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| | more blonde jokesPage 23 of 25 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25) | There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.
If you told a lie it would suck you in.
One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.
The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.
Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in. | |
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Posted: 4/17/2012 10:03:33 AM | ^^^ good ones. ha.
She was so blonde that...she told me to meet her on the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk".
Ha- this one is for pofer's who are looking to meet someone from here on a first date. | |
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Posted: 4/17/2012 12:32:30 PM | A blonde went to buy a Pizza and after ordering, the assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!" | |
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Posted: 4/17/2012 5:00:55 PM | | There were two blondes going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer. A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though. One of the blondes says "If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day" | |
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Posted: 4/18/2012 1:12:25 PM | Two blonde men were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in.
The other blonde guy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"
The first explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed TOWARD me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the HOUSE, then I nail it in!"
The second blonde guy got completely upset and yelled, "You MORON! The nails that are pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the OTHER side of the house!" | |
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Posted: 4/19/2012 3:27:41 PM | | An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess; the route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!" | |
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Posted: 4/19/2012 3:34:45 PM | | A young man finally won a date with a blonde female of somewhat questionable morals who lived in his apartment complex. In preparation for his big date, the young man went up on the roof of his apartment in order to tan himself. In doing so, the man fell asleep naked on the roof and managed to get a sunburn all over. This man was determined not to miss his date so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze. The man treated his date to a home cooked meal and afterwards, they went into the living room to watch a movie. During the movie, the sunburned privates started to hurt him. He asked to be excused and immediately went into the kitchen, poured cold milk into a tall glass. He then placed his sunburned member into the milk glass and experienced a relief of his pain. In the meantime, the blonde was wondering what he was doing so she wandered into the kitchen and found him in this situation. When she seen him, the blonde exclaimed "I always wondered how you guys loaded those things." | |
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Posted: 4/23/2012 5:31:22 PM | Two blonds are waiting at a bus stop.
When a bus pulls up and opens the door, one of the blonds leans inside and asks the bus driver: "Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?"
The bus driver shakes his head and says, "No, I'm sorry."
Hearing this, the other blond leans inside, smiles, and twitters: "Will it take ME?" | |
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Posted: 4/24/2012 7:20:42 AM | Two blonde robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, "I hear sirens. Jump!"
The second one said, "But we're on the 13th floor!"
The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious." | |
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Posted: 4/25/2012 5:40:07 AM | A cop saw a young blonde woman down on her knees under a streetlight. "Can I help you?" he asked.
Replied the woman, "I dropped my diamond ring and I'm looking for it."
Asked the cop "Did you drop it right here?"
"No," responded the blonde, "I dropped it about a block away, but the light's better here." | |
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Posted: 4/25/2012 6:15:54 PM | A blonde guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.
The blonde guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right, who's the other father?" | |
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Posted: 4/30/2012 12:29:05 PM | a blonde was doing her laundry naked. the owner of the washateria asked her" Why are you doing your laundry naked?"
"Well , the sign clearly says to 'load all clothing before beginning the washer' ! " | |
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Posted: 4/30/2012 2:29:26 PM | A doctor had his students in an anatomy class, dissecting a body.
Doctor said rule 1; dont be repulsed by anything in the human body. So he stuck his finger up the corpse's ass, pulled his finger out & sucked it! He told the students 2 do the same.
After hesitating, they stuck their finger up and sucked it! The doctor then said 'I used my middle finger & sucked my thumb...rule 2 'pay attention!' | |
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Posted: 4/30/2012 8:09:39 PM | ^^^Thanks, ladies. Those are great jokes.
One day a blonde decided to get a cell phone. After talking with the salesman, she finally selected a model and signed up for the service.
Over the next few days she called her friends and gave them her new number.
A few days later while shopping, her phone rang for the first time.
Surprised, she answered it. It was her best friend. Completely dumbfounded, she asked in amazement, "How did you know where to call me?" | |
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Posted: 5/2/2012 5:31:19 PM | At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. ‘No woman,’ said one man, scornfully, ‘can keep a secret.’
‘I don’t know about that,’ answered a blonde woman guest. ‘I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.’
‘You’ll let it out some day,’ the man insisted.
‘I hardly think so!’ responded the blonde lady. ‘When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever.’ | |
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Posted: 5/10/2012 5:46:35 PM | | A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all working on the top of a big building. They decide to take a break and have lunch. The redhead starts. She says, "You know, my husband makes me a turkey sandwich everyday. If there is a turkey sandwich in this lunchbox, I'm going to jump off this building and kill myself!" She opens it up, and, sure enough, there is a turkey sandwich inside. She jumps off the building and kills herself. Then, the brunette goes. "You know, my husband makes me a chicken sandwich everyday. If there is a chicken sandwich in this lunchbox, I'm going to jump off this building and kill myself!" She opens it up, and, sure enough, there is a chicken sandwich inside. She jumps off the building and kills herself. Finally, the blonde is left all alone. She says aloud to herself, "You know, my husband makes me a roast beef sandwich everyday. If there is a roast beef sandwich in this lunchbox, I'm going to jump off this building and kill myself!" She opens it up, and, sure enough, there is a roast beef sandwich inside. She jumps off the building and kills herself. The husbands of these women gather at the funeral. The redhead's husband says, "I don't understand why she killed herself! I thought she loved turkey!" The brunette's husband says, "I don't understand why she killed herself! I thought she loved turkey!" Finally, the blonde's husband says, "I don't understand why she killed herself! She packs her own lunch!" | |
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Posted: 7/4/2012 1:37:43 PM | A blonde & her husband are lying in bed
Listening to the next door neighbor's dog..
It has been in the backyard barking for hours & hours.
The blonde jumps up out of bed and says,
"I've had enough of this".
She goes downstairs.
The blonde finally comes back up to bed
And her husband says, "The dog is still barking,
What have you been doing?"
The blonde says,
"I put the dog in our backyard,
let's see how THEY like it! | |
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Posted: 7/4/2012 3:34:20 PM | A Wealthy Texan drives his Cadillac into a full-service gas station with a blonde attendant. She comes over and asks what he wants, he tells her to fill it up. While they're waiting, she notices his golf equipment in the front seat and starts asking him about each piece of equipment.
The attendant notices the Texan's tees, and asks him, "What are those?"
He replies, "Oh, those are my tees. I put my balls on them before I drive."
To which the blonde attendant says "Wow! What will those Cadillac designers think of next???" | |
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Posted: 7/4/2012 4:26:19 PM | ^^^ ahahah- doubly funny since I am in Texas and from Texas-
thank you for your contribution :)
Two Blondes With Hammers...
Lynn & Judy were doing some carpenter work
on a Habitat for Humanity House.
Lynn was nailing down house siding,
would reach into her nail ,
Pouch, pull out a nail & either toss it
over her shoulder or nail it in.
Judy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, '
Why are you Throwing those nails away?'
Lynn explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch,
about half of Them have the head on the wrong end
& I throw them away.'
Judy got completely upset & yelled,
'You moron! Those nails aren't Defective!
They're for the other side of the house!' | |
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Posted: 7/4/2012 7:08:27 PM | | A blonde walks into my bedroom , and walks out a brunette... | |
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Posted: 7/4/2012 11:54:38 PM | A guy decides to bring his new blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game.
She replies: "Oh it was great, I loved watching those men in tight clothes, but there is one thing I don't understand."
"What did you not understand ?"
And the blonde says: "Well, at the begginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. Then the rest of the game everybody was yelling 'get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back!'
So I thought to myself, 'Oh my god, it's just a fvcking quarter!!!'. | |
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Posted: 7/5/2012 3:30:41 PM | A blonde walks up to a soda machine.
she carefully takes a dollar bill out of her purse and slips
it in to the machine. She takes her time a carefully picks a button
and pushes it gently...and click,bing and clank a soda drops to the
opening! She stands back and claps!!
The man standing behind her waiting, chuckles at her joy,
he then watches her start all over, carefully taking another dollar out,
sliding it into the machine and carefully selecting a new choice and gently pushing the
button, click,bing and clank..then she claps again!!!
Well the man watches the young cute blonde do this again, now he is annoyed.
He growls, "Ma'am are you almost finished"
The young blonde turns towards the man and replies,
"UHHH da, I am still winning"!!
ok a real blonde story, I am on a date, a very attractive low key blonde...
we are lost and cannot find this parking lot we were looking for.
I pull off to the side of the road near a some what busy small intersection.
There is a fireman directing traffic at what appeared to be a bit of a fender bender
accident. Off to the right of us is 3 firemen chatting standing near a fire truck.
She says I will ask that fireman if he knows where this place is.
I say, sure good idea.
She gets out of the car and walks directly into the street and middle of the intersection and
asks the firemen directing traffic where this lot is!! I smile and thought how interesting.
OH yes, the firemen stopped directing traffic and talked to her for like 3 minutes explaining
that she should get out of the road. And yes she was offended in a light hearted way that he didnt help her out. | |
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Posted: 7/5/2012 4:18:44 PM | Q: What does a blonde say right after sex?
A: "So, do all of you guys play for the same team?"
Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles. | |
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Posted: 7/9/2012 1:00:24 PM | Thanks, guys. :)
A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip
Of her index finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency
Room doctor asked her.
'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied.
'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting
Off your finger?'
'No, Silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, &
Then I thought, 'I just paid $6, 000 .00 for these implants...
I'm not shooting myself in the chest.'
'So then?' asked the doctor.
'Then I put the gun in my mouth, & I thought, 'I just paid $3,000.00
To get my teeth straightened I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.'
'So then?'
'Then I put the gun to my ear, & I thought: 'This is going to make a
Loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the
Trigger. | |
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Posted: 7/10/2012 7:07:32 AM | An old, blind Marine Gunnery Sergeant wanders into an All-Girl Biker Bar
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Marine, I think it is only fair, Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
'Now, think about it seriously, Marine.... Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times............
Blessed are the Marines, for they let in the light... | |
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