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 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 151
Is online dating a waste of time for men?Page 7 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
OP, I didn't read all 159 posts ahead of mine, but I would simply say that it doesn't matter if a girl is getting upwards of 20 messages a day, it only matters what you care to share with each particular girl in your message.

I looked at your profile and it's good. Your pictures are nice and clear but I would take another one or two of you smiling. I like the second one and the one playing foosball, as well as the one in fronts of the kid's painting. Personally, I would use one of these as your main pic, perhaps changing the pic weekly- rotating them and adding new ones to keep it fresh. I think it's great that you're an elementary teacher as well. It never hurts to have a profile review and get some pointers. best wishes.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 152
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/17/2010 7:44:46 PM
Anyone, male or female who thinks that online dating is a waste of time, might want to look at what they bring to the table. Same goes for real life dating. Lots of unresolved issue will come up quickly, and opps!, there goes another person who will look for less complicated.
 jamisond
Joined: 7/31/2010
Msg: 153
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/17/2010 8:21:42 PM
Thanks for the profile review. I took your advise and switched the main picture.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 154
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/17/2010 8:32:19 PM

So I have spoken to a few girls that have told me that their inbox is flooded with messages on POF. They are getting maybe 10-15 messages a day. In 10 days thats about 150 messaged. In 20 days thats about 300 messages. The average guy on this site seems to not get many messages at all. I do fairly well for a guy I may get 1 or 2 messaged a day but I have male friends who have never received a single message. So if there are in fact twice as many men on here than women it seems women can have their pick. So since the odds are not good for your average Joe should average men even bother with online dating?


Online dating is great for two things - getting laid and supplimenting your "real life" dating.

If you think you're going to find true love through miles of fiber optics and pixels splashing onto a screen... you're in pretty bad shape.
 cenomeno
Joined: 4/21/2010
Msg: 155
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/17/2010 8:33:56 PM
This is like fishing in a barrel for most decent guys......
Waste of time? If you think getting laid is waste of time, yeah the sure it is.....
 dstep25
Joined: 6/16/2008
Msg: 156
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/17/2010 11:17:13 PM
For me it sure seems to be.........women will look at your profile and then move on or just say HI and then move on. This has become like a street cornor......stop ......speak and cross the street. Seems to be nothing real here. Am I wrong? Let me know. What am I doing wrong.....(just being ugly I guess).....LOL
 Captain_Wayne
Joined: 5/24/2010
Msg: 157
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/18/2010 12:02:20 AM
It is no more a waste of time than looking for girls at a nightclub or a church or the produce section of the supermarket. First of all you have to define exactly what it is you want. As for me, I would like to find true love and feel again about someone the way I felt about the ex-girlfriend. However, I am not going to be a monk on the way to that goal. I have needs and I will satisfy them, much to the horror of all those women who write "must not have written to others looking for intimate encounters." Makes me wonder how the hell they would know anyway. You have to figure out what you want and then approach your search from that angle. As you do this, you must realize that even though they would never admit it, a great number of people on this site, perhaps even a majority, male and female, are looking to get laid. A lot of them would also welcome true love if that should happen, but they are looking to get laid. I am not just saying this, I am basing it on solid data as to my experiences and the experiences of a number of friends who use this site. Even though her profile said she was looking for long term, my ex-girlfriend freely admitted to me that when she came on the site, she was primarily looking to get laid. She figured that pof would provide someone a bit more trustworthy and safe than a nightclub.
 jamisond
Joined: 7/31/2010
Msg: 158
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/18/2010 12:17:02 AM
Funny you should mention that women want to get laid on this site because I have been doing my best to make my profile look as if getting laid is the last thing on my mind because most clearly state on their profile they do not want to get laid lol. I also did not want to look like that was all I was after.
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 159
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/18/2010 2:02:39 AM

Funny you should mention that women want to get laid on this site because I have been doing my best to make my profile look as if getting laid is the last thing on my mind because most clearly state on their profile they do not want to get laid lol. I also did not want to look like that was all I was after.



The irony of that is, Ive met some ladies from this site, that stated on their profile flat out that they werent looking for just a hookup, and yada yada yada....and these same ladies, ended up giving it up immediately.



People say a lot of sh*t man. Most of the time, you shouldnt pay it any mind, and just stick to what you do best, which is being yourself.
 Livinginthereal
Joined: 8/10/2010
Msg: 160
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/18/2010 4:01:59 AM

The irony of that is, Ive met some ladies from this site, that stated on their profile flat out that they weren't looking for just a hookup, and yada yada yada....and these same ladies, ended up giving it up immediately.



People say a lot of sh*t man. Most of the time, you shouldn't pay it any mind, and just stick to what you do best, which is being yourself.


Words of wisdom my Man,

Pay attention guys this Dudes on the right track .
 cenomeno
Joined: 4/21/2010
Msg: 161
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/18/2010 5:05:38 AM
Getting laid should be the first thing on your mind, it's basic instinct. You're not looking for a chess partner. You're looking for a mate, a woman......of course you're going to think about getting laid, what else? Family, kids a future together all depends on sex. Without good ol hard humping, none of us would be here.....

You're trying to suppress your inner instincts, trying to come across as a nice guy( whatever the fk that means).... You can't approach a woman as you approach a guy.... You're not wired that way....

Women on the other hand mention about, no sex, no this, no that.... So they don't look like hOOkers on a dating site. Imagine they said ; bring your recent STD test results and a pack of condoms..... Imagine what their inbox would look like...
Imagine the names they would be called... Imagine all the harassment and social stigma they would have deal with....

Next time you read " not here for hook up " read between the lines. It doesn't mean she doesn't want to get laid, it means; she wants to make sure you'll stick around for a while so that she won't feel used and thrown away....like a hOoker...



 DTFan88
Joined: 6/8/2010
Msg: 162
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/18/2010 7:28:08 AM

I disagree.... I do just as well online as I do offline. I'm able to weed them out faster personality wise online though and faster looks wise IRL
The reasons are obvious: IRL looks are the first thing you see, online personality is the first because you don't REALLY know what they look like due to all the liars out there.
You have to assume the pictures are old or deceptive.


Do you send a lot of messages out, or just specific ones you feel a connection with? I live in a small town and usually just write to women who live within a 50 mile radius. Some people have said you need to send out about 30-40 messages each day to different women, but I find it difficult to even find that many in my demographic who I am attracted to. There seems to be a lot of single moms with multiple children and I usually don't write to many of them. That intimidates me too much. Since I joined this site earlier this summer I've probably only e-mailed about 20 women whose profiles I really liked. No responses though. 2 other women e-mailed me first, but I wasn't really attracted to one and the other lived kind of far away.

In any regard since this site is free I don't feel as frustrated as if I had to pay a subscription. I won't ever use a site that costs money since I've briefly used those before and those are a waste of money IMO.

That being said I probably will always do better IRL than online.
 az109
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 163
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/18/2010 8:25:51 AM
I think if I was using this place to meet women to go on dates to have sex, it would be an efficient and productive use of my time because the expectations are given by the format. It's almost as straightforward as a paint by numbers kit. The majority of women who have ads here are, for that purpose, nearly identical right down to how special each thinks they are. The typical mythology of romance is well supported here. There is a medium of communication I can excel at. There is no shortage of eager partners to help past their screening process onto the path toward intimacy. Online dating is the internet singles bar, so to speak. Used for how it works it is hardly a waste of time. It saves the time it would take to get dressed up and go out prowling like dear old dad used to have to do in the stone age.

I stopped writing the kinds of ads that draw many responses once I found out who replied. In this thread it has been said that an abundance of replies is neither necessarily good, nor equates to more choice. I agree wholeheartedly because in my experience writing ads and reading replies to them, the large volume of replies have been practically identical including how uninteresting they were, with only a very few that were not a waste of time to read. To someone looking for those women, that would have been success. Just like for an attractive woman who can post a sexy picture and collect lots of emails expressing lust, an intelligent man who understands romance can post an ad that collects lots of emails expressing the emotional flavor of yearning. Hit them where they live, as they say. Advertise for your purpose. I am not in a volume business, and it does me no good having a large number of the wrong kinds of replies, when instead my goal is just one right reply. To me this is not about selecting from equivalent prospects, it is about seeking for one exceptionally rare individual.

The time spent then is wasted only if I go about it the wrong way. My time is wasted if I look for the wrong thing, go about looking all wrong, or get distracted by diversions. My time is wasted here if I spend more time on it than it takes to check my emails once a week or so. For the purpose of finding someone, online ads are a minimal investment of time spent. It takes an hour or so for me to write an effective ad. It takes a minute or so to check emails. In the event I do get a reply of interest then no time I spend reading and answering it is wasted.

I stopped writing ads to draw replies to go on dates because although it is easy for me to do it is not what I want to do. It became a waste of time once I learned about it that the result was meeting and dating women I did not want to spend time with or know. Up to that point it wasn't a waste of time because it was a lesson to learn.

The elusive focus in this thread has addressed the online part more than the dating part. I wonder, as a device to introduce a point, whether dating itself no matter what kind is a waste of time for men, for the most part, depending on what the men are hoping for compared to what the women get so tired of men hoping for, in between times they gladly do it. The sexual frustrations of men match the emotional frustrations of women perfectly, so I suppose that you could count as wasted any time spent dating that doesn't immediately and obviously produce a result you like, or, you could recognize that all of this so-called wasted time is necessary for strangers to locate each other by the distress signals they send out, a kind of mating call cacophony that somehow primes the heart and groin for the desperate meetings called dates that might lead on to other things.

Dating generally and online dating waste time like any other activity could, when you do it the wrong way, when it doesn't work for you. It is not so much something that will waste your time because it cannot work, it is more of something you can waste your time doing wrong. As an activity you decide whether you would rather be doing it or something else. As a tool, use it correctly if you want it to work. Know what your goal is, compare the results you get to the results you want, use what works, don't do what doesn't work, adjust your methods and expectations to suit reality.

Is asking whether online dating is a waste of time, as a way of complaining that you can't get laid, a waste of time on a forum at a dating site? I guess that depends on whether anything comes of it that leads to sexual intercourse. Check your inbox. You may already be a winner!
 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 164
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/18/2010 2:28:35 PM
I've come to discover what your talking about is accurate. After having tried this online social networking now for years I have come to a general conclusion. That conclusion is that very few if any people should not need to rely on social networking to find friends for whatever reasons. I don't like saying it, because I've done it for a while now, but I think something is out of balance in our lives that we should feel inclined to go this route.
 cenomeno
Joined: 4/21/2010
Msg: 165
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/18/2010 4:10:44 PM

not all single men think with their pecker.


True! Not all. Only the straight ones with fully functioning peckers......
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 166
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/18/2010 4:24:56 PM

Do you send a lot of messages out, or just specific ones you feel a connection with?


If you read my profile you'll see that I rarely initiate contact...I think it's been 5 or less in 3 years and they've all been women who checked out my profile first.

I'll get anywhere from 0-5 contacts per week... more in Fall and winter and less in spring and summer. it works out though because I meet more women IRL in spring and summer.
 Gully Creepa
Joined: 8/18/2009
Msg: 167
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/18/2010 4:41:45 PM
Women are even more stuck up on here than they are in the real world these dating sites just give them further scope to be picky making it even harder for us fella's.
It's tough been a man but at least we don't have to put up with the misfortune of bleeding every month.
 jamisond
Joined: 7/31/2010
Msg: 168
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/18/2010 5:41:38 PM
And notice how almost all messages come in from 9pm -2am. I rarely receive a message before 9 at night. Do you reply to every message you get jco415 ? If your not interested do you just not reply?
 jamisond
Joined: 7/31/2010
Msg: 169
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/18/2010 6:20:10 PM
You need to add them to facebook to see more photos before you meet because you are right. So many people look nothing like their POF.
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 170
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/18/2010 6:38:57 PM

It's tough been a man but at least we don't have to put up with the misfortune of bleeding every month.



It's their penance for being a pain in the ass for men for generations. Im just sayin'
 GWSmith
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 171
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/19/2010 8:19:17 AM
I live in a town where women outnumber men nearly 2:1: Meeting women is easy, the problem is getting to know them well enough to want to spend time with them alone let alone other problems include women who seem desperate; or are willing to make themselves malleable just to get a man and while apparently a lot of guys like that I don't. Here I can contact people I like, or they can contact me, we can talk, get to know each other a little better and ascertain whether anything further is really worth it.

Yeah I do think it is beneficial, its like a filter.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 172
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/19/2010 3:04:29 PM
And notice how almost all messages come in from 9pm -2am. I rarely receive a message before 9 at night. Do you reply to every message you get jco415 ? If your not interested do you just not reply?


I haven't noticed that...I tend to get messages between 7AM and around 9PM usually.

If I'm not interested I usually say thanks for (whatever they said if it was a compliment.) then say I don't think we'd be a good match though.

If they send a stupid email like just saying "Hi" then I'll send the same thing back or I'll flat out tell them that they didn't give me much to go on, barren profile, pic that is blurry or distant etc..


You need to add them to facebook to see more photos before you meet because you are right. So many people look nothing like their POF.


I rarely add people to FB. I have to trust them first. I do agree that it is a way of seeing what they REALLY look like.
 MrFication
Joined: 5/6/2010
Msg: 173
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/19/2010 7:15:35 PM

I disagree that the formula is the same whether online or in the real world. Online is way different.


Definitely agree with this. When I was active on the sites, I had had sooooo much more 'success' than in real life.
Real life: Women look away, find ways to avoid me, claim to have boyfriends/husbands, won't talk unless they are store employees, etc...
Online: I would get a high reply rate, a lot of interest generated--messages/phone calls, meet-n-greets.
In real life, something as simple as getting a cup of coffee seems impossible; yet when trying online I was meeting and doing stuff a few times a week.
 jamisond
Joined: 7/31/2010
Msg: 174
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/19/2010 8:48:37 PM
Also in real life if you ask a girl out sometimes you don't know if they really are interested or if they just agreed to be polite and had a hard time saying no to your face. Here you know if their interested because its much easier to reject you. I actually prefer it that way. You know where you stand. I'm not the type that will keep trying if they were not interested. I move on right away. I think their needs to be some sort of initial mutual attraction right away.

-The only thing I don't like are stalkers. You know the ones that think if you did not reply to their first message they just need to keep messaging you until you finally have to block them.
 fashiongal2
Joined: 9/15/2010
Msg: 175
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/19/2010 9:09:45 PM
In general, women probably do get more emails than men. But I don't think most women get "tons" of email. Maybe the top 5%-10% most attractive women do. Many of those emails are from men who clearly don't come close to matching what a woman is looking for. Having said that, I do think there are some women ( and men ) who have problems getting dates because they are extremely picky. . People are allowed to have any requirements they want. But they could be rejecting potential matches due to an inch, literally a few extra pounds etc
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