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Posted: 12/27/2010 6:25:49 AM | | With an addict the drug is NEVER not an issue. Admitting to still doing it 'once in a while' is a major red flag it means the drug still has a hold on them. | |
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| pretty clear already,just checking....
Posted: 12/27/2010 8:20:24 AM |
maybe she is clean but no longer interested in you.
laffs, funny how that seldom crosses anyones mind
That could be a possibility but a far fetched one at best.
Past behavior is a pretty good indicator of present behavior. | |
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| pretty clear already,just checking....
Posted: 12/27/2010 8:25:43 AM |
1)Stress
2)Fatigue from work
3)Pre symptoms of menopause
4)Holidays
5)family
6) great guy who treated her right suddenly does not???
This does not sound like symptoms of drug abuse to me, it does sound like excuses one would use when they are no longer into someone.
but this is just my opinion and I dont have a PHD like most of you seem to have!!  | |
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| pretty clear already,just checking....
Posted: 12/27/2010 10:40:17 AM | The symptoms you list can be related to many things, even a growing disinterest in her relationship with the OP.
OP if your gut is telling you she is back on the drugs, then follow your gut instinct-no money borrowing etc and protect your heart...however, without proof, it could be as easy as she wants out of this relationship and just doesnt have the balls to say so out loud.
The problem with guessing, is that you are guessing. Why not sit her down and tell her you have seen these signs and would like an explantion as to whats up, and tell her you are assuming these are signs of her being back on drugs...and see what happens? You may be surprised to learn it is not at all related to drugs...or you may be correct, but at least you wont be guessing anymore.
It is not clear cut to me...Id be asking questions in order to make it very clear-but then I dont play guessing games. | |
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Posted: 12/27/2010 11:30:15 AM | If someone has a drug problem then they can't take any at all.There is no such thing as "only once in awhile" to an addict.
Sorry hun your friend,who you want to be more, is back on the drugs.Lying to yourself ain't gonna help you any. | |
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Posted: 12/27/2010 12:59:31 PM | Thanks again,everybody.
Rain,in answer to your post I flat out said that and she denied it.
She said she wants us to be together-but needed space.
She told me to leave her alone on Wednesday,which I did.
Did not hear from her or try to contact her on Thursday
She called me twice on Friday and again on Saturday once.
I returned her calls on Monday,she said she hoped that we could meet this week to talk.
I asked her what was there to talk about,she blew up again.
Every time (several)I have tried to talk WITH her about these things but she just yells.
I am the one who is not interested any more ,not her.
There is no good reason for anyone to be in a relationship with someone when the bad outweighs the good for any length of time.
Somehow I feel like a creep bailing out on her but I don't need the grief...........
As crazy as it may sound,as a friend I would like to see her get clean.
It's pretty apparent that that is out of my control.
Not to sound conceited but I do not deserve to be anyone's doormat.
Thanks again,everybody.
There is one other possibility_she may not be interested in me but she is thinking about what I can provide her (money,lend her my car,etc.)
sheeesh,and here I just thought I was soooooo damn good looking!(kidding.) | |
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Posted: 12/27/2010 3:35:26 PM | then Irish, If you are no longer interested in a relationship with this person!!
break it off, fast and clean
no.....we can be friends crap..just end it!!
There are two sides to every story and we are not hearing this womans side so who is anyone here to judge her or what she is feeling,
but if you are uncomfortable with the situation then it is up to you to do something about it. | |
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Posted: 12/27/2010 5:52:45 PM | | Time to bail out of that relationship! With the info added in post 24 I would say you are 100% correct in your assessment of the situation... change your locks if you have anything valuable in the house. | |
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Posted: 12/27/2010 8:14:44 PM | People with addictions often call themselves cured just because they are not using the thing they were addicted to without realizing that it is the need to be addicted that is the real problem. The behaviors associated with the illness of addiction can continue or betriggered even if the person stays "clean".
In any case, whether using again or not, the behavior needs work or it will continue. Is it your job to do the work? NO. | |
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| pretty clear already,just checking....(UPDATE)
Posted: 7/12/2012 8:48:34 AM | Hi everyone.
An old topic here,but just updating for anyone who cares........
Have not seen this person in a very long time,no calls or contact at all.
However,3 different people (who have no relation to each other) have all conveyed to me through
conversation that this woman is a hot mess.
One went on to tell me about how he saw her and her nose was bleeding like a sieve and she seemed oblivious to the fact(other people had to tell her.)
I'm not gloating here,it actually breaks my heart but I am over her and she is out of my life but it just shows ya how
sometimes your "gut" is right on target. | |
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Posted: 7/12/2012 9:30:34 AM | | Dating should be fun. Why would you want to date someone that causes stress and strife in her life and your life? It sounds like you have more knowledge of drug use than you have shared. You appear to be knowledgeable of the signs and symptoms of a drug user. So.. I think you all ready have your answer. The better question is , what will you do about it? I don't think you can save her. She needs to save herself. | |
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Posted: 7/12/2012 10:49:23 AM | I reached that conclusion long ago, nobody wants to be " saved".
They need to want to be clean and I guess that's not her wish.
This relationship was over long ago.
I am seeing someone who may have a beer or two and that's it.
Amazing how much more peace that brings to my life ! | |
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Posted: 7/12/2012 11:04:12 AM | Well Irish, the nosebleeds were the tell-tale sign last year when you noticed them.
I went through the same thing with a friend of 20+ years and had to finally cut off communication
with her as I realized that her problem needed professional help. Until she reached the bottom, she
couldn't see the top. And she was a 'hot mess' too.
I am happy to report that since then, she has cleaned herself up and has been fine for the last 3 years.
There is hope for your friend as well, but it may still take a while longer for her.
Don't feel bad about bailing. Those of us that are not possessed by the addiction cannot fathom it's
grip and are of no help to them. It's a serious issue and she needs professionals to help her get out of that hell.
bb | |
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Posted: 7/12/2012 8:29:23 PM | If she was using even periodically you never had much of relationship to start with... but even so I'm sure you felt a great loss of what you "thought" you had...
My heart goes out to that woman. I know once these addictions take hold they live an all-consuming hell on earth. | |
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Posted: 7/12/2012 8:40:24 PM | The first sign of drug has always been a reason to bail in my world. The one exception I ever made reinforced the wisdom of leaving at the first sign of drugs. Once we were talking about her past and I'll never forget how she described what the drugs did to her, the yearning in her voice told me that she wasn't over the addiction. A few weeks later she lied to a nurse about having a bottle of pain medication after a minor outpatient surgery. The nurse caught it faster than I did, experience I guess, but the desparate manner in which she tried to get that prescription told me that it was time to leave.
Next time, just tell yourself that you deserve better and leave. | |
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Posted: 8/3/2012 10:16:48 AM | If a person had a drug habit in the past, they cannot be a once in a while user in the present. Once a person develops a drug habit, it becomes just that. Even if she began to use once in a while, her use would soon spiral out of control. You know the signs and symptoms, you just may not want to accept the reality of the situation.
tnot | |
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Posted: 8/3/2012 3:30:39 PM | The narcotics aren't back. Women can simply be moody. Most have the "never my fault" attitude. Why would they need to shift blame when they can never be wrong.
The lack of libido can be a concern - but folk sometimes don't want us. As for not having any cash on hand... well we didn't date them for their wallets. | |
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Posted: 8/3/2012 4:17:50 PM | yes. sad, but yes.
only way i know to handle someone like that is to have nothing to do with them.
not being cold hearted. but my experience is..the person ceases to exist - it's like only the drug(s) exist.
don't kid yourself, irish.
trust your instincts on this. if you think it's happening - it is! no doubt. | |
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Posted: 8/3/2012 4:39:42 PM | | Um...don't date people that have used drugs or say they only use drugs occasionally. I mean, it's like if a girl told you she use to be a hooker but now only sleeps around on occassion. Unless you can do no better, why not go for a girl with a great career, family, goals, education etc... I just don't get it. | |
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| pretty clear already,just checking....
Posted: 8/3/2012 5:19:31 PM | i can't believe two pages have gone by and not one person has asked WHAT drug he thinks she might be on as if all drugs fall into this one magical category where all the effects are exactly the same,,,,,,
let me,,,and anyone who has done different drugs assure you,,the effects are anything but the same
they do not even remain consistent between different people taking the exact same drug,,,there are always going to be variables depending on metabolism and other factors,,,,BUT
there are definite patterns of effect that are pretty consistent,,,,,,,
cocaine,,,,,the effects,,,rapid talk,,,grinding teeth,,,large pupils,,,,erratic behavior and talking! fugetaboutit,,,
now,,you compare that too
heroin,the effects,,,,lethargy,,,nodding off,,slurred speech,,,,,,,
if i was to put these two people in the same room,,,would you just diagnose them as JUST being on drugs? really? well,,you would be right of course! lol,,,but the treatment would be vastly different and that is the point,,,,,,sure they are both drugs but with very very different methods of treatment,,different effects on the person taking them,,,,and the fact that so many people just lump them all in together without taking this into account is really really fascinating......
someone,,,,at some time said to you "drugs are bad m'kay" and you bought it hook line and sinker and never asked if perhaps one was different then the other and maybe i should not lump them all together to be better suited to detect exactly WHAT kind of drug you are dealing with and be able to make a better informed opinion just like the case we have here with the op...
now my guess is he means she is snorting heroin? because the behavior will be different then if she is sniffing cocaine....ya think?
anywho,,,i was surprised by the lack of a question about the specifics,,,,and thank god that pharmacy's all over the world understand that depending on your symptoms the drugs they will give you have vastly different effects and cannot possibly be lumped neatly into one category that i can then point my finger at and say 'your on drugs ya dirty hippie!",,,get a job!!
lol have a lovely weekend | |
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| pretty clear already,just checking....
Posted: 8/3/2012 5:32:18 PM | Seems to me if they had a drug habit "many,many,years ago" (or at any time, for that matter), and they admit to "only once in a while", that it IS still an issue.
Sounds like your friend is in denial. | |
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Posted: 8/3/2012 5:41:02 PM | Life is complicated enough its good you moved on and it is a reminder all of us the pitfalls of drugs and booze when its out of control.
3 or 4 years ago I chatted over the phone ONCE with a guy who was obviously drunk... hadn't met him but decided not to even try to talk again. Every few months he calls out of the blue with a remember me???? want to talk???? and he's drunk every time... I don't answer ever, but I guess he drunk dials. It is sad really because normal people just don't do this... and its another reason why I don't jump to "talking" on the phone to early in the contact phase here of emailing back and forth...because after ONE conversation he still hasn't lost my number... | |
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Posted: 8/4/2012 5:02:16 PM | I read a bunch of these threads with a question about some iffy person, and all seem to lead towards "sue them", "dump them", "change the keys". It seems so make believe to me. As if no one has actually dealt with this.
I kinda light the human kind- they can enjoy alteration of senses. some too much. Most deal with it. | |
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