| | being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?Page 4 of 11 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11) | | I totally agree with what you said, and why is it that some people want you to except that they have kids but cant except yours? am I the only one who notices that? | |
|
| being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 8/13/2011 4:59:21 PM | My response is not specifically for the poster but in response to several different comments.
Single parenting is single parenting, works the same way whether Mom or Dad. Dating and relationships with a single parent is also the same whether it's mom or dad. Having difficulty dating may not have anything to do with being a single parent and everything to do with the perception on how your partner would then "join" and/or “share” in your life.
When choosing to "date" a single parent, if one is eventually looking for a "partner" then one has to determine if a blended family would be possible... Why would I take the chance dating someone whom I might eventually care deeply for when we are not compatible when it comes to the value of the family unit? You want a "partner" but state very clearly that your child comes first...I assume at that point a "partnership" is not possible.
Consider this:
Whose child is number 1, yours, mine or both? How can one child be more important to one partner and another child be more important to the other partner?
What about when our perceived priorities differ regarding each others children? The family/household we're creating is split down the middle?
What about the partner's needs? Do they take a back seat to the "wants" of the child?
Be my partner without parenting my children but parent your own...wth? Any ideas on how someone pulls that off? I can’t even have my kids and my nieces/nephews in the same room and follow different rules for each family’s kids and they’re only visiting…
Honestly, if your child is your whole world, why are you even dating and looking for a partner? You already have your whole world...don't you?
A couple of posters have already said and/or implied this and I agree...
I think balance is key, partnership is key...it's not complicated. I don't care if you're a single dad or not. If I'm going to consider dating you, I care if you have room in your life and in your heart for a true partner. I care if you're mature enough to understand that life and parenting is about balance...priorities should be ever changing based on the needs of all the family members in the household and the needs of the family unit.
Just my 0.2 for what it’s worth… | |
|
| being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 8/15/2011 4:34:40 PM | | Just my opinion... thinking one of the biggest issues for single fathers that have majority/sole custody is the lack of support groups. This forum thread allows a small group of men to vent. I would hope most women would concede the notion that there are exponentially more 'Mommy's day out' groups available at local churches and the like. Sometimes it tough to press forward, but every one of us that posted to this thread as a single parent must do so for the benefit of our children. Paralysis to our situation(s) will most likely be more of a harmful disservice to them. May God have mercy on us and our children. | |
|
| being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 8/28/2011 2:05:13 PM | I have found the same
Most women are not as willing to take on someone else's child as a man would be. I have been rejected several times with my single father status being given as the reason. One woman even told me "you can't have sex with a guy who's got kids". Even single mothers have rejected me because they "have enough kids" which basically means they don't want mine.
I'm not crying or whining. I'm just relating my experiences over the last 9 years of being a single dad. It does get frustrating. We are lauded for stepping up and taking care of the child but at the same time dismissed for the very same reason.
The single mothers I've known (IRL) have no trouble getting dates - they just have trouble finding a guy who'll stick around. Us guys, we have trouble getting a date, let alone one that will stick around.
My average so far is about 1 date in .. well I've had one date off this site in 2 years (Yeah I know my current profile is not that old) and I've messaged maybe a hundred women. Only about 10 have replied. Only 1 was a positive response. (POF isn't my ONLY method of finding someone, I also talk to women in real life too)
So, OP.. I feel your pain. But stick at it. There has to be someone suitable out there somehwere :) I've not given up. | |
|
| being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 8/28/2011 2:15:00 PM | I didn't bother to read EVERY response, but I did see this one and wanted to comment:
Look at your profile " my daughter is my world" not the kind of thing a single woman without kids or even someone with kids wants to read, because they know their relationship with you will take a back seat to your kid, thats the problem with some single parents, the child(ren) is First
My son is my world, I say so in my profile, and, quite frankly, a good parent SHOULD always put their kiddo/s first. If your new b/f or g/f ends up being priority number one, you've screwed up as a parent.
I don't go on and on in my profile though, which is something I notice a lot of single parents do in their profile. Quite frankly, I'm not looking to date a guy AND his kid/s. I'm looking at dating guys, and if they have kids, that's cool. | |
|
antbog
| | Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 81 | |
| being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 8/28/2011 3:36:52 PM | | I would like to know the answer to that as well. Why does it seem theres a game thats being played that I dont want any part of. Just wanna find an honest and sincere woman to enjoy the rest of my like and my kids lives with. Havent had much luck on here cause it seems that all they are interested in is physical appearances. | |
|
| being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 8/29/2011 5:50:19 PM | | I am 22 and a single mom and to be honest i prefer single fathers who take time to be a father to their kid(s) it says a lot about them. I have also noticed that most of them are looking for something more serious instead of just another hook-up. I know dating is tough for me because of having full custody n working full time as well its hard to make time for dating but i do believe that if they are right for me they will understand as best as they can and that we will eventually be able to meet and hopefully figure it out from there if the first day goes good. | |
|
| |
| being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 8/29/2011 10:48:30 PM | Hate to say this but
What do you look like? ( Do most women find you handsome?)
How much money do you make a year?
What do you do for a living?
Do you own your own home?
Can you afford to supply vacations, jewelry, a great neighborhood, a good car, a great home to a potential mate on your own?
No offense, but this is the stuff most people are going to look at when they are dating. There are plenty of good looking financially well off single dads with great careers and big houses that get laid and have an overwhelming number of dating options.
Personally I don't think having a child is a liability for dating. But that's how I see it personally. The rest of the world and how it works does see it as a big problem. Some don't, but those are not as many as the people feeling the other way.
To me, if you are an average looking guy and making average money and live in an average place, if you are a single dad with primary custody, it's just going to be harder to find dates. You need something that will stand out to a lot of women. And that thing is usually money.
Money. Money. Money.
It's not like it's a huge secret. Guys with big money get laid. A lot. Those who aren't getting laid a lot don't want to get laid bad enough, but if they did, they could literally buy their way into sex.
Is it fair? No. Is it easy to swallow? No. Is it the way most people want the world to work? No. But it is how the world works.
The more money you have, the more many many many women will put up with things, that they might not otherwise if you were poor, that they just don't like.
If you were blind and had a billion dollars in the bank, what would happen? You would be bumping into supermodels trying to blow you on your yacht with Stevie Wonder playing in the background.
If you were an ex con who just killed 17 people and got out of prison on a technicality, but the murder tape was all over YouTube, but you had a billion dollars, what do you think would happen? You'd be the only judge in a wet T shirt contest with super model looking women, where the T shirts say, "The Media Will Frame Anyone"
If you had 1852 children, if you had four legs, if you had no nose, if you only spoke a language that goats understand, but you had a billion dollars, what do you think would happen? You'd have super model looking women getting you shoes in double pairs right before they blew you while you rested the remote on their bobbing head.
Your kid looks less like a liability to a lot of women in a dating situation the more money you have. If you doubt it, walk outside and look at the world, tell me what you see, not all the politically correct BS people spout, but what people are actually doing and choosing. | |
|
| being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 8/30/2011 7:52:08 AM | | OUCH! i so want to join this banter but am sort of holding back for fear of being called a moron as well. I have pics of my daughter and son on here...ive been raising my two alone for about 13 years....and needless to say if that is a turn off or deterent to women...then so be it. I will not waiver or falter the life which has gotten my children ad i to the solid structure that exists within our house hold today. We thrive with the love that has been built within our home..and any additional love is always welcomed and embraced but will never substitute...only compliment what we already have. Whether the disclosure of a woman's stance on my priority list is done here or on our first date...she ultimately has the choice of taking it or leaving it. Most do leave it...only to complain later about how ALL men suck. Men this, men that...blah blah blah...when in reality if they CHOSE the MAN...who has proven his loyalty, capacity to love, nourish, nurture and be completely devoted to family...then perhaps they wouldnt be complaining about the bounty of those men out there that DONT! Nothing wrong with being second in the heart of a man who has lived his life to care for his kids. Eventually all love within that familial circle will come full circle or paralleled anyway. It just takes a little time to earn your place in that wheel. | |
|
| being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 8/30/2011 7:09:04 PM | I am in the same boat. I feel very skeptical since I have a daughter. I just got out of a long term relationship with a girl who wasn't the mother, and she didn't mind it. In fact, she loved my daughter, which is one reason it was so hard when we separated.
I've talked to a variety of female friends and they say they wouldn't mind seeing a guy with kids. In fact, a guy that ACTIVELY takes care of their kids is attractive. It depends on the girl and the way you spin it in their minds. Good luck. | |
|
| being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 8/30/2011 9:17:38 PM | | Ok just a thought. How about all you single dads give us single moms a shot since we all seem to have issues with finding dates? After all who better to be patient, understanding and accepting of you and your situation??? | |
|
| being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 8/31/2011 7:01:18 AM | | What's in a name-Plenty of Fish....in other words...there are many people of the opposite sex out there in dating land...and there are even a few for us single parents...all one has to do is look or the right person, not settle, find someone who's compatable with our life-styles..sounds simple...but, it's not...it's as hard as not making the wrong mate choices we'd made in the past...yet, still posible. | |
|
| being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 8/31/2011 8:40:46 AM | | I agree with what you said! You hit it on the head! I have children in college now and I do not want to become a step mom to young children. Many women do not want this including me. I try to find someone with children the same age range as mine. I do not put up personal pictures , this is the internet, especially children. He may find someone who has children of his girls age range. Some women want to start a family with their "Own' children as well. | |
|
| being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 10/26/2011 3:03:07 PM | Interesting assumptions and feedback.
Personally, I choose to only date single fathers. I feel we have a kinship, similar lifestyle as well as a loving disposition that can only come from parenting. | |
|
| being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 10/26/2011 4:34:59 PM |
That would be a real NO for me! The one thing I would NEVER want is someone playing Mum to my kids! They have a Mum, sure she is pretty rubbish, makes no attempt to support them and only see's them when she can be drag herself away from her 'newer and better husband and kids' but she is still their Mum and they love her!
OMG
SO your are saying a woman is good for "SEX" ONLY and NOT good enough to act like a step-mom to YOUR kids ..
Would I get involved with a woman who had kids? Sure, why not! I love having kids around! Would I try and play Dad to her kids, No! Would I help her out with her kids, sure, if that is what she wanted because like I say, I love having kids around!
you do NOT want to act like a step-dad .....
And the typical POOR ME ... single dad profile.
Noting there to ATTRACT a woman to contact you or reply to you
My ex-wife is rubbish ...  | |
|
| being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 10/26/2011 6:37:00 PM |
My average so far is about 1 date in .. well I've had one date off this site in 2 years (Yeah I know my current profile is not that old) and I've messaged maybe a hundred women. Only about 10 have replied. Only 1 was a positive response. (POF isn't my ONLY method of finding someone, I also talk to women in real life too)
You profile is GOOD ... and you talk about you ... the man .. and not being a father
I am a COBOL programer when i was younger ... so us geeks do NOT have it too easy ...
10 replies in a hundred is typical on guy on POF
Many woman in the age range 35-45 are TOO picky about who they reply to ..
You know very little from a profile and a photo.... | |
|
| being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 11/1/2011 6:32:16 PM | | I never had a problem dating single dads because I have kids myself. But having met monstrously disrespectful kids, and fathers who shelter their kids more than I shelter my younger kids, not to mention the ones that let their children sleep inbed with them I'm now a little more weary about dating single dads. Most men I've dated and even been in relationships with, realised that my having children never hampered my movements during the weekends in a major way. But I agree I wouldn't like to get the impression that I'd always play second fiddle, maybe because I've always realised that the role of a man in my life is potentially more enriching in the long run than children that will grow up and have their own lives. | |
|
| |
| |
| |
Weevos
| | Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 97 | |
| being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 11/6/2011 10:05:22 PM | As a single father of three children who live with me, I can definately empathize with the original poster, but several of you have given great advice. Just going to throw a few more things out there:
First, a single father has the right and responsibility to his child(ren) to define what he is seeking in a mate as a potential step-parent, as well as defining what he himself wants in the future. Have you done this? Define whether a single mother is right for you... many parents are set in their ways regarding discipline, rules, even whether their kids are allowed candy. Two singles without kids get to gradually decide this together as their relationship matures, but single parents are like old dogs... new tricks don't come easy and differences in child-rearing techniques can cause friction. It can be difficult, so make certain that you are open-minded, or feel free to seek out women without kids.
If you do decide to seek out a woman without children, the first question you must answer honestly to yourself is whether you are willing to have MORE kids, because often they want kids of their own as well. The best policy here is honesty with yourself and with her. It can be more difficult to find a childless woman who is willing and able to take on the responsibility of parenthood while not starting from scratch, but if you do find one, just assure her that her involvement with your child can progress at a rate that makes her comfortable. All too often, a single parent push a potential mate away by placing too much emphasis on their role in the child's life too early in the relationship. They don't mean to do it, they just want to know that a potential mate will not only be a good fit for them, but also a good role model in their child's life.
I guess my main point is to be completely honest with yourself before attempting to be honest with others. YOU need to know where you are before others do, and this knowledge will not only make your search easier, but will also exude confidence to those you are attempting to woo. A single father can be a risk for a woman, but a single father who is confident in his manhood as well as his fatherhood is a fine catch. | |
|
| being a single father and finding someone is so hard.why?
Posted: 11/7/2011 3:17:46 AM | i find it amusing reading the wants of some women on this site ,it seems ok for them to post that there kids come first and i have no problem with it, but when its percieved that i have the same outlook on my profile im not worthy of consideration ,i look at profiles but never mail anymore as its a crock got my kids and if it happens it happens  | |
|
| |
| |
Home
login 
