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| How a nice guy got even in the end...a POF dating story
Posted: 4/19/2005 6:39:57 PM | What...? I'm a idoit?
Hell no!
.......actually, ...I was thinking there's already is a legal term for people like you and the OP.
...he assumed she wasn't going to pay for her share.
Yes, ...so do many others, ....the FACT remains, .......she did, and NEVER said she wasn't going to,
..the rest is, ...as you say, "presumptuous". | |
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| How a nice guy got even in the end...a POF dating story
Posted: 4/19/2005 6:54:01 PM |
Obviously he had some clues from the begining and he had the option of not letting it get to the $180 point
gotta agree with angelhmm, late and passin on this one.....
even if she were a goldigger (and we're only hearing one side of the story), he could have put a stop to this before it became a big deal by just saying no.
The trite old adage "two wrongs don't make a right" still rings true for me. | |
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| How a nice guy got even in the end...a POF dating story
Posted: 4/19/2005 6:57:49 PM | This thread is the worst that I have ever seen.
YOu both are dirt for your actions and presumptions.
Good on ta mate; you were the dirtiest scoundrel. (I wonder if she was going to treat you to a wonderful dinner...on her)
hhmm.
You both lost on this one EInstein.
No winners; nada. (accept you might have gotten a free meal..ooo..wow)
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| How a nice guy got even in the end...a POF dating story
Posted: 4/19/2005 7:00:29 PM | Wetting his winkie? Is this some first date ritual I have missed? 
but seriously, the wetting of the winkie is a powerful motivator but I think the guy was basically just an a-s-s in the way he acted regardless of the purity of the woman's motives.. | |
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| How a nice guy got even in the end...a POF dating story
Posted: 4/19/2005 10:00:02 PM | | After reading this I feel it was unnecessary to even have to go through all that. Why didn't you just say hey this place looks too pricey for what I had in mind, I'm kinda low on cash can we go somewhere more reasonable. I'm sure she learned her lesson though. I must admit this was a good ditch effort. I wouldn't have left my jacket though. | |
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| How a nice guy got even in the end...a POF dating story
Posted: 4/19/2005 10:51:49 PM | Well you got lucky. I am the dumb a s s that fell for the "I dont get paid til Friday" and dropped 100 on a date last night. Today I busted the jerk, he was playing me, but hard.
I will have to remember to take a page from your book next time. | |
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| How a nice guy got even in the end...a POF dating story
Posted: 4/19/2005 11:17:28 PM | | Well I think the most important thing thats been said here is that you let it go too far. Just say not to dinner on first dates. Anybody that expects dinner on first dates is a gold digger or playing the girl. whichever way it goes. Always date by the golden rule, simple first date, coffee, and insist on it prior to meeting. If there's major vibes suggest a nice walk somewhere just to be sure. Then assess the reactions on the phone the next time you talk. Get ready for all suggestions of being taken advantage of, and respond accordingly with a polite alternative that is not expensive. If the other person insists on somthing like that, say maybe on a second date. If a person get ignorant walk away. | |
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| How a nice guy got even in the end...a POF dating story
Posted: 4/20/2005 12:19:54 AM | Hardly, I wouldn't waste my time with him. He would have been screened out in half a heartbeat, and it would never have gotten as far as it did. However, I would let my attorney handle it, if it did occur! I just don't appreciate a man, nor a woman, doing what the first poster did. It applies to both sexes. That's just a total lack of character, beyond anything I've ever seen, and he was proud of himself and boasting about it, to say the least!
Regardless of what his intentions were, he still should not have agreed to it, and then pulled because he didn't think he was going to get some. Please..what, just because she isn't jumping down his pants that makes her cold? Hardly!
If he was trying to be a nice guy, he certainly wouldn't have stuck her with the bill. He would have said something, but he didn't. He chose to carry on the charade, instead.
"Sure...order whatever you wish"..I'm taking off anyway? No mention of who was paying the bill, whatsoever. Now, that's A 'Man's Man'? Horse pockey! That's the slime of the Earth. If I were his mother, I'd be ashamed of him and the new poster who posted it! My son, thank God, knows better! He would never treat any human being like that.
Had it been one of his buddies he was out with, he would have offered to pay the bill and laughed it off. Because it was a woman, he immediately assumed she was out to stick him with the bill. Come on, that's just dead wrong!
Who's to say she was going to make him into a sucker? Maybe he was going to get lucky and didn't know it? Many of you guys have already admitted that you didn't know that was the way a woman felt. What makes you think he knew how she felt. He never asked her, that's for sure! In fact, he never asked her anything...he just left her high and dry.
What if she had intentions of paying for her half? Did that ever cross any of your minds? Maybe, she liked him and didn't want to seem too needy, so, she came off aloof, instead? How many guys do that? Lots!! I can't tell you how many play that game. Maybe she was shy and trying to build up courage?
The point is you don't know the person, how can you make a thousand assumptions and come up with "she was cold" and "she was going to stick you," when you have no clue whether she would or not. Maybe he thinks like this about other women, too, because he has a deep seeded fear of rejection and maybe, he automatically assumes the woman is out to hurt him. because he's been taken, previously? Just a thought!
The point being, if you assume...you're the A** regardless of whether you are female or male. | |
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| How a nice guy got even in the end...a POF dating story
Posted: 4/20/2005 1:13:57 AM | Poet:
"Anybody that expects dinner on first dates is a gold digger or playing the girl?"
I've found, that just about everytime I've dated, the gentleman has always picked a nice restaurant to go to. Mind you, this is on the first date. So, if I accept, I'm considered a gold digger? Really? That's just plain silly! I don't know about anyone else, but I was raised old fashioned. Anyone ever hear the old adage, "it's not the place you go, it's the person you date?" Since when does that ONLY apply to a coffee shop, or a walk, now? What if the person you are with is someone you like and they like you, and you've already established that upfront -- via phone or email, or even meeting offline?
It used to be (back in the old days), that men knew how to act like a gentleman, and a lot of them did everything in their power to impress a young lady, even on the first date.
I'm hardly materialistic, but, I do enjoy when a man takes me out to a nice dinner and treats me the way I'm accustomed to being treated -- as a lady. Does that mean I would take advantage of him? No way, and I never have!
However, that's the way I was raised, that a man should respect and treat a woman like a lady, and of course, a woman should respect and treat a man like a man. I'm not saying either has to go gung-ho financially, but, at least when someone does take a lady to a semi-nice restaurant, or even a nice one, it tells the woman he has a bit of class. And yes, that tends to impress some women, believe it or not -- even if some say no! Heck, I've heard a lot of women here say one thing in one thread, and the next thread, they say something completely different, which is totally contradictory. As for me, I decided a long time ago to be me, all the way -- regardless of what someone else thinks of that.
Let me just say one thing -- although it's not about money, or how you flaunt it, you still want to make a nice first impression on the woman. If she's used to being treated like a lady by everyone else and you're so worried about her stiffing you, or taking advantage of you, well...then, you're missing the whole point of going out, together. Last time I checked you were going out to get to know one another, and have fun.
Some of you have become so focused on how much you are spending, that you're just waiting for a woman to take advantage of the situation. You tend to miss out on so much more, when you do that. It's like walking up to a woman and saying, hey, I'd like to take you out and getting rejected. You get so used to it, you worry about doing it again and so, you don't!
Not too smart in my opinion..and by the way, I'm hardly a gold-digger, but I'm not ashamed to say that I enjoy being treated to a nice dinner, when a man asks me for a date. I don't expect it, but it's still nice when someone does it, especially if they're truly interested in the person and want to show them that. What ever happened to chivalry. fellas?
Tell me something, if it were raining, would you offer them your jacket, so they don't get wet, or would you automatically assume they would take off with it, because it's an expensive jacket. You should wear your cheaper one, so you don't lose it? That's what it sounds like. It's a mentality, based on how much, not whom and whether you enjoy the person's company!
Just my two cents in the matter. | |
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| How a nice guy got even in the end...a POF dating story
Posted: 4/20/2005 1:52:29 AM | OMG your story was funny 
You totally did the right thing... Who was she to rack up a bill like that on you? and expect you to pay for it??? Ha!!
So you know what?? I say if you had to do it all over again?? I would have ordered the most expensive things on the menu and a whole bottle of there finest dessert wine waited until the bottle was opened and the food was half eaten and bolted! | |
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| How a nice guy got even in the end...a POF dating story
Posted: 4/20/2005 3:08:56 AM | | omg that made me laugh so hard i almost pissed my pants. If it were me in that position, once she ordered the merlot I would have said "well, i hope you have money to pay for that, because i'm on a mcdonalds budget and i was planning on having water and bread" | |
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| How a nice guy got even in the end...a POF dating story
Posted: 4/20/2005 5:18:44 AM | Angel I completely believe and do treat a lady like she should be treated,
offering her my coat when she is cold and paying the dinner bills.
But some people take advantage of others. You know who they are
you hear them talking about getting some sucker to buy them a drink.
They use men and call it being treated like a lady. I say why go out for expensive
dinner's or ask you to buy them this at the mall. Why can't two people not do anything
and just have fun together, have fun and enjoy each other's company just because they
enjoy being with the other person. In my opionion you shouldn't need any money for that.
But that's not how it is, i usually spend at least a grand a month doing things i don't need to do. Weekends are one thing but my gf and I should have fun mon-thur doing nothing at all
but enjoying each other's company. But then I hear that dreadded "what are we going to do?" | |
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| How a nice guy got even in the end...a POF dating story
Posted: 4/21/2005 9:41:33 AM | I agree, so, you have to be careful. I didn't say allow yourself to be stepped on, but there is such a thing as saying no! I think the problem is most men and women don't know how to say, No! It's not that hard to do, believe it or not. However, becoming a part of the problem isn't the solution. Here's a question to ask yourself: If you had children, what would you want them to learn? Would you want them to learn to leave someone at the table, with the bill, or would you attempt to teach them better?
Personally, I would want my kids to know it's wrong. It's also wrong to take advantage of a person, but it starts with one's self. You can't change other people, you can only change yourself. No, you don't need money to have fun, together, however, it's always nice to be a man, or a woman...I don't mean just any man or woman. I mean a real man and a real woman. One that looks at their prospective other with respect and wants to do things that pleases them. If you have no respect for the person, why take them out at all? Just take them home and bed them, right? 
Yes, you can have loads of fun just sitting at home, snuggling up with each other, and you can go out on the weekends, if you both choose, or not. If a woman is saying "what are we going to do?" Great...what a perfect time to lift her up and carry her to the bedroom and make wild passionate love to her. Then, get up and make her breakfast, lunch or dinner. You will have her eating out of your hands, and she may just return the favor, several times over. Now, you have something to do and it won't cost you a cent.  Of course, if you do that everytime, either she will stop asking you what you're going to do, or she'll buy you some viagra, hehe. Personally, I'd bet on the viagra. 
But you're talking about being in a relationship, and just meeting someone. There is a huge difference between the two. Although you have to feed a relationship, in many ways..when you're just meeting someone, well...there are a lot of fish in the sea. It's like going for a job interview. The nicest, strongest, smartest, best one gets the job. This is no different, when it comes to dating.
In more feminine terms, if you want to be with someone who knows you respect them, then treat them the way you would want to be treated yourself. Would you want a woman to take you out and wine and dine you? It would be kind of neat, right? Would it leave an impression on you? I would suspect so. In other words, it's about having a good time with each other, but remember, there are a lot of fish in the sea. If you don't make a woman or a man for that matter, feel special in one way or another, well...I'm sure there's someone else out there who will. JMO | |
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| How a nice guy got even in the end...a POF dating story
Posted: 4/21/2005 1:38:08 PM | Justo,
The last first-meeting I set up I invited her for beer and pizza at Old Chicago's -- about $25.00, and we didn't even finish the pizza. I wouldn't let myself get pulled into a $180.00 dinner on a first date, no matter what, even if she said she was going to pick up the tab. I'd decide where we were going and roughly how much it would cost me before we ever got there.
If I messed up and didn't do that, I would have made a quick yes or no decision when she suggested the fancy place. Especially in this case, with her acting cold, I would have looked at the menu when we walked in, and said, sorry I can't really afford this place right now, can we try another? You shouldn't LET yourself be used.
If I messed that up, I would have tried to put the brakes on a little when things looked like they could get into the $50.00 to 100.00 range. After the first pricey appetizer or glass of wine, there's nothing wrong with saying, "Umm, I really can't afford to spend more than about $70.00 on this dinner -- could we just go ahead and order the entrees, and I'll buy a bottle of Mad Dog 20-20 at the liquor store later? LOL
If I'd messed up and hadn't done that either, I would have kicked myself three times for my triple mess-up, and paid the $180.00. Live and learn, dude. Yeah, she wasn't thoughtful in her approach. But I think what you did was a little harsh after you'd messed up that badly and had let it go that far. As was said, two wrongs don't make a right. | |
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| How a nice guy got even in the end...a POF dating story
Posted: 4/21/2005 3:11:19 PM | Kenpoman: Let me guess, Universal Kenpo Karate? Why do I seem to see some self absorbed A*S*S*H*O*L*E*S come out of that school but no others? Look at his profile folks, "Christians" don't do that.
Late's right, the guy is a criminal let alone an A*S*S*H*O*L*E | |
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| How a nice guy got even in the end...a POF dating story
Posted: 4/21/2005 4:39:04 PM | | Apparently his presumptions were correct when he said she phoned him saying that she couldn't afford it and asked him for the money back. That says to me that she had no intention of paying anything. Why some of you are suggesting he send her the full $180 is beyond me.. he assholishly but cleverly got out of being screwed and now you want him to screw himself? At most, he should send her half and even then, I bet she managed to talk her way out of paying for the main course.. | |
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| How a nice guy got even in the end...a POF dating story
Posted: 4/22/2005 4:12:30 AM | | No, that says you also jump to conclusions. She didn't say he should pay the entire 180.00. She said he should pay her back. There's a big difference! And for what he did do, honestly he owes her that and then some, even legally that would apply! He made a verbal contract by agreeing and going along with the charade, and even ordering his own food, AND leaving her with the bill without discussion of who would pay. Then, he blatantly posted on a public board how he screwed her over. Yeah, that would go along really well in a court of law -- NOT!! | |
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| How a nice guy got even in the end...a POF dating story
Posted: 4/22/2005 5:01:23 AM | First off if he did feel like she was into him,he should have said no i would not like too go get something to eat i feel like after having a coffee with you that you are not onto me.So thank you for meeting me to have a coffee,but would like too end this date we are on,best of luck in the future.Then this wouldn't have went to were it ended at. | |
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| How a nice guy got even in the end...a POF dating story
Posted: 4/22/2005 5:11:17 AM | Dances...then she'd probably go home and tell her friends that you were a cheapskate, and that, OMG....you took her to an OLIVE GARDEN *Shock* the horror!
I am just curious though....when you were already seated, got your menus, and getting ready to order, and you came across a 50 dollar hamburger.....would you actually STOP what you're doing, put down your menu, and say, "Sorry this is too expensive"?
LOL | |
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