| | Just looking for friendsPage 6 of 7 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7) | I have activity partner. I have a lot of real life friends far and near, I make friends easily. Finding someone with a similar schedule is a bit ch. Even my coworker I carpool with has two completely different nights off, another coworker has a different schedule but same nights off, so he's nodding off just when I want to grab my *lunch*.
Still, when local guys come on PoF and they have "Activty partner" listed, the first thing I ask os for them to define it. I ask for a definition of "friends" and those who have other things listed, my first exchange with them is to explain that my profile is WYSIWYG, NO CODE.
Several men I know quite well as friends, in nearby cities and locally, have long term or other crap listed, they have headlines and profile about looking for that special one and walks on the beach, etc., and they are totally bogus.
A profile is just a resume for the first meet, not for the whole damn relationship.
Buyer beware. | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/29/2010 7:51:07 AM | because there's always the 'potential' of something else, some kind of miraculous *dah-dah!* and there's a very special friend just discovered...
but that *dah-dah* moment isn't the main focus | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/30/2010 8:14:22 AM | I've been wondering lately about "just looking for friends"...
I think that many of us have been around here so long....going thru:
1) Initial e-mail rejection
2) E-mails discussions fizzling into nothing
3) First date disappointment
4) First date rejection..
5) A short series of dates fizzling into nothing
6) A short series of dates fizzling into rejection
7) Multiple short/long dating/relationships dying on the vine
That we now fear rejection/disappointment/relationship breakups…so much that we’re almost impossible to date anymore…some of us have turned into only friend material…therefore, it's only logical that they only seek friends...while hoping for more.
I see posters old postings from a few years ago…and these posts show humanity. vulnerability, a kindness, an openness that now is missing…some of these people aren’t even friend material…sigh… | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/30/2010 9:07:52 AM | | "Looking for friends" is code for: looking for a way into your pants. | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/30/2010 11:53:28 AM |
realistically the longer we're with someone ("friends" or otherwise), the more of an emotional "investment" we have. So while some folks of the "friends" persuasion may be "enroute" to something more permanent down the line and merit some "patience" & "space"
Yes and no, more notably on that first part. Many times when you TRULY are just friends, folks don't want to ruin an already established friendship with someone to try and make a romantic/sexual relationship out of it. So it can work for or against, not always for... IF one's talking about GENUINELY being just friends.
Secondly, patience & space -- yeah, that's in the sense of taking it too seriously or not. Not rushing into things, which I am not a fan of at all. However, "taking things slow" vs "just being friends" is TOTALLY different. The latter is platonic, the first is not. Sometimes people want to take things SO slow it can be seen as the latter... or think they're just taking thing slow, when really, the other person just wants to be "friends". However, since some folks like to wield the word "friends" in various definitions at different times to suit them the best, it can be confusing and lead to "PLAYING GAMES". So I say to folks who don't like people who "play games" -- stop with the "Friends" BS, unless you are truly not interested in them (and if you "don't know" after the first time or so meeting them, you're not). :)
what we now fear rejection/disappointment/relationship breakups…so much that we’re almost impossible to date anymore…some of us have turned into only friend material…therefore, it's only logical that they only seek friends...while hoping for more.
There are problems with that approach that backfire:
1) You don't go on a MATCHMAKING site to avoid rejection -- you can't start off REALLY as friends -emotionally- when you're going thru a matchmaking process. Thru the matchmaking process (ie not via a pen pal one creates thru forums), one is only expected to meet someone they at least have some attraction to (whether it be focused on wallet, looks, status, etc).
2) Due to #1, if you play the "pretend game" of "just friends", you're causing MORE emotional issues to deal with. People PLAYING GAMES, including yourself. Why? You're on a Matchmaking site. If your issue is running into issues & problems, going into an environment where it STARTS OFF as NON-PLATONIC, you're only creating a contradictory environment at the Core.
It's a feeble attempt at trying to re-create the REAL situation where two people are considered friends and then (possibly) end up dating in a who-would-have-thunk-it situation. You can't have that -- because it's already set at Square 1 that the end-goal is that there is sexual attraction. THUS, you are in a position to be rejected.
The only thing you can do is to make it "lite" (go slow, minimal expectations). If there's any aim or motive that in the end, to be in a more-than-friends situation with someone, you ARE in a situation by definition to be possibly rejected or boy-girl emotional drama. You can't avoid that. People will only get confused if you try to play the "friends" GAME -- there's a huge difference between taking things slow & casual, and actually just being platonic and feeling platonic with ZERO understanding of anyone trying to date the other. | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 7/31/2012 6:38:08 PM | | This is a dating site. POF staff might say different because they want to get as many possible people using it no matter what but they should be grateful for the people who made this site popular, people looking for relationships. Anyone, male or female who states they are just here "looking for friends" need to go somewhere else. Pretty sad if they are already in a relationship and they are on a dating site looking for friends. These people make me sick! | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 4/29/2013 7:35:31 AM | I have been curious about the logic behind this for quite some time now. Good thing I searched this topic before I wrote my rant. I never understood how someone ends up on a DATING site if they are looking for friends. There are sites such as meetup, facebook, meetme, numerous forums, local events and so forth that one could use to meet friends of similar interests... so why... WHY would you choose a dating site as the place to search for friends?
Granted, the site does give the option for friendship... but if I want a good steak I go to a steak house not a seafood restaurant that has one steak dish on the menu. The majority of people here are looking for relationships, dating and or hook ups not friendships. Granted most men will say they are ok with being just friends but lets be honest. The reason they clicked on your profile is not because they saw your picture and said "wow she looks like she would be a great friend". Your profile was clicked on because they found you attractive. Already the basis of a plutonic relationship is out the window.
Friendships can't be forced... they just happen. If you want to say you are open to friends while courting then fine. If you want to say you want build a relationship on the bases of a friendship then ok. I get it... you want your partner to be a friend as well.. but to say you are here ONLY for friendship... come on who are you kidding? There are sites for friends... | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 4/29/2013 7:47:40 AM | I figure the best way to live stress free is not to worry about what others are doing so long as they're not hurting you or anyone else. People here seeking friendships aren't really bothering anyone, so who cares?
Friendships can't be forced... they just happen.
Neither can relationships/dating - they just happen too if they're healthy, but despite this people still try to treat meeting someone like a math formula. | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 4/29/2013 11:03:32 AM |
I never understood how someone ends up on a DATING site if they are looking for friends.
Yeah I know. As you point out, that's not what it's geared for -- other places are. Being just friends can be a by-product of an online Dating site. And it can be a by-product of Speed Dating, too. You don't go to a Speed Dating place looking for a new platonic friend.
to say you are here ONLY for friendship... come on who are you kidding?
I know, it's ridiculous. If that's the case, one would hit up the same gender more often than the opposite gender. This Dating/Matchmaking site's not built for that.
Most people who state they're "only looking for friends" -- aren't really. Many times it's a move to avoid cheating on their girlfriend/boyfriend where they are just wanting to explore their options for a possible Plan B -- which is cheating, but I digress... Of the others, it's their version of 'taking it slow', ie they want to make it clear they don't want the drama of dating or they're not ready to date-date, etc.
If one's "Not Single/Not Looking", they'll select "Friends" under "Looking For", due to a lack of other options. "Friends" otherwise doesn't mean just-friends or an intent for just friends. It's a vague selection, like "Hang Out", in the context of the Matchmaking site to mean you're not looking to Date off the bat -- but yes, your sexual-attraction interest is there if you were to meet. | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 4/29/2013 5:10:41 PM | U know wat it's so true. I don't understand why ppl get on dating websites to make friends.
I mean it is after all a dating website.
I just recently got friend zoned after spending a year "getting to know someone". And honestly I knew it was coming but though hey it might be different.
Meh, watever, that's the first and last time I let a man friend zone me. | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 4/29/2013 6:44:11 PM | | Lol any "man" that falls for "friends" is a fool and deserves everything that comes to him. | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 4/29/2013 7:25:07 PM | defense for Thoes who say they are just looking for friends.
ask them why
ask if they have been sending messages to the same gender
Anyway to go online just to find friends has to be kind of lame. I mean have these people avoided their co workers, class mates, family, and neighbors!? also its very common to see a girl's profile that says friendship only but then she has a strict checklist of things she wants in a potiential boyfriend. in conclusion dating is hard, finding a friend is not. You do not need to go on a site for that | |
|
| |
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 4/29/2013 7:29:51 PM | Dating isn't hard unless you care too much, try too hard, make it a top mission. Finding a decent friend or any other type of relationship is no different - it should happen naturally but some will still try to force it instead.
Again, if it doesn't affect you - and I'm not sure how it would. Why do you care? | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 4/30/2013 8:18:23 AM | when somebody says they are just looking for friends you should really question them like what kind of friends?? or are you just saying that because there is something eles to it..
a straight male IS NOT looking for just a platonic friend on a site some might as well come out an say yes im looking for a f uck buddy because plantonic friends dont kiss rub touch an f cuk so that line is OLD..an im pretty sure they already have enough of those bed buddy friends or atleast 1 in the background so its all bulls hit..
an a straight woman may very well be looking for a friendship while being open to things leading to more with the person if the chemistry is there with him,,or she may not want to scare off a new suitor with relationship talk so wanting to keep it cool as friends is simple..
most of us ladies should know very well by now that most of the time when a guy says friends an fun he does not mean actual friendship like talking about life an going out to the movies,,concerts,,clubs together or meeting each others friends or family members..
hell ive even read in here in the forums from guys saying they dont wanna be friends with a woman whats the point of dealing with her if your not having sex.. | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 5/1/2013 7:18:59 PM | | I would both agree and disagree. I have a profile on another site that I was using to look for a relationship, but now that I'm seeing someone, I still have it up and changed my status, as a possible means of job networking with people in the town where the guy I'm dating lives, in case I move there (that is one of the option on that site though and the only site I've seen with that option). On the other hand, I wouldn't join a dating site just to make friends. It is hard for some people to meet friends in other ways though, so maybe they think it's their only option. | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 5/9/2013 8:19:21 AM | | Id like to make friends because no one has any interest in doing anything romantic with me. | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 5/9/2013 10:52:24 PM | | You sound so cynical. My profile states I'm looking for friendship and that's exactly what I'm looking for. My friends are all married and have families of their own and therefore are busy w/ their lives. While it's true that we communicate (thru Facebook), they can't always make time for me and neither should I burden them by being clingy. A friend of mine who found her husband thru this site had been advising me to join and after resisting the idea for quite sometime, I finally joined a few days ago. I might agree to date someone that I have an interest in but I'd like to form a friendship first thru chatting here. | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 5/10/2013 2:12:16 AM | As someone upthread said, some people (like myself) use it as a "I'm not sure I'm into the whole dating thing but lets see where this goes" code.
It's not that I came to a dating site to make friends, but I changed my profile after a while because it seemed more honest than 'looking for a relationship' when I'm not 100% sure that's what I want.
Is it a cop-out? Maybe. But it's just as easy for people who think we're being wishy-washy to pass on our profiles and move on to someone else, so why does it matter if you come across a 'just friends' profile? | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 5/10/2013 4:01:17 AM | I'm in the same boat as infinity, all my friends are either married and settled with kids, or too far away from me to socialize with.
I would like to make some friends to socialize with before anything else, but neither that nor any kind of dates are happening for me. | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 5/10/2013 6:01:29 AM | I do know people who are genuinely trying to make friends through this site. It seems strange to me. I'd have thought it would make more sense to join a forum around one of your interests, or something of that nature.
As for it being the easy brush-off code, I get that but it seems dishonest and sly, and I tend to avoid anyone who claims to be looking for friends. If you're being dishonest at the outset, it'll only be worse later. | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 5/10/2013 10:30:13 AM |
My profile states I'm looking for friendship and that's exactly what I'm looking for.
If that's Exactly what you're looking for, why are you on a Matchmaking site? Additionally, if that truly is what you're looking for, you're looking for nothing but PLATONIC. Which means what you are doing should be 100% fine with virtually all significant others. So if you had a boyfriend, would he be cool with it? No. So your endeavors are not platonic.
A friend of mine who found her husband thru this site had been advising me to join and after resisting the idea for quite sometime
That shows that (mere) Friendship is Not Exactly what you're looking for. :)
I might agree to date someone that I have an interest in but I'd like to form a friendship first thru chatting here.
Well someone you never met before and you chat isn't a real friendship, let's get that out of the way. What you're looking for pertains to what you're looking for when you first meet up and from then on. Again, a BF isn't going to buy an excuse that you're on a Matchmaking site to "just make a new friendship with the opposite sex". :)
use it as a "I'm not sure I'm into the whole dating thing but lets see where this goes" code.
It goes deeper than that... because date but nothing serious + Hang Out is there. Just because you're not wanting to be DATING right off the bat, doesn't mean you're just friends -- or that it's accurate to merely call it "friends".
but I changed my profile after a while because it seemed more honest than 'looking for a relationship' when I'm not 100% sure that's what I want.
Change it to dating but nothing serious + Hang Out. You're not going to be thought of looking for a relationship.
Is it a cop-out? Maybe. But it's just as easy for people who think we're being wishy-washy to pass on our profiles and move on to someone else, so why does it matter if you come across a 'just friends' profile?
It's a cop-out because you're wanting to wield the term "friends" into whatever meaning suits you on the fly, as all interactions vary, etc. There's nothing wrong with one person you wanting only a fling with, while another person you have a desire to date them at least for a while, while another person you're like "Wow" to right off the bat.
Claiming that you're just looking for "friends" and that's it -- that means platonic. That means a BF wouldn't mind. That means when you meet up with a guy from here, he can hit on the waitress and get her # right in front of you and that won't change anything. | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 5/10/2013 4:11:54 PM | Looking for friends or friends only often means Just looking for attention. Don't get mad if I stop talking to you for no reason. ha!
Anyway if you are desperately looking for platonic friends a dating site is not the place. | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 5/10/2013 6:31:19 PM |
As someone upthread said, some people (like myself) use it as a "I'm not sure I'm into the whole dating thing but lets see where this goes" code.
That is fine, but for people like us that want to date we simply steer clear of people that are looking for friends. There is no uncertainty about dating from my personal feelings rather very sincere. | |
|
| Just looking for friends
Posted: 5/11/2013 4:43:56 AM | It goes deeper than that... because date but nothing serious + Hang Out is there. Just because you're not wanting to be DATING right off the bat, doesn't mean you're just friends -- or that it's accurate to merely call it "friends".
Fair enough, but I think it does vary. The reason I personally was wary of using the 'date but nothing serious' option or even the 'hang out' option was that the last thing I wanted was to make it seem like I was looking for FWB or flings, which is what a great deal of people on this site seem to interpret those two options as.
I wouldn't say I'm looking for friends exactly (it just seemed the least winded way of wording my indecision), it's more that I'm not sure I want to be with someone - whether for dating, a fling, FWB, etc - at all.
If I was messaged by, or came across, someone that pulled me out of my dating 'hesitation', then I would be very upfront with them about taking things slow, and that no, platonic friends is not what I'm seeking from them. I'm not going to lead someone on, because that's not fair to them or me, but putting 'I have no idea if I ever want to date/live with/have sex with/etc someone ever' doesn't seem like the best advertisement, even if it's probably the most honest. | |
|
Home
login 
