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| | more blonde jokesPage 22 of 25 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25) | Why did the blonde resolve to have only three children?
Because she read that one child out of every four born was Chinese.
LOL :modhammer: | |
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Posted: 12/4/2011 7:57:16 PM | Wow, I can't believe you're going on 22 pages of blonde jokes and nobody posted my favorite one:
How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one. She holds up the light bulb and waits for the world to revolve around her.
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Posted: 12/7/2011 6:25:20 AM | Ouch lol. Thanks for the joke. I've enjoyed the thread but it would be great if more people contributed, so I appreciate your post.
Returning home from work, a blonde was astonished to see that she had been robbed. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, and then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned,"I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman! | |
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Posted: 12/8/2011 8:09:07 PM | The UFO
A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft. As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with shock, his young blond attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank and waved to the two aliens as they took off. "Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally uttered.
"Yeah," said the blond attendant. "So?"
"Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"
"Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"
"Don't you know what 'UFO' means?!"
The blonde attendant rolled his eyes. "Good grief, boss! I've been
working here for six years. Of course I know what 'UFO' means
'Unleaded Fuel Only.'" | |
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Posted: 12/9/2011 8:31:27 AM | I have read several pages of your jokes. They are great. Here is one that I haven't read on here.
A blonde, a brunette,and redhead were standing around talking. The brunette decided to leave. She came back the next day dragging a deer behind her.The blonde and redhead ask where she got that deer. She said "Simple, I bought a gun,followed some tracks, shot the deer,and drug it back." The redhead said she wanted to give it a try.so she left. The next day she showed up dragging a deer behind her. The blonde asked her where she got the deer.She said "Simple, I did the same thing as the brunette.I bought a gun,followed some tracks,shot the deer and drug it back." The blonde said that she was going to give it a try.She then left the other two. The next day the brunette and redhead heard that the blonde was in the hospital. They went to see her there and found her covered in abody cast.They asked what happened to her.She said "Simple,I decided to do like you gals did.So I bought a gun,followed some tracks, and ............
got hit by a train. | |
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Posted: 12/9/2011 8:43:47 AM | | A couple of blondes went hunting. One of the blondes ccidently shoots his buddy while out in the woods.He drags him to his truck and hauls him to the E.R.at the nearest hospital.After several hours of trying to save the guy, the Dr. tells his bubby the bad news about his hunting partner. The told him that they might have been able to save him if he hadn't field dressed him. | |
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Posted: 12/11/2011 6:49:49 PM | shakeitupbaby... thanks for all your contributions... I think I love you after reading all of your posts 
Seriously, I have a website I have created from scratch (on my profile) that is all about comedy so I agree that laughter is important in life. Keep you the good work! | |
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Posted: 12/12/2011 5:43:57 AM | Mcyoung- thanks so much for the contributions. Funny that they're both hunting jokes. Check this one out-
Two guys go hunting and one guy accidentally shoots himself. His blonde buddy dials 911 and says ," help, my friends been shot in a hunting accident ."
The emergency operator asks if he's sure he's dead.
He asks her to hold on a minute and she hears a gunshot.
The blonde gets back on the phone and says he is now.
Laugh: thank you for the sweet message :)
Isn't is great to help people laugh or to have a better day??!!
I looked at your profile and there's no web link. Good for you for sharing some humor. | |
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Posted: 12/12/2011 5:55:02 AM | Horseride
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no
lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the
horse immediately springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins
to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but
cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around
the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.
The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try
and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become tangled
in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding
hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments
away from unconsciousness when the Wal-Mart manager runs out
to shut the horse off. | |
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Posted: 12/13/2011 12:52:13 PM | Two blonde farmers are walking down different ends of a street toward each other and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey, Tommy Ray, what'cha got in th' bag?"
"Jus' some chickens."
"If I guess how many there are, can I have one?"
"I'll give you both of them."
"OK. Ummmmm......, five?"  | |
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Posted: 12/13/2011 11:25:42 PM | A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up. One is a good looking blonde guy in his mid- twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde about the same age.
The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you both better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment - a chair, a whip, and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"
The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her, so she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.
The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them, and then rests his head at her feet.
The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He remarks, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the young man and asks, "Can you top that?"
"No problem," replies the young man, "just get that lion out of the way." | |
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Posted: 12/17/2011 10:51:50 AM | Twins
An unmarried woman is newly pregnant and gets into an auto accident. She suffers a head injury and lapses into a coma for nine months. When she awakens in the hospital, she panics and asks about her baby.
Her doctor is called in and gives her a mild sedative, then he sits down to answer her questions. "I'm so happy to see you recovering", he says. The woman responds, "Thank you doctor, but what about my baby? Is everything all right?" He replies, "Yes, despite your injury, we were able to perform a fairly normal delivery procedure."
"In fact," he goes on, "you've given birth to twins - a boy and a girl."
The woman is very happy and asks when she can see her new babies. The doctor replies, "Right away, but we've already sent the infants home with your brother. We'll call and tell him you're okay. While you were unconscious, your brother took care of everything for you. He even gave the babies names."
At this point, the woman gets upset, "Doctor, my brother is a blonde and he's not very bright. What name did he give my little girl?" The doctor answered that her name was Denise. "Oh, Denise, that's not so bad. What name did he give my boy?" The doctor answered, "Denephew". | |
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Posted: 1/4/2012 6:35:47 AM | What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
An Italian suppository. | |
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Posted: 1/24/2012 10:35:14 PM | Speaking of affirmative action, I appreciate your persistence in this topic will help level the playing field soon. I know it's all in good fun, but I think it's about time we substitute something non-discriminatory for blonde (which some consider sexist and racist), or better yet be impartial to their background.
Oh and there is a joke embedded in my subtext... didn't want my reply to kill the mood of this forum topic. | |
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Posted: 1/31/2012 3:00:15 PM | As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.
The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.
When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.
Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.
At the third red light, the same thing happens again.
All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light.
When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde.
He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says..."Hi, my name is Mark, it's winter in Wisconsin, and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!" | |
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Posted: 2/1/2012 5:22:15 PM | radiatelife: you can't kill the mood because I don't get your joke. I'm kidding
Thanks for the post. Cute joke.
Since I'm blonde I don't see it as being discriminatory ;)
And ditto since I poke fun at everyone equally. ;)
IRISH: HA
Nice to hear from you.
Backatcha:
Two TouristsTwo tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee. "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiing." | |
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Posted: 2/1/2012 5:25:20 PM | Laugh to stay young: just saw your post. Thanks so much for the kind comments and good to know these jokes can help you laugh.
Kudos on the comedy you're posting. | |
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Posted: 4/11/2012 8:51:08 AM | My former user names were shakeitupbaby2012- and artist-
I'm continuing this thread and all contributions are welcomed. :)
I'm sharing Rodney Dangerfield jokes- wasn't he blonde? ;)
I think he was hilarious and great at poking fun at himself. Enjoy.
Best of Rodney Dangerfield
A girl phoned me the other day and said .... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.
If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all
And we were poor too. Why if I wasn't born a boy.... I'd have nothing to play with.
During sex my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
Its been a rough day. I got up this morning , put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.
One day as I came home early from work ..... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said "Because you came home early."
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."
My mother had morning sickness -- after I was born
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Once when I was lost I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said "I don't know kid, there are only so many place they can hide.
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking how big I'd get.
I went to see my doctor. I said "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect. "
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. | |
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Posted: 4/11/2012 9:30:14 PM | | I was blonde and am studying for a PhD so ner to you all :P | |
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Posted: 4/16/2012 10:25:46 AM | ^^^It's a humor forum that I, a blonde, started in part to poke fun at myself and just too have f-u-n and share some laughs. Intelligence doesn't limit us in those abilities. :)
NEWSFLASH: Blonde girl fired from Banana plantation for throwing out all the bent ones. | |
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Posted: 4/16/2012 11:46:47 AM | ^^^It's a humor forum that I, a blonde, started in part to poke fun at myself and just too have f-u-n and share some laughs. Intelligence doesn't limit us in those abilities. :)
Sowrite, I cannot believe you pick on blonde women :o/
Yeppers...the smart ones laugh at themselves and much of what is around them. | |
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Posted: 4/16/2012 4:07:27 PM |
Sowrite, I cannot believe you pick on blonde women :o/
Gotta have my fun somewhere. ;))
Good to hear from you. How are things going Irish? Well, I hope.
Q: Why couldn't the blonde manage to make Ice-Cubes?
A: She couldn't find the recipe. | |
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Posted: 4/16/2012 7:20:22 PM | | the one with the mercedez benz really got me laughing haha | |
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Posted: 4/17/2012 3:57:03 AM | ^^^Hey, you should contribute a joke :)
Glad the joke had you laughing.
She was so blonde that...
...On the bottom of the job application where it said 'Sign Here' she wrote 'Aquarias'. | |
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Posted: 4/17/2012 6:59:31 AM | Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out. They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out.
After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others "I think the best way to call for help is by yelling together."
The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly "Together, together, together." | |
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