them because they cannot stop eating twinkies. I want a good woman, so I made the effort to lose most of my excess weight and am still losing. I do 100 pushups and 100 situps a day. Is it too much to expect women to make the same effort to look good?
 Livinginthereal
Joined: 8/10/2010
Msg: 110
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/16/2010 4:15:22 AM

Posted By: jinx-redux
Thanks for pointing out the error of my ways. I'll be sure to say "yes, please" to these people who write to me, since their interest in me trumps my lack of interest in them:


Here Ill try to make it simple

Some people have a whole VAT of milk from which to choose from, but all they want to look at is the cream at the top, even though they know it very bad for them, So they blame the scum at the bottom their choices.

But whats the point right? some people have to many choices, some have to few, its what you do with those choices that matters,

Its a lot like being rich or poor, both have have their merits, but people tend to only lessen to the complaints of people who have justifiable complaints.
 Livinginthereal
Joined: 8/10/2010
Msg: 111
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/16/2010 4:55:30 AM
Here's my take on this whole subject:

Traditionally men have always been the aggressor, women the pursued, men made the first move, women got to choose if the confrontation would continue, and this has worked for man kind for thousands of years, it must have we're still here, we keep finding each other and reproducing....

The problem we run into with these INTERNET sites is :

In the traditional method men used a technique called divide and conquer, this allowed men to separate women from the pack temporally, as to demonstrate their best points and qualities without the distraction of competition.

Example, " want to step out side and get some fresh air? "and any of you who dated back in the old days may remember this, and have probably met their first love this way.


So basically what we need is for someone to invent the Internet version of this technique, it doesn't necessarily have to be about separating, but must have a similar over all result which is desirable to both parties. but this is unlikely to ever happen,
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 112
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/16/2010 5:16:03 AM

the OP lives in perhaps one of the most target rich environments and shooting galleries with women in his age range and I'm not talking bars or clubs either...


Does it matter if the targets are walking around in a world of which they act like neutered nuns?????? Or that he got hit these targets with numerous shots and they continue on their way oblivious to the reality of it all. More than one dating "expert" has expressed these concerns and more about this "enviroment" (region) in general.
I didn't know the OP was from this area. Now, because of that, I will tell him it IS a waste of time being here. He's better off to go out and fish the real waters for the real fish. They actually bite,,,,,,and this past few weeks,,,,more than enough fishies in the Fraser to fill a freezer or two. At least he won't go hungry.
 stella_ardente
Joined: 5/19/2010
Msg: 113
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/16/2010 5:58:05 AM
LivingintheReal wrote:


Here Ill try to make it simple
Some people have a whole VAT of milk from which to choose from ....
But whats the point right? some people have to many choices, some have to few, its what you do with those choices that matters


Here, I'll try to make it simple.

You are suggesting that all this mail from many men to a woman constitutes "too many choices" for her.

I am saying that is blatantly, absolutely, completely 100% not the case.
Lots of mail DOES NOT EQUAL LOTS OF CHOICE.
The idea that it does is totally illogical.

It hardly matters if I, or most other women, get 200 first messages a day saying "u r hot i'd do u" ... NONE of them could conceivably be among "choices" for me or those women. Ditto for the ones that say "nice tits" "I like your ass" "u r sexy wanna hook up" blah blah blah.
Anyone who thinks these are "choices" for us is, frankly, an idiot.

A man just posted about women contacting him who he isn't attracted to, and has no interest in. THEY are NOT CHOICES for him.

Try this analogy: I want a pair of athletic shoes. Suitable for cross-training. Not Nikes, as I know from experience that they don't fit my feet properly. I wear a particular size, just like everyone else.
If I walk into a shoe store that has thousands of pairs of Nikes only - I HAVE NO CHOICES.
If I walk into a shoe store that has thousands of pairs of dress shoes only - I HAVE NO CHOICES.
If I walk into a shoe store that has thousands of pairs of athletic shoes, but none that fit me - I HAVE NO CHOICES.
If I walk into a shoe store that only has thousands of pairs of golf and hiking shoes - I HAVE NO CHOICES.
If I walk into a shoe store that has thousands of pairs of athletic shoes, but none that seem particularly suitable or comfortable for cross-training - I HAVE LIMITED CHOICES, which is exactly what only dating is.

Am I looking for cream of the crop shoes? NO. I am looking for suitable shoes.
Am I insisting on "perfect" shoes? NO. I am looking for suitable shoes.
Am I stupid enough to think that cream of the crop shoes would be bad for me? wtf, no.
Am I blaming anyone or anything for my NOT finding a suitable pair of shoes? NO.

Should I just go ahead and buy dress shoes because the sales guy is nice? NO.
How about golf shoes, because the sales guy wants me to buy his golf shoes? NO.
Should I buy shoes that don't fit, because the sales guy thinks my feet will grow into them? NO.

Seriously, this persistent "lots of mail equals lots of choices" notion is one of the most ridiculous ideas on these forums. It makes no sense to equate volume with choice, unless, of course, one thinks that women have the discernment skills and mating drive of gerbils.
 DTFan88
Joined: 6/8/2010
Msg: 114
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/16/2010 9:38:24 AM
Still, I'm sure it helps women's self esteem tremendously to see all of these guys e-mailing them (even if they are superficial comments regarding appearance,etc.). If their friends ask them how the internet dating thing is going they can brag about how many replies they are getting,etc. Their egos have to be getting a boost. Contrast that to a guy who has sent out 50-100 messages with no replies at all. There is no comparison. How can he feel better about himself with that type of outcome? I think (as others have mentioned) that online dating isn't a waste of time for us men as long as we don't use it as our main venue of dating. It should just be used as a supplement and not expect too much.
 Livinginthereal
Joined: 8/10/2010
Msg: 115
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/16/2010 10:24:56 AM

Posted By: jinx-redux
If I walk into a shoe store that has thousands of pairs of Nikes only - I HAVE NO CHOICES.



There are many really good people out there that would be more than happy with a pair of Nikes, but some people get to be picky and some ... not so much.
 Livinginthereal
Joined: 8/10/2010
Msg: 116
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/16/2010 10:43:46 AM

It hardly matters if I, or most other women, get 200 first messages a day saying "u r hot I'd do u"
... Ditto for the ones that say "nice tits" "I like your ass" "u r sexy wanna hook up" blah blah blah.


Its a little hard to believe you get 200 messages a day from guys just wanting to talk about your .... well
I mean, do you receive any messages for descent people at all?
example: like 200 perverts, and what 5 or 6 normal ones a day? where do you find the time to read them all??

I couldnt imagine getting that many choices.. um I mean "non-choices" !
 Rarebird76
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 117
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/16/2010 10:50:23 AM
If I was a woman and got scads of messages daily from men which were undesirable, crude, sexual etc I would make my pics private and do the 'selecting' myself. But that's the logical part of my brain again.....
 Just_Jay79
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 118
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/16/2010 11:45:51 AM
Q: "Is online dating a waste of time for men?"

A #1: It IS a waste IF you're expecting:
a) A hot 36D-24-36 nymphomaniac mute gymnast with no gag reflex to leap through the screen and bang your brains out (one time or ongoing)
b) A young woman half your age and in WAY better shape than you to fall head over heels in love despite you being 20 years her senior and sporting a pot belly
c) A woman in a job that far exceeds your salary and completely dissimilar interests to your to suddenly drop them and make you a Kept Man

A #2: It ISN'T a waste of time if you're prepared to:
i) Fight a little to be noticed, just as you would in the real world
ii) Be rejected once in a while (just like real life attempts)
iii) TALK to the lady NON-sexually for a little while to try and build a rapport BEFORE trying to find out if she wears thongs or panties
iv) Actually step up and propose simple yet interesting outings for a first date, since most women will still expect you to plan the first date/meet
v) Search THOROUGHLY and possibly for a long time to find someone truly amazing/compatible. Rome wasn't built in a day...
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 119
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/16/2010 11:49:17 AM
Given the experiences Ive had through this site thus far, I'd say that it hasnt been a waste of time. If you're learning some new things about yourself, and how you deal with the opposite sex in particular situations, then its never truly a "waste of time"
 Adam-30
Joined: 12/23/2009
Msg: 120
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/16/2010 12:15:38 PM
I don't think its a waste of time but you sure do need to be think skinned, as the (un)read delete thing alone can be very annoying at first but remember ignorance and bad manners only shows that person has done you a big favour - which its strange how the ones who state they'll reply are the worse offenders out of the lot

The thing what bugs me is the time wasters, you know the ones who will chat and chat like pen pals but are just not even interested at all...Which the only way to expose them is ask to meet up and they either vanish like a thief in the night or make up some ridiculous excuses. I don't know what these people gain by doing that but it must give them an ego boost or something.
 jamisond
Joined: 7/31/2010
Msg: 121
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/16/2010 12:40:39 PM
When I send out a message I do not even monitor the statues anymore. I just send the message and then go to "sent mail" delete it and forget about it. If I get a reply great! Sometimes I feel I get a reply out of courtesy which is nice but I prefer to only get a reply if they are interested so it's not misleading and we don't end up pen pals with no real attraction.

I have experienced the vanishing act a few times and have been guilty myself of vanishing once with one particular person only because I felt I was mislead by her profile after communicating for awhile. She was nothing like her profile suggested in terms of just about everything.
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 122
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/16/2010 2:04:42 PM
no see my post in the thread ...So How Does Fishing Really Work?
Posted: 9/16/2010 3:51:13 PM
 stella_ardente
Joined: 5/19/2010
Msg: 123
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/16/2010 2:05:21 PM

Still, I'm sure it helps women's self esteem tremendously to see all of these guys e-mailing them (even if they are superficial comments regarding appearance,etc.)

No, not necessarily the case.
Imagine that some of the approaches you got in life were from women who you thought were repulsive in their manner or appearance or in whatever other thing is important to YOU. They repel YOU. Does that boost your esteem? Do you brag to your friends about them?
I think not.

These messages are cyber versions of some drunk horny idiot brushing up against your boobs or butt in a bar. He's not complimenting us, he's merely identifying us a a hole he'd put his penis in. This is not flattering or ego-boosting. The majority of women don't like it in a bar or online. Comes with the territory. Price we pay.

Putting up pictures on a profile? Most people trying online dating realize that doing that comes with the territory. I get horny idiots writing to me when I have no picture. Why? BECAUSE THE MESSAGES ARE ABOUT THE HORNY IDIOT'S EGO, NOT ABOUT THE RECIPIENT'S.
 Shoedaddy
Joined: 3/2/2006
Msg: 124
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/16/2010 2:17:15 PM
Desirable men have a great time in courting and mate selection, undesriable men have the opposite experience. Whether you're in a club, in a social group, or online, the forumla works out the same.

Go into a club and just watch the women for a while; look at who they look at and what they seem interested towards. You'll notice that the group of women will be interested in the same few men- as much as those men show the women opportunity (e.g., show the women that they have a chance). The club actually affords much better 'odds' believe it or not because men have 2nd and 3rd opportunities to establish value and rapport with women, while a woman will ignore a man after his first sent message online. Women are also more apt to settle in person due to the occasional peer influence to score a mate, that same social atmosphere is absent online.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 125
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/16/2010 2:24:17 PM
Imagine that some of the approaches you got in life were from women who you thought were repulsive in their manner or appearance or in whatever other thing is important to YOU. They repel YOU. Does that boost your esteem? Do you brag to your friends about them?
I think not.


I agreed but the big difference with is that this happens so infrequently to most men that it does not get under our skin the way it does with some women. I can't say I have had too many offers from women that were repulsive and if I got one that was undesirable I quicky let it go. The ones that were attractive but not my cup of tea were flattering and yes good for my esteem. I think its kind of a numbers game when it comes to how fed up we get with offers we don't particularily care for.

There are such things as too many or not enough compliments and I think those that tend to get many are less receptive to them ( and I am not talking about the messages that you feel are repulsive ) As an example - my ex had very long thick shiny hair and everywhere we went men and women were paying her compliments on it. Most of the time she found it annoying - she would thank them politely and after they left she would say to me something to the effect of " What they don't think I know I have nice hair or something" because she was simply tired of hearing it.
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