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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?      Home login  
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 junkyard dawg
Joined: 6/20/2008
Msg: 726
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Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?Page 30 of 34    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34)
Diamonds are a girls best friend. DNA is a womans worst enemy. 18% of the women that ARE supposily in a monogamous relationship. Turns out the HUSBAND is NOT the biological father (Believing he is father)

What about the other 82 % whose babies were their husbands/partners.A lot more women were faithful than those who were not.It would correct to say a small percentage were unfaithful. How many of the men involved with those women are similarly faithful.
A proper statement here would be to exclaim that the larger percentage of Oregon women were honorable decent women.Yet the worst scenario was stated first and the more positive one ignored, i,e that 82 %.There seems to be an underlying mistrust of women here and a readiness to brand all women as cheats and fraudsters.hence why the the Ops woman is being assumed a cheat ,

This is the age old male fear of being cuckolded Hence the need for the control of womens sexuality bringing with it double standards, horrible traditions and practices around the world,and women wearing sheets to make them invisible
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 727
Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/29/2010 4:01:29 PM

Guess what???? 18% of the women that ARE supposily in a monogamous relationship. Turns out the HUSBAND is NOT the biological father (Believing he is father) .


Ok lets put some real numbers to the percentage.

It is estimated 3,890,000 babies are born a year in The U.S. (couldn't find the numbers for Oregon) If the 18% holds for the US it is mind boggling!

It means 700,200 babies are born in the US to men that are not their fathers.

That blows the other numbers out of the water that was posted earlier.

This comes from Ophra so we know she would never give bad info!

So even though the 18% may seem a small percentage the real world numbers show how much of a problem this is!

Edit.....

A proper statement here would be to exclaim that the larger percentage of Oregon women were honorable decent women.


No actually that would not be proper as it only shows the babies are their husbands.

The real percentage of women cheating is estimated at 45%. Just not all of them have babies by other men.
 kayliecat
Joined: 12/8/2007
Msg: 728
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Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/29/2010 4:35:17 PM
PCOS, from what I recall from my infertility years, is "linked" to being obese as well. PCOS is linked to insulin resistance. Insulin resistance is also linked to being obese. ANd being obese is also linked to heart disease...I could go on and on. Oh yeah and being obese is ALSO linked to genetics.

I realize this was just an example given, but it's also a great example of not knowing what the hell you are talking about (you being "any person") because medical research still doesn't really understand it. In fact, treating PCOS with metformin (an insulin resistance drug) was a new and big thing when I was trying to conceive, back around late '90's. Doctors also told women to lose weight...adn indeed, becoming less obese is also a treatment for PCOS because it is also a treatment for insulin resistance (and also a treatment for high cholesterol and heart disease, go figure).

Instead of doing genetic screening for PCOS, how about trying to avoid a child becoming obese by instilling good eating habits. And to avoid insulin resistance as well.

My friend's husband's father died from heart disease at a very young age, I'm thinking like mid 40's. And the husband had high cholesterol as a young adult age as well. They've made radical changes to their eating habits and as ar esult they have lowered his cholesterol and his heart disease risk. Knowing what his dad died of has been helpful for him so that he can work to avoid the same fate...but no genetic testing has been necessary.

And I would be pissed as hell if I lived in a state that wanted to charge me $700 to test my child's DNA without my permission for paternity. I know who my son's father is! (my daughter was adopted at birth).

Oh and yep, one of my friends had PCOS, she took metformin, she did IVF, she got pregnant and had a son...And then had 2 more sons after that with no infertility treatment. I don't know if she lost weight, took metformin, or still had PCOS. But she DID conceive her 2nd and 3rd children with out going thru infertility treatments...no DNA testing to confirm that they really are her babies. (just to throw this back on topic).

and btw I am in favor of genetic testing for disorders that run in a family when the tests are available. Just sayin', I'd go for that testing.
 sentback
Joined: 12/22/2010
Msg: 729
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Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/29/2010 4:50:51 PM
Junk Yard dawg Name suits you. Listen sister if a man has DOUBTS and is his woman has a name for getting around (bad virtures) he better get the test. Because its not like buying a car that is a lemon or a boat that sinks. RAISING A KID that is NOT his is a very very very EXPENSIVE PURCHASE like for life. The STATE of OREGON does NOT charge a ****ing cent to the parents for DNA testing. Its FREE and of those of you reading this OREGON is the only state in the union that has a different TAX system than all the other states in the UNION. Its about $700 dollars to get the test done in the rest of the 49 states. Some states might be cheaper some might be a little more expensive. $700. is about the going rate.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 730
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Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/29/2010 4:51:16 PM
^^^ yeah, but I couldn't find anything that says Oregon has mandatory testing at birth; maybe Tennesse does. The only reference I could find about Oprah and DNA testing was 1) men claiming to be her father and demanding DNA testing to prove it; and 2) her own DNA associating her with Zulu tribe of Africa.


So even though the 18% may seem a small percentage the real world numbers show how much of a problem this is!

So, lets put some numbers to other nasty behaviors ...
" Furthermore, at least 20 percent of American men report having perpetrated sexual assault and 5 percent report having committed rape " .. (http://www.athealth.com/Practitioner/ceduc/alc_assault.html)
According to several studies, between 6 and 14% of men rape or sexually assault women (http://www.sexualassault.army.mil/files/RAPE_FACT_SHEET.pdf)
Rape happens to be one of the most under-reported crimes, so the figures in both these references may well be on the low side.

So, stats suggest that up to 20% of men at least attempt sexual assault. That's a little more than the "mind-boggling" number of estimated paternity fraud, isn't it? If we're going to suspect people based on what they're least likely to do, then perhaps all men should be assumed to be rapists and screened for that behavior, regularly. How about all men immediately be required to submit DNA and take a polygraph test at each driver's licence renewal to prove they haven't assualted anyone lately? The charge for the polygraph will be added to the license fee because the State shouldn't have to pay for people proving that they're not guilty.

It's estimated that about 30 million people drink and drive each year; that's a significant number - even more significant than the number of women who are estimated to commit paternity fraud. I guess we should assume everyone is going to do it. And it has the added benefit of being gender neutral. So, how about all cars must have a breathalyzer installed (at the driver's cost); everyone must prove they haven't been drinking because of those who do.

Just to be clear, I think women who perpetrate paternity fraud should be charged and there should be very serious consequences. This is a terrible thing to do to a man and to the child, and it is not something that should be ignored or swept under the rug. At the same time, I don't think all women should be presumed guilty based on the actions of a few, just as I don't assume every man I meet is probably going to try to assault me, because some will.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 731
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Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/29/2010 5:00:21 PM
Hmm-wonder how many of these "outside the relationship" babies are fathered by men who are cheating on their wife/SO?

A percentage is a percentage is a percentage
Subtract the 18% from the total babies born annually in the US and you have 3,189,800 babies who are NOT being passed off as some poor schmucks offspring when they actually aren't. Hmm-that's 7 figures for "non-fraudulent" births as opposed to 6 figures of "fraudulent " births. Of course that doesn't separate out babies who are born to single mothers with no father listed. But still, OVER 3 million "non-fraudulent" babies, compared to LESS than 1 million "fraudulent" babies(extrapolating from Oregon's stats ),doesn't really look "mind-boggling" to me. It indicates that there ARE instances where babies are not the offspring of the presumed father, but looking at the big picture, I'm not sure the word "huge" applies.
And how is it a "problem"? Some here are arguing AGAINST the wife being informed, in the case being discussed in this thread, under the premise that "what she don't know won't hurt her". So, if that's the position being taken, it seems to me like a woman should be justified to keep it quiet that little Billy might not be Bill Sr.s' biological child-because what he don't know won't hurt him. Or is this another case of "sauce for the goose ISN'T sauce for the gander"?
Understand I'm playing Devil's advocate here...my personal conviction is that paternity fraud is inexcusable,but I suspect in many cases its' more a case of paternity uncertainty. In a non-marital situation, or when establishing child support during a divorce proceeding, it's certainly a man's right to make certain he's not INVOLUNTARILY shelling out to raise the product of another mans' seed. However, in cases where the man has come out in favor of taking responsibility for a child that is neither of the couples' DNA(adoption)-how does that support the idea that no man should pay to raise another mans' child?? Apparently not all men buy into that, otherwise adoptions would become UNcommon. I know that in many situations, there may be a subsidy from the state, and some employers offer a certain amount of financial adoption support,but STILL, I seriously doubt that subsidies,employer-provided assistance, and the tax deductions are that much of an offset to the actual cost of raising the child. I also realize that generally an adoption is a mutual decision by the couple-but the fact remains that it does involve a man voluntarily providing support to some other mans' child. I honestly think the issue about raising a child born in a marriage or relationship, that MIGHT be another mans' child, comes down to what I can only describe as a territorial/ ethics issue. I don't think it has as much to do with the financial aspect as is being claimed...I offer that idea as food for thought.
Cindy O
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 732
Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/29/2010 5:01:57 PM

Just to be clear, I think women who perpetrate paternity fraud should be charged and there should be very serious consequences. This is a terrible thing to do to a man and to the child, and it is not something that should be ignored or swept under the rug. At the same time, I don't think all women should be presumed guilty based on the actions of a few, just as I don't assume every man I meet is probably going to try to assault me, because some will.


Please show me where I said ALL women are guilty of this!

Not once have I said that nor do I believe it either!

Let me ask this if at birth the hospitals switched 18% of the babies that went home with the women.....Would that be acceptable?.........Didn't think so......So tell me why should almost 3/4 of a million men each year have to accept that?

Figure the costs of raising a child and men are spending billions for kids that are not theirs and living with women that have so little respect for them,they have a child by another man 18% of the time.

Most women are good and faithful........However in the OPie's friends case he has enough reason to doubt her!
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 733
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Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/29/2010 5:12:22 PM

Please show me where I said ALL women are guilty of this!

You assume the woman in the OP has probably cheated, because "X number of women do"; never mind that the chance of spontaneous conception - especially with couples who've had fertility treatments - is just about as likely as the baby being some other guy's.

So tell me why should almost 3/4 of a million men each year have to accept that?

I find it amusing that you actually quoted the part where I said it WASN'T acceptable, and yet you still assumed I think it is.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 734
Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/29/2010 5:27:52 PM


You assume the woman in the OP has probably cheated, because "X number of women do"; never mind that the chance of spontaneous conception - especially with couples who've had fertility treatments - is just about as likely as the baby being some other guy's.


You must have not read my posts..... As it is HER actions along with the old mobility test that makes me think she MAY have stepped out.

I posted this a couple of pages back......



Lets look at the facts.........He had a mobility test that showed his swimmers are duds........This was backed up by years of not being able to produce a child......though he tried with more than one woman...........He decided to quit trying......she said she wanted a child no matter the cost...........She has said child and is refusing the child a needed medical test to check for a condition that the child would need treatment for.......... WHY?.......Seems she is afraid of what the test may show.......What other rational reason would you say there is to not test for a hereditary disease?


Notice I list her actions along with the old test results as reason to doubt her......NOT because X number of women cheat.

You accuse me of things I haven't said......Which is normal on here when the points of the others get weak........ Just spin the others words. Well sorry it won't work this time.


I find it amusing that you actually quoted the part where I said it WASN'T acceptable, and yet you still assumed I think it is.


I didn't assume anything........I use that because of this statement.....
I don't think all women should be presumed guilty based on the actions of a few, just as I don't assume every man I meet is probably going to try to assault me, because some will.


I just prefer to Quote entire statements so context can be seen. And not chop up your words.
Like you have mine!
 CheshireCatalyst
Joined: 9/14/2007
Msg: 735
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Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/29/2010 5:28:54 PM

The STATE of OREGON does NOT charge a ****ing cent to the parents for DNA testing.


DNA is already collected for babies born in the US. Since many states require testing they don't require parental permission. Hospitals prick babies' heels and collect the blood on a card to use for screening for certain diseases (but not for determining parentage).

I have no idea what you're referring to when you specifically mention Oregon. Yeah, Oregon does DNA testing, along with the rest of the US, but not for paternity AFAIK.

Maybe you've got sources? Hopefully for the 18% part too?
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 736
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Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/29/2010 5:56:38 PM

As it is HER actions along with the old mobility test that makes me think she MAY have stepped out.


From your very post:


Lets look at the facts.........He had a mobility test that showed his swimmers are duds
Not an action of hers


........This was backed up by years of not being able to produce a child
Again, not an action taken by the wife


......though he tried with more than one woman...........
Not an action involving her at all AGAIN.


He decided to quit trying......
An action of HIS that comes across as unilateral, but STILL has nothing to do with HER actions.


she said she wanted a child no matter the cost
Again, YOU don't know what she could have meant by this statement, which, if it was a conversation between the husband and wife in the original post, and is now coming down to us from the man's "friend" is complete heresay and would not be admissable in any court as "proof"


...........She has said child
Again, having a child does not mean one cheated on their SO or that they are trying to commit paternity fraud


and is refusing the child a needed medical test to check for a condition that the child would need treatment for
Again, YOU DO NOT KNOW WHY she chose to refuse the test or for what the test is actually for. SPECULATION of intent is not considered "proof" of one's actions

The "reasons" you give of her actions aren't even based on HER actions at all.


You accuse me of things I haven't said......Which is normal on here when the points of the others get weak........ Just spin the others words. Well sorry it won't work this time.
Because you NEVER do this!
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 737
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Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/29/2010 6:06:46 PM
I was aware that it's routine to do the heel-prick blood test on babies to test for certain medical issues.
But the point remains that having one's DNA obtained and kept on file by a government agency or entity is pushing the envelope of privacy rights regardless of your gender.
I dunno, if men want every baby tested to make sure that the father really IS the guy whose name is on the birth certificate,based on that 18% scenario-shouldn't the "approximately 20% of males at least attempt a sexual assault" scenario,by that same token, be a basis to demand a DNA sample of all males to be kept on file for the use of law enforcement-because a whopping 20% of men(and that may well be a LOW figure, given the under-reporting of sexual offenses) will at least ATTEMPT a sexual assault at some time in their lives??

I'm absolutely certain that the 18 and 20 percent stats ARE huge to those who've been victims of paternity fraud,sexual assault, and even those who had a close brush with either issue,but it's just not always good sense to let compassion cloud the bigger picture.
Cindy O
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 738
Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/29/2010 6:12:36 PM

The "reasons" you give of her actions aren't even based on HER actions at all.


Yes they are barefootkitten you just don't want to admit it.....Just like the PCOS is controllable by diet when you said it was genetic.

Just because you don't agree with me is not a reason to attack me.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 739
Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/29/2010 6:28:30 PM

-shouldn't the "approximately 20% of males at least attempt a sexual assault" scenario,by that same token, be a basis to demand a DNA sample of all males to be kept on file for the use of law enforcement-because a whopping 20% of men(and that may well be a LOW figure, given the under-reporting of sexual offenses) will at least ATTEMPT a sexual assault at some time in their lives??

In the U.S., the fourth amendment would prohibit that.

I'm absolutely certain that the 18 and 20 percent stats ARE huge to those who've been victims of paternity fraud,sexual assault, and even those who had a close brush with either issue,but it's just not always good sense to let compassion cloud the bigger picture.

20% means the odds are 1 in 5. By comparison, the odds of rolling a 7 in craps are 1 in 6 or 16.6%. The odds of being dealt 2 pair in a 5 card poker hand are 7.6% or 1 in 20. Draw your own conclusion.
 CheshireCatalyst
Joined: 9/14/2007
Msg: 740
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Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/29/2010 6:30:34 PM

But the point remains that having one's DNA obtained and kept on file by a government agency or entity is pushing the envelope of privacy rights regardless of your gender.


I think it's only kept on file for a couple of years - hospitals have retention schedules for this. This is an issue the ACLU has been involved in as well.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 741
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Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/29/2010 6:56:44 PM

You must have not read my posts

Well, you have posted an awful lot ... but I think I got through most of them. Let me see if I can summarize your points:
1. You agree that a motility test is a good idea, along with a DNA test to prove he is (or isn't) the dad.
2. You think she's up to something because she won't agree to a screening test for some un-named disease that occurs in his family.
3. You think the likelihood of his having actually fathered a child is pretty small, since he's been told that his swimmers are duds.

I wonder if the hubby has a brother, or a male cousin? Cause if she got the sperm from some relative, the DNA test wouldn't exclude him from being the papa - but it still wouldn't be *his* kid.


20% means the odds are 1 in 5. By comparison, the odds of rolling a 7 in craps are 1 in 6 or 16.6%. The odds of being dealt 2 pair in a 5 card poker hand are 7.6% or 1 in 20. Draw your own conclusion.

Ummm .... most people who gamble on cards don't win? So ... most people who gamble on that kid being someone else's .... are wrong?
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 742
Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/29/2010 7:20:58 PM
I wonder if the hubby has a brother, or a male cousin? Cause if she got the sperm from some relative, the DNA test wouldn't exclude him from being the papa - but it still wouldn't be *his* kid.

Maybe yes. Maybe no. However, if you understand what DNA testing does, then you should know that DNA evidence is an exclusionary test by nature. It can only tell you if two samples are NOT a match. Anything other than that requires an inference based on the odds that two samples which test the same could still be from different individuals. (Exclusions are absolute, except in some very rare cases of chimerism, in which a person carries two sets of DNA. Those are interesting but wouldn't apply to a paternity test.)

If he argues for additional proof of paternity knowing the the odds are only 1 in 1,000,000 that he's not the father, I'll agree that he's gone off the deep end. We're talking about a DNA test here, not clairvoyance. If he gets the DNA test done, he got what he asked for. Arguing that it isn't perfect is not an argument against doing it.

Ummm .... most people who gamble on cards don't win? So ... most people who gamble on that kid being someone else's .... are wrong?

People who gamble long enough don't win in the long run, but that's obvious. If you have 1 in 6 odds of rolling a 7 and you roll 10000 times, you are fairly likely to roll 7 about 1660 times. Do you understand anything about statistics? If so, then you ought to know that even with odds of 49.99% of winning, you'll still lose in the long run and that's almost a coin toss. How much would you be willing to bet that I won't roll 7 in a single roll given only 16.6% odds of rolling 7? $100.00? $1000.00? Your house? What about 2 rolls?

So ... most people who gamble on that kid being someone else's .... are wrong?

No, but if the 20% figure is accurate, apparently, 1 in 5 are wrong. I wouldn't bet anything I couldn't easily affort to lose on 1 in 5 odds.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 743
Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/29/2010 7:27:34 PM

I wonder if the hubby has a brother, or a male cousin? Cause if she got the sperm from some relative, the DNA test wouldn't exclude him from being the papa - but it still wouldn't be *his* kid.


WRONG! The DNA would differentiate between brothers w/o any trouble!

IE......

Im pregnant by one of two brothers will their dna be the same if i have a paternity test?
i slept with two brothers do they have the same dna they are not twins but do have the same parents




No, they don't have the same DNA.
unless they are IDENTICAL twins.
even faternal twins have differnet dna.


So see even if she slept with his brother the DNA will tell the tale!


How accurate is it? The odds of two people having the same DNA sequence are estimated at 6 billion to 1--unless they're identical twins. However, identical twins do produce different iris and retinal scans, making eye scans a slightly more reliable biometric.


So she would have to sleep with at least 6 billion.......That is 6000 million men to find one that MIGHT match her hubby and get pregnant by that one.

Now you see why the DNA test may scare her so much.....No way to beat it!
 CoolBreezez
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 744
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Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/29/2010 7:59:38 PM

I wouldn't bet anything I couldn't easily affort to lose on 1 in 5 odds.


I don't think I would like to do that either- doesn't make much sense does it.

And based on what I see from the reactions in this thread, I'll say that there's about 50% chance that the woman is question will be quite upset if he tells her that he's getting a paternity test. That's a pretty large risk and expensive. I sure wouldn't want to be in his shoes right now.

So - to more address the question of the thread-
Should this man be logical and discrete or "moral" and courageous?

The old saying "Discretion is the better part of valour" comes to mind right now.
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 745
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Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/29/2010 8:20:21 PM

Yes they are barefootkitten you just don't want to admit it.....Just like the PCOS is controllable by diet when you said it was genetic.
PCOS is caused due to genetics, but when one has it, diet is an important step in CONTROLLING it. Poor diet doesn't cause PCOS at all. Someone with poor diet but without a genetic predisposition to it WILL NOT get it, but someone who does have a predisposition to it CAN CONTROL the disease through disease.
There is a difference. Just as the examples you provided have NOTHING to do with specific actions on the part of the wife.
 sentback
Joined: 12/22/2010
Msg: 746
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Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/29/2010 8:32:41 PM
I myself have live cohabitated with a few women. The last relationship I was in 11 years ago we were not married. I lived with this woman for 5 years.When I met her she had 2 children. they were very young. She was an attractive woman and had low morales. After the relationship ended I VOLUNTARILY paid CHILD support for 9 years. Since I bonded with those 2 kids I could NOT abandon them. We all make choices in life just because the mother was a slut why should the kids pay for her actions. I even paid for one of the girls college. What I have seen in this day of age. If I ever got back into a relationship I would DEFINATLEY get a DNA test done if my second half said she was pregnant. As the adage goes Nice guys finish last. and I am tired of it. It was easy to end the relationship because the woman was NO good.. But when you have bonded with a child thats a LOVE that can NOT be taken away easily every time I got visitation I could not stop crying when I had to send them back to their mother NOW thats the toughest thing in a relationship thats gone sour.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 747
Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/29/2010 9:10:20 PM

PCOS is caused due to genetics, but when one has it, diet is an important step in CONTROLLING it. Poor diet doesn't cause PCOS at all. Someone with poor diet but without a genetic predisposition to it WILL NOT get it, but someone who does have a predisposition to it CAN CONTROL the disease through disease.


You say it is genetic the medical websites I found say the following......


What Causes PCOS?
Unfortunately, the cause of PCOS remains a mystery to health care professionals. There are a number of theories as to what may cause the disorder, but no one theory has been sufficiently proven:

* Genetics: PCOS may be the result of faulty genetics. The disorder tends to run in families suggesting a genetic component to PCOS.


"Suggesting a genetic component" is not the same as genetic!

Bearfootkitten I am sorry but you are not up on the facts.

You even thought that a brother or cousin could have the same dna as the presumed father.
When the truth is the chances of two people having the same DNA is ONE in 6 billion!

I mean you are free to believe anything you like.

However my points have at least as much merit as your feelings/beliefs.
Because you have ZERO proof she didn't cheat.........while her actions and his condition are known and makes the parentage suspect.
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 748
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Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/29/2010 10:00:37 PM

"Suggesting a genetic component" is not the same as genetic!
Not a lot is currently known about pcos, and research is constantly coming up with new information about it. Even among people with the disease, it presents itself differently in each patient and affects some more than others and in different ways. Last I talked to my specialist about the disease less than a year ago, he said CURRENT research is going with it having a genetic link.

There are MANY sites online about pcos and many contradict each other because the doctors can't even agree on the specific cause. I'm sure you could find any number of sites to support the point you are trying to make, as I could to support mine, but I'm not going to simply because it is so off-topic to this thread that it's pointless. You try to insult anyone's intelligence who disagrees with you, but I simply won't indulge you anymore.


You even thought that a brother or cousin could have the same dna as the presumed father.
When the truth is the chances of two people having the same DNA is ONE in 6 billion!


That was not me that posted that. Try to keep people straight before you point fingers.

Identical twins have the exact same dna and it would be impossible to determine paternity if two male identical twins slept with the same woman in the same time frame. In fact, if my identical twin sister took a test comparing my child's dna to hers, it would come back that she is my child's mother, and I would come back GENETICALLY has HER children's mother because we have the same dna. If someone IS NOT an identical twin, there isn't anyone else in the world they share their dna with.


I mean you are free to believe anything you like.
Yes I am, and so are you.


However my points have at least as much merit as your feelings/beliefs.
I never said you don't have a right to your feelings or beliefs, but that doesn't mean that I have to believe anything you say. I personally feel you allow your own personal experiences to bias you against women in every thread I've seen you, but that's MY observation and interpretation of what I see as consistently bitter comments made about women. You are welcome to believe that women are evil creatures who are mostly out to screw men and take their money and sleep around, and that's your right to that belief, but it doesn't mean I have to accept it as truth.


Because you have ZERO proof she didn't cheat.........while her actions and his condition are known and makes the parentage suspect.
And you have ZERO proof that she did! What actions, taken by the woman have hinted that she cheated? Let's see.....she had a baby and won't allow the husband to test for an UNKNOWN to us disease. TO ME, that's not proof at all that she cheated, but to you it is. We are different creatures, I try to give others the benefit of the doubt, you do not.

This is all apart from the fact, that I've never stated once that he doesn't have reason to have a paternity test done. In fact, I've stated MANY MANY MANY times that HE SHOULD, but that he should tell the wife he wants one. I feel the more prudent action is to retest his sperm first, but again, that's my opinion, to which I have a right.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 749
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Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/29/2010 10:19:18 PM

You even thought that a brother or cousin could have the same dna as the presumed father.

No, no ... you got it wrong! BFK didn't say that, I did. And it's not that they have the same DNA, its that a relative might be mistakenly included as a possible father through DNA testing.
"Since family members are more likely to have similar genetic profiles, when two alleged fathers are related, the probability of paternity may be lower than in standard tests. In such cases it is always best to test both alleged fathers ..." (http://www.dna-geneticconnections.com/paternity_testing.html)
"however, if the biological Mother does not participate in the DNA test by supplying samples, it may cause inclusive results to be incorrect when only testing one brother"
(http://www.dnatesting.com/dna-testing-blog/2010/12/identigene-paternity-dna-testing-question-of-the-week/)
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 750
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Kids Paternity (DNA) test - Do it secretly or inform the wife?
Posted: 12/30/2010 10:03:03 AM
The QUESTION posed in the OT was NOT,"should a DNA test be done"-rather, it was whether the mother of the baby,who is married to the man questioning her childs' paternity,should be informed of the test. The only bearing this genetic predisposition has, is that someone apparently tried to use testing for it as a roundabout way to possibly identify paternity. So here's this mother, who I'm sure WANTS to hope her child doesn't have some medical condition,but if the child DOESN'T have it, she's going to be accused of cheating? Wow, talk about having to decide whether you want to be shot or hanged!
If the circumstances were different, I'd be inclined to AGREE with the poster who cited discretion as the better part of valor. However, we have no way of knowing how many people Daddy Dearest Blabbermouth has discussed his issues with,or how deeply his family has THEIR beaks stuck into his business. So in this particular individual case, I feel that it's in everybody's best interests that he TELL the wife that he's getting a paternity test done on the kid. What I and other posters have also tried to get across!- is that his wife may be quite upset at having her fidelity questioned, very possibly even more so if she is a very honest and ethical person.
Also, and this is also just my personal feeling-this implied accusation of infidelity is, IMO, a very grievous accusation to bring against someone and I believe she has the right to know of this accusation,regardless of whether she is exonerated or convicted by the "evidence".
Think about the justice system...no matter how strong the evidence may be against somebody, even if the person's crime was witnessed by a busload of nuns and the Dalai Lama, the person can't just be tossed into prison. They have the right to defend themselves.
People, there is a CHILD-an infant-in the middle of this mess! IF mama does have reason to fear that the DNA test might show that someone else is the daddy, I think she has a right to know that she's being "investigated", so she can have some kind of contingency plan in place for the childs'-and her own-basic survival needs. While nothing has been definitively said, I get the impression that the woman is not currently employed and that the baby is quite small. I think,regardless of what she may or may not have done, that she's entitled to know about this "investigation",so that IF there is a chance the baby was fathered by another man,she can start planning to defend herself and the baby against being homeless or in the path of abuse. OR, conversely, if she knows damn well that nobody else can possibly be the baby's father, she can sort out her feelings about whether she stays with this suspicious and distrustful man and his family/friends. She'll have time to either reconcile herself to staying in a damaged marriage, or to start hunting for good representation in the event that she feels divorce is required.

Cindy O
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