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| | What should I do about this girl?Page 2 of 2 (1, 2) |
I would think dude could be himself, and eventually....He'll meet one that is appreciative of how HE is naturally.
well thing is...he is NOT being himself IMO...he has created in his mind what he thinks women want....he's created this idea in his mind that women want a sensitive man that is caring and affectionate and so forth...
which is true at some level-- but NOT when they don't know you. hell, maybe its a good thing you're not super hot, otherwise they might think you're gay.
seriously OP- take a step back and truly be yourself...not this idea of what you think women want. because guess what? its nto been working for you has it?
if you truly were yourself- and that means, like any normal person- you would have no "caring feelings" for people you just met- aside from basic decency and respect for a new friend... | |
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| What should I do about this girl?
Posted: 10/9/2010 8:40:42 AM | So I meet this girl and really start crushing on her.
You summed it up right there dude!
You're not crushing on HER, you're crushing on the FANTASY of her.
You don't really know her enough yet to crush on her. After reading your posts and OT I get the idea that as soon as a girl gives you the slightest opening you are thinking she's the one! It seems very desperate and yes... CLINGY!
You don't have to change who or what you are...just turn the volume down a bit.... okay, a LOT.
Seriously, get a job, part time at least where you're doing sales... preferably to women or one in which you're a hired gun (bartender, bouncer, server etc..).
You need more interactions with women where you can "blow it" repeatedly until interacting with them becomes mundane. Each time you realize you blew it, pass it off as though you MEANT for it to be cheesy and laugh about it!
Get yourself to the point when if a girl/group of girls refers to themselves as hot, the first thing that pops into your head is "that's relative"...
BTW, go through your profile and double check grammar and broken sentences... girls notice that sort of thing....
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| What should I do about this girl?
Posted: 10/9/2010 12:07:13 PM | | Sorry, but that is how I am. I've always been that way... I'm a customer service representive because I'm very kind and care about peoples problems :( not not really sure how to change it. Sorry just had to explain that, I'm naturally this way. I will try your previous advice... Not sure about how to go about doing it. The momment I like someone is the momment the mask starts to fade and the real me starts coming out. | |
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| What should I do about this girl?
Posted: 10/9/2010 12:16:42 PM | Yes, I was crushing on her and not her fantasy, not sure if I mentioned above or not, but I had known her/ hung out with her for a couple of weeks. I almost always fall for the girls I become friends with first. I tried the whole start dating as you're becoimg their friends ad it never worked. However, with the other way I usually ended up in the friend zone... So I don't know anymore... Dating is way to compilcated, I really don't understand how people do it. Part of me wants to just get an apartment in the middle of nowhere and just spend the rest of my days by myself :(
Oh well someone said by the time I'm 30 I'll be much more desirable to women cause they'll have been hurt so bad, had kids, and aged, that a guy like me who would treat them well would be more appricated. | |
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| What should I do about this girl?
Posted: 10/9/2010 1:19:07 PM | Dude, if you're just going to react to advice by saying "sorry that's just how I am" then Why ask for advice? Is this just a pity thread then?
If you're crushing on someone that you've only known for a few weeks then it's DEFINITELY the FANTASY of her that you're into... you DON'T know her yet...
I almost always fall for the girls I become friends with first.
This shows desperation.... you're crushing on every girl that gives you the time of day!
Oh well someone said by the time I'm 30 I'll be much more desirable to women cause they'll have been hurt so bad, had kids, and aged, that a guy like me who would treat them well would be more appricated.
So... you're gonna dismiss all of the good advice THAT YOU ASKED for to just wait to until you can find someone more damaged/pathetic than yourself?
Personally, I think you should man-up and work on your self esteem so can be the decent man you know you can be and attract a decent woman that you'd then deserve.
BTW working on yourself just to attract a woman will be fruitless.... you need to work on yourself for YOU! The attraction will be the bonus for becoming a better man... and you'll look back on these women that overlooked you and wonder what you saw in many of them in the first place.
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| What should I do about this girl?
Posted: 10/9/2010 1:46:32 PM | Obviously everyone wants or should want someone to like them for who they are, but that isn't to say that people don't have any room for improvement.... A person who's very closed off and reserved has just as much work to do as someone who's over the top and too forthcoming. You need to find some middle ground.... You need to change your attitude towards dating.
You said you dated her for two weeks, TWO weeks. After dating for a month, you're still not "in a relationship." Two weeks is NOT not not enough time to get to know someone. If it were me and a guy was acting like that, I would feel that he's not as much into ME--as a person--as he is into being with SOMEONE. You might've been digigng the girl, but it's this idea of a relationship that you're REALLY into.
It's the desperation that's getting in the way. It's what makes you come on too strongly. We, women often have an instinct for things (whether we always listen to it is another thing) and we also have to protect ourselves. A guy who's overly forwards or who comes on too strong puts us a bit in defense mode. It's great to behave the way you are once you've established that you're a great guy who can be trusted. But if a girl just met you and has only been out with you a couple times, she doesn't know your intentions, doesn't have that trust. Her instincts will tell her to run... Whether or not that's a "game", I don't really know. But it's a part of dating... Timing is everything, not just in dating, even, but in everything--sports, art, music... anything. The same exact act, done at the wrong time, can lose the game, mess up the flow of a song, ruin the intended look of a piece of art....
Don't think of yourself of a lost cause. You're absolutely not. TONS of people, men and women, are in your position... Lost of people have changed a little natural tendency because sometimes thos natural tendencies do you more harm than good.... And honestly, I don't think that you'll even attract the right type of women if you don't demolish your desperation. Who you'll find is a desperate woman... and you'll see at that moment, it's not very becoming. | |
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| | Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 34 | |
| What should I do about this girl?
Posted: 10/9/2010 4:28:28 PM | The woman told you upfront that she didn't want a relationship and only wanted to date,so why did you keep seeing her if you could not accept that? Can you see how you brought this misery on yourself?
Your young yet.You'll get over this trust me.Concentrate on your school right now rather then on relationships. | |
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| What should I do about this girl?
Posted: 10/13/2010 8:46:07 AM | I almost always fall for the girls I become friends with first. I tried the whole start dating as you're becoimg their friends ad it never worked.
Ding! We have a winner. In all likelyhood that strategy will never work. (I'm sure there will be a few outliers, but the outliers are anomalies, not a basis for a good general strategy.) In the 25+ years I've been dating, I have never ended up in a relationship with a woman with whom I had become friends first. Every relationship I've had was predicated on the physical and sexual attraction present from the time we fisrt saw or talked to each other. I've also been contacted on pof by women who put ``friends first'' in their profiles and when I wrote back to tell them I didn't do ``friends first,'' their responses were always that they didn't either, but included it in their profiles to try to cut down on guys hitting on them sex only. So, I think it's safe to assume thatunless there is sexual tension between two people from the start, you aren't going to be anything but friends.
Dating is way to compilcated, I really don't understand how people do it.
It's complicated only because you are using a complicated strategy to achieve something which can be achieved much more simply, especially online. When you get a conversation going with a woman, make sure you make your sexual interest in her known. (I don't mean telling her you want to boink her, either. She will assume you wouldn't be talking to her unless that was in the back of your mind somewhere.) You can get the sexual interest across in a way that is both witty and subtle enough to create sexual tension in your conversations. Online, you can afford to practice a lot without alienating your entire dating pool, no matter how many times you go a little overboard. Trust me, it's not that hard to figure out and you can say just about anything if you choose your words carefully.
Don't be afraid to be sexual. That's what seperates dating from hanging out with your buddies. If you want to date someone and get into a relationship, you have to make sure she understands that your interest is not being just friends and that being just friends is not an option. If your friendship is valuable, then you have to put a value on it, which in this case is her sexual interest. If you don't do that up front, you'll become valuable as a friend while she dates guys who act like they want her in a sexual way up front.
Oh well someone said by the time I'm 30 I'll be much more desirable to women cause they'll have been hurt so bad, had kids, and aged, that a guy like me who would treat them well would be more appricated.
Only if your idea of desirable doesn't include sexually desirable. You'll be desirable as a means to an end by a woman who is there because you're a good a provider, not because she's warm for your form. Don't confuse being nice with not being sexual. You can be sexual and be nice very easily, especially if you really are nice.
This shows desperation.... you're crushing on every girl that gives you the time of day!
Yes and even though it's somewhat irrational and counter-intuitive, the ability to walk away from someone who interests you if you find her interest isn't adequately reciprocated is the most effective way to generate that interest. | |
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