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| why do none of my messages get repiled.
Posted: 12/4/2010 9:06:03 PM | OKay.. its awkward to say this but my messages get responded to. I had to bury salt and arsenic in my profile to stop contacts. And these are decent ones. Sure it helps to live somewhere the demographics help. My location has a lot of single women in the government. And I've the impression that Londoners and NYs may find women out and about more than in POF.. but ..
.. a simple profile that covers the basics helps:
1) clear pic.
2) about me that is not a self evaluation or a resume but is truly unique info.
3) no common statements
4) simple short contact notes
5) no restrictions
The idea is to create a feeling of presence through the profile. Otherwise you're asking women to contact a random wanting dude.
I realize the 'no restrictions' and 'good pic' is more or less my violin solo but those do make a difference.
Restrictions tend to make it look too much like a shopping expedition. That type of filtering is accomplished one thousand time better by providing a sequence of hooks in your profile that brings out the unique qualities you have. Then matches find you.
A good pic is just the start; its been done since royal families had to look beyond the hills for matches for their kids. Very few porcelain camoes are brownish poor contrast sillouettes. | |
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| why do none of my messages get repiled.
Posted: 12/4/2010 10:42:12 PM | | In response to your thought about why girls just simply don't say "no thanks" if they're not interested, I've seen enough posts from young (and old!) ladies who DO send the "no thanks" notes only to be met with absolutely vile and vulgar responses from the men they were politely rebuffing. After one or two of those types of messages, many simply don't both any more out of fear of being blasted by someone with self-esteem and anger management issues! It's generally not the girls that are being rude, it's the girls doing preventative selection. Do NOT take offense. | |
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| why do none of my messages get repiled.
Posted: 12/5/2010 12:04:02 AM | | ^^Yeah, sad to say unless it's someone I know already (you know who you are) or have spent a lot of time interacting with positively on the forums I no longer even open emails from men (the explanation is on my profile) which is too bad because it would have been fun to do so. And so many men act polite and nice and say they at least want a response then when a woman politely declines they get really ugly and say nasty things. I was floored the first few times it happened, tried to screen for it then finally stopped reading any emails at all. It isn't a few men who ruin it, it's a few men who make up for the majority who send rude/nasty/ugly emails. | |
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| why do none of my messages get repiled.
Posted: 12/5/2010 12:52:24 AM | ya its tricky. if u want success on this site u gotta email at least 20 girls a day. for every 60 girls you email, you might get one response. for every 20 responses, you might get one hang out session, for every 20 hang out sessions, you might get one to go to a second date.
yeah its tough, but nothing is easy in this world. especially since you have like every guy on this site as competition who is doin THE EXACT SAME THING as i just described.
keep on workin hard u can do it. | |
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| why do none of my messages get repiled.
Posted: 12/5/2010 1:24:30 AM | o yeah, i forgot to say, the less attractive the girl, the greater the odds you will get a response from them.
but, i strongly believe u should go for an attractive girl still. itll b worth it in the end | |
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| why do none of my messages get repiled.
Posted: 12/5/2010 5:38:04 AM | ^^^^^^^^
Ok, given that the odds are so heavily stacked against even getting a reply (for men at least) then why are you still here? My question is not posed in a dereogatory sense, but one of simple inquisitiveness.
If the effort to get a response outweighs the reward of that response then why continue? Do you carry some kind of blind faith that eventually one of those responses will be from a smoking hot, sexy girl?
I don't think guys are realistic. Many continue to bang their heads against a brick wall... searching... hoping... praying even.
There is a strong argument for all the men on online dating websites to simply down tools and leave. This would force a major change in how online dating works and force the females to reconsider their negative attitude towards men who use online dating. | |
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| why do none of my messages get repiled.
Posted: 12/5/2010 7:07:17 AM | OKay.. .the babe isn't going to like this but...
I hate to admit appalling weakness but about six months back over the course of two or three months, very late, and with no objectives I sent a few twelve word notes to younger people who were just kicking around online at the same time. I was sorta curious about this "no one answers" thing. ASked for one to update her facepainting, told another to delete my note unread, a 3rd I asked how she could answer notes when she was being buried by them, one other -- something about a strange choice of hair in her pic. Two work as models.
People who are used to communicating don't mind doing more of that if its innoculous and unlikely to turn negative. None were warped daddy-issue girls, they were just playing along to be polite, a little bored. Probably they got back mostly because truly was no possibility and they needed a break from the candidate type.
An no, it was only one or two notes exchanged. I'm not talking with anyone but forum folk now.
I'm not dateable and have no gift at chatting with women.,. but all this junk people keep saying about no one reads or responds to their notes. Well that's just whacky.
Allow women an opportunity to find some reason to contact - something that assures them they're not likely going to find trouble immediately. They are here to date - they want to get back to people.
If your profile is a treasure trove of adhering junk that everyone else has said, mixed with a few negative comments, indoorsy photos and overarching plans for the next millenium.. that might not work. Say what's up. Get decent photos. Lay traps - its a hunt.
This has left the area of profile review -it should focus on that. But there is cesspool people jump in with the "i'm intelligent looking for same". "I don't smoke and feel its appropriate that my date wouldn't either" or "I'm in good shape and expect that any girl I meet is too".. Those are all bad things.
Get better photos, read up online on how that works. That alone will improve things a great deal. | |
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| why do none of my messages get repiled.
Posted: 12/5/2010 3:19:04 PM | I've decided for now its better to look in the real world. Im starting to go to my church's 20-30 home group and will start a photography night class after christmas. Also im voulenteering abroad on a ship where i know that countless people have met their future partner aboard.
It's annoying when you want it now and have to wait, but i guess thats life.
it does suck for guys on here, ive seen a new girl's profile that had over 30 messages in one day. i kinda understand it now.
If I were a girl I'd ignore the messages i get[seemingly mostly from older unatractive men.] and write to guys i was attracted to. I have recieved a few messages from women, but generally speaking my response to them is "I'm sorry but i dont date anyone over 30" or if they dont suit me, be that for location, looks, personality or race i would respond saying "im sorry but ive found someone else"
its a shame that dating sites dont work as i'm quite shy and overall a nice guy, guess ill have to adapt to the real world. | |
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| why do none of my messages get repiled.
Posted: 12/5/2010 5:13:30 PM | Jon, as it currently sits you have one interest; fencing. There's very little you've said about that to make it live and breath. Its true that you do ski but you haven't made it alive enough to seem an interest.
When I was your age I skied the main run at Azu wearing my bros flame red anorak over house sized moguls while chicks on the chairlift whistled the theme to The Great White North. That was an interest. Edit: However that its not how they should be worded- women are looking for you to be able to participate and support things they shine at. None are impressed by flamboyant crap like I just mentioned.
The other things are your work, which while a laudable form of employment is not dragging in interest.
Develop better photographs, or get someone else to do the developing, or digital rendition, cropping, color fixing and whatever. It will provide a 20x's improvement.
Your plan to go on a cruise ship or something similar is good. Get out more - be part of social groups.
I don't really know where you should start. There's nothing unique about you right now (except of course the fencing). You're not negative but the profile is plodding along. That's not what you're like - say what you do, how you have fun. Provide photos that back that up. Look for interests that are both inclusive (women also do them) and somewhat rare (not everyone does it so people have to search for them).
The site really works. Its valuable to play the game as its presented. Create a presence by updating photos regularly and talking about things you've done in town that others might share.
Edit 2: I had a blah profile for a long time. No one contacted. Stumbled across some decent photos. That changed everything. Now it seems to make a lot more sense. | |
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| why do none of my messages get repiled.
Posted: 12/5/2010 10:36:46 PM | Dude, your advice suck. First of all, you are tapping a demographic of post-menopausal women. these folks have different expectations, the women this gentleman wants comes from a different generation with different expectations. he needs to get the feel of the people around him, socialize, communicate, party, hang with his peers.
As for the advice for that dude, the OP, uhm, maybe online dating isn't right for you? you probably should be experiencing things outside of this game. online dating is, even for me, something entirely else. it more akin to ebay than anything else, and you shouldn't want this. assuming you do get some messages, then what? how are you going to relate to them? i personally think it is better if you forget about dating for a while (take a break) and go have no-expectations fun. screw cruises, you aren't 50. young people go out, bars, pubs, clubs, get involved in their intellectual communities. if you don't have expectations of landing a date, the phobia would probably disappear. And if you stop worrying about dating and just start socializing, you will probably learn better to relate to people and ultimately learn more about yourself. Correct me if i am wrong, but you seem terribly sheltered. | |
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| why do none of my messages get repiled.
Posted: 12/6/2010 2:35:26 PM | I'll always defer to the judgement of women on profile contents; that's the whole game.
Best I get back to my phalanx of greyhaired toothless babes; they are impatient in the mausoleum, sending me pics with Pekingese and Terrier pups. Gotta plan the get together: experiment with our irrigation supplies, Androgel and Cialis, electric koolaid jello twister.
My work here is done. | |
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| why do none of my messages get repiled.
Posted: 12/7/2010 1:05:49 AM | jon, u are on track.
join the real world and go from there. im sure u will come across someone. most couple's of any age group meet in the real world one way or another. the way i look at it is, every time i see some hot girl walking down the street with some average guy i know for certain they probably met naturally through some acquaintance in real life.
i can guarantee u will end up getting a date quicker than some of the above who have posted that u will get one on here if u just change "ur game online" or fix ur profile or any of that ridiculous over done and cooked advice we all get told on here who any experienced online dater would know is garbage. i myself, am mostly a forum junkie now and really only use the site for that sole purpose.
i might even join u myself out there in the big bad world lol. | |
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| why do none of my messages get repiled.
Posted: 1/10/2011 12:06:34 AM | Hey dude, I'm going to be blunt and it is going to hurt, ready?
I look at your profile and the word weenie comes to mind, your lack of confidence is screeming out, don't date me I don't want to take the lead I prefer to be a follower.
Try to relate to the profiles of the women you would like to know, no attachment, not too much emotion, just the facts maam.
As others have said I repeat, use spell check, you don't appear to be a teacher, at least not one I would want my kid learning english from, do ya think this comes across to others. With the technology of computers these days having dyspraxia is not a good argument for lack of good work.
Get in tune bud, think about what women want and create a profile that portrays this (but remain true and honest about yourself) and think about what you want in a women and portray this in your profile without the emotional BS.
What do you like, what do you want, don't try to outthink the women, failure is inevitable. Remember, rejection is part of life, acceptance is an honour.
Good Luck | |
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| why do none of my messages get repiled.
Posted: 1/10/2011 1:36:12 PM | | Irish Eyez. How is it that women just are given the right to demand that a guy has to place effort into his profile via good grammar and proofreading, yet women don't have to do jack s hit to attract men to their profile. I look for compassion, wisdom, substance and humor. But I am a guy, so am I not entitled to expect girls profiles to adhere to those guidelines? You should seriously embrace equality, as so many women have failed to do so far. | |
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| why do none of my messages get repiled.
Posted: 1/10/2011 6:01:26 PM | You're absolutely right. Many girls do not put any effort whatsoever into their profiles except for multiple cleavage shots. And you know what? They still get messages from guys who think they've found their soulmate.
Once you grow boobs, you can condense your profile to nothing but a burp and a fart and you'll be inundated with messages like "Ur hawt. Lets hookup". That's SO much fun.
In the meantime, if you want someone who can end a sentence without tilting her head like a pekinese and going 'Yannow?', keep making the effort. The right one will appreciate it. | |
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| why do none of my messages get repiled.
Posted: 1/11/2011 1:08:18 AM | your not in the states and finding this issue a ass kicking problem? Damn man I feel bad for you if your not in the states and saying the same shit that state side say...perhaps it depends on location or just that woman are putting not enough while at the same time, hammering nonsense in through their eyes to reach the brain which by to rack it with their idiocy like being two faced but can't stomach to admit to it. hell, I'll gladly point something off a profile just to prove a point, whether it gets over or not is the "childish female" in a woman's life time to receive. Anyway good luck whether state side or over seas! hopefully not here in the ****ed up U S Of ass =)   | |
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| why do none of my messages get repiled.
Posted: 1/11/2011 1:12:25 AM | Thumbs up! woman need to take their heads out of their tight lil firm arses! and wake up so to smell the decaying roses they've neglected! | |
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| why do none of my messages get repiled.
Posted: 1/11/2011 12:19:59 PM | Does it really matter what right you may think woman have, if this is how they judge whether to meet someone or not ya gotta go with their program, if not, no date. I agree that compassion, wisdom, substance and humour are important too but if you can't get past the differences between men and women you will never get to first base.
Who cares what they look for as long as you are guy they are looking for.  | |
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| why do none of my messages get repiled.
Posted: 1/11/2011 2:08:50 PM | To the OP. I would seriously address your psychological issues prior to dating someone. I'm sure there are legitimate reasons for your lack of confidence and this overly nice, super sensitive persona you've built up (probably a lack of a good male roll model throughout childhood).
My advice, "Don't EVER ask a girl out who you THINK is too good for you."
Also, your curly hair is attrocious. The only redeeming photo is the one in the tux. The others make me think you sit at home eating cheese puffs and playing dungeons and dragons. | |
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| why do none of my messages get repiled.
Posted: 1/12/2011 11:24:05 PM | To some who wish to review a profile, please bare in mind that the negative comments may be helpful but these people are also looking for positive feedback on how to improve their profile. In business I used to have what is referred to as: Shit and Roses meeting. If a person wanted to say shit they also had to followup with roses (positive ways to change the shit)  | |
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