| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 7/20/2005 9:49:44 PM | true very true
but still in my case my kid's have just my family which kill's me every day
they should have more but don't
like iwas telling my single dad friend i said hey lets get married and i;ll have my daughter i have always wanted and u'll haev ur 3 son's but most of all OUR KID'S WILL HAEV BOTH PARENTS... i think he think's i was crazy tho he just kept staring at me ...lol.. hmm should i ask again | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 7/20/2005 11:02:12 PM | I can't express the depression I go through missing my children.
I've been on medication(s), lost all interest in my personal & home life, became a workaholic to avoid being at home alone.
I get to see them more frequently now, but I still go through this every time they leave my house and things shift from being the whirl-wind, noisy place when their here, to the empty, quite shell when they're not.
My X has always had the persepective that since she's the one that gave brith, that those are HER kids alone.
The worst part... is I have no avenue to change this. (courts included). | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 7/20/2005 11:11:34 PM | @weka....I understand....I dont like being in an empty home ...so I try to stay out..
sometimes ........a toy.....a cup...their clothes can trigger panic attacks in me for which I take medication...
I m thinking of selling the house and moving elsewhere....sort of a fresh start......
as the saying goes a house and a home is not the same.....
Note to all...when I started this thread I was worried that emotions will cause flaming..of the ex.
so far the large majotity have not done this ...thanks everyone for keeping it clean.
OT..avoiding thinking about them made it worse......so I just focus memories on the good times that we had and less about missing them.....
I hope when they are older they will understand ....that I did not abandon them | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 7/21/2005 8:45:22 AM | To all you men that are fighting to see your children and who really truely want to be part of your childrens lives I want to send you a hug, pat you on your backs and tell you keep trying, it will make a difference in the childrens lives when they find out what you have and are doing.
I have had to take my ex to court so that he will see his kids. Yeah that sounds silly. Even though he was and is a horriblly verbally abusive father, It hurt my kids every day that their daddy didn't want anything to do with them.
He disappeared for over a year and called one day out of the blue demanding that I "produce" the children for a weekend visit. By that time they didn't even know who he was and were scared out of their minds about having to spend the weekend with him. So I took him to court and the court agreed and he now gets 1 hour supervised every two weeks at the courthouse. (inwhich he has cancelled 3 visits in the last 6 months)
He only calls when it's convienent to him. and only wants to see them if it's convienent to him and his new life. In my opinion when the court councellor gave him the schedule to their baseball games, if it was me I would have been sitting in the parking lot or in the gas station watching my kids play ball. Then I could have told them what a great hit or play they did. He was told he could go and watch but he wasn't suppose to converse with them without a witness. He's told he could go to the eldests graduation from elementrary school and he didn't show up. Wow, it would have meant he would have missed 2 hours of work. I know his boss and not only would he have said GO, he would have volunteered to pick my ex up from his worksite and drive him to the graduation. The owner of the company is 100% family first.
SO AGAIN TO YOU GENTLEMEN WHO ARE TRYING TO BE GOOD FATHERS I SALUTE YOU, KEEP IT UP, KEEP TRYING, LET YOUR KIDS KNOW YOUR TRYING, AND GOOD LUCK.
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Amzy
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Joined: 7/19/2005
Msg: 30 | |
| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 7/21/2005 7:50:16 PM | This thread brought me to tears. I haven't seen my kids for...3, nearly 4 days. And yeah, I miss them. I can hardly wait to see them tomorrow. My heart really goes out to you guys.
I'm a great dad, their mom is a great mom. We cooperate for the parenting. But I still miss being a full-time dad. | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 7/22/2005 11:51:04 PM | Wekaholic....I have and still am feeling what you are going through. Trust me the courts are not one sided. I must admit I thought they were but in my case I lost and lost badly. I miss my kids all the freaken time, it hurts so bad at times it is hard to keep my head about me. I have been in the darkest hole I have ever been in (emotional wise) and get scared all the time that I will slip back into the hole.
If I had awhile I would tell you my story...but it would take awhile plus it starts to hurt to much at times to tell it...and then sometimes I have to talk...anyways
I am so sorry that you miss your kid/s so much and I am so so sorry that your ex puts your beautiful child in the middle. My ex's new wife is playing a "take away" game right now and has been for a very long time. I actually haven't seen my kids in such a long time, not for lack of trying and trying. She moved them away from their home town because all my family and friends were there and she hated that. She never told me their address or phone number....she gave me a PO BOX in another town. My lawyer helped me find their address. My mother has cancer (just diagnosed) and she doesn't let my mom even near the kids. Plus she doesn't let my ex's parents near them either. Everyone gets punished if they mention my name around her...she then pulls my babies away and cuts them off from people that love them. I have spent so much money fighting in the courts that I am now so completely broke it isn't even funny, especially at my age. I had to give up fighting and try to get myself healthy again, which I am finally feeling healthy again after 3.5 years of this crap.
If you have a good lawyer and money then trust me you will get a voice in court and probably a good outcome. I unfortunately had a crappy lawyer and lost the two most important, all I lived for, beautiful babies in the whole world.
I just wanted you too hear someone else hurting just like you do. I also keep myself very busy so I try not to break down...nights are especially hard...but sometimes you can fall asleep without the hurt.
Take care and thank you for reading. My heart goes out to you...your not alone with this.
K | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 7/23/2005 12:18:59 PM | If you were told you had 4 weeks to live ... would you roll over and jsut lay in bed till you were dead ? .. or would you put everythign into life you could ...
Would you allow a guy rape your girlfriend .. jsut stnad there and watch ? ... of COURSE the answer is NO .. so why would you stand there and accept being NOT allowed to see your children ...
I fought .. and exhausted every resource I had ... until it paid off .. and I would give my life to do it all over again if I had to ... shes THAT important to me .. just as yours should be to you
*edit* ... I dont buy that "I cant change this" ... "I have to accept this" ... unless your in jail .. dead or a pedophile.. there theres NO reason you shouldnt stop fighting. Would you stand there and watch your child drown because you didnt have a stick to reach them and didnt want to get your shoes wet ? Stop being lazy... appeals court ... a new laywer ... whatever it takes .. you child only has ONE father and ONE mother... this isnt about your own self pity this is about being there for your childs life ... or not .. and letting THEM drown in their "why wouldnt he fight for me?" | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 7/25/2005 7:59:26 AM | | ty angelic. i just learned thati can go on in life. And hold all my great memories of my wife and son. I still have problems dating people don't seem to want to day some that is a widow so young | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 7/25/2005 8:46:33 AM | man ,reading how many ppl wanna see their kid's and can't breaks my heart..
i have done everthing i could to keep my kid's dad around,and it got to the point igave up
i was tried of the bs..i don't understand how any one can walk away from their kid;s
and how some onecan keep kid's away from ppl who wanna see them ,..i know their is to sides to every story..but to keep kid's away is so unfair...
no matter what the other parent has done to u nor how angry u are,u should NEVER put the kid's in the middle..
god my ex beat the crap out of me for yrs and i did every thing i could to make him a dad..
i hate him but would never keep him away..never..
he just signed his right's away i did'nt take them .. i was happy at first but now it breaks my heart..
o well u hate the other parent that's no reason to not see ur kid's nor keep them away
find another person to do the visit's... my heart goes out to every one fighting to see their kid's
no one should have to fight to see their own blood... i do know if i wasin ur shoes id never give up..yes it can cost so much but id be damed to let the other parent make me look bad..
if needed id find a person i could trust and give them a letter i wrote my kid's to give to them when they where older so they can make the choice to read it and see me ..
and make sure they always knew where iwas...kid's have enough stress just being a kid
never mind being told they can't see their parent not the parent does'nt want them ...
this world is so messed up and ppl need to relize what they r doing will affect the kid's for life.. good luck all in ur fight .. it should never have to be this way,it took two to give them here it should take two to rasie them ......... | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 7/25/2005 5:37:15 PM | Hi,
How do I cope? I don't...it eats me up inside every day I open my eyes. I have to control my emotions towards my father and brothers. I can hardly look at his pictures without breaking down...Some out there may say I am wussy, but when you have a 16 month old out there that you love and you know he loves you and your wife/exwife is using him to hurt you.....Well I wouldn't wish that pain on my worse enemy. She will not call to have me talk with him, because I to not want to reconcile with her....it's a long story...All I can say is keep busy, keep praying for you kids protection, especially these days and hold on to blind faith...I hope one day I can come on here and giev you guys inspiration!!!!!Thanks for listening!
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K1tt3n
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Joined: 7/21/2005
Msg: 36 | |
| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 7/25/2005 5:55:58 PM | [/How do I cope? I don't...it eats me up inside every day I open my eyes.]
Caribbear, I wish that all fathers actually had just 1/10000 of you missing your child. I am divorced, have been for almost 3 years. I have custody of both our children. The last time thier father (sperm donor) had anything to do with them was April 1, 2002 when I paid him 50.00 to watch his children for 6 hours when I went into work. He has made no attempt to contact our children in any way shape or form. I honestly feel that women/men who withhold visitation or communication from the father/the mother, unless there is a reason such as abuse, molestation or a fear of them hurting the child, should have custody taken from them and be given a taste of thier own medicine by them having supervised visitations. There are some things that only a father can teach a child, and some things only a mother can teach them. It is truly the children's loss. My children are missing out on ALOT from not knowing thier father, but I think I am a pretty good daddy. I hope you find things easier to deal with and maybe you two will reach an agreement where the children win *hugs*.......sorry I had to vent on this subject  | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 7/25/2005 7:38:45 PM | Pals say I seem to be a "having it together" person...............I try but cant help it...somedays I end up deppressed. I just want to spare them seeing me that way.
It has also affected my dating life................not for the lack of dates....but confusing emotions........and relating to others.
recent weeks it has gotten so bad that I edited my profile to "here for the forums only"
Temporarily I hope.
But more than that I feel for my youngest who is 5, he would always cling to me like a baby kangaroo...I wonder what is going thru his mind ?....imagine his frustration ...thinking his dad does not wnat to see him anymore.
The pic of the boys i have on my profile is also my screensaver......its the first thing I see
when I turn on my PC........It always makes me smile.
Thanks everybody for replying to this thread, I value very much your opinions and input. | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 7/25/2005 8:03:22 PM | | im pretty much in the same situation, my ex is now married to the babysiter he was doing and has 2 other boys with her (but they never did anything even thought my youngest is only 2months old then the his first with her)and only came to see my youngest son be cause he was really sick and the doc's where not sure he would make it he was only 2 days old then and just turned 6 2 weeks ago. he now has supervised visit becase he tried to kidnapp your oldest son, some would say i should have just stoped the visit and thats that i however belive that if i do that at some point my boys are going to come back and say why did you not let are dad see us and im not goign to be that bad guy in this. some dad's sorry father 's are just well not very nice guys and im sure that in a few yrs he be leaveing her for the babysitter again i let my kids write him letters and even call him he just doesnt respond i might be doing hte wrong thing in letting them do that. But how do you let you kids see what their fathers are if you shealter them from the truth? why are guys like this? not all guys i know some of you are really good guys and that some women can be right ****es sorry ladys but its true we can be . why can they not just suck it up they did wrong so be it noones perfect i sure as hell am not .. so we had a falling out that doesn't mean you leave your kids behind.. does it? | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 7/25/2005 8:03:36 PM | | In my case the shoe is on the other foot. I honestly wonder if my ex misses our children. The opportunities are there. But she does not take advantage of them. In most cases I will even change my shedule if needed, but she has not taken the kids for a visit for over 1 and a half years. | |
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Amzy
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Joined: 7/19/2005
Msg: 40 | |
| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 7/25/2005 8:10:53 PM |
god my ex beat the crap out of me for yrs and i did every thing i could to make him a dad..
Keep that man away. There are few things a parent can do that should suspend priveleges, and physical abuse is one of them. Maybe he didn't beat the kids...yet. | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 7/25/2005 8:33:06 PM | I let my Ex see the kids when ever he wants, only thing is he dosen't want to my (sorry our) boys hv disabilities, and in his eyes they r not perfect, but he is happy to see out daughter as much as he can...
I do not allow him to see our daughter alone, only because it is not fair on the boys, they love their dad and they would not understand it if our daughter went and they were not wanted, so in my eyes it's all of them or none of them, and he has to make the choice.
It breaks my heart he feels this way abt his own children, but I would never stop them from seeing him, but as i said its all or none. | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 7/27/2005 6:16:34 PM | | What irks me, is the men who say they miss their children when the mother gives them EVERY opportunity to be involved. I have done just that with my son's dad, and he tells the world that I am keeping my son from him. Problem with his arguement is, my other 2 children are from a nasty marriage and I offer the same visitation and activity encouragement to their dad. Some men don't see the kids for whatever reason, and blaming the mother is their out... Their permission to feel better about their neglect. A lot of times it's simply a pity party for daddy; BUT remember mom REALLY had NOTHING to do with it. (Sorry, to all the wonderful dad's who DON'T have a generous and understanding ex). | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 10/10/2005 1:15:07 AM | Its a paradox..isnt it......those that have the door open to see their kids DONT..
and those that want to see them are prevented. | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 10/10/2005 5:08:45 AM | Domeroth,
My son is in that situation. His father may come any time. Now my son is 15 and refuses to see him.
There is no excuse for not at least calling your children.
Its not your fault, its your dads'. | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 10/10/2005 6:02:18 AM | | well you hit the nail right on the head!!! why to go! i get to see my little girl but not as much as i would like, but i do get her and nothing is cheap!!! but she IS my world and cost is nothing when it comes to her!! all children need there mothers and fathers!!! | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 10/10/2005 8:07:14 AM |
Posted By: K1tt3n on 7/25/2005 5 58 PM... I honestly feel that women/men who withhold visitation or communication from the father/the mother, unless there is a reason such as abuse, molestation or a fear of them hurting the child, should have custody taken from them ...
I totally agree.
I'm saddened that some people can't see their kids and others won't see their kids. Amazing how selfish people can be, so much so that a child is hurt in the process
For those who *can't* see their kids what happened in the course of divorce (or other circumstance) which prevented you from having access to your children? It seems odd to me that anything less than joint custody between both parents indicates something is off kilter (either w/ a parent or the dreaded "system"). Also, how is it that through legal means (or possibly mediation) that one parent is capable of moving out of state or distances greater than say 20 miles?
TIA, and good luck to all those fighting to be your kids parents.
Human | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 10/10/2005 8:10:00 AM | When the boys go to his house for visitation, they both know automatically that they are going to be taken to thier grandmothers & be dropped off on Friday night & not be picked up until Sunday eve.
Regardless of child support paid or owed, regardless of how much one can take, the choice was made to procreate w/ that person & he is STILL thier father. The KIDS still want to see him whenever the chance arises that he MIGHT spend time with them, even if only a little.
It doesn't matter what I think of him as a father or a person. It matters that for that small span of time, they have daddy time. They need alot more than than they get.
When they are gone, it tears my heart out. I worry about all the little things I can't control...what if this one is being mean to my son & they aren't stopping it? What if thier dad gets on a four wheeler drunk again & hurts one of them THIS time instead of his step-daughter that almost died a couple months ago. (not that she should have had to go through it either) | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 10/12/2005 10:43:47 AM | yes, I miss my son very much. My ex took off with him about 5 months ago (despite a joint-custody agreement) and I haven't been able to see or talk to him in all that time. I missed his birthday which was pretty hard and not a day passes that he is not on my mind.
How do I cope? Well I know I will see him again someday. Right now he probably thinks I abandoned him and that I don't love him when nothing could be further from the truth. But someday he is gonna know that is not true. Someday he will grow up and know the truth.
I am taking her to court in November so hopefully I will not have to go much longer with no contact from him! | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 10/12/2005 6:40:21 PM | | to all you dads who are missing thier kiddos! As many have said, I have a similar story of a parent who chooses not to be involved. If he only knew what he was missing. I agree that you guys should do whatever it takes, and never, ever stop fighting! Don't give up because you are too tired of the craziness to go on. I think that is what the witholding parent is looking for. It seems to be all about control. Even if the fight is too much, make sure SOMEHOW that your child knows you are not ever forgetting about them. If you fight, even if you lose, when they grow up they will see it for what it was hopefully, and know that thier dad didn't just toss them aside. My heart goes out to all you guys! | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 10/13/2005 12:10:06 AM | | I miss my daughter every day I don't see her; which is seldom. Per court order, I have 1 day a week and every other weekend. Fortunately, I knew my ex would offer my child alot more once she found a boyfriend. I am loving life. I see my daughter almost every day and I raise her....thanks to the NEW BOYFRIEND....my new best friend.... | |
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