zxczxc
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Joined: 12/6/2006
Msg: 126 | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 3/18/2007 12:57:35 PM |
Ok she has custody and doesnt let you see them
I guess my question is a bit different. What about the fathers that DO have joint custody, see their kids on the weekends, have the opportunity to see them whenever they want and do so, and are reasonably involved in their lives, albeit on a parttime basis? Do they miss their kids?
I consider myself a fulltime parent to my children. I do all the feeding, clothing, schoolwork, doctors appts, providing a permanent place for them to live, taking care of them when they are up sick all night, baths, etc. all the necessary day-to-day stuff that parenting involves. Their father doesn't do any of that stuff, but takes them fun places when he has them, etc.
Do he miss the day-to-day stuff that seems to compose the real part of being a parent? Do the guys that post on here? I can't imagine just seeing my kids on a parttime basis. Other than the occasional special trip, I have never gone more than two days without being with my kids. It would tear me up to know that I wasn't able to be the one there for them every day. But, their father doesn't act like it bothers him at all and he is quite content with the staus quo. Is this the way that most fathers really are? | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 3/18/2007 1:14:43 PM | | I am one of the lucky ones as I have my son living with me all the time. I do miss him when he sees his Mom, the silence is deafening. | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 3/18/2007 1:29:23 PM | So to answer the question on behalf of my ex, Yes he miss is children..
hm...am i missing something here? not to sound rude, but i think that some women try to convince themselves that the father of their children still cares...even when it is glaringly obvious that he doesn't! which is much more of a bitter pill to swallow! 2 1/2 years without a letter, phone call, nothing? got married, had two more kids, and now has custody of his son from that marriage? let's face it, with today's technology, fathers around the globe can have about as decent access to their children...without actually being there, if there are miles between them...than ever before. we have gone beyond the hallmark age into the IM/web-cam and everything in between age, so excuses in the "communication" department fall on deaf ears. my ex (who lives in texas) set me up to be the bad guy in terms of him NOT seeing his daughter (who is 3, we are in california). said that i have made it "impossibe" for him to be a dad...so he wanted to sign off his parental rights, and hasn't called his daughter since. funny thing is that he earns BIG BUCKS, so why isn't he spending it on an attorney, if he really thinks i've done him wrong? because , quite simply, using me as an excuse gives him an "out" that allows him to save face. and now he's having a child with his new wife, and all i can think is....is SHE crazy? she's been watching him pull his bs on me for the past 3 years...she honestly thinks that he won't pull the same junk on her? duh. i pity my daughter, for the 36.5 hours that she spent with him in her lifetime so that she now KNOWS him and misses him, but...seriosuly...men that want to sign off their rights honestly aren't worth a damn....and, more importantly for this thread, men who do not make the miniscule effort that it takes to at least CALL/EMAIL/IM their children every now and again don't care. it seems pretty cut and dry to me... | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 3/18/2007 1:38:07 PM | Oh my goodness, reading some of these rought me to tears!
I am a single parent of two children, my ex doesn't see them, doesn't call them, doesn't pay for them, he didn't even send his 2yr old son a birtday card, i have never stopped him seeing them, quite the opposite! i used to call him and beg him to see them, i even had to pay for his petrol when he did used to vistit them, but eventually the visits got few and far between, i have no idea where he is now, he changed address's and contact numbers so i have no way of contacting him now.......they send letters and pictures to his parents (their grandparents) hoping hat they will pass them on but still nothing, nothing from the grandparents either!
My question is, why would a father and grandparents chose to say away from such beautiful children, nothing would keep me away from my children, ever! My son doesn't even remember his dad, he was only a year when we seperated and he is 2 1/2 now, my daughter is 7 she talks about him all the time asking me why she can't call him and see him, she dosn't understand why i have no numbers for him or address, it is heartbreaking to try to explain these things to them without hurting them and i find myself making excuses for him and that really isn't fair!
It would be interesting o hear from a dad's point of view why HE choses to stay away, maybe it will help me understand, help me to explain to them! | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 3/18/2007 9:24:01 PM | Well to answer the original question, Do i miss my Children? Every single second of every single day. I pay child support and work 50+ hours a week. Fortunitly i live close enough i can see my 2 boys at there daycare which i do twice weekly. My daughter is in school and its hard to visit with her, without disrupting her in school. So i make a point on the only day i have off to take all 3 of them out to dinner with me and spend as much time as i can with them. I dont have a lot of money so i cant take them anywhere special or get them everything they want, but they seem happy when they are with me and they make me happy. But not a day goes by i dont think about them. There what keeps me going in life. I just wish i could spend more time with them.
~Sean | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 3/18/2007 10:16:18 PM | If you don't mind I would like to add to the original question.
Why is it that some men, say they miss the child and then never stay in contact? I would give just about anything to have my ex keep in touch with his child. I have seen him complain that I do not fill him in on her progress, but I feel, why should I always be the one to instigate contact? It is so long in between contact that our little girl does not even WANT to talk to him anymore. I know he puts it down to she is only 4 and does not like talking on the phone or the webcam. But I know she talks to other people on the phone, so is it just that she can tell that he does not care, even though he says he does?
It makes me very sad, as I went without a father for most of my teenage years. I guess she is still young enough to be able to bounce back (I hope!) I give her as much love as I can, hoping I can compensate. | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 3/19/2007 8:33:45 AM | It is so sad......I have an ex who only wants one of his three children......There has never been an issue with paternity...Everyone knows beyond a shadow of doubt that all of them are his but he has always wanted the oldest one because he can take care of him an have his women to...he was old enough to be left alone when we divorced....
Says he loves them all but never bothered to try to see them, took him to court numerous times to give him visitation that he never bothered with, always gets out of paying child support, (last time he refused and was told to get his own lawyer) now I have to go back again because he never did.....the oldest has moved out now and has contact with him....the other two are not ackowledged....how can you pick and choose your kids...they are all the same in my book... | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 3/19/2007 10:45:39 AM | | You should research PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome). It provides reasons, signs to look out for and gives a better understanding of why a woman would intentionally keep the childrem away from their father despite the fact that courts/most judges always make a ruling on the importance of a fathers presence in their childrens lives... | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 3/19/2007 10:59:41 AM | WOW im almost teary eyed reading these. All of the love seen here from dads who genuinly love and miss thier kids.
Then there are the vengeful retched MOMS keeping the kids away from them....
My ex is damn lucky he can see his kids when he wishes after all of the BS hes pulled. No matter how much anger I have bioling inside me.. all it hurts is the kids in the end. Its very unfair of me to tear them away because im pissed off at him. To do so would be childish and vengeful and im neither of those. | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 5/13/2007 7:59:40 PM | | i been there i was onced married cault her in bed with another while i was getting home eary from work any how when we divorced she met a new man on the web moved to S.C she remarried had then requested me to signe over my rights i said no then on marten lurther kings bday she called and put my son on the phone i can hear her coaching him in the back round my son said to me i dont want to be your son i want to be bobs son now the hurt like hell its amazing how some out there put there children in the middle i have not heard from my boy in a long while it still hurts granted but one day and please dont forget this the children never forget the real parents and some will find out the trurth and find you . | |
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THW396
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Joined: 12/29/2005
Msg: 138 | |
| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 5/14/2007 9:57:53 AM | | I cry myself to sleep atleast 4 nights a week. I have been depressed and not being able to meet a woman to be active with and share my time has taken its toll. I am trying to see them, talk to them and soon I will begin legal proceedings to make them a more permanent part of my life...but for now, I pay my support and hope she answers the phone more than once a month. I dont understand how women can treat the fathers as terribly as they do. Dont they think about all of the ramifications? The children suffer more because they miss the Father...and when he is allowed back in...the truth destroys the relationship with the Mother, kids understand when women lie and play games. My kids ask me to come get them every time we talk...legally I cant. So...I have lost 60 pounds...work like a demon and do anything that takes my mind off of them. Just stay busy...or you will suffer more and more. | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 5/14/2007 10:09:54 AM | There is a thing called separation anxienty, most parent get it when their kids go to college. You are probably experiencing somthing like this. If you do some research on it and maybe get some counselling, you will do much better.
I went through this with both of my ex's, I was not allowed to see them, and even when I was I lived a considerable distance. Keep in contact with them, via letters, cards, email, and most of all phone calls. Be understanding to them, but also be a parent. Last but not least be consistent with them. If you promise them something do everything in your power to make that come true.
My kids are now grown up, both very well balanced kids, and we have an awesome relationship. Just remember they we ill soon be 18 and can make their own choices. | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 5/14/2007 12:35:59 PM | Well I can identify with the man who cries himself to sleep 4 times a week, I am not making light of his comment when I say I don't 4 times a week, however it is painful to have to spend so much time apart from my little girl. For 4 years I have had her every weekend, now her mother ( whom I get along with reasonably well), has decided she has a better idea. The new idea is that we see each other regularily every 2 weeks. I try to be as active in her life as possible, picking her up for dinner on a wedsday , taking her to the park throughout the week. For now the every weekend arrangement is done, I hope it can be adjusted again at a later date. On a relationship note, it is hard for men with children to find women, that has been my expierience anyways. Women with children have no difficulties it seems. Everyone says they are simple and looking for the same in others, so if this is truly the case than why are not all the "simple people hooking up "
for all the Dad's out there that care about there children, I can only suggest 1 thing, think long term when dealing with the mother of your child.
take care | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 5/14/2007 4:09:39 PM | Now, I guess I am lucky in the fact that I can take my son when ever I want to... and I do take him often, even if it is just for an hour or so to play at a park...
But, I am in the navy, so that entails long times without seeing him... I was sailing a 7 month trip when he was born, I was lucky enough to get back in time to see his birth, but then 7 days later, I had to board a plain to catch up with the ship...
that moment when I had to say good-bye was by far the hardest thing I EVER did. and to this day still brings tears to my eye. crying yourself to sleep 4 times a week was nothing compared to the first month I was gone... every time I went to my rack (bed) which is twice a day on ship (we work split shift). so I basically was doing it, 14 times a week! | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 142 | |
| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:48:13 AM | Well i dont understand why so many dads cannot see there kids. There must be reasons for this?
When my ex and i split the first thing we did was do a custody agreement giving us joint guardianship/custoday and 50% each. She cannot so much as take the kids out of town without talking to me first.
I miss my kids when there not here but heck i have them half the time (4 on 4 off) every week, no exceptions.
So guys, you have rights. If your a good care provider, there is no reason that mom can keep the kids away from you. The law says BOTH parents can and should be involved in the upbringing of the children. | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 5/15/2007 10:02:36 AM | You guys are living in a much newer time. Back in the old days when I first got divorced (22yrs ago) laws were much diffferent, especially in small midwestern towns. Back then unless the mother was a danger to the child, then she got custody. Back then in our town most women were stay at home moms.
That aside there are still occasions where the mother gets custody especially if she is a PBH. My friend went through this in florida where his ex accused him of hitting her, which he never did. he almost lost his drs practice over it, and she got full custody.
If you have a decent relationship with your ex, you are very lucky people. Enjoy it, it would be nice if we could have open lines of communication with my ex. She is so nuts that she didnt even show up at my daughters wedding becausue I was there. | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 144 | |
| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 5/15/2007 11:13:33 AM | | A lot of these guys are talking about kids they do see that have resulted from relationship in the short term or within a few yrs. How do moms keep them away? My ex could never keep me away from my daughters. Nor would my girls allow it. | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 5/15/2007 11:26:52 AM | I've picked up this thread just now *sigh* how bad is that?!
No matter what I think of my ex, I would never stop him seeing our daughter-she adores him. However he only has her 6 days a month, he could have her more and I've offered, but he refuses too saying he needs time to himself. Like Preems, I do everything have very little spare cash and he gets the good stuff because he can afford to.
He says as works more he's the one entitled to a 'break'. Sorry, I didnt' realise you got a break as a parent...cam I have mine now please!
When he has her I call to make sure she's gone to sleep ok-I dont doubt he capabilities-he's a good father, I just miss my daughter. We can go days/weeks from hearing from him. I dont think he misses her the same way I do. | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 5/15/2007 11:50:42 AM | Well I have what is called an opened ended agreement with mom, nothing written in stone. When we went to court, it was agreed upon that reasonable access would be the game plan. It has been ( in my eyes ) a great arrangement thus far. Just because it no longer seems to me to be a ( great arrangement ) dosn't mean I need to act hastily . I do not feel her mother would try to keep me from my daughter, she loves our daughter too much to make such a decision. There are reasons that the arrangements have changed, some I can discern presently, others I cannot see. Patience I feel will go a long way, however I frequently have to crush bitterness when it springs up in me daily, being bitter will not help me, nor will it make my daughter feel secure. I very much miss my daughter and think about her daily, I hope I can learn a valuable lesson from the pain this new arrangement is causing me.
eww, to many ( I's ) in this post, sometimes it takes me awhile to write a post, I try to hard to think of alternatives to the word ( I ).
have a great day | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 5/15/2007 10:02:25 PM | | heres the thing some women say the mans abusive or he's a theat even if the man is not some do it to be cruel in connecticut i learn that adultry is leagel i tried to use that as grounds but thankfully i had medical reports stating i was telling the truth i can rember being in court with my divorce and i see a lot of men loose there home ect its sad and the children is the ones who suffer i think by taking the children away from the other parent it puts a lot of stress and anxitey and some have depression . it it also depends how much money you willing to spend on a laywer and for some parents its hard they cant afford to spend thousands of dollars on lawyer fees .for me my x took sole custody a lied took off to sc got remarried and had the nerve to call me and have my son tell me that he rather be the new mans son and not mind u see some can lie very good .i feel for the one who crys himself to sleep i know it hurts i cant even get a pic of mine i spent many nights up and cried and hoping to see him but i was told i better of waiting till he's older because the damage is done what my x has done . | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 5/16/2007 12:17:42 AM | | I know I miss my kids every secound of the day they are a big part of my life and always will be!! I call them everyday and I get them every weekend, I had to move 2hrs away for a job so I could support them and me since in the area I was at I couldnt. I guess I am one of the lucky ones since as far as the kids go my ex and I get along pretty well and we are still in the middle of the divorce. I know she is a good mother and I am a good father and will always be there for my kids no matter what. I feel for you guys that cant see your kids I dont think I could handle that, and for the ones that dont want to see there kids you dont know what you are missing. | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 5/16/2007 8:50:51 AM | | Have you seen these video's yet and voted on them?? This is what its all about. Fathers fighting for the right to see their children (and I say fathers because the sad truth is that it happens to fathers more than mothers, but the problem is the same) and nobody seeming to care. Its not right to keep children away from a parent unless there is a very good reason. Everyone should watch these videos, maybe then, some people will wake up and see what is going on in society today. Check out this link....http://www.current.tv/watch/21422926 and watch both the "Any Dad" videos. Then give it your vote. I DID! | |
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| Dads..do you miss your children ?
Posted: 5/16/2007 9:20:30 AM | yes.
I have not seen Aaron since he was 6 months old. His mother did everything she could to stop me seeing him and eventually got a court order based on false information to prevent me from contacting her. I understand her reasons for doing this I understand the fact that her friends all thought i was a crazy assed killer and frightened her with stories of things which never happened as well as changing stories around about things that did happen. She was terrified of me the last time i saw her and my heart broke. That was when i decided to leave her and Aaron alone for a few years at least till he is 14 then i will contact him. I have called her father every 2 or 3 years to try and get photo's or something like them through him but he has never returned my calls. Funny how he has never blocked me or tried to stop me from calling.
I love my sons very much. Both the one who's mother walked away from him and the one who's mother walked away from me taking him with her.
2 more years to wait! | |
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