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| | more blonde jokesPage 24 of 25 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25) | A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?'
The blonde replies,
'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that
My mother had passed away.'
The boss, feeling sorry for her, says,
'Why don't you go home for the
Day? Take the day off to relax & rest.'
'Thanks, but I'd be better off here.
I need to keep my mind off it &
I have the best chance of doing that here.'
The boss agrees & allows the blonde to work as usual.
A couple of hours pass & the boss decides to che ck on the blonde.
He looks out from his office & sees the blonde crying hysterically...
'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks.
'No!' exclaims the blonde.
'I just received a horrible call from my
sister. Her mother died, too!' | |
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Posted: 7/11/2012 6:42:29 PM | | A blond was playing Trivial Pursuit one night… It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, ‘If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?’ She thought for a time and then asked, ‘Is it on or off?’ | |
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Posted: 7/27/2012 6:53:31 AM | Three blond men are out fishing one afternoon talking about this and that when one of the men says, "You know, my wife did the strangest thing the other day. She came home with 100 lbs of meat. I only say this is strange because we're vegetarians and don't eat meat."
One of the other men says, "You think that's weird. My wife came home with 100 lbs of dog food the other day. I don't know what she was thinking. We don't even own a dog and I'm allergic to dogs."
The third blond man says, "Well, you think that's weird. I've got both of you beat. My wife recently won a cruise and she's going with some female friends. So, she was out shopping the other day getting ready for this cruise and she came home with 100 condoms. She doesn't even have a penis!" | |
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Posted: 7/27/2012 11:58:12 AM | FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear." | |
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Posted: 7/27/2012 6:35:33 PM | SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!" | |
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Posted: 7/31/2012 7:32:15 PM | THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief She takes the gun and puts it to her head The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!" The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!" | |
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Posted: 8/2/2012 10:28:51 AM | FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W." | |
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Posted: 8/8/2012 2:20:40 PM | FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?" | |
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Posted: 8/12/2012 10:10:57 AM | A blonde woman asked me for the time. I said "Five Oh Clock." "I would ask the clock If I knew one......idiot!!!"
A german man asked a lost man for directions. | |
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Posted: 8/13/2012 5:12:52 PM | ^ Thank you
SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware." | |
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Posted: 8/13/2012 5:14:36 PM | | Neurosurgeon A Brain surgeon consults with prospective patient about brain transplant: Surgeon, "There are three brains available for your transplant surgery. Nuclear physicist - $1000; Philosophy professor - $2000; Blonde stripper - $50,000." Patient, "Why is the stripper's brain so expensive?" Surgeon, "Never used." | |
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Posted: 8/15/2012 8:24:54 PM | Top reasons a blonde can't use a computer:
"Like, there's more numbers than 0 and 1!"
It's not easy to remove fingernail polish from the keys.
The alphabet is not in the right order on the keyboard.
Blondes can't figure out which key starts the food processor.
The screen can't handle that much whiteout.
They keep trying to force feed cheese to the mouse. | |
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Posted: 8/20/2012 12:00:47 PM | A blonde cop stops a blonde motorist and asks for her driver's license.
The motorist digs around in her purse but can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home, officer."
The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?"
The motorist searches her purse again and finds a pocket mirror. She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself."
The cop says, "Let me see." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I'd known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have pulled you over." | |
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Posted: 8/24/2012 8:43:54 PM | | Two blondes are walking through the woods when they come across a set of tracks. First blonde says they are deer tracks. Second blonde says they are elk tracks. They're still arguing when the train hits them. | |
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Posted: 8/27/2012 6:49:55 PM | An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never
been better! "he boasted. "I've married an 18 year old blonde who's pregnant and having my child! What do
you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter.
He never missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun. When he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle." "And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.
Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No."
The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"
"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."
"That's kind of what I'm getting at..."replied the doctor. | |
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Posted: 8/28/2012 1:41:32 PM | Legend has it that there is a bar in New York where, in the Ladies Room there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie - - *poof* - - you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.
Sooooo, A redhead of questionable looks walks into the Ladies Room and stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world." - - - *poof* The mirror swallows her.
Next a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the sexiest woman alive." - - - *poof* The mirror swallows her.
Then an absolutely gorgeous blond comes in and stands before the mirror and says, "I think...." - - - *poof* | |
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Posted: 8/28/2012 2:50:33 PM | Why do Blondes have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First. | |
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Posted: 9/4/2012 11:48:49 AM | | An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess; the route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!" | |
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Posted: 9/12/2012 6:02:36 PM | A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no
lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the
horse immediately springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins
to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but
cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around
the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.
The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try
and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become tangled
in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding
hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments
away from unconsciousness when the Wal-Mart manager runs out
to shut the horse off. | |
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Posted: 9/13/2012 6:01:44 PM | | A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in. Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and down carefully and with considerable appreciation. "Miss Cooper," he said finally, "it seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never undergone an eye examination." | |
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Posted: 9/14/2012 4:50:38 PM | Someone saw a blonde eating a Tootsie Roll Pop and asked her, "So,... how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?"
Without a thought, the blonde replied, "Beats me, but it took almost the whole day just to lick through the wrapper." | |
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Posted: 9/18/2012 2:20:48 PM | FINALLY! A new blonde joke! Supposedly, it's the oldest male blonde joke. Enjoy.
Please post some jokes :) (Clean ones, please)
An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building." The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The blond opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!" The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. "Hey, don't look at me," she said, "He makes his own lunch." | |
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Posted: 10/10/2012 10:24:56 AM | I could use some help with some new blonde jokes :)
Please post your favorite blonde jokes. | |
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Posted: 10/17/2012 3:24:31 AM | A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives.
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.
"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile."(Side pose...)
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "For God's sake, What's the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?!?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "Now think hard before giving me a stupid answer. This is your suspect, how would you recognize him??"
The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm...the suspect wears contact lenses..."
The policeman is surprised and speechless... "Wow! I can't believe it ... it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation??"
"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear..." | |
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Posted: 10/17/2012 11:13:24 AM | Monica meets up with her blonde friend Judy as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
Monica asks, "Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," Judy replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was SO relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid." | |
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