| | What should i do about my ex?Page 2 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | I asked her twice to delete the profile. I think anybody in here would have a problem if their significant others were conversating with others on a dating website. Maybe that is ok in other countries but it is definitely wrong in relationships in the United States.
I was very confident with her and in our relationship. Yes I have had bad experiences in prior relationships but that has nothing to do with the relationship with this girl.
This girl called me her boyfriend when we were out with others or in crowds. We were in a committed relationship. We called eachother boyfriend and girlfriend.
I was very passionate with this girl. Sex was great. We got along well. We were eachothers best friend. What I think the issue with her is she would rather get rid of someone rather than discuss the issues. The first sign things arent going well she is gone. These are issues that could have been resolved had she spoken with me about them. I agree. I made a mistake in giving her the impression I was in it just for sex but she agreed she knew I was in it for more. | |
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_Icon_
| | Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 27 | |
| What should i do about my ex?
Posted: 10/31/2010 4:39:04 PM |
I think anybody in here would have a problem if their significant others were conversating with others on a dating website.
That is a false assumption. I know several couples here that met here.
When I was involved, I maintained my account here as well. The difference is I was dating a confident man who trusted me. He had no issue with my account here. | |
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| What should i do about my ex?
Posted: 10/31/2010 4:41:22 PM |
I asked her twice to delete the profile. I think anybody in here would have a problem if their significant others were conversating with others on a dating website. Maybe that is ok in other countries but it is definitely wrong in relationships in the United States.
I was very confident with her and in our relationship. Yes I have had bad experiences in prior relationships but that has nothing to do with the relationship with this girl.
This girl called me her boyfriend when we were out with others or in crowds. We were in a committed relationship. We called eachother boyfriend and girlfriend.
I was very passionate with this girl. Sex was great. We got along well. We were eachothers best friend. What I think the issue with her is she would rather get rid of someone rather than discuss the issues. The first sign things arent going well she is gone. These are issues that could have been resolved had she spoken with me about them. I agree. I made a mistake in giving her the impression I was in it just for sex but she agreed she knew I was in it for more.
ummm...my ex gf- after we'd been together for a while, she'd had me help her with some things, real estate stuff. I was helping her craft some emails to send to realtors (english is her second language)...
When we were sitting there in front of her computer- I could see she had some emails coming in from a dating website (we did not meet on a dating website). I asked her what that was, and she said she'd been on a dating website before we met and started dating.
Did I ask her to delete her profile? NO.
I did ask if she was still using that website and she made it very clear that she was not because she had me and all she wanted was to spend time with me. Her actions met her words and I never broached the subject again with her.
She was never contacting guys on there and never signed into that website while we were dating, best I could tell.
Our relationship ended for other reasons- but I did not get my panties in a twist over things that happened in my girl's life before me. She wasn't a virgin when I met her nor were I when she met me.
Bottom line- when a girl wants you and she is really into you...no matter what she will be with you.... | |
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| What should i do about my ex?
Posted: 10/31/2010 4:41:28 PM | If she considered you to be the greatest guy she'd ever met, she'd have forgiven you two hours *before* you made the fake profile.
If she considered you to be the greatest lover she'd ever met, she'd have never brushed you off the weekend you made the sex comment.
You're obtuseness is preventing you from seeing that YOU'RE NOT THE ONE, making this statement:
Had she deleted it when I asked her to we wouldn't be in the situation we are in.
FALSE.
How many other times have you used this excuse format for your bad behavior?: "If she hadn't done X, I wouldn't have had to do Y."
She didn't force you to make a fake profile--you did that out of your own stupidity.
As soon as you saw her profile, you could have said, "I see you're still online looking, so I am going to leave."
She didn't want you then, she doesn't want you now.
I'm sure you're a very nice guy, and she probably cares about you to that extent.
But if she wanted you, she'd be with you. You've given her a pass on her own bad behavior, tried to bribe her back with a trip, and given her opportunity to see you and be with you since. The answer is NO. | |
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| What should i do about my ex?
Posted: 10/31/2010 4:44:30 PM | My god man where is your self respect?
For real - you made a fake profile and caught her THINKING ABOUT MEETING ANOTHER GUY
What the hell is wrong with you - do you want to date a piece of trash like that? | |
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| What should i do about my ex?
Posted: 10/31/2010 5:36:36 PM | Okay - so you made a fake profile
And caught her.
Okay sometimes we don't make the best decisions under duress.
Okay sometimes we barter because we know we are a good person, great catch blah blah blah.
Sweetie- listen. She can't see your worth. She chooses not too.
I know you like her. When people tell you something- listen.
She is telling you and was telling you through her actions she does not give a fcck.
I suggest through your actions you tell her the same thing- cease contact.
She messed up. You messed up.
Give yourself some space from her. | |
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| What should i do about my ex?
Posted: 10/31/2010 7:01:34 PM | well you messed up in few areas.
First thing: Don't make another profile to test the person you're dating. If you know they're logging on and looking for others to date, then slowly pull back, act like you're not interested, and start looking for someone new if that person continues to show little or no interest!
Second thing: Don't bring up anything about not being able to have sex (tonight, tomorrow, a whole more week, etc) That just clearly makes you look as though you just want sex.
Lastly: You don't actually have to delete your profile, you can hide it from searches and change what you are looking for to friends. | |
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| What should i do about my ex?
Posted: 10/31/2010 8:38:15 PM | Have you ever listened to that song by Emenem and Rihana, Just gonna stand there and watch me burn?
Scary. You're giving me the same vibe. You just aren't getting it.
You are part of this equation. You better take a good long look at what you're doing to sabotage your relationships. The onus is on YOU. No one else. | |
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| What should i do about my ex?
Posted: 10/31/2010 8:39:33 PM | First off, 4 months doesn't make a relationship exclusive.
Secondly, and I didn't read your whole tirade, but it doesn't sound like she was that into you. If she had been, when you went on your little rant she just may have done what you asked.
Thirdly, sorry to say, you seem controlling and self centered. Alot of women today(yes me included) are EXTREMELY independent and will not put up with a man trying to tell them what to do.
Lastly, don't act like a baby about sex. It's a real turn off............
You don't have another chance with this girl so its time to move on............ | |
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| What should i do about my ex?
Posted: 10/31/2010 9:38:38 PM | OP...SOME people do keep a profile on here while in a serious monogamous relationship. However, by & large, their profiles clearly indicate their status..."Here for forums only" "Not seeking a relationship of any kind" "Not single/not looking"...etc. As some of us have actually made a friend or two (sometimes even same gender ones!) and/or get some satisfaction from the forums, we don't delete the profile.
However....I'm w/ you in that a "normal" profile is not compatible w/ the concept of the relationship you say the two of you had. It WOULD bother me...much!
But, based on all you have posted here, it seems that no matter what the girl called you, or what you thought you had...she was still looking. I did ponder the part where you said you found out she still had a profile and was active, while you had deleted yours...how would you know then about hers? So, something about that part of your deal is...off.
Nor do I think it was a good idea to create a fake profile to "test her." It'd have been better to simply make your views on this well known and if she wasn't on board, then end it. But, water under the bridge, and "test" her you did, and fail the test she did and so....game over, at that point. Nothing else to wonder about or think about.
My 2 cents. Good Luck! | |
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| What should i do about my ex?
Posted: 11/1/2010 5:30:13 AM | Well , what you did was deceptive (making a fake profile ), And Nobody, nobody likes to be decieved. That's a really unattractive quality in a man. It reeks of insecurity. If you can't trust her, she's not the girl for you.
Can you trust anyone? That's a question you have you ask yourself. If you can't , you have to work on your self -esteem issues whatever they may be. I can offer a simple solution for now . Put your head under the green bouncy ball Maybe you'll get some better ideas in the future. | |
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| What should i do about my ex?
Posted: 11/1/2010 6:08:12 AM |
I have a few questions. Why did everything go great until we had the argument over the dating website?
Because you tricked her, you were sneaky. And I doubt it was all fine and dandy prior to that or she wouldn't have left the profile there and been answering new contact email.
If she didn't give a damn she wouldn't have deleted it. Is she the type that runs from her problems instead of facing them?
Only she knows the answer to that.
If I give her space will she come back?
Not likely.
I just don't know what to do. I did everything for this girl. We took things slow and didn't rush. She always told me how much she and her friends really liked me. She told me that she hadn't found someone else. She is a really busy person, works full time, does and internship, and is in a masters program. She also told me recently that she has been really stress out with everything. Did she get rid of me because it was the only thing she could get rid of?
One person can never "do everything" for another person. This ^^^ seems so self-absorbed to me. (Reads to me like she's doing pretty well for her own self ~ probably didn't need someone else to do much for her.)
I've been in alot of relationships and could tell when the other person was looking for someone else. With her I never sensed that. We spent every weekend with eachother since we started dating. The day I told her I had feelings for her which was 2.5 months into the relationship is the day we made it official. Like I said I don't know what to do.
I'm not meaning to be harsh here, but this entire post just SCREAMS insecure, clingy, needy, and controlling.
Does this sound like something that if I give her space she may come back? I figured if she didn't care she would have completely ignored my messages and about Chicago and would have completely ignored me last night. It is apparent that we both liked eachother alot and I wonder if it scared her away that she may have started to have feelings for me too. Is it too late for us?
It should be too late. You don't trust her. And no, I don't think she's interested in Chicago unless she simply wants one last do-ha before she moves on. JMO  | |
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| What should i do about my ex?
Posted: 11/1/2010 6:52:27 AM | By creating the fake profile you began playing games. All you have confirmed is that SHE was not as into you as you were into her. When an adult discovers that the object of his or her affections is not interested, they move on.
The profile, the sex comment, she's your best friend after a few months all make you sound pretty desperate. Women can read into that easily. | |
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| What should i do about my ex?
Posted: 11/1/2010 8:48:51 PM |
What should i do about my ex? I'd let this lady go, the OP should go on to other opportunities, and learn something from this particular on-line dating experience.
It looks like both the OP and this lady were wrong here; the OP lots more wrong than the lady.
I think it's ok to ask your "exclusive" partner to delete their profile along with your own. I wouldn't ask this; in this scenario, after four months of dating, I'd request my partner to modify her profile to define that she isn't looking for dating opportunities and state she's in a mutually exclusive relationship--and I'd obviously do the same.
It's NOT ok to expect one to delete a profile and then trap them into responding to a phony profile. That screams insecurity. The OP never stated in Msg1 whether or not they even had "the talk" (just telling someone that you "have feelings" doesn't cut it). So it's really ridiculous to expect one's casual dating partner to delete a dating profile, then totally ludicrous to entrap them into responding to someone else, and the icing on the absurdity cake is to attempt to revive this relationship.
She's wrong for not accurately communicating to the OP that she was uncomfortable in removing her profile at the OP's request. Personally, if I were dating someone in a non-exclusive 4-month relationship and my partner trapped me like this, I'd tell her to buzz off. She compounds her error by afterwards acting wishy-washy with the OP.
I've must of read a dozen threads on here where people create false profiles for whatever reason, and then seek back-pats in the forum and are peeved when they read 95% of the comments here ripping into them. Why seek other's opinions when you are too pigheaded to learn anything from anyone else's life experiences?
Hell I've had a couple seemingly solid 3-4 month relationships go quickly down the crapper, and it's always because of critical issues that I chose to disregard and/or ignore and they come back to bite me in the ass. Now the OP thought he did the right thing by telling his GF his opinion about her dating profile. He sounded pretty inflexible to me, and she obviously felt that the request was inappropriate, probably because in her mind they weren't exclusive. The only scenario I see myself deleting my profile on here is when become engaged. Then I still might keep it here--of course defining myself as not looking and engaged to be married. Yes PoF is a dating website, but it is not 100% strictly just for dating--you can define yourself as just seeking friends--go to PoF get-togethers and functions and meet new friends. | |
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| What should I do about my ex?
Posted: 11/1/2010 9:24:30 PM | I think it's fine to ask for hiding or deleting both profiles, but if one party isn't ready for that step, pushing them into it is not going to change how they feel! It'll just breed resentment, particularly if you do it via entrapment. I'm surprised the two of you didn't just call it a day as soon as you unmasked yourself.
It's natural that things went downhill from there. Neither of you trusts the other, with the excellent reasons that you have both been dishonest. It wasn't just an argument - it was a war, waged by stealth tactics. And it killed anything there'd been between you.
Your later contacts after she finally broke it off probably baffled her completely. She followed her earlier pattern of taking the path of least resistance and avoiding conflict. That doesn't mean she wasn't serious about breaking it off.
Yes, it's too late. What you should do about your ex is, leave her alone. | |
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HStro
| | Joined: 10/27/2010
Msg: 41 | |
| What should i do about my ex?
Posted: 11/1/2010 9:32:04 PM | | i think you guys should try to make it work. you clearly have a real strong foundation for a long lasting relationship and im sure that if you made a fake profile with some ugly guy sending cruel messages to her she would realize how good she had it with you and take you back. | |
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| What should i do about my ex?
Posted: 11/3/2010 8:55:05 AM |
It looks like both the OP and this lady were wrong here; the OP lots more wrong than the lady.
how exactly was the lady wrong? | |
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TDH49
| | Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 43 | |
| What should i do about my ex?
Posted: 11/3/2010 9:21:29 AM | how exactly was the lady wrong?
Well if the Op is to be believed the lady was in a committed relationship with him, while keeping her options open by still looking on a dating site. That to me would be the wrong way of going about it. If she wanted to keep her options open and keep looking she should not have agreed to being exclusive with the OP. So in that regard she was not frank and earnest with the OP.
That being said the Op seriously needs to get past this and move on. I honestly don't get what his point was to making the fake profile? He made it , caught her doing exactly what he suspected, and is still interested in being with her, why?. One of the corner stone to any strong relationship is trust. The Op has serious trust issues, to go along with his many other issues(clingy, needy, controlling) the girl in question is deceptive. To me they are easily not a match and better off going there seperate ways. | |
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| What should i do about my ex?
Posted: 11/3/2010 9:29:41 AM |
Well if the Op is to be believed the lady was in a committed relationship with him, while keeping her options open by still looking on a dating site. That to me would be the wrong way of going about it. If she wanted to keep her options open and keep looking she should not have agreed to being exclusive with the OP. So in that regard she was not frank and earnest with the OP.
That being said the Op seriously needs to get past this and move on. I honestly don't get what his point was to making the fake profile? He made it , caught her doing exactly what he suspected, and is still interested in being with her, why?. One of the corner stone to any strong relationship is trust. The Op has serious trust issues, to go along with his many other issues(clingy, needy, controlling) the girl in question is deceptive. To me they are easily not a match and better off going there seperate ways.
well it really seems that after 2.5 months it was only the OP who thought he was in a committed relationship.
not the girl.
I think we're trying to discuss this in another thread as well.
perhaps we can get some different points of view on it. | |
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TDH49
| | Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 45 | |
| What should i do about my ex?
Posted: 11/3/2010 9:46:33 AM |
well it really seems that after 2.5 months it was only the OP who thought he was in a committed relationship
And since we don't have the lady in question here to dispute it, we have to take him at his word. With that in mind if the lady in question was still looking for someone better than the OP while in a relationship with the OP, then that would be wrong. | |
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| What should i do about my ex?
Posted: 11/3/2010 9:59:16 AM | | Neither of you is ready for a relationship of longer than three and a half months. Move on. | |
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| What should i do about my ex?
Posted: 11/3/2010 10:11:57 AM | Hey,. I'm not deleting MY stuff for ANYONE,. Untill I'm corralled, captured, sign some kinda paperwork,. I'm a FRIKKIN' FREE AGENT.. I should be able to flirt, talk to people, & post stuff here,. If I get "tested" and find out, YOU a$$ is getting tested to see if it bounces off the curb after I put you there & leave. Like my EX used to say,.. "If we don't have trust we have nothing at all.. Now SHE never meant ONE single word of that.. but I do. If you don't trust me,. just leave me be, and find someone you do,.. (or someone You can work like My Ex worked MY behind with that 
Dude,.. yer a insecure mess,.the ONLY thing WORSE that can happen to you,.. is to find someone MORE insecure than yourself,. You'll play mental games forever until one of you breaks....  | |
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| What should i do about my ex?
Posted: 5/8/2012 7:43:34 PM | | because you caught her and she felt bad. so she took it down. she probably wasn't sure about you at the time but felt that she should jsut do it to avoid troubles uneil she was sure. | |
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| What should i do about my ex?
Posted: 5/8/2012 8:15:04 PM |
Had she deleted it when I asked her to we wouldn't be in the situation we are in.
This sounds like "If she hadn't talked back, I wouldn't have had to hit her...it's HER FAULT".
Regardless of your standards, you have zero right to tell anyone in a relationship that they "have" to do something.
This never had much chance, the way you describe it. | |
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