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 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 176
Is online dating a waste of time for men?Page 8 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

People are allowed to have any requirements they want. But they could be rejecting potential matches due to an inch, literally a few extra pounds etc


And that is the crux.. people are allowed to have any REQUIREMENTS they want.. only on their profiles in POFerland...

IRL Nobody is required to meet your requirements, so having many is mostly deluding yourself into thinking you have a bit more control,

in the second greatest challenge of life.. Finding and maintaining a compatible long-term SO relationship... S
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 177
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/19/2010 9:47:38 PM
But they could be rejecting potential matches due to an inch, literally a few extra pounds etc


Exactly. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and say that men and women who are serious about online dating can write good profiles/messages. I really do think that a lot of rejection is due to petty things like being an inch under a height requirement or being a few extra pounds overweight. It's so easy to dismiss a person just because they listen to a type of music, their pictures don't contain smiles or that one sentence that scared the reader away.

Our impulses seem to skyrocket online because of the anonymity which apparently allows for otherwise rude behavior to be totally acceptable. In person, we're constantly paying attention to the verbal and non-verbal messages someone gives and we're more likely to not brush them off so easily if one thing they say is unfavorable. Online though, even IF we can't spot any red flags when reading a profile some of us will still assume SOMETHING about them that prevents us from sending a message. It could take the form of believing the profile author is BS-ing, maybe we convince ourselves that they won't respond without actually trying to message them and the list goes on.
 BeatrixKiddo2010
Joined: 3/19/2010
Msg: 178
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/19/2010 11:02:05 PM
10-15 messages a day? Yeesh, I've never gotten that many messages from guys in a day. Those girls are having way more luck then me. lol.

I know it seems the odds are stacked against guys with online dating, but the only advice I can give is to be patient. Too many guys focus on a girl's pictures and not her profile. If you want to stand out and seem different then every other guy who's messaged a girl you're interested in, read her profile and make references to it.

I think a lot of folks are getting burnt out with online dating. Don't rely on it too much. Continue to try and meet women in the "real world" so that you don't get burnt out online over time. Also, try multiple sites. Sticking to one site limits your options. Yes, its a pain, but the more sites you visit, the more variety you'll find.

Online dating just requires patience. It can be frustrating but that's just how it goes. (Girls get rejected online too...trust me)


Good luck!
 fsurfer1
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 179
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/20/2010 3:07:29 AM
I cant fault on-line dating and I really like POF, I have been seeing my current girl-friend for 12 weeks and my last 3 girl-friends (I am still very good friends with), I met through POF.
 kamaboko
Joined: 2/17/2008
Msg: 180
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/20/2010 6:05:06 AM
There is no substitute for getting out there and meeting people. My expectations from this sort of venue are low, and believe it or not, my expectations have been met. lol. Is it at waste of time just for men? No, I think plenty of women have wasted time, too.
 DTFan88
Joined: 6/8/2010
Msg: 181
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/20/2010 8:20:47 AM

Also in real life if you ask a girl out sometimes you don't know if they really are interested or if they just agreed to be polite and had a hard time saying no to your face. Here you know if their interested because its much easier to reject you. I actually prefer it that way. You know where you stand. I'm not the type that will keep trying if they were not interested. I move on right away. I think their needs to be some sort of initial mutual attraction right away.

The bad thing is they reject you too quickly online. They know that they are getting so many steady replies to their ads that they have no worries in rejecting a lot of guys right away. In the past I've had girls who will write back to me 6 months down the road (from other dating sites) when they are cleaning out their e-mails,etc. That's happened about 3 times. They usually say something like they wish they would have replied or whatever and that I sound like a cool guy, and they wonder if I will still remember them. Of course I don't remember them lol. This wouldn't happen on here since POF deletes messages after a couple of weeks or so.

I still prefer to approach in real life. You can flirt, be funny, etc. and if it is a girl you see on a regular basis you have some time to build chemistry.
 DTFan88
Joined: 6/8/2010
Msg: 182
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/20/2010 8:27:15 AM

If you read my profile you'll see that I rarely initiate contact...I think it's been 5 or less in 3 years and they've all been women who checked out my profile first.

I've had about 20 women view my profile since joining but I'm either not attracted to them or they live too far away. I haven't written to many of them.
 jamisond
Joined: 7/31/2010
Msg: 183
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/20/2010 12:51:32 PM
I'm hesitant to write to girls that viewed my profile and didn't send me a message. To me I assume that they were not interested if they did not write after viewing me. My main complaint though is when I get messages from people who I think are only after friendship but I'm not 100 percent sure so I waste time exchanging messages with people who I'm not sure if they have an interest in a relationship. Not that I have anything against frienship but that is not the reason I'm on here.
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 184
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/20/2010 12:56:40 PM

And notice how almost all messages come in from 9pm -2am. I rarely receive a message before 9 at night.



This goes with my theory that women are vampires bro. Be sure to fashion a wooden stake out of a nearby table leg.



Honestly I just think its "down time" for a lot of people....most of them are home during those hours, and online messing around...and then there are people that just cannot sleep.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 185
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/20/2010 1:39:48 PM

This goes with my theory that women are vampires bro. Be sure to fashion a wooden stake out of a nearby table leg.


"Is that a wooden stake in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 186
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/20/2010 1:46:56 PM

"Is that a wooden stake in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"



Right. Just call me Peter Vincent, Vampire Killer.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 187
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/20/2010 2:38:33 PM
I'm hesitant to write to girls that viewed my profile and didn't send me a message.

Why? The worst that can happen is that they won't write back.

My main complaint though is when I get messages from people who I think are only after friendship but I'm not 100 percent sure so I waste time exchanging messages with people who I'm not sure if they have an interest in a relationship.

News flash! If you want something that's a sure thing, pay an escort for sex. If you're interested in a relationship, you have to actually exchange messages with women that might not lead to meeting them and meeting women who might not end up going on a second date with you. You might even have sex with someone who never calls you back. (Whether or not you consider that a plus is a different question.) If you make it clear to women you are interested in something other than friendship, you won't have to worry about why they are talking to you. Women who are interested in friendship won't be in much of a hurry to meet you. Women who are interested in something other than friendship, won't dawdle, so you won't waste much time.

The bad thing is they reject you too quickly online.

In real life, the rejection happens subconsciously before you ever get to make contact, so the only real difference is that you usually aren't thinking of it as rejection.

I still prefer to approach in real life. You can flirt, be funny, etc. and if it is a girl you see on a regular basis you have some time to build chemistry.

You can do that here, too.
 Justdonald
Joined: 2/15/2010
Msg: 188
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/20/2010 2:41:23 PM
Most women assume that the man wants to be the first to contact.


Want success? Offer to meet within two weeks of first contact. If she says no, write her off. NEXT!

Why waste a lot of time?
 jamisond
Joined: 7/31/2010
Msg: 189
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/20/2010 2:57:49 PM
I'm actually starting to agree with that comment about some women having too many options on here. I had a girl message me last night and I replied back. I then got a message from her this morning saying that she has been flooded with messages since she messaged me and is no longer interested. She claimed a new one was coming in every 2 minutes. If you think about it guys are just shooting themselves in the foot by sending out all these messages. They are just givng some of the women on here too many options. They need to be less proactive, sit back and let the ones that are serious message them. Take my new approach and choose from the ones that message you.

-The advice above is good. I will take it.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 190
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/20/2010 3:06:04 PM


I've had about 20 women view my profile since joining but I'm either not attracted to them or they live too far away. I haven't written to many of them.


I get enough profile views I think... I've never counted them but there's at least one or two per day... again more in Fall and Winter. Yet in 3 years I've MAYBE been interested in 5 enough to write... I've been interested in others but they wrote first so...
 stella_ardente
Joined: 5/19/2010
Msg: 191
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/20/2010 3:14:28 PM
^^@ jamisond ~ Not that it matters to me personally, but you might want to:
1) be better at discerning horsesh!t when you hear it (example: I don't believe your little story to be based in reality)
2) take the intelligent advice of Abelian and JustDonald immediately above your last post.

just sayin'
 DTFan88
Joined: 6/8/2010
Msg: 192
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/20/2010 3:24:51 PM

In real life, the rejection happens subconsciously before you ever get to make contact, so the only real difference is that you usually aren't thinking of it as rejection.
If you respond to the woman's positive eye contact and smile by approaching and making light conversation, you are less likely to get rejected (at least initially). Woman usually choose at a bar or other public place who they want to approach them with positive non-verbal signals (the eye contact and smile,etc.) . If the man picks up on that he is way ahead of his peers. I can't think of a similar advantage that online offers (the only thing close is maybe when you notice they viewed your profile).

With flirting in person you can get a better feel of how you are doing by reading the person's body language.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 193
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/20/2010 3:46:46 PM

Want success? Offer to meet within two weeks of first contact. If she says no, write her off. NEXT!
Why waste a lot of time?


AGREED!



I'm hesitant to write to girls that viewed my profile and didn't send me a message.


Why? The worst that can happen is that they won't write back.


Well... they liked your profile picture enough to click to find out more so you have that! ...And since you don't know if they saw something in your profile that turned them off or used viewing your profile as an online version of dropping their handkerchief in front of you...you have to chance it if you're interested in them.

 FunkTheMillenium
Joined: 7/11/2010
Msg: 194
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/20/2010 11:49:06 PM
i don't know but i don't see too many gals in public giving eye contact or signals. atleast not from my area and travels.

if a guy is to get these golden moments than yes i say go for it. approach the woman and see where things go.
 eastwood969
Joined: 12/21/2009
Msg: 195
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/21/2010 1:21:19 AM
When I found out they were getting 15 messages a day I realized it was mostly a waste of time but just being online is no big deal. It doesn't cost time or money so I haven't deleted my profile but I have been busy doing other things I like to do and have not been on this site for weeks. So its not a waste of time unless you are spending too much time or emphasis on it.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 196
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/21/2010 4:16:37 AM

Well... they liked your profile picture enough to click to find out more so you have that! ...And since you don't know if they saw something in your profile that turned them off or used viewing your profile as an online version of dropping their handkerchief in front of you...you have to chance it if you're interested in them.


This is the 21st century, womens-lib and all that jazz, if they were interested they could've emailed me. Screw this dropping the handkerchief nonsense, she's been reading too many romance novels and is full of too many fantasy expectations anyways.

(Gave up looking on here a long time ago anyways. )
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 197
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/21/2010 4:29:20 AM

(Gave up looking on here a long time ago anyways. )


So it doesn't work for YOU, doesn't mean it won't work for the OP and thousands of other guys!

GAWD! I hate when bitter people tell others that things don't work just because it doesn't work for them...
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 198
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/21/2010 4:55:57 AM

So it doesn't work for YOU, doesn't mean it won't work for the OP and thousands of other guys!


Nah, it worked just fine... I just couldn't keep up with the 15+ email/day I was getting, its so much easier in real life...
 txredbull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 199
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Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/21/2010 6:47:51 AM
Yeh, its pretty much a waste of time...you got something better?
 fashiongal2
Joined: 9/15/2010
Msg: 200
Is online dating a waste of time for men?
Posted: 9/21/2010 6:56:49 AM

I know it seems the odds are stacked against guys with online dating, but the only advice I can give is to be patient. Too many guys focus on a girl's pictures and not her profile. If you want to stand out and seem different then every other guy who's messaged a girl you're interested in, read her profile and make references to it.


I agree that some men ( and women ) only care about the photos. Having said that, I do think other men include something about a woman's profile in the first email when they first join a dating site. But after the vast majority of their emails have been read / deleted or unread / deleted, they start using generic first emails. I don't blame them. A man could have a well written email and still won't get a response if she doesn't like the profile and photos.

Personally the content of the first email doesn't matter that much to me unless it is blatantly inappriorate or it included something that wasn't on his profile. I don't need a man to state that we have things A and B in common when I can determine that by reading his profile.
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