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| | more blonde jokesPage 15 of 25 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25) | A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What’s up?" he says. "I’m having a heart attack," cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he’s dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted’s hiding in your closet and he’s got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.
"You rotten scoundrel," says the husband, "my wife’s having a heart attack and you’re running around naked scaring the kids." | |
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Posted: 6/20/2011 11:57:43 PM | Halftime- that's funny! Noones making this stuff up! ;)
You know a blonde sent a fax because it has a stamp
On it!
Basiate: welcome to the blonde jokes and thank
You for your post!
Q: Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?
A: The noise gave her a headache. | |
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Posted: 6/22/2011 2:59:13 AM | Why was the blonde disapointed when she got her driver's license?
Because she got an F in sex | |
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Posted: 6/22/2011 3:20:29 AM | Why did the blond do the blond?
Saved time.
And it felt better. | |
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Posted: 6/22/2011 8:22:04 AM |
Why was the blonde disapointed when she got her driver's license?
Because she got an F in sex
Two blonde city gals attending college rented a country cabin from a farmer for the summer. When they asked the farmer what he did with his garbage, he told them that he fed it to his pigs. So, they proceeded to buy a small porker for the reasonable price of $25.
Over the summer, they fed the porker their garbage, and the pig got bit and fat.
When the summer ended, the two girls wanted to sell the pig before they went back to school. Since it had done its job well, they went to the farmer to see if he was interested. "How much do you want for it?" the farmer asked.
One of the girls replied, "Well, we bought the pig new for $25 and now it's used. So you can have it for $15." | |
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Posted: 6/22/2011 10:26:11 PM | Blonde at Football Game
A guy decides to bring his new blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game.
She replies: "Oh it was great, I loved watching those men in tight clothes, but there is one thing I don't understand."
"What did you not understand ?"
And the blonde says: "Well, at the begginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. Then the rest of the game everybody was yelling get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back. So I thought to myself, gosh it's just a quarter!" | |
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Posted: 6/22/2011 10:29:46 PM | I'm bored sowrite so it is a 2-fer nite!
The Circle
A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does. The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she's laughing. He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down. He demands, "What's so funny?" She says, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!" | |
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Posted: 6/22/2011 10:32:19 PM | OK, this early in the morning (12:30) and I lied....I have 3.
A plane is on its way to Detroit when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section.
The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class because that's the type of ticket she paid for.
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."
After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the****it and informs the pilot and co-piolet that there's a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat. The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, "I'm blonde, I'm beatiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."
The co-pilot returns to the****it and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde." He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.
"I told her first class isn't going to Detroit." | |
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Posted: 6/22/2011 10:33:24 PM | ^^^ good one. I tried to have a come back about the nickel back but it's too late . Ha
Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor. | |
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Posted: 6/22/2011 10:36:13 PM | Oooo it's never too late, just a bit early...
Ventriloquist
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor!" The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little shit on your knee." | |
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Posted: 6/22/2011 10:39:35 PM | As you can see I have time on my hands.
NASA Experiment
A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets. First, they called the brunette in and asked her a question.
"If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want to go to and why?"
After pondering the question she answered, "I would like to go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet."
They said "well okay, thank you." And told her that they would get back to her.
Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her the same question. In reply, "I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings." Again, "thank you" and they would get back to her.
Finally, the blond entered the room and they asked her the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead. She thought for a while and replied, "I would like to go to the sun."
The people from NASA replied, "why, don't you know that if you went to the sun you would burn to death?"
The blond smirked and put her hands on her hips. "Are you guys dumb? I'd go at night!" | |
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Posted: 6/22/2011 10:42:14 PM | Last one and I gotta snooze to get up at 5am for the gym...
Alligator shoes
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.
She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.
Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank.
Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement.
Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back. Frustrated, she shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!" | |
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Posted: 6/23/2011 7:28:58 AM | Blonde: "Now what do I do?"
Tech Support: "What is the prompt on the screen?"
Blonde: "It's asking for 'Enter Your Last Name'."
Tech Support: "Okay, so type in your last name."
Blonde: "How do you spell that?" | |
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Posted: 6/24/2011 2:32:32 AM | A blonde went to buy a Pizza and after ordering, the assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!" | |
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Posted: 6/24/2011 2:37:00 AM | Blonde and Sheepherd
Once upon a time there was a blonde with long hair, blue eyes, she was sick of all the blonde jokes.
One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair.
She also went out and bought a new convertible.
She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep.
She stopped and called the sheepherder over.
"That's a nice flock of sheep.", she said.
"Well thank you.", said the herder. "Tell you what. I have a proposition for you.", said the woman.
"Okay.", replied the herder.
"If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?", asked the woman. "Sure.", said the sheepherder.
So, the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, "382".
"Wow.", said the herder. "That is exactly right.
Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home."
So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car.
Upon watching this, the herder approached the woman and offered, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you".
"What is it?", queried the woman.
"If I can guess the real color of your hair... can I have my dog back?" | |
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Posted: 6/24/2011 3:26:25 PM | Horrific Accident
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth." | |
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Posted: 6/24/2011 4:08:20 PM | Q: Why did the blonde have square boobs?
A: Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
That's too funny ;p | |
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Posted: 6/25/2011 11:46:38 AM | Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men.
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Posted: 6/28/2011 12:28:39 PM | She was so blonde...
She got stabbed in a shoot-out.
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
She told me to meet her at the corner of 'walk' and 'don't walk'.
She tried to put M&Ms in alphabetical order.
She tried to drown a fish.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
If you gave her a penny for intelligence, you'd get change back.
They had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
Under 'education' on her job application, she put 'Hooked On Phonics.'
She tripped over a cordless phone.
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
At the bottom of the application where it says 'sign here', she put 'Sagittarius.'
She asked for a price docket at the Dollar Store.
If she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
She studied for a blood test... and failed.
She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
She thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
She thought she needed a ticket to get on Soul Train.
She sold the car for gas money. | |
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Posted: 6/28/2011 1:24:32 PM | ^^^ Those are funny! ( Now please tell me you didn't make any of those up lol)
A blonde hurries into the hospital emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. "How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.
"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.
"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting off the tip of your finger?"
"No, silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought, 'I just paid $6000 for these boobs. I'm not shooting myself in the chest'."
"So, then?" asked the doctor.
"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3000 to my teeth straightened. I'm not shooting myself in the mouth'."
"So, then?" asked the doctor.
"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought, 'This is going to make a loud noise,' so I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."
"And THAT is how you shot yourself in the finger? "Yes," she replied.   | |
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Posted: 6/29/2011 6:23:33 PM | Q: How do blonde brain cells die ?
A: Alone.
Q: A blonde is going to London on a plane. How can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her that all of the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Q: Why do blondes wear earmuffs?
A: To avoid the draft. | |
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Posted: 6/30/2011 4:01:07 AM | Why did the Blonde sit on the pub roof?
Cos she thought drinks were on the house!  | |
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Posted: 6/30/2011 12:28:00 PM | ^^^ good one !
Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
A2: So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home. | |
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Posted: 7/1/2011 4:49:04 PM | Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks. | |
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Posted: 7/2/2011 9:50:41 AM | Last week, I stopped to pick up some Kentucky Fried Chicken and decided I would buy two "Family Specials." I asked the young blonde lady for one regular and for one extra-crispy.
The blonde teenager replied that she could not do that. She explained that they were pushing their regular, so she could not sell a whole bucket of extra crispy. "But," she added, "I can make it half and half."
"You mean you can sell me a whole family dinner with half regular and half extra-crispy, and also sell me another just like it?" I asked.
"Yes," she replied brightly. And so she did. | |
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