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| | my 14 yo daughter is sexually active - how do I deal with this?Page 13 of 13 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13) | | I'm sure the "author"name won't comfort much...however, I am 40. Just don't shut her down. Don't try to be too "understanding". Just make it known that you love her unconditionally. But as everyone else has mentioned, make her aware of the laws, the stds that she is exposing herself to and the affects of a, "Shit, what did I do?". Some things can not be reversed | |
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| my 14 yo daughter is sexually active - how do I deal with this?
Posted: 2/17/2012 11:11:10 AM | | I just don't know how I'd handle my little girls having sex in the next year or two...chryste....they're little girls still....back in the day kids started having sex in high school-and we remember the ones that dropped out because of pregnancy...now-a-days the kids want to start in junior high...wtf...and as a parent we're suppose to be ok with that because there's now stopping it??? | |
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| my 14 yo daughter is sexually active - how do I deal with this?
Posted: 2/22/2012 1:32:41 PM | the truth is
she is reflecting YOUR values
YOU BROUGHT HER UP!!!
so not much you can do about it now
just try and be there for her, make sure she has a very good idea abot birth control, and if she is having sex with anybody older then a year or two,that is 14, 15, 16, call the cops!!
the truth is at that age, a lot of kids where having 'some' kind of sex
it really is nothing new under the sun | |
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| my 14 yo daughter is sexually active - how do I deal with this?
Posted: 2/22/2012 8:00:08 PM | | you definitely should not ignore this behhavior!!! the first step you should take is talking to her mom about the issue. the second thing you should do is tell the bf to gt lost!!!! hes wayyyy too old for her!! and if that doesnt resolve the issue see what you can do as the custodial parent to possibly keep her from going there or at least placing more restraints on her. unfortunately sex is something we all find a way to do wherever we can especially when you're a teenager knowing that its forbidden in the house. but those ar my suggestions. also, see about birth control. as much as i'd hate to suggest it, at least it would give you some additional peace of mind. | |
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| my 14 yo daughter is sexually active - how do I deal with this?
Posted: 2/23/2012 1:19:22 AM | Take her to a female gyn doctor.......get her checked for STD's, give her an adequate supply of condoms(for the next 4-7 years), get her on the pill, and you pay for the pill until she is either 18 or 21, or has moved out on her own!!
Other than that OP.......she has rights to be protected, and to make her own decisions.
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| my 14 yo daughter is sexually active - how do I deal with this?
Posted: 2/23/2012 3:41:13 AM | ^^^^^that might be overall the single worst piece of advice I have ever read on these boards...
aside from getting her checked for STD's....
she is 14, she does not have any rights to make her ""own decisions"" as it were.... | |
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| my 14 yo daughter is sexually active - how do I deal with this?
Posted: 2/23/2012 7:31:27 AM | ummm....don't let her out of the house at night ....that would be "do-able" on the dad's week with the kids. He's got very little, to no control, when it's the mother's week. He could fight for full custody, but at the age of 14, the child has a large voice in where she lives, does she not? She will no doubt choose the slack parent that allows her what she wants.
supervise her coming to and fro from school ....not many employers that would allow a man(or woman)to arrive to work after 9am...and leave work by 3, or 2pm, if there are end of day spares. He can try to find that very flexible job...but it would be difficult. This wouldn't stop the humping in the back of the chem lab...on lunch break...skipping class...spares in the middle of the day...
cancel the cell phone and internet activity ...that would also be "do-able" if he provided the cell contract. It could be the mom. Same with internet service at the moms...
It's easy to say "you are her parent, yes?"...not so easy to tie your teenager to yourself with an umbilical cord when you share custody with someone who parents very differently than yourself.
On second thought...forget the "spare" classes. Kids will be using that to play around in, a couple years past 14. I do remember how difficult a time I had in controlling my daughter when she was in Jr. high. The only way I could have done it would have been to quit work...live on welfare...and shadow her. And we all know how folks feel about single moms on welfare, now don't we? I could get her butt on the bus at my end...but I couldn't control where she went to when she got off the bus at the school. | |
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| my 14 yo daughter is sexually active - how do I deal with this?
Posted: 2/23/2012 12:56:46 PM |
^^^^^that might be overall the single worst piece of advice I have ever read on these boards...
BD>>>>>
Its happening everywhere!! These kids ARE taking control of their own lives and fate.........
Turning a blind eye and pretending it's not happening, is the worst parenting advice ever!
Sigh.....
Yet, so many parents believe their babies are perfect angels. Yeah, after raising 2 awesome children, with my house being the cool 'hang out house'.......trust me, I have heard it all. | |
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| my 14 yo daughter is sexually active - how do I deal with this?
Posted: 2/23/2012 1:35:59 PM | amazing how many people my age and younger, Think you could control her.....
the deed is done, the die cast!!!
come on, has everybody forgotten what it was like to be the girls age!!!
the harder you come down on her the more she will rebel!!!, this is what it is now, and was then
at this point the best thing you could do is make sure she does not get pregnant, or sick
I bet you she is one very ,very popular girl in school! | |
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| my 14 yo daughter is sexually active - how do I deal with this?
Posted: 2/24/2012 10:21:10 AM |
BD>>>>>
Its happening everywhere!! These kids ARE taking control of their own lives and fate.........
Turning a blind eye and pretending it's not happening, is the worst parenting advice ever!
Sigh.....
Yet, so many parents believe their babies are perfect angels. Yeah, after raising 2 awesome children, with my house being the cool 'hang out house'.......trust me, I have heard it all.
yes of course I am not blind to what's going on in our youth.
yet I believe it is the responsibility of each parent to protect and teach and develop and set boundaries for their chidlren at every stage/age of their lives...
to not let their child do things which are beyond their physical and/or mental/emotional state....
just because everyone else is doing it, doesn't make it soo....many parents these days are parent in absentia !!
or peer pressure parenting...
i think it is a copout....
and it is NOT about believe your children are perfect angels...
to me, I still believe at some level in a healthy dose of ignorance is bliss for the collective masses of children... | |
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| my 14 yo daughter is sexually active - how do I deal with this?
Posted: 2/24/2012 7:26:46 PM | I agree that "it is the responsibility of each parent to protect and teach and develop and set boundaries etc, etc".
Where you have an intact household. you can do this.
Where you have co-operative co-parenting, you can do this.
How on earth do you figure this can be done in the case(which is very common) of seperated parents that are vastly different? Such as with the OP. Kids will often sink to the lowest common denominator parent. | |
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| my 14 yo daughter is sexually active - how do I deal with this?
Posted: 2/25/2012 12:20:34 AM | Well, after dodging all the flying debris and shrapnel in here, I tend to sort of slide into the old eye of the storm (where everything's momentarily calm) reading your posts, Boon Dock.....
here goes my two pence worth-
What the kid is doing is illegal. Period.
It's illegal for a reason. Not a bad idea to mull on the reason why.
Some kids are tougher to raise - which means tougher measures need to be taken.
Those kids can easily enough be failed by their elders and betters. (and a shell-shocked society, as a whole....)
A fourteen year-old is definitely not a child - but she sure isn't an adult, either.
She is in fact, a by-product of the "sexual deflation" running rampant because sex sells (meaning selling the idea of sex to people too young to understand the implications.)
And if the deflation isn't curbed, what then? One day we're going to be dealing with grade three kids copping thrills behind the schoolhouse?.......and winding up with std's that haul every adult male in their lives into court for suspected abuse? - as those little by-products get handed on down from junior high? Where does it end?
Whatever rights kids have are derived from the rights of their parents to raise them as they see fit. This is what growing up and earning independence is all about.
Otherwise, let's pull another Cultural Revolution and hand the country over to kids?
I'll retire to bedlam.
Sadly - it should not be the fact that a 14 year-old girl is having sex - that should cause the flip-out. It should be why she is. Hormones have been around since the dawn of creation, but that's still a lame excuse. Instant gratification on impulse - wouldn't go too far if that impulse was to commit homicide, now, would it?
If this were to turn into a battle royal between father and daughter - what of it? His moral standards are supposedly the standards she's been raised to. Sure, it requires a level head, strong conviction, and tough love. This is really what she needs, is it not?
Then why is she not getting it?
The only other thing I'd add here, is if she can't get that from the source she should get it from, she should damned well get it from somewhere!
(uh - and not from the bf - he's the last place she'll find that.) | |
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| my 14 yo daughter is sexually active - how do I deal with this?
Posted: 2/25/2012 12:21:34 PM | Honestly, I think it is much less of a problem than it was 25 years ago,
back then, kids really wanted to get away from there parents
now, they want to live at home till they are 30!!
like I said you razed her, trying to start punishing her will just bring on rebelion
look at it on the bright side, she will be very popular at school with all the boys,later men
get ahead in her career ,stay married,because she will be just what all men dream of having
fun and experienced!! | |
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| my 14 yo daughter is sexually active - how do I deal with this?
Posted: 2/26/2012 10:41:27 AM | This is when you really need to teach some priorities. My daughter who is nine right now, has two examples to look at... Her mother who had her first child at 17 years old. She never finished high school. She makes $7.50 an hour as a day care provider. On the other hand, I graduated school high school went on to four years of college and make a very good living.
Maybe it is time to introduce her to some successful people. A friend of mine was on vacation at Walt Disney World. They were at the Grand Floridian when he pointed out to his 14-year-old son that the guests at that resort, one of the most expensive at WDW weren't sporting visible tattoos, piercings and pony tails. His son got the message. He goes to college now and is a pretty clean cut individual. | |
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| my 14 yo daughter is sexually active - how do I deal with this?
Posted: 2/26/2012 10:17:20 PM | Take her to a female gyn doctor.......get her checked for STD's, give her an adequate supply of condoms(for the next 4-7 years), get her on the pill, and you pay for the pill until she is either 18 or 21, or has moved out on her own!!
Other than that OP.......she has rights to be protected, and to make her own decisions.
any idea how long a condom is good for? are you a grandma yet? ther is a diferance between being "realistic" and being a "Parent" really, might not sound smart but you have to voice a strong disapproval even for what you may assume has happened. | |
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| my 14 yo daughter is sexually active - how do I deal with this?
Posted: 2/29/2012 11:54:14 AM | for the love of!!
is everybody on this post, suffering from memory loss ????
there where many young girls, that started having sex at the age of 14 when I was that age
god knows they where the most popular ones!!! (and still are)
It was like that then
it is like that now
and it will be like that tomorrow
the one thing I now realize, is it is the sexual woman, who, gets the best career, the best marriage,and end up the happiest people
the mother should not, punish her for anything, it is the girls nature!
the mother should, really be very serious about birth control
other wise let her be | |
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