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 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 26
Just looking for friendsPage 2 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

There are alot of social networks out there, there are alot of message boards and forums out there - you don't necessarily have to be on a dating site to do that.


True.There are other places to go and I am on some of those other sites as well,but I like it here so I am going to stay.


There are some on here looking for friends and they spend alot of time telling those of us looking for a date/relationship that we are pathetic and they are somehow better because they don't "put up with b.s.


This is a forum so when a question is asked all of us have the right to answer.I may not be currently in a relationship and may never be again,but I have a great deal of experience with relationships,so why not give what little advice I can? Oh and I am not better then anyone else.In fact in many ways I am just as bad and maybe worse.If illness can have any upside it's that if you let it then it can make you a better person.


"I have a wonderful full life with friends and activities". If their life is so friggin full, why are they spending time on here?


I'll be the first to admit that I don't have a wonderful life that is full of friends and activities which is why I am spending so much time on the forums.They are an amusement,a temporary diversion from the reality of my life.


I'm with the one poster that said "f-off, I have enough friends" I'm looking for a partner.


I am very happy for you that you have wonderful friends and that you are actively looking for a partner.You are greatly blessed.I wish you all the best in your search for a mate.Some of us for various reasons are not so lucky as you.


There are some out there that say how wonderful their life is, they've been alone for 15 or 20 years



Again I don't have a wonderful life and I have not been in a relationship for a few months now and even that relationship was nothing more then convenience.He did not love me and I did not love him.I thought at the time that being with anyone was better then being alone.So did he.I was wrong.So I accept that expecting that I can meet someone who will accept me and my problems will be unlikely,but I don't think it's unlikely to expect to make some good friends.


it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why they are alone in the first place - who'd want them. I don't even want them for a friend.


No it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why I am alone.I have the reason right on my profile.My life is tough enough for me so it would be and is even tougher to deal with when all you can do is watch someone suffer.I have come to believe that some people should not attempt to pursue romantic relationships since they can't give as much as they get in the relationship.Much as I would like to do this I just am not capable most of the time.

So whether anyone likes it or not some of us in here rather like these forums even though we participate on forums on other sites we still come back here.I have been a member of these forums on and off for years and I like this place.It is comfortable and familiar.Sorry you don't like the fact that myself and others are here,but we are going to stay no matter if you like it or not.


 miketheawesome
Joined: 8/11/2010
Msg: 27
view profile
History
Just looking for friends
Posted: 9/25/2010 5:36:30 PM
Agreed, there are way too many sites out there like Myspace and facebook to make friends that might consider your intentions legit without romantic/sexual motives. Why drown the dating sites with your quest for friends? Or, if all you want is sex, just blurt it out. Don't cover it up, we see through it.

*You* (Not pointing fingers at a particular poster) aren't hiding anything.




Also, if I see one more,"Teehee I'm new to this, I've never dated online..." I'm gonna puke. The internet is over 15 years old.
 2Irish1
Joined: 9/1/2008
Msg: 28
Just looking for friends
Posted: 9/25/2010 5:44:37 PM

Just looking for friends



I read in nearly every woman's profile "friends first"....what's this code for...wimmen...no figurin' thems out
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 29
Just looking for friends
Posted: 9/25/2010 5:51:45 PM

Why drown the dating sites with your quest for friends?


whether you like it or not I like these forums and I am not going anywhere.It's the main reason I am here.Whether or not I happen to find a female friend on here would just be an extra benefit.If you were to do a search in my area you could not even find me because of the fact that I am not looking for men for anything.


if all you want is sex, just blurt it out. Don't cover it up, we see through it.

*You* (Not pointing fingers at a particular poster) aren't hiding anything.


I don't want sex.If I wanted to have sex I would not have on my profile that I am looking for a female for talk/email.Women hold no sexual interest for me.In my life right now sex is not even on my mind.Were my physical situation ever to improve,which is doubtful,and I wanted to look for sex only relationships that would be none of yours or anyone else's business.

If you don't like someones profile, and what they are looking for, then just skip over it.Gibbering in rage and indignation about something which you have no control over will solve nothing.

Op you seem to let many small,irrelevant and insignificant things bother you immensely.Take it from someone who knows.Only concern yourself with the big things that actually involve you and let the little meaningless things go.
 2Irish1
Joined: 9/1/2008
Msg: 30
Just looking for friends
Posted: 9/25/2010 5:55:02 PM

I don't want sex.If I wanted to have sex I would not have on my profile that I am looking for a female for talk/email.Women hold no sexual interest for me.


Holy batshyte batgirl....that's code for I'm a lesbian...
 jamisond
Joined: 7/31/2010
Msg: 31
Just looking for friends
Posted: 9/25/2010 6:13:19 PM
I have to agree with the OP. Cluttering up a dating site with people just looking for friends is annoying if your actually on a dating site looking for a date.

I have had some people message me that I would definitely be interested in. Then I see on their profile. O "I'm just on here looking for friends" ahhhhhh. Go somewhere else.

I don't even bother replying.
 CynthiaSMW
Joined: 9/20/2010
Msg: 32
Just looking for friends
Posted: 9/25/2010 7:26:56 PM

I have had some people message me that I would definitely be interested in. Then I see on their profile. O "I'm just on here looking for friends" ahhhhhh. Go somewhere else.

I don't even bother replying.

There are literally dozens of forum threads discussing this topic and the only agreement is that the term "friends" in a profile is ambiguous. You don't even have the balls to respond and find out what she meant. So she shows interest enough to message you first and you don't even reply because she's looking for "friends"?

And how does anyone 'clutter' up a site that has advanced search? You filter that out.Duh. How stupid are you?
 CrimsonRealityXRS
Joined: 5/30/2009
Msg: 33
view profile
History
Just looking for friends
Posted: 9/25/2010 9:11:51 PM
I have my profile listed as looking for friends right now, because I really don't have a lot of free time, and I just really don't want a relationship at this time. It's great that some people have lots of friends. I'm one of those people that doesn't have plenty of GOOD friends to go around. My definition of friends does not translate into friends with "benefits" either.
 jamisond
Joined: 7/31/2010
Msg: 34
Just looking for friends
Posted: 9/25/2010 9:13:25 PM
If a profile clearly states, that "I am just here looking for friends to hang out with " I do not reply. There is nothing ambiguous about that. Sometimes it is clearly stated. Yes, some people have "friends" listed and it's more ambiguous. Then I will investigate further.
 broncsbuff
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 35
Just looking for friends
Posted: 9/25/2010 9:37:47 PM

because I really don't have a lot of free time, and I just really don't want a relationship at this time


To each his own....its not for me to judge..just trying to understand...

You dont have a lot of free time, you dont want a relationship, yet you have time to come on here and look for friends...

so...if you found a "friend" on here, how you could spend any time with them?..you have no time remember?...

anyway....just trying to understand...
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 36
view profile
History
Just looking for friends
Posted: 9/25/2010 10:19:23 PM
"There are literally dozens of forum threads discussing this topic and the only agreement is that the term "friends" in a profile is ambiguous."

Thanks, yes I agree, with caveat that sometimes just looking for friends does just mean...that. It gets tiring trying to explain to someone my age, what friend means. Kinda like the definitions a former President...what does "is" mean.

If it involves a lengthy explanation...well crap. What an abysmal waste of time, I guarantee I could pluck any 8 y/o child out of fifth grade and they could successfully define what a friend is, because they probably have friends.

I remember an earlier internet experience of learning what friends with benefits was....no really. It's funny, now looking back, I had male friends...and when I realized what that was...leave it to grownups to screw up simple terms and concepts based on their sexual frustrations. Kids know what friends are, I know what friends are, and it'd be so much simpler and better, if members actually would be honest in what they want instead of coining ridiculous phrases....being a friend...I always thought that WAS a benefit! Friends you have SEX with...ehh..well it took awhile for that to sink in and then to swish the puke out of my mouth.

I like it when it's simple, just looking for friends means just that, and Lord knows it doesn't take too many emails or interaction to realize differently.

Good news is, I haven't thrown up in my mouth recently...well over that anyway.

And I'm not out of touch, I am a hiring manager, put out an ad...nada. Oh responses, totally not even close, apparently have rudimentary reading abilities applying for a position of a professional writer and researcher. Yeah I know, the quest for honesty is like the Holy Grail quest, and I'm not a knight or Sean Connery. Good movie though!
 Carm0n
Joined: 11/21/2009
Msg: 37
Just looking for friends
Posted: 9/26/2010 1:06:30 AM
This may be a dating site, but it has options for you NOT to date.

That draws people who want to just chat.

It is NOT compulsory to DATE from here.

If you do not like it on a persons profile, then move on to the next intersting profile, its so simple.

Some people like to try the friends or email option for a while when they are new to online dating and just want to see what goes on.

If you are looking for dationg or longterm then stick to those profiles
 broncsbuff
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 38
Just looking for friends
Posted: 9/26/2010 7:00:18 AM

Some people like to try the friends or email option for a while when they are new to online dating and just want to see what goes on.


and again...to each there own, im just curious how much success they have. I find it interesting they would come to an online dating site, find someone who has the same intrests, take time to get to know them thru email, texting, phone, or whatever communication they use, go hang out a few times, and be "friends"

Your doing all the things you would do even if you were trying to find someone to date. I can just imagine looking at a womans profile and saying the following....

"wow, she is attractive, she loves sports, she has season tickets to the rockies, I have season tickets to the broncos, she plays softball, she plays racquetball, she plays poker, she has all the intrests as I do, I think I will message her to see if she wants to be my friend"

If the above happened why WOULDNT I date her?...I would spend all my energy and time finding someone who I like to NOT want to date ?....

look...to each there own, not for me to judge, I just cant imagine spending my time and effort to find woman I like to NOT want to date ...just saying...
 lostintheshufle
Joined: 11/8/2010
Msg: 39
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/21/2010 8:20:24 PM
Usually people looking for friends are married, secretly married or don't want to hurt someone's feelings when they tell them "I just want you as a friend."
 FyrKrakn
Joined: 2/21/2010
Msg: 40
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/21/2010 9:49:34 PM
Agree in the big picture, disagree in that there are exceptions. Sometimes people are not ready to date, but need to develop new connections. For me, this is one of those rare sites that worked well with my old smartphone, so I hung around when the interest in dating ended. Although new alternatives exist, I guess habit keeps pulling me back here. I still make new acquaintences and sometimes friends here. I rarely find the man who actually wants just a friend, but they exist.
 Fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 41
view profile
History
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/21/2010 10:11:27 PM
Well, you are right about one thing....there really aren't any guys on here looking for friends. I was told that men join dating sites to either get laid or have a relationship.
That seems to be the case. What bothers me is so many men expect to have all that lined up before we even meet. Then if I do meet them, it seems that getting laid or having an instant gf is the agenda. With some guys, it's as if they are saying "I'm on a dating site seeking a relationship and you answered my email, so lets get this relationship going"

I honestly joined this site to meet people and make male friends. It goes without saying that if I spend enough time with a male that I have something in common with, something could develop. But, I don't want any first meet or first date to be about settling an agenda. I just want to meet a new person and see if we click conversationally and get along. Every guy I've met has been about getting to know a new person and I've had no expectations other than that. Where I've had difficulty is that a lot of guys have expressed not wanting to waste their time if "this" isn't going to go anywhere which is sad, putting expectations on an encounter to "go somewhere" kills the chance of it happening.
 terrasauce
Joined: 9/11/2010
Msg: 42
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/21/2010 10:23:46 PM
Don't read chicks' profiles dude. They say all kinds of crap to ward off guys who'll bend to their every whim -- in seduction theory it's called (pardon the French) "shit testing". Just act like you don't care and keep the tone sexual. The few chicks who genuinely aren't for dating (on a dating site...) are just looking for attention. Weed them out quick and you'll be fine, they're easy to spot.
 terrasauce
Joined: 9/11/2010
Msg: 43
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/21/2010 10:26:20 PM
"Well, you are right about one thing....there really aren't any guys on here looking for friends. I was told that men join dating sites to either get laid or have a relationship."

Uh...? Is there some secret third option that dating -- yes, dating -- sites should be used for? We already have trillions of social networks that aren't intended for anything in particular?
 S.O.U.L
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 44
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/21/2010 11:01:52 PM

Agree in the big picture, disagree in that there are exceptions. Sometimes people are not ready to date, but need to develop new connections.



I rarely find the man who actually wants just a friend, but they exist.


Of course you're rarely going to find a man who wants to just be friend....they joined a DATING site to find a a date they will turn into a girlfriend, It boggles mind that their is peoplr=e who join a dating site and then start questioning why people aren't interested in anything but dating.
 FunkTheMillenium
Joined: 7/11/2010
Msg: 45
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/21/2010 11:45:13 PM
well i know im here to either get laid or find a relationship.
 FyrKrakn
Joined: 2/21/2010
Msg: 46
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/22/2010 1:13:14 AM
SOUL, I should have used "encounter" instead of "find" and perhaps should have clarified that I was speaking of the many men who have initiated contact with me who have chosen the looking for option of "friends" and have asserted "friends first" yet the reality was different.

As for your mind being boggled, or others having a whiney tantrum about forum and friend lovers on a "dating" site who "question" that others might actually be NOT looking for what their profile says they are looking for, my mind boggles that this crybaby rant keeps resurfacing. I began using PoF sometime in the late 90's, looking for a date. I see many familiar faces in the forums who have been around for years. PoF has always had the multiple choice options of looking for what, and those wanting something more serious can use these as tools to screen their search.

I have met many interesting acquaintences who have enriched my life, and I have found friends of both genders here, some local, some far away. I have gotten hate mail from men in their initial contact because of my preferences. That boggles my mind.

To all the crybabies who want me, and folks like me, to leave, PoF welcomes us, and has always made room for us. It is not wrong for each to want to do as they are want to do, it is wrong for each to force their wants upon others. I want to be in the forums. I want to meet people in a variety of ways, and this is one of them. I want an activity partner who is local. You want to find what you want to find. My wants do not get in the way of your wants and your wants do not bother me, unless what you want is me while I do not want you. So shut up and look for what you really want (using the screening tools that PoF provides and a few brain cells) and leave me, and those like me, alone.

It ain't rocket science.
 Pilose_Wink
Joined: 11/2/2010
Msg: 47
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/22/2010 5:58:42 AM

well i know im here to either get laid or find a relationship.


Why can’t you have both in one?

I have met many interesting acquaintences who have enriched my life, and I have found friends of both genders here, some local, some far away.


I have too, one of my best friends is a woman who I met on POF a few years ago, we had breakfast together on Saturday. I have since stopped with email long distant friends though, for me, they’re not fulfilling enough and a bit too fantasy like, I like real life interactions with my friends but doing the email friend stint for awhile was a learning experience I’m glad that I tried.
 broncsbuff
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 48
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/22/2010 5:59:38 AM

Where I've had difficulty is that a lot of guys have expressed not wanting to waste their time if "this" isn't going to go anywhere which is sad, putting expectations on an encounter to "go somewhere" kills the chance of it happening.


its not sad its COMMON SENSE. Why in the world would a guy want to waste his time and energy to go out with a female he is ATTRACTED to and have nothing happen?

It tells me that you are dating 5-10 other guys in my same boat, and it might be months or even years for you to "decide" if you want something more out of it. Meanwhile, Im will be attracted to you, will want to boink you, yet you still put the friendship wall up.

there is NOTHING wrong with what your doing..its called dating..I get it. I just find it odd that you find it odd that most guys wont put up with it.

Which goes back to my original point...
a man can ONLY be friends with a woman if the following applies..
1. He is gay
2. He is not attracted to you
3. He is getting sex from someone else he considers better than you

you dont just starting "hanging out" a few times for coffee and all of a sudden you have a friend....
 *army mom*
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 49
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/22/2010 7:14:57 AM
My profile says friends even though I'd ultimately like to find a long term relationship. But I think it's important to like the person before I commit to dating or anything else.
 Fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 50
view profile
History
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/22/2010 7:18:09 AM
I still don't see how anyone can meet a stranger online and expect an immediate relationship. Dating online increases your chances of meeting people and thus of having a relationship but when you meet a stranger you shouldn't be thinking "Oh yeah, here's my bf or gf or I'm getting laid tonight." What I think and what I want the guy to think is "Oh, here's an interesting person, MAYBE this could go somewhere..let's see." I then like to let destiny or nature take it's course. But if a guy comes across as desperate to get laid or to have a gf just to fill some void in his life, then I run.

I don't want to waste anyone's time, but if a guy has a goal of getting laid or having a gf and if that goal is more imp than getting to know who I am, then he's wasting my time as well.
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