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| | more blonde jokesPage 2 of 25 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25) | Q. What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A. 144 blondes. | |
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Posted: 10/27/2010 6:24:40 PM | Back in the old Wild West, there were two blonde cowpokes, Jeff and Dave. One day, the two were enjoying a strong drink in the local saloon, when a man walked into the bar with an Indian's head under his arm.
The barman shakes his hand and says, "I hate Indians, last week they burnt my barn to the ground, assaulted my wife and killed my children."
He then says, "If any man brings me the head of an Indian, I'll give him one thousand dollars." The two blondes looked at each other and walked out of the bar to go hunting for an Indian. They were walking around for a while when suddenly they saw one; Jeff threw a rock which hit the Indian right on the head. The Indian fell off his horse, but landed seventy feet down a ravine.
The two blondes made their way down the ravine where Dave pulled out a knife to claim their trophy. Suddenly, Jeff said, "Dave, take a look at this." Dave replied, "Not now, I'm busy." Jeff tugged him on the shoulder and says, "I really think you should look at this." Dave said, "Look, you can see I'm busy. There's a thousand dollars in my hand." But Jeff was adamant.
"Please, Dave, take a look at this." So Dave looked up and saw that standing at the top of the ravine were five thousand red Indians. Dave just shook his head and said, "Oh my God, we're going to be millionaires!" | |
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Posted: 10/28/2010 8:37:38 PM | After a bizarre cliff side accident, all eleven members of the women's outing found themselves hanging perilously from a rope over the edge of the cliff. Ten of the women were blondes and one was a brunette. After dangling there for a only a short while it became obvious that the rope would not hold all their collective weight. They decided that to prevent the rope snapping and killing them all, one of them must sacrifice themselves and let go, to save the others.
Well they talked about it for a while but no-one could decide a fair way of of choosing who should jump. Finally, the brunette, exasperated by the indecisiveness of the blondes, could see that if nobody acted soon the rope was going to snap.
To save the others she bravely decided that it must be her who made the sacrifice. She plucked up a little courage and told the others that she would jump to save them.
After giving a short but very moving speech that she hoped would be remembered after she'd gone, the blondes were so moved that they all started clapping! | |
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Posted: 10/30/2010 4:21:04 AM | so thats why i thought all the years i was carzy. now i have been blaming it on age. and all time it is becase i am blonde.        | |
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Posted: 10/31/2010 1:03:37 PM | Crazy is relative Dixie. ;)
You've just gotta have fun in life. :) | |
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Posted: 10/31/2010 1:07:15 PM | New prefix
If blondes and bimbos were the same thing, the prefix 'bim' could be used to create new words that describe them:
Bimbabble - noises coming from a group of blondes
Bimbaffled - constant mental state of blondes
Bimbait - short skirts, sheer blouses, string bikinis or other clothing worn by blondes in an attempt to attract the attention of males
Bimbar - a bar where blondes hang out wearing bimbait
Bimbag - a blonde's purse
Bimbrushes - essential equipment in a bimbag
Bimbastic surgeon - specialist in breast enhancements for blondes
Bimbeeper - special instrument used as a homing device for lost blondes
Bimbellow - sound emanating from a blonde after she finally got the most recent blonde joke she heard
Bimbillion? - a blonde giving an estimate of anything
Bimblaze - the result of a blonde trying to cook
Bimblues - a blonde's state of mind after her latest boyfriend ditched her
Bimboette - a young blonde
Bimbonese - language spoken by blondes, largely unintelligible to anyone else
Bimbonique behavior - airhead behavior, unique to blondes
Bimboozle - to fool a blonde
Bimbore - a blonde who uses "like" more than 10 times in a sentence
Bimbozo - another name for a blonde
Bimboron - a blonde even less intelligent than most other blondes
Bimbrownie - a well-tanned blonde
Bimbrunette - a blonde who dyes her hair brunette, usually to appear smarter than she actually is
Bimburden - blonde carrying too many bags at the mall | |
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Posted: 10/31/2010 11:36:52 PM | Your version of bimbait is not quite right...
Bimbait = cash.
Its what attracts bimbos most efficiently.
Size does matter... size of the wallet. | |
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Posted: 11/1/2010 10:21:53 AM | ^^^good one. thanks for sharing.
blonde sex jokes:
Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.
Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!
Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
A: The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?"
The nympho says, "Are you done already?"
The blonde says, "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige." | |
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Posted: 11/4/2010 5:35:44 PM | AT WORK BLONDE JOKES
Q: Why did the blonde nurse bring a red marker to work?
A: In case she had to draw blood!
There were three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde. They all worked together at an office.
Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that today when the boss left, they would all leave early too.
The boss left and so did they. The Brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The Red Head went home to get in a quick work out before her dinner date. The Blonde went home and walked into the bedroom. She opens the door slowly and saw her husband in bed with her boss, so she shut the door and left.
The next day, the Brunette and the Red Head are talking about going home early again. They ask the Blonde if she wants to leave early again.
"No," she says, "yesterday I nearly got caught!"
Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!
Q1 How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out. | |
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Posted: 11/5/2010 4:38:12 PM | Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
A: To avoid the draft.
Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?
A: Because the can said "concentrate" on it.
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday. | |
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Posted: 11/6/2010 8:18:59 AM | Q: How do you make a blonde's brain the size of a pea?
A: Inflate it.
Q: Why did the blonde lie down on her stomach in the middle of a written exam?
A: The bottom of the first test page said 'please turn over'.
A guy who broke out of prison was busted while he has doing his blonde girlfriend. The headline read:
"Convict no longer on the loose" | |
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Posted: 11/6/2010 8:43:43 AM | Wolf: Those are great! Thanks for sharing!  | |
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Posted: 11/6/2010 8:50:01 AM | blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it."
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next." | |
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Posted: 11/8/2010 12:31:27 PM | Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.
Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block. | |
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Posted: 11/10/2010 8:18:31 AM | There are three girls going to a water park for the day. One is brunette, one is a redhead and the last is a blonde. When they get to the park, they see a Magic Wishing Slide. They decide to give it a go.
The brunette is the first to go down the slide. She yells 'Monneeeeeeeey!!!'. When she shoots out of the end of the slide, she lands in a pool of money.
The redhead is next. She slides down and
yells 'Chocccollate!!!'. When she shoots out of the end, she landed in a pool of chocolate.
The blonde slides down screaming 'WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!'. When she shoots out of the end, she lands in a pool of... | |
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Posted: 11/10/2010 8:02:03 PM | A blonde and a brunette are sitting together in the beauty parlor late Thursday afternoon.
The brunette says, "Oh, I'm so disappointed! My boyfriend just gave me a big bouquet flowers, and I know what that means.
The blonde, confused, shakes her head and replies, "What does it mean?"
The brunette laughs and says, "Oh Sweetie - it means I'll be spending the whole weekend with my feet in the air!"
The blonde, still with a puzzled look on her face, says: "Don't you have a vase???" | |
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Posted: 11/12/2010 5:38:36 AM | Thanks for sharing deerclan. Another good one!
How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?
Scroll down ----->
<------ Scroll up | |
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Posted: 11/12/2010 7:16:16 PM | "How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?"
OK, I've been trying this for three hours now (minus a potty break). Is something supposed to show between those lines? | |
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Posted: 11/13/2010 8:15:25 PM | Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
This was just struck me right- | |
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Posted: 11/15/2010 6:54:10 AM | 'Tis the season:
Two blondes decided that this Christmas they wanted to cut down their own Christmas tree. So they drove two hours into the country and walked deep into the woods to find the perfect Christmas tree. They had planned the trip well, especially considering that they were blond. They were dressed warmly with boots, warm coats and hats. They had a chain saw, hatchet, a bag to protect the tree and rope to drag it back to their car. Every detail was covered.
They searched and searched. They had gone to all this trouble, nothing but the prefect tree would do. They searched for hours through knee deep snow and biting wind. Finally, five hours later with the sun beginning to go down, one blonde says to the other, "I can't take this anymore. I give up! There are hundreds of beautiful trees out here. Let's just pick one whether it's decorated or not!" | |
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Posted: 11/15/2010 11:00:55 AM | these are HIL-AIR-E-OUS, Sowrite!!!
are you a professional comedian ???
I'm one of the quiet many who have been enjoying your talents!!! sadly, I can't remember jokes! | |
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Posted: 11/15/2010 6:21:07 PM | Thanks Molly Maude :)
No, I'm just a blonde who likes to laugh at herself and the fact that people give us a hard rap. Life's a blast if one allows it and causes it to be!
I don't remember a lot of jokes either--I get them from friends, the internet, etc- pull a few from memory and share new ones I hear. Glad you're enjoying them!
Here's one for you:
A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet."
So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."
The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!" | |
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Posted: 11/17/2010 11:34:03 AM | A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders she would need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari." | |
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Posted: 11/22/2010 3:33:49 PM | Q: What do blondes and computers have in common?
A: You don't appreciate either of them until they go down on you.
Q: What is the blonde mating-call?
A: I'm so drunk. | |
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