|
|
|
|
|
| | Just looking for friendsPage 5 of 7 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7) | ^^^The sign isn't THAT clear. If this was only a dating site and it was mandatory to date to stay here, the options wouldn't include things like "friends" and "hang out". So you can't blame people who want to do just that here when it's an option to choose from.
As soon as the founder of the site eliminates those options so that people who don't want to date have to leave, then I'm sure it'll be much less confusing. Maybe those who aren't happy with those options should address it with that person, not the account members. | |
|
452
| | Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 102 | |
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/26/2010 9:15:29 AM |
Um, maybe folks object for much the same reason they don't like to see the "10 items or less" checkout, glutted with self-centered "others".
Read the sign.... this is an Online Dating Site (duh!), not a penpal or friendship circle! Don't "do" relationships, or just looking for "pals" to chat with?.... there's plenty of other places intended for that.
Ummmmm so maybe you should filter out anyone looking for anything other then long term?No one is forcing you to look at or message people looking for things other then long term.
The things that people get bent out of shape about.Unbelievable! | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/26/2010 9:33:37 AM | | POF is an online dating site overall, but if the site was just all about dating, and relationships, the other options wouldn't exist. | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/26/2010 9:45:29 AM | The things that people get bent out of shape about.Unbelievable!
And then you have the really narcissistic ones that get "bent out of shape", just because others got bent out of shape...!
| |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/26/2010 10:34:19 AM | Ummmmm so maybe you should filter out anyone looking for anything other then long term?No one is forcing you to look at or message people looking for things other then long term.
Anyone who's been here for a couple of months ought to realize the categories are mosty meaningless. I tried to pick the best category for myself which was ``Other Relationship,'' until I realized that lots of women thought ``Dating'' was what I would have called ``Other Relationship'' (possibly) because ``Other Relationship'' is assumed to mean, ``I'll f*ck anything remotely humanoid'' and people are penalized for categorizing themselves that way. My fiancee categorized herself as ``Talk/Email,'' and I was contacted by many women in just about every category, but ``Other Relationship,'' ``Intimate Encounters'' and ``Activity Partner,'' so anyone who puts much faith in those categories to mean much of anything other than``I'm here and will possibly boink you, but decorum matters,'' is very misguided.
No one is forcing you to look at or message people looking for things other then long term.
No, but people who are rather shy or skeptical of meeting someon line, but would date if the right person asked, pick things like ``Friends,'' ``Talk/Email'' and other apparently non-dating categories. The restrictions imposed by the site for picking the most appropriate category (e.g., ``Other Relationship,'' in many cases), encourages people to hide out in various other categories. Finally, except for people who live out in the tundra or are confined to some sort of state imposed communal living quarters, who signs up to be a member of a website that says ``Free Online Dating,'' to look for friends? Surely one can do better than advertising for random strangers to find someone with similar interests if sex is definitely not going to be involved. I actually never ran across anyone in any category who wasn't here to date. The only category I avoided was ``Long Term,'' since they seemed to be way too serious about finding their ``other half.''
I'd expect anyone under ``Friends'' to mean ``I have a ready made excuse for not wanting to boink you if you're a dud when I meet you.''
| |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/26/2010 11:40:18 AM | there are a couple of categories that are pretty clear-others are open to a pretty broad interpretation. Particularly "friends","dating",' "longterm"...how does one develop a longterm relationship without dating,or being friends, or hanging out? I've seen speculation in these forums before that putting "long term" as your goal leads people to believe that you require a marriage proposal in the 2nd email. And,believe it or not, there are men who apparently expect a woman who lists "long-term" to be exclusive after one email...that 'long term' means 'first come first served, I'll do a longterm relationship with ANY likeminded man within the realm of practical and logistical possibility,who deigns to contact me." Hard to believe anybody'd be THAT desperate for a relationship-but just go check out all the varying forms of "I'm a nice guy/womn don't know what they want/why are online women so picky..." well, you get the picture.
If you read a profile and want clarification, ever think about emailing them? Personally I think that the categories ought to be done away with. Do people go into bars, clubs, dances, singles groups, etc and throw a fit because the other people there aren't wearing SIGNS stating their particular desired interaction? Do people who are attracted to one another,who meet in grocery stores, laundromats, bookstores, the DMV/Sec'y of State, reject one another because they didn't meet in a 'correct' setting for dating?
I wanna know when they are going to add the category "looking to make enemies." Think of all the difficult, obnoxious and aggravating people who are on the outside looking in because PoF doesn't have a "looking to make enemies" category. Since people in my demographic tend to have a 70% failure rate for marriages and LTRs, I figured that "looking for LTR" was my best bet but not everyone is prepared to stretch a meaning THAT far.
Cindy O | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/26/2010 12:48:22 PM |  miketheAwesome... You sound like a pretty intuitive smart dude. I think your right for sure. Yeah, I would find it weird to if a man approached me on here saying he's seeking friendship. I do believe most women use the friends line only to indicate to men that their hesitant of geting intimate with you in anyway. Yeah, it's a mind game in a way that what you said is probably rather accurate, that it's sets a preemptive bail out. | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/26/2010 2:49:44 PM | WOW! Not very friendly about the friend’s thing, are we?
They make us pick a box and we check one, simple as that.
I have friends checked and I think it says I’m not actively looking for a relationship. That doesn’t mean I’m absolutely opposed to having one. All that means is my main goal in life right now is not focused on finding a boyfriend/husband.
There are a lot of very busy people on here who don’t have the time or energy a relationship takes and are really just looking for a friend (maybe with benefits, maybe not) to go do things with when time allows. They want it understood upfront that they can’t give you what you want if what you want is a relationship. They are on here because they are too busy to go find it in the real world.
To those seeking long term relationships, what that says to me is you know you are ready to settle down again and be married or live together. I’m not going to rule you guys out either as long as you can understand I have not made that decision yet for myself. If you are willing to take things slow and not push me into a long term relationship before I’m ready for one I’m willing to date you also.
Don’t they say the best way to find love is to stop looking for it? Don’t worry about finding the right one, concentrate on being the right one. So right now I’m doing things that make me happy instead of focusing on looking for someone else to make me happy. So when the right time and the right guy come along I’ll have more to offer than just a void for them to fill.
Until then I’m happy to be your friend (except some of you grouchy/need to get laid people)
Now come on, group hug everyone
 | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/26/2010 3:29:47 PM |
There are a lot of very busy people on here who don’t have the time or energy a relationship takes and are really just looking for a friend (maybe with benefits, maybe not) to go do things with when time allows. They want it understood upfront that they can’t give you what you want if what you want is a relationship. They are on here because they are too busy to go find it in the real world.
Herein lies the confusion. People looking for a relationship they go on dating sites...makes sense. People not looking for a relationship signing up for dating up sites....doesn't make sense. Why not sign up for sites such meetup.com. When you're ready to meet someone for a relationship...why not sign up for a dating site at that point.
People can do what they want....some of us are just want to understand the rationale behind joining a dating when you're not interested in dating (besides forums). | |
|
452
| | Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 110 | |
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/26/2010 3:32:41 PM |
who signs up to be a member of a website that says ``Free Online Dating,'' to look for friends?
Why do you care? Is a man at your house with a gun too? Jeeze it seems like there is a pandemic of men running around with guns,breaking into peoples houses and forcing them to browse profiles on pof in which people are looking for friends.
Let me put it this way.The very thought of one of the choices on here called intimate encounters grosses me out.Meeting a stranger for sex!Yuck!Do I care if other people do it and advertise for it?Not one little bit.If it's not hurting me then it's not my business. | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/26/2010 3:48:58 PM | Do people go into bars, clubs, dances, singles groups, etc and throw a fit because the other people there aren't wearing SIGNS stating their particular desired interaction?
You make a good point, although the problem is, that if folks WERE required to wear a "sign" in a particular place (bar, club, etc.), that's SPECIFICALLY INTENDED FOR PAIRING, would you be surprised to see anyone get a bit cranky if some of the signs were "misleading"?
But actually, I kinda like the earlier idea about maybe adding some new categories. They've already included ones like "Other Relationship" and "Intimate Encounter", so how 'bout adding a couple more, like....
"Can't do a relationship to save my life, but you're welcome to think I might",
or
"Long Term Relationship (but only as long as you 'know your place'... behind my current "relationship" with my dog, cat, horse, gerbil, mom, adult daughter, ex-husband, whatever)"! | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/26/2010 4:11:38 PM | I believe it's one thing to expect this kind of behavior from a three year old but from someone supposedly "grown up", it's just plain sad. I mean why should you NOT extend a hand of friendship out with the intent of becoming more later? Is it too difficult to comprehend that maybe there are some who actually like to make friends or is it your preference that you are attempting to force others to succumb to your ideals? I mean I sort of understand that sometimes it can make things more complicated but then again who wants to be "perfect". What is perfection by the way, to each of you? I think we need to take a step back and ask ourselves what we want and if this is our idea, good if not, then all the more better. We shouldn't have to treat others less than equals, no matter where we are in our stage of Life. If someone deserves our attention, why on earth do babies whine? When it's all said and done it's best to be consistently variable and if you can't wait, please be patient.
  | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/27/2010 9:34:31 PM | | Sure just friends work. But because she is my friend she will do a "fellatio" for me once a week. | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/27/2010 10:00:37 PM | | I love a nice good steak. So, as soon as I can, im going to sign up for a vegetarian site. | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/27/2010 10:51:37 PM |
I love a nice good steak. So, as soon as I can, im going to sign up for a vegetarian site.
Now that's fuuunnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!  | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/28/2010 9:55:45 AM | | Just looking for friend is just that. Personally, I'm on a dating site to meet someone to date and possibly for a LTR. We can also be friends! | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/28/2010 11:03:57 AM | That's fine, but I think the "interesting "part comes after you've both been in the "friends" place for awhile, and one of you (I'm guessing "he") starts wanting things to "progress". But you come back with, "hey, I told you from the start, I only wanted to be 'Friends'!"
| |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/28/2010 11:22:30 AM | "That's fine, but I think the "interesting "part comes after you've both been in the "friends" place for awhile, and one of you (I'm guessing "he") starts wanting things to "progress"."
That's so often used as an argument/excuse'/reason/whatever.......it's too much of an emphasis on labels, IMO. What was spoken of is an imbalance of attraction, that's the situation whether someone stated they wanted to be friends or even were "dating" (whatever the heck that is). People's feelings don't always develop at the same rate or on the same level simultaneously, in fact if and when they do, it's the exception.
From my OWN experience, it's how much someone really wants to get to know someone or not. Really, now, if someone is interested in a long-term serious relationship they can know someone well enough to determine that in a relatively short period of time? I realize time periods are relative, it just seems so many are so rushed and don't give the impression in wanting to get to know but ask a few questions and then act like they're ready to speed into a close, exclusive relationship ASAP.
What is progressing anyway? Getting to know someone better, or getting to know someone intimately? If it's full steam ahead for "sealing the deal" so to speak, that's one of the big reasons that so many relationships end. People find after being together awhile, engaged or even married they find they don't really know the person that well at all. Well duh, wouldn't it be smarter to spend the time on the front end, rather than going full speed into "progressing"? It's the mindset that's what is flawed, IMO. | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/28/2010 2:35:30 PM | Why do you care? Is a man at your house with a gun too?
Exactly. People shouldn't complain that they're not finding many fellow people on a Matchmaking site who have the silly intention of JUST looking for friends. :)
In the end, whether it be on here or Match or any other match-making site, one can put "I'm just looking for friends, nothing more". But they will deservedly get flack for it if they cry out "Why do people not want to be just friends on a match-making site? (cry)".
Here's a better example:
Jane comes onto POF and is happily married. She's joining not the forums, but the Matchmaking site, to meet DUDES... because some guys have kids, too. And she's on to find potential playmates for her kids.
Is she going to be kicked off for displaying that in her profile? No. Should other viewers cry over night about that? No. Does she deserve every bit of flack and laughing at for it? Absolutely. :)
I mean why should you NOT extend a hand of friendship out with the intent of becoming more later?
That is what happens, during a serious initial dating process, during a regular dating process, casual no-expectations dating process, a more-than-friends situation, taking it slow, etc. Every dating situation there's a friendship that occurs. What are you, enemies? :)
There's a huge difference between taking it slow and as this thread subject says: "Just looking for friends". You are NOT just looking for friends if your intent is looking for more than friends. Just looking for friends is entirely different than taking things slow.
"Let's just be friends" = "Just looking for friends". Has a gal you liked or had something going on with ever tell you "Let's just be friends"? Did you take that as meaning "Oh, you mean just not be so serious and just take things slow, right?" No. It means Platonic only. Having an intention of "something" or "something more" negates anything platonic thrown in there. | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/28/2010 5:43:11 PM | | I guess you get what you pay for. There are plenty of paid dating sites. Go to those. | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/28/2010 6:00:49 PM | "I guess you get what you pay for. There are plenty of paid dating sites. Go to those."
Not at all disagreeing, only saying I have many friends who've been on the paid dating sites, even the premium ones and a good friend who paid bookoo bucks for private matchmaking. Not saying there's not a difference, but it's very little. From those I know, it's not ever been "worth it" or produced the advertised "results". | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/28/2010 6:26:58 PM |
Agreed, there are way too many sites out there like Myspace and facebook to make friends that might consider your intentions legit without romantic/sexual motives. Why drown the dating sites with your quest for friends? Or, if all you want is sex, just blurt it out. Don't cover it up, we see through it.
Yeah, because the men who contact me on myspace totally have no problem with me looking for "just" friends and don't message me telling me they wanna *get to know me better*. Facebook is for people who KNOW me, that means people I actually know, or have known, in real life or those rare people I have known for years online (playing word games and whatnot) ~ not random hook-ups or such nonsense. I haven't been on myspace in at least a month... but god help me, I love the forums here.
I have my profile hidden from the general public here on POF and participate in the forums. I have a couple friends I correspond with from time to time. However, my profile clearly shows I am here for friends and it CLEARLY outlines I'm not here for other silly things. | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/28/2010 7:18:57 PM | That's fine, but I think the "interesting "part comes after you've both been in the "friends" place for awhile, and one of you (I'm guessing "he") starts wanting things to "progress". But you come back with, "hey, I told you from the start, I only wanted to be 'Friends'!
If that's the case, then he'd know better the next time not to get involved with a woman only looking for friendship. As a matter of fact, he was probably attracted to her, and wanted something more from the beginning.
Then, of course, you'll get the typical, "But how was he supposed to know that he would have romantic feelings for her?" Which brings me back to, how that should teach him not to go after women only looking for nothing further than platonic friendship.
If the guy is smart, he'll leave if he can no longer accept friendship. | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/28/2010 10:05:21 PM | >If that's the case, then he'd know better the next time not to get involved with a woman only looking for friendship. As a matter of fact, he was probably attracted to her, and wanted something more from the beginning.
Then, of course, you'll get the typical, "But how was he supposed to know that he would have romantic feelings for her?" Which brings me back to, how that should teach him not to go after women only looking for nothing further than platonic friendship.
If the guy is smart, he'll leave if he can no longer accept friendship.
Yup, I agree, time to say "adios" when things are obviously going nowhere.
The trouble is, that unless you're into tossing people like expired milk cartons, realistically the longer we're with someone ("friends" or otherwise), the more of an emotional "investment" we have. So while some folks of the "friends" persuasion may be "enroute" to something more permanent down the line and merit some "patience" & "space", others are just a "sucker bet" to invest anything in, because they're totally incapable of a deeper or more lasting relationship... with anyone, ever.
And worse, I think that type knows who (and what) they are by now, but choose instead to hide behind the "friends" label, yet all the while leaving the impression they "might" be up for something more serious, with the "right "one! The technical term for them is a Narcissist, and psychotherapists will tell you they're notorious for (among other things) manipulating people by being whatever you "wish" to see in them. And if you should fall for it, they'll simply deny all responsibility... "Who me?! I never actually SAID I was who you thought, or that I wanted anything more serious (I only tried to create that impression)!" | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/29/2010 7:17:56 AM |
Why do you care?
I don't. I'm not the person complaining about the categories not being taken seriously. Why are you so defensive?
Jeeze it seems like there is a pandemic of men running around with guns,breaking into peoples houses and forcing them to browse profiles on pof in which people are looking for friends.
Really? I thought men just did that on their own. | |
|
|
|
|
Page
5
of
7 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
|
|
Home
login 
