| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 10/13/2005 4:06:20 PM | | i am a single mother of what is getting ready to be four children. and i have the same question, do you miss your children? my ex husband has no chance to see his kids, i am one of those who took full custody. however that is because he tried to kill me in front of my child. but here i am 7 months pregnant with my fourth child, and a new guy. who has now decided that he wants nothing to do with the child once it is born. i told him he will regret it. i couldn't see not having my kids everyday. what do you think can he miss something he never knew? | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 10/13/2005 6:33:48 PM | tears are falling down my cheaks reading all the stories hear .
i wasn't sure weather i should start a new discution or not but it seems my story has alot of similarities with this one ....
i have a permanant restrainging order against my sons father for the way he treated me during and after our relationship. tho he was sevearly abusive to me from almost the time i founds out i was pregnant ( him and i planned my pregnancy ) i wont go into details of it all but lets just say had i been strong enough at the time i could have sent him away for a very long time . .......ok so theres the short vertion of my story .....
so the two of us have not gone to court over him having visitations with our son....i know the man loves our son , and him and i haven't been together in 8 or so years now ...our son is now 10 yrs old . so with him never being abusive towards our but at the same time my having the well needed restraigning order over him , and my son of coarse not knowing anything but the need for a father ( father still very much a criminal) i have tried very hard to come up with a safe way for our son to spend time with him ....this is what i have worked out so far after years of soal searching and endless thinking as to what the best senerio sould be for our son to get the heathiest childhood possible....my exs mother is willing to be the go between/supervition during the visits , in the begining when my son was very young my ex would call his mother and then she would call me to try to set up a time that worked for everyone ....well that has proven to be very difficult with signals geting crossed and all....so now i come up with the plann to sugest that my ex buy a cell phone for my son and pay for it ( seeing he does not pay child support ) , this way he can call my son whenever he wants and i will never answer that phone ....so my ex does just that .....my son having been sheilded all these years of his fathers criminal ways ( of coarse i will never tell him because i don't want to hurt him) was very excited of this idea as i was excited to see my son so happy :):):) .....so now time has gone by and weeks go by and my son holds the cell phone in his hand and even under his pillow at night waiting for his dad to call.....he has call him twice in two months :(:( ....my question is why does this man try to BUY ( in so many ways he does this ) but yet a simple phone call every few days or so to say " hi son how was your day at school " or " how was baskettball practice today " can't be squeezed into his day or week or month for that matter ......the man has blamed me all these years for not seeing our son as much as he would like to and here i have offered and came up with the plan to better comply with this and now it seems to be hurting our son more then doing him good .....but i just can't and will never be able to tell our son that I will NOT allow him to see his father ....when he is older his childhood blinders will come off and i hope and pray every damn day of my life that by then my ex will have grown up and reformed his criminal ways for his sake and most of all for our sons sake ....
so i guess this long drawn out story of mine is to say thankyou too all the great dads out there for wanting to be with your children and also for being a good person so as to be a good role model to your children . in the long haul weather your exs allow you to see your children while they are still children or if in the end you end up having to wait til your kids are old enough to search you out your children will find out the kind of person you are and make thier own decition to have a relationship with you themselves ......and it will bite the other parent in the butt for thier actions that were not justified !
i'm sorry for this being so long and ty to those who read it all any comments are greatly welcome | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 10/13/2005 8:52:49 PM | Hey all.... yah..... hdryder here...... I just have to add something from a slightly different point of view..... when my son was 2 1/2 years old, his mom, my wife, passed away.... I raised him alone for a lot of years.... just about 10 years.... there were a lot of times thru those years that I wished for her to be there for some of the things a little kid needs a mommy for. I knew tho' it was never to be..... and after a while, he did too....
From my perspective, I just cannot understand how people can be so vicious to one another so as to use the kids as weapons to inflict hurt on the estranged parent..... which so many of you decribe as your experience.....
one final thought..... my kids are all in their 20's and early 30's and grown and gone.... and I do miss them dearly a lot of times.... I have a flat rate long distance plan and I USE IT -believe me.....
you all take care now huh? | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 10/14/2005 7:07:56 AM | being a part-time/single father...gawd i miss her so much!!!!...and many nights i wonder what kinda day she had, what she did today?, ....what i mean is she's in bc i'm in alberta...i can't call her all the time, just once a week...and i get her for a few months outta the summer. how do i deal with it?.......one day at a time,..sometimes one minute at a time.
and knowing that she's in good hands with a very protective mother settles me down alot of the time. but generally...i'm in constant pain when i think about how i can't be there when she really needs me. | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 12/4/2005 6:04:12 AM | I know exactly what you are going thru, my daughter is now 19 and rarely has any contact with me, even though i got her when ever I wanted when she was growing up, we were so close then.
We were divorced when she was three and at first her mother would barely let me see her. But after fighting with her and the courts, I got that changed. I had to loose almost everything I had at the time. But it was well worth it. But when my daughter hit 15 things changed, my ex was going thru a second divorce and had this vengence on men, so she bad mouthed me to my daughter, which caused my daughter to hate me. Since that time until now my sweet lil girl has turned into a monster. She is on meth, hangs out with the worst kind of people, has tried to commit suicide and has been arrested a few times. The only time I hear from her now is if she needs money, which I can't justify giving her because I know it will be spent on drugs.
My ex told me recently that she regrets making her hate me now. It really breaks my heart to see this destruction happening with my daughter. So ex's before you bad mouth the other parent or stop them from seeing their children, take a hard look at the situation,. If the kid(s) is happy, let it go. It could have grave consequences, that all parties involved will regret. | |
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*Tee*
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Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 56 | |
| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 12/4/2005 7:50:19 AM | First of all, my heart goes out to all those fathers that have been denied the right to see their children. Nobody should have to endure the pain of not being with your own children. People just don't understand that no matter how much hatred you have for your ex,by keeping them away from a loving parent, its the kids that suffer the most.
In my case, me and my ex both have shared custody, he doesn't make hardly any attempt at all to see the kids. As much as I tried to get him to understand they need him as a father, he just doesn't get it. My boys are 15 and 12, and at an age now where they really should have him in their life. I have a hard time seeing how it affects them, and I feel totally helpless to the situation, I can't force him to take his responsibilities seriously. The only thing I can do is be the best mother I can, in the end I really believe it will be his loss.. | |
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rose88
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Joined: 9/30/2005
Msg: 57 | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 12/4/2005 8:24:28 AM | | I have my son full time and he sees his Mom every other weekend, and yes I do miss him when he is gone. The silence is deafening. She should be letting you see the kids and if she isn't, assuming you are being honest and have done nothing wrong, then get a lawyer because she could be in serious trouble. Denial of access is a very serious issue, especially if there is visitation speeled out in the custody arrangement. | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 12/4/2005 8:25:59 AM | | I have my son full time and he sees his Mom every other weekend, and yes I do miss him when he is gone. The silence is deafening. She should be letting you see the kids and if she isn't, assuming you are being honest and have done nothing wrong, then get a lawyer because she could be in serious trouble. Denial of access is a very serious issue, especially if there is visitation spelled out in the custody arrangement. | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 12/4/2005 8:47:54 AM | I would never and have never stopped my ex's from seeing the kids. It's wrong and hurtful to everyone... and obviously more for the kids.
The only reasons there should be for stopping any visitation, is physical, mental, and sexual abuse. My ex's haven't paid their child support. Deadbeats. But hey... that's not my kids' fault, so why should they have to suffer? They shouldn't and I have never made it so.
I have 2 kids from a 10 yr relationship and a child from a 7.5 yr relationship. Neither dad's pay. Both, have stopped playing any role in their lives. It pisses me off and there isn't much I can do. I voice my opinions and that's it. I can't force a person to do or be something they can't.
It pisses me off, because I have to deal with the broken hearts, tears and all else that the dad's don't see. I know there are single dad's who are in the same boat. I am not bashing men here. Just my ex's, in a way! hahaha I don't waste my breath yelling at my ex's. Been there and realized it doesn't work. It's like beating a dead horse.
I'd like to know if dad's miss their kids. It seems sometimes that they really don't. If they did... why aren't they here pickin' up the boys for some fun at the park? Why aren't they helping to teach them morals, values and all that important things? What kind of values are you teaching your children by being a father who isn't there financially, emotionally and all else?
I don't understand it... | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 12/10/2005 7:56:15 AM | | I was with my x for 20 years have three kids 16-11-9 I only see them maybe twice a year.I don't think there is any way to really cope with it.I was very tight with my kids,spent all my time with them and now nothing.I do miss them very much but she will pay later in life for her mistake,but in the mean time the kids pay and it ain't fare.I am sorry I can't give you a good answer here but its a very good tread and might even help me thank you 7 | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 12/11/2005 5:01:47 AM | | I feel for all those who cannot see their children. My daughter, however, has not seen her father for almost a year. He has chosen not to see her because she does not get along with his wife. It is important for a child to have both parents in their life, because it will make a huge difference in how they are able to build lasting relationships long into their adult life. | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 12/11/2005 5:51:53 AM | I see this is an older thread - but it becomes more poignant now, as we get into the holiday season.
Although I am one of the fortunate father's who actually does have custody of his children 50% of the time (yes - I had to really fight during the divorce to get this) - due to the holiday schedule we are currently in, I realized last week, that I will only see my children 3 nights between now and Christmas.
The lights are strung, the tree is up, and I don't feel like turning them on. The depression is so overwhelming that for the first time in my life I am considering seeing a doctor to see if maybe medication will help... It has affected my work, my sleep, and my personal relationships... I know this, but I can't seem to shake it.
I know that this, like everything, will pass - but it just looks like a long dark tunnel from here. | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 12/11/2005 7:07:21 AM | Aww music, hugs to you! 
This is the time of year that my ex and his family also get melancholy and actually miss my boys. It is so sad to me. My sons' birthdays are in early May and late November. Poor Jakers gets the shaft on his birthday so much. I can't tell you how many times thier father has ignored thier birthdays, but moreso the one in May. My oldest got a card from his dad last week, and when he opened it and read it, I said, well? Who's it from? (I was trying to build his excitement that he actually got a card from his daddy) And he looked at his brother and said, I can't say. Jakey has received nothing from his father on his birthday for the past two years. Not even a phone call. Poor kids, damn him. Anyway, the reason the November birthday boy gets remembered is because of the time of year. Thier father gets all sentimental, and usually always comes through at Christmas. This is the only time of year they see his father (thier Grandpa) usually as well. They played football,two seasons ago, and the Grandpa came to every single game, driving three hours to get here, and then congratulated them on a job well done, and left. (I was very impressed by this but puzzled also. He never came to any soccer games when he lived right in town). Then they saw him again at Christmas, and now haven't seen him for a year. He will be around soon at Christmas I'm guessing. And surprisingly, thier uncle, the fathers' brother, who hasn't seen them in three and a half years, called yesterday to say he missed the boys and wants to see them and take them Christmas shopping. GAH! What a rant that turned into.
The point was: I wish my boys were blessed with half that man that some of you dads on here are. It's a shame that you're not able for whatever reason to spend more time with your children. Heartbreaking. | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 12/11/2005 10:24:26 AM | Gawd, this thread is killing me. When i was with my kids I worked an afternoon shift so I was there every single morning for them. There was nothing more wonderful than a huge hug from a sleepy child or the chuckle I'd get from a grumpy adolescent trying to wake up. I'm single now because of her choice to have the affair, not mine. And the closer we get to christmas the more and more difficult the lonely mornings are getting. I've been there and will be there for my kids whenever or wherever they need me regardless of what their mother thinks of me. I miss my kids with every breath I take and dread every minute away from them. If there was a way for me to get away from working 50+ hours a week to pay my bills and their support, I'd fight her for custody.
I may not be religious but I gotta raise my hands and thank someone for this site. The support we can give one another and just the fact of not feeling so alone out here is wonderful. My heart goes out to those that can't be with their kids, I know how you feel. Please remember you're never alone, I'm sure there is always a friend on here willing to listen. | |
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NBChat
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Joined: 12/6/2005
Msg: 66 | |
| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 12/11/2005 3:28:08 PM | I'm a proud father to one charming 4 yr old boy.
The days I don't have em - I'm lost. I share custody with my ex and we alternate weeks.
But after more than a year of doing this I am still really lonely the weeks he's with his mother.
I don't know how dads can deal with only seeing their kids every other weekend or during summer vacation - my heart tears apart every other Friday when I drop my kid to daycare, knowing I'm not going to see him until the following Friday evening.
When I have my kid I fill our time with reading books, watching movies, playing games and sports together, taking him to hockey games or the driving range to hit golf balls.
It breaks my heart seeing him want to be with me and there's nothing I can do for him. Sometimes I'll see him with his mom while out shopping - and it kills me to say "love you and see you on Friday".
My heart goes out to all parents and kids that don't have it the way they'd like to have it. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 12/11/2005 6:05:50 PM | I have a 4yr old daughter that is my princess. I feel empty and like others have described kinda lost. I get her every Tuesday night for a few hours and pretty much every weekend from Friday night to Sunday afternoon and it just isn't enough.
When I have her we watch play games, read, go out to eat or just watch movies. I must have seen Shrek and Shrek2 at least hundred times but I don't mind in the least. I am sure I will watch them a thousand more times because we have such fun doing the lines to each other.
I would have to say that the thing I miss most is that I used to always pick her up from daycare and her running up to me shouting "DADDY!" when she would see me. And then we would get home she would hold my hand walk out to the mailbox with me. You never know how much the little things mean.
Anyway, I hurt for all of you on here and I can only say to do your best to make sure they know you love them. They will remember. | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 12/22/2005 2:18:15 PM | | I try to spend as much time with my daughter as possible. My ex-wife is a control freak that openly defies court orders knowing I can't afford to take her to court and fight for joint custody. My daughter is now 11, wants to spend next summer with me. It would be our first summer together since the divorce when she was just 2 years old. She has heard all kinds of lies about me and is now finding out many truths. Our bond is growing each year now. I had open heart surgery two years ago, she came to see me in ICU. Demanded to see me! I wasn't recovering well, complications after surgery kept my blood pressure from staying up on it's own. Some weren't sure I would make it through it all. As you see, I did. Feelin like a 20 yr. ole kid again! Onery as one too, LOL. Anyone who knows me well, knows she is my only child, and my pride and joy. I was proud as a Peacock the day she was born. My heart trouble began the year she was born. If I am lucky, I see her whenever her mom cannot find someone to watch her for the weekend, which is rare. I see her whenever her mom decides to show up at my step-mom's house for holidays. We talk ocassionally on the phone and keep in touch. Her mom is starting to stop the control freak crap, still gives in once in a while only if she sees it is upseting our daughter. I have spent more time with my daughter since the surgery, than I got all the other years, if I got to see her at all. For the first 2 1/2 years, I didn't get to see her at all. It turned into an ugly fight, that ultimately got a judge quietly removed from the bench after I managed to prove a conspiracy was in progress that State Reps. found her guilty of being sexually biased, and "did not see eye to eye with the law about fathers rights." I went to prison for 6 and a half months defending my daughter's right and my right to see her because this judge and my ex-wife's lawyer "said" I threatened to blow up the court house. My public defender was in the judges chamber's when the conspiracy unraveled and took my case. It was 6 months before they let her hear the tape where I allegedly threatened to blow up the court house. Nothing of the such was on the tape! No case! I wanted a trial, it would put the public defender in a position that would be very uncomfortable with all the "good ole boy's" in the county courthouse. I just wanted the nightmare over. Took the charge, did 2 years probation and moved on with life. Charge reduced to "stalking the lawyer" demanding everyday on tape to obey court orders to arrange visitation with my daughter! I went through hell for my child. Locked up with murderers and psycho's. Screw with my kid, I'll make Godzilla look like a punk! As the Incredible Hulk said in the movie at the end down in South America, "you won't like me when I'm angry." I'm not easily provoked. I took their crap all these years. I'm trying to come off disability and return to work in my number one job skill or number 2. Gov./mil. intelligence work, or engineering for our fighting men and women. If I get the job, then I can take mom back to court and GET joint custody! My daughter is the only one in my life who has truely known and seen unconditional love through me, and has not rejected it. | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 12/23/2005 11:08:18 AM | | my 15mnth old dsnt see his dad.the last time his dad saw him he was 3 weeks old,not because ive stooped him because he dsnt care to figure a way out to see him. i often look at him and think boy he dsnt know what hes missing,and how can he not call or do something for him.and most importantly how can u have a child out there and not care??? i have sent him pics of his son without a call to acknowledge he has received them,and quess wht tomorows xmas and havent received anything for him .not even a card. | |
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bird68
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Joined: 12/16/2005
Msg: 70 | |
| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 12/24/2005 6:58:58 PM |  I won custody of my two children in court. I love my children more than anything in this world. I have a 5 year old girl and a 3 year old son. Like i said they mean everything to me. | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 12/24/2005 8:09:38 PM | | I'm a proud grandpa to a four year old grandson and a lot of times my twenty five year old daughter and her husband stop by with him,or i baby sit sometimes when they want to go out dancing or to a movie,concert etc... I also have two sons one on his own and the other still lives with his mother.They stop by sometimes too.Help me out with my cars.the eldest own his own low-rider,a 75 Chevy Nova,all tricked out,it's cool.So yeah even though i've been divorced ten years now.I love having my kids around.I'll be glad to share christmas with them tommorow afternoon too.They're a blessing to me too. | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 12/24/2005 8:19:39 PM | | Yes I do miss them allot. It has been 9 years since the divorce, and she diod everything she could do to keep me away from them. But in the last 6 years we have seen each other some, and they just left about an hour ago to head back home to Wash. It was nice to see my son (17) again since it has been 2 1/2 years, but I have talked to him on the phone. | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 12/24/2005 10:40:13 PM | Hey man,
I feel your pain. Although I am not in your particular situation, I can truly empathize. I hope you sent them a care package and some nice gifts.
Hope you have a Merry Christmas considering everything you must be dealing with. | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 12/25/2005 1:10:26 AM | Just got to see them 2 days ago.....after nearly a year,
the older boy (10) hugged me and was quite emotional...the younger boy (5) seemed distant and aloof. | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 12/25/2005 1:19:36 AM | | How did you get f'd over so bad. Any court should have a problem with a devoted father being alienated from his kids like you describe. What's your story? | |
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