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 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 51
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Online Relationships & Meeting Face-to-FacePage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
There is no relationship until you meet face to face. You two have been living in fantasyland for the past 3 years.
 cinnarose
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 52
Online Relationships & Meeting Face-to-Face
Posted: 9/3/2011 8:02:40 AM
Sorry, OP, but this isn't a relationship. You've had a pen-pal for three years. You have never met. You cannot get to know who a person really is by reading what they've written. When you meet, you can begin to get to know each other for real.
 osocomplex
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 53
Online Relationships & Meeting Face-to-Face
Posted: 9/3/2011 9:04:41 AM
so....OP.....you posted this back in March.....you still have a profile looking for a man for long-term.....what happened to the "3 year relationship" that started online? Did you ever meet in real life???? Inquiring minds (mine, at least) want to know! I can't message you privately, cause I don't meet your messaging requirements-but I'm really curious how it all turned out!
 Here_In_Florida
Joined: 4/4/2011
Msg: 54
Online Relationships & Meeting Face-to-Face
Posted: 9/3/2011 2:05:15 PM
My initial thought is that I hope you're not moving there/ locating work there in order to be near him prior to meeting and seeing how things go IRL for a good long while.


Not to sound negative, but I think there is a serious risk here, I have talked to 2 people who have done this. Had a friend of mine carry on a very similar relationship with a woman for about a year online, and then took vacation off time for work to go see her, for about a week.

They would talk on the phone a lot, flirt, etc. and online of course

He flew out to see her, and she was cold as an igloo with him. It was a very awkward situation, he made the best of his vacation by spending the rest of the time alone seeing the sights.


Don't get me wrong, I hear this happen a lot, but I really don't see any validity to it. I met this one woman, said she was in love with a guy she met online, but she sees him once every few years, but at least they've established something. Though it's still an LDR.
 Starlit85
Joined: 9/28/2009
Msg: 55
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Online Relationships & Meeting Face-to-Face
Posted: 9/4/2011 11:01:46 AM
I feel bad for that guy who made a trip& got treated poorly by that woman. :-( Why would she do that? How mean. I'm curious as to what changed her mind about him.

As for the woman you met that's in an LDR, why does she get to see the love ofer life once every few years? :(
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 56
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Online Relationships & Meeting Face-to-Face
Posted: 9/4/2011 11:15:25 AM
A relationship isn't real unilt you meet face to face. You think you know this person but you don't, You'll be starting over once you meet. You said you were already exclusive. Do you really believe a man in college is being celeibate & is waiting for you? I'm not tryng to hurt your feelings, but do you really believe he hasn't been having sex with anyone else all this time? You should be dating, not taking yourself off the market for a man you haven't even met yet.
 Starlit85
Joined: 9/28/2009
Msg: 57
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Online Relationships & Meeting Face-to-Face
Posted: 9/4/2011 11:22:45 AM
Your post was in March. How have things been since you moved to his state? & I know you were both in college but why didn't you see each other on your summer breaks?
 cedar77
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 58
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Online Relationships & Meeting Face-to-Face
Posted: 9/4/2011 12:12:47 PM
Online Relationships & Meeting Face-to-Face


I remember the story about the two that got in to an " online relationship " while the guy lived in US and she lived in UK .

So after months of online and exchanging pictures and on the phone ,
then he got the big money to fly over and within ten minutes if meeting they both knew it was an absolute dud !

Meet soon !
 Pecos Pete
Joined: 2/7/2009
Msg: 59
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Online Relationships & Meeting Face-to-Face
Posted: 9/4/2011 9:43:43 PM
I admire your patience. A meeting in person is well overdue. Learn to manage your expectations and best of luck.
 Pasionlatina529
Joined: 8/5/2011
Msg: 60
Online Relationships & Meeting Face-to-Face
Posted: 9/5/2011 1:13:37 AM
Girl u have sadly wasted 2years of ur life creating this fantasy world with this guy. Wake up!!!!!

A relation ship is an interaction of 2 pp, an interaction u have not had!!! So there is no exclusivity not in his mind. So sad u have been putting ur life on hold for virtual boy that may not exist. N how do u know u met his actual family??? If he was really real he should have made at least OBE attempt to see u. In this case seeing is believing.

If u think about ALL these threads on this n every dating sites are about ppl posting their unhappiness with the situations they are living with or have encountered with a REAL person...imagine you haven't even had that cause u really don't know if he's been honest or real.

Hence my original statement....you have wasted 2 years.... But ur young n can recoup when u wake up from this silly dream. Smh
 MagikMan59
Joined: 8/2/2011
Msg: 61
Online Relationships & Meeting Face-to-Face
Posted: 9/5/2011 8:49:30 AM
Some men and women want to meet after only a few emails, while others don't seem to ever want to meet, just email. I figure not to rush a lady as a general rule, but I've also been told to "jump in a lake" for not moving fast enough (oops, lol). So now I ask women "how long before we meet?" in one of our early communications. Everyone is different so very rarely will I get the same answer.
 EsaMorena1088
Joined: 12/25/2010
Msg: 62
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Online Relationships & Meeting Face-to-Face
Posted: 3/14/2012 8:46:06 PM
so....OP.....you posted this back in March.....you still have a profile looking for a man for long-term.....what happened to the "3 year relationship" that started online? Did you ever meet in real life???? Inquiring minds (mine, at least) want to know! I can't message you privately, cause I don't meet your messaging requirements-but I'm really curious how it all turned out!


Sorry! My profile is still active because of the forum. Two GREAT things have happened since my original post:
1) We FINALLY met in May! I was SO nervous at first. It sounds like a sappy movie scene, but as soon as we saw each other, it was like all of the fears evaporated and everything we'd worked on from afar fell into place. We hugged for forever!
2) We don't have to do long distance anymore...because we're living in the same state!

A lot of posters wrote that we weren't in a relationship before meeting, but I respectfully disagree. The foundation we established-even while we were states away from each other-was and still is genuine. Talking out our differences, being patient and learning to trust each other unconditionally are things we couldn't have done if we weren't in a relationship. I feel that we might even appreciate each other a bit more because of our story. OF COURSE, being around him makes everything %10000 better. The bottom line is that I don't regret waiting to meet him at all. Maybe I just got one of the good ones!

Thanks to everyone who offered advice! Our relationship really is one of the biggest blessings I've ever experienced! We're very, very happy together!
 icallbs
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 63
Online Relationships & Meeting Face-to-Face
Posted: 3/14/2012 9:22:27 PM
Wow... that was a nail biter for sure. Thanks for the update, OP. Glad it worked out for you. Before I saw the age of the thread and your update, I was going to post to say that sometimes, if everything you've shared on line was "real" (i.e. you were both being completely honest, etc.), meeting in real life makes everything just fall into place and cements the connection you already were beginning to feel. I've had that happen. Didn't end up with him long-term, for various reasons... but we both feel as connected now, and feel like we understand each other on a very deep level, just as we felt before we ever met in person (and had known each other on-line for about 2 years when we met, though none of that time did we consider ourselves "dating" or "exclusive").

Once again, congrats!
 EsaMorena1088
Joined: 12/25/2010
Msg: 64
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Online Relationships & Meeting Face-to-Face
Posted: 3/15/2012 5:17:44 PM
Nail-biter is definitely the right description! I knew I couldn't be the only one to have waited to meet someone for so long. And I totally agree about feeling a deeper connection. Thanks so much for your post, Icallbs!
 PamiOakley
Joined: 9/26/2010
Msg: 65
Online Relationships & Meeting Face-to-Face
Posted: 3/15/2012 7:12:56 PM
I met a man online several years ago in a chat room and we clicked instantly. Moved to the phone immediately and there it stayed for several years for one reason or another. It was not a relationship by any means, but there was certainly a connection and a sense of future potential (those words don't really say what I mean). We finally DID meet. And we saw each other in RL for six months. It did not work out because there is info that RL situations provide that no amount of email and phone will. Meet him as soon as you can when you get to his state, is my advice. Either the two of you will work out or not. Either way you will be getting on with life. If you don't go for it, you will always wonder. I'm not sorry about my situation - it was a life experience.
 EsaMorena1088
Joined: 12/25/2010
Msg: 66
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Online Relationships & Meeting Face-to-Face
Posted: 3/15/2012 7:54:50 PM

I met a man online several years ago in a chat room and we clicked instantly. Moved to the phone immediately and there it stayed for several years for one reason or another. It was not a relationship by any means, but there was certainly a connection and a sense of future potential (those words don't really say what I mean). We finally DID meet. And we saw each other in RL for six months. It did not work out because there is info that RL situations provide that no amount of email and phone will. Meet him as soon as you can when you get to his state, is my advice. Either the two of you will work out or not. Either way you will be getting on with life. If you don't go for it, you will always wonder. I'm not sorry about my situation - it was a life experience.


I DID meet him already. I posted this not too long ago:


1) We FINALLY met in May! I was SO nervous at first. It sounds like a sappy movie scene, but as soon as we saw each other, it was like all of the fears evaporated and everything we'd worked on from afar fell into place. We hugged for forever!
2) We don't have to do long distance anymore...because we're living in the same state!

A lot of posters wrote that we weren't in a relationship before meeting, but I respectfully disagree. The foundation we established-even while we were states away from each other-was and still is genuine. Talking out our differences, being patient and learning to trust each other unconditionally are things we couldn't have done if we weren't in a relationship. I feel that we might even appreciate each other a bit more because of our story. OF COURSE, being around him makes everything %10000 better. The bottom line is that I don't regret waiting to meet him at all. Maybe I just got one of the good ones!

Thanks to everyone who offered advice! Our relationship really is one of the biggest blessings I've ever experienced! We're very, very happy together!
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 67
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Online Relationships & Meeting Face-to-Face
Posted: 3/15/2012 8:01:32 PM
Well Congratulations!
We like a happy ending.
 amalefriend
Joined: 2/11/2012
Msg: 68
Online Relationships & Meeting Face-to-Face
Posted: 3/16/2012 2:15:26 AM
Sometimes we don't know the extent of how much we never knew someone before we get an immediate relationship going on by moving to be with them. It can be a rude awakening. Been there, done that.. Keep your independence once you move and find out if you are indeed compatible, is my advice.
 damsel19
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 69
Online Relationships & Meeting Face-to-Face
Posted: 3/16/2012 2:21:16 AM
good luck to you. But why do you still have your pic on the profile??? Once you take that off you will not get many contacts if any and it is like not having a profile anymore and I am presuming you want that?
 Jac_the_Gripper
Joined: 1/17/2012
Msg: 70
Online Relationships & Meeting Face-to-Face
Posted: 3/16/2012 3:29:41 AM
There's nothing new in this. We forget that people have been doing this sort of stuff for centuries.

One of the most famous c*ck ups, (or not, fnar, fnar) was Henry VIII agreeing to marry Anne of Cleves based of an extremely flattering painting by Holbein. It didn't work out too well, but at least better for Anne than a couple of others I could mention.

During wars, such as the WWII, people married in understandable haste, communicated by mail and then found themselves with a husband they hardly knew and had changed considerably many years later. I think the point here is that it took time and effort to adjust.

So, you've had a slow burning friendship developing into something more. We have relationships all the time - relationships with our family, our friends, brief ones with someone who sells you your groceries. Of course you're having a relationship and obviously you understand its a different relationship from face-to-face meetings and when you will be more able to be together in person. It sounds like you've got your sensible, rational head on, especially as you both intend to work from the perspective of being friends at first. That allows you to see if there's anything more than friendship in the physical world, without putting too much pressure on yourselves.

I once saw a post on another site where a chap said he never would have believed that you could have so much online chemistry with someone and then there be nothing, zilch, diddly squat when meeting face to face. Its the risk you take and you may have to start all over, but its never effort wasted to spend time with another human being. If its not meant to be, it will have taken you somewhere in your personal development and that will, in time all work out one way, or another.

The way I look at it, all this chatting on the internet is very focused and it isolates communication away from every day trials, tribulations and practicalities. Although there's the obvious downsides to never having met, you have the advantage of having spent a long time marrying your communication styles and abilities. Communication is the very foundation of a happy, healthy relationship. Its going to be quite an experience when you finally do meet up, I expect. It will take that hard work and adjustment, but you have the communication there to help you through, whatever the outcome.

Ha ha! I"ve just seen the update! Many, many congratulations on the outcome of all your efforts and patience, both of you.

I so very pleased for you.

Its a brilliant life experience. Go and enjoy it!
 Jac_the_Gripper
Joined: 1/17/2012
Msg: 71
Online Relationships & Meeting Face-to-Face
Posted: 3/16/2012 3:38:58 AM
Sorry, did a double post.
 tlcme1964
Joined: 8/28/2009
Msg: 72
Online Relationships & Meeting Face-to-Face
Posted: 3/16/2012 5:39:10 AM
I'd be nervous too that all he or she told me about themselves was BS. They aren't the loving caring person they claimed to be, have a short fuse, are violent, have a police record for rape, assault & or domestic violence, abandoned their kids, killed small animals as a child & my point is that their in person persona may be different. Knowing someone & knowing of someone are two different things. Happened to me one too many times to & why I don't play the online courting game. I can't imagine investing years in someone I may not connect with in person. Now I lose interest if within a week if she's uncomfortable meeting & don't waste the time with out of state chat buddies.
 lacalli
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 73
Online Relationships & Meeting Face-to-Face
Posted: 3/16/2012 5:53:05 AM

You don't actually know he isn't a 300lb 45yr old dwarf druid ex-con smoker with 3 kids and two ex-wives...

Nah, my ex-husband is still in prison.
OP, until you meet there is no relationship. Don't tie yourself to someone you haven't met, it may not work out and you'll have missed someone great.
 shygirl413
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 74
Online Relationships & Meeting Face-to-Face
Posted: 3/16/2012 3:04:03 PM
I met a bunch of people far away after talking for a while all where great talked to each about 3 months they all turned into great realtionships. I talked to one guy far away for about a yr never met him finally did and he that was the end. I didnt like him in person i thik he knew that and was holding back on meeting me. He was very dirty looking and badly groomed > I had seen him many times on cam but was very blury,. I will not kill more than 6 months with talking to someone far away any more.
 Starlit85
Joined: 9/28/2009
Msg: 75
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Online Relationships & Meeting Face-to-Face
Posted: 4/15/2012 7:55:09 PM
@EsaMorena1088, I'm glad that things are going great between you two. You're a very patient & devoted woman. But why did you two never visit each other on summer/winter/spring breaks? I'm just curious.
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