| | Partisan PoemsPage 19 of 38 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38) | | holey crap your poems are fantastic! a bit of a Roald Dahl for adults | |
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| Partisan Poems Posted: 3/2/2012 3:42:56 PM | Ah - the though that shite might have a religous significance is worthy of a poem!!
Button Up
Do you mind if I ask you To button up your dress May I have a little decorum And a little less of your breast I’m trying to speak to you Look you in the face So if you could pull in your bosom I’d consider it good taste I’m trying to be a gentleman Pretending not to look But your blouse is wide open dear Your chest an open book Are you hot are you warm Have you a desire to reveal So much chest so much flesh Why this strange appeal Am I suppose to have a conversation With your nipples or your eyes Is this a test is this an experiment Or just a nice surprise Am I a prude for looking elsewhere Am I a letch for looking down I can see right through your cleavage To your shoes upon the ground Perhaps you’re impoverished Have your buttons gone astray Here buy yourself a cardigan You can buy it from my pay Will you cover up your cleavage Will you place inside your breasts For I really must inform you That I’m actually not impressed I feel I must inform you Without sounding crass I’m not a big titted loving man But I love a shapely ass
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| Partisan Poems Posted: 3/3/2012 11:28:09 AM | Life’s a Real B*tch
She was looking for a gentleman Isn’t life a real b*tch She ended up with me Isn’t that rich She was looking for suave Debonair Instead she got me Bald with no hair She was looking for a man Sophisticated I think she was misunderstood And got inebriated She was looking for gentile A man refined To be waited on hand and foot To be wined and dined As fate would have it She ended up with me I think she was blind They say love can’t see As fate would have it No gentleman called Karma sent her A rogue thin and small Perhaps it was destiny Perhaps Déjà Vu But she ended up in an asylum Well wouldn’t you I still go and visit her Whenever I’m in the mood That there are others insane It makes me feel good She was once pretty normal Now she’s ga ga She thinks I’m her mother Sometimes her pa Still all is not negative She’s stopped looking for a male As she talks to her reflection In her hospital jail | |
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| Partisan Poems Posted: 3/3/2012 12:00:18 PM | Intimate Encounters
She said she was looking for An intimate encounter Would I do her the honour Get up and mount her Well look here says I Who do you think I am A cowboy a Mountie An equestrian fan I could never mount her For I have never ridden A horse or a pony I hope I’d be forgiven She started to get stroppy She started to get rude Called me an ass A bit of a prude Her temper was foul She used words forbidden Just because I said I was sorry She couldn’t get ridden It wasn’t my fault I’m from the inner city We don’t have any trees Or flowers that are pretty We have no horses No ponies or green grass And we never had riding lessons Never mounted an ass She looked dumb struck As if I was mental She pleaded to be ridden I could be hard or gentle Well what was I to do The lady was pleading And I am a gentleman Of exceptional breeding So I said what to hell I’ll give anything a try Then when I got out my saddle And she wished me goodbye | |
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| Partisan Poems Posted: 3/3/2012 3:29:58 PM | Dead Ends
Down streets down alleyways Where ere life sends Meeting obstacles Meeting dead ends At this time in life Dead ends frequent In the maze of life Dead ends are sent Dead ends in employment Dead ends in romance Dead ends in this race This life this dance Maybe it’s this era Maybe it’s this age Hard to know Difficult to gauge Dead ends lie waiting Hidden from sight When you turn left When you turn right Blank walls and gables Baring the way Dead ends to our pleas Dead ends when we pray Dead ends at cross-roads Roundabouts to Not knowing where to turn How about you Are you hoping are you seeking Doors to open Is life grinding you down You’re just about coping With dead ends in your love life Dead ends killing joy Dead ends killing passion Hope to destroy Dead ends increasing Year upon year Dead ends my nightmare My consummate fear | |
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| Partisan Poems Posted: 3/4/2012 10:38:14 AM | Old Faces
Old faces familiar Crossing our paths Remembering the tears Remembering the laughs Old faces new features Grey hairs more lines Creating reflections Of sweet bitter times Old faces puzzlingly Is it or is not That some special person Not yet forgot Old faces with wrinkles Twenty years on After youth has departed After middle age has gone Old faces familiar Halting our tracks Shall we feel joyous Shall we feel vexed Old faces reunited Sad feelings of pain Torture and torment Floods back again | |
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| Partisan Poems Posted: 3/5/2012 11:24:27 AM | Tamara
She was a work of art Was Tamara She painted with rouge Painted with mascara She coloured her lips Soft and inviting The colours were subtle But the effect was exciting With each stroke of her brush Lovingly applied Her wrinkles disappeared The artist she lied No longer aged fifty She dropped a decade Call it a skill Perhaps a charade She deceived all and sundry With her majestic strokes She was the real thing No impressionist hoax She had the skill of an artisan When she painted her face All was perfection In the best possible taste Not too garish Not too pale Just spot on To attract a male Her use of light The contrast of shadow And eyes bright green Like a field in a meadow Cheek bones structured Jaw defined A real work of art As the colours combined Eyes highlighted To invite you in And the canvas she painted Invited men’s sin She invited attention With her consummate skill She was one painted lady With looks to kill | |
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| Partisan Poems Posted: 3/5/2012 11:48:11 AM | The Momentary Token
She was one fu*ked up woman She’d just separated So she was out to find ‘love’ Inebriated She was out to find a man Out to find another Though it was only three months past Since she separated from her lover Her partner of ten years They had just split up Now she hated all men They were devious and corrupt Her lover had gone After cheating with her mate Now she was out to find another Crazy is fate With no throught of waiting She was a screwed up lady Thinking about dirty Thinking about shady Thinking no She didn’t need to think She’d rely on her mates And a skinful of drink Perhaps she’d find love Or just a quick screw Stupid fecking woman Stupid old shrew For as fate would have it She met a nice fella One who open the doors And carried her umbrella Who was kind and affectionate In fact a bit of a gem But she thought he was like her ex. And this fella was condemned She treated him like shit She treated him like dirt She lost the plot This stupid piece of skirt Not giving herself enough time Enough time to heal Getting back into the action With premature zeal She was a real fecking mess Who needed time to recover And in her great haste She chased away her new lover So for all you old fellas Who might be reading this Forget about a rejected woman Who’s out to get pissed Forget about a woman Who’s recently been dumped Who’s out for a quick screw A back seat jump Forget about getting too close For she’s mentally broken And you are just a stop-gap A momentary token | |
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| Partisan Poems Posted: 3/5/2012 1:29:45 PM | Jenny Was A Follower
She followed him through thin She followed him through thick Though he was an as*hole Though he was a prick She followed him in the good times But those weren’t too many He’d call and she’d come My old friend dear Jenny She followed him in the bad times Even visited him when in jail She told lies to the Chief Justice And helped to pay his bail She followed him unquestioningly Like some little girl lost I warned her to be careful I warned her of the cost I warned her he was no good He would take her for a ride But she followed him to the altar She said yes to be his bride Then she followed him to the barroom Many times every week For he was a fecking waster And well Jenny she was a little weak She followed him when he hit her She followed him on the drink She followed him irrespective That he drove her to the brink She told me one day confidentially She never regretted becoming his slave Then I read in the obituaries Jenny followed him to the grave | |
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| Partisan Poems Posted: 3/5/2012 1:52:57 PM | The Silent Disguise
He wasn’t mysterious Not strong and silent He was f*cking stupid Really compliant Under her thumb He was under control This hunk of a man Who use to be bold This man once my friend Never left the house Petrified by this witch This four foot high mouse He use to be chatty Loved having a joke He was one of the best Came from good folk But ten years of marriage To this miniature dwarf Had changed him completely Into his shell he had morphed You’d ask him a question And the witch would butt in Scrawny fecking jezebel Four foot and thin She told when to speak Told him when to stay quiet Told him what he could watch Told him to diet She castrated his ballacks This dominating witch Just because she’d money Folks that where rich She said he was strong and silent This was his appeal I saw a man bent and broken Gone was his zeal Gone was the glint The twinkle in his eyes Only left was the shell And the silent disguise Only left was the emptiness Not a man just a token Who would be told off for speaking For laughing and joking | |
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| Partisan Poems Posted: 3/7/2012 12:49:18 PM | Obnoxious
She called me obnoxious An honest held belief I was an obnoxious bas*ard Who just brought her grief I was a son of a b*tch I sat at Satan’s right hand I think it’s fair to say She wasn’t my favourite fan She said I was a wan*er I couldn’t disagree For wanting another lover Not two in bed but three Well again I couldn’t argue Not with a statement based on fact Thirty years with her had become boring The same old same old sex I was a disgusting twisted creature Who had crawled out from below a stone Wanting another playmate Wanting to hear her moan I was depraved, corrupted perverted Wanting another woman to come To join us in the bedroom Suggesting three-some fun I was something she described as pitiful With expletives in between For wanting a manage de trios For threesomes are obscene But what really got to her What sent her around the twist Was I suggested inviting her mother Or if not, what about her Sis? She exploded like a volcano I thought she was having a tumour Woman feck it they disappoint me Not one with a black sense of humour | |
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| Partisan Poems Posted: 3/7/2012 1:16:50 PM | Crap Poems
I write crap poetry For shitty people I write crap rhymes With words that are feeble I write crap songs Without any tunes For eegits and morons And fecking balloons I write crap words They’re a load of shite For people who are bored And others not bright I write crap verses Crap choruses too You’d never have guessed it I write them in the loo Sitting on the bog Having a shite That’s the only place For a poet to write Crap poems written Whilst having a crap Sitting with my cigarette Wearing my hat I write crap odes With terrible grammar Woeful spelling Not helped by my stammer I write crap poetry Disowned by other bards For I use simple words I never use hard I write crap words From a male perspective For feminist neurotics And the PC collective Who have no sense of humour Just hatred to nurse So just to rub it in I write crap and I curse But don’t you feel rejected Don’t you feel blue For I’ve written this crap poem Especially for you | |
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| Partisan Poems Posted: 3/10/2012 5:15:19 AM | The Beast and the Priest
Hear my words I am not proud These words I speak Soft not loud My conscience grips me It is not clear I blame the fates I blame the beer My sins are great More than many I wronged my Judith Fiona and Penny But nothing compares With all my sins With all my errors With all my whims Hear my confessions My father priest For I lay naked With the beast I removed my clothes In mirth with leisure And without a care I took pleasure Indulged in sins I now confess When my hands moved up Inside her dress Her underwear I removed To reveal a body Soft and smooth Soft white thighs Bottom firm And many things Last night I learned For hours and hours Time stood still I lost my mind I lost my will Gave it all In sins congenial Mortal sins To a host convivial My eyes took pleasure My loins did feast As all night long I rode the beast My father hear My false repentance For I am captivated By her presence She is a lady Of the night Her breasts are pert Her eyes are bright Her lips are red Ruby waxed And as for love Or was it sex I’ve had no better My body aches I want her now For pity sakes She burned lie sun She shone as the moon I came too late I came too soon I came again And then again Father help me I’m going insane I need repentance For I have paid With this beast With which I’ve laid I placed my coins Into her hands And she made me feel A God a Man Strong are the feelings These flames which burn For I know tonight I shall return Tell me father My family priest Is it wrong To love a beast A scarlet woman Of ill repute This wonderful wench This buxom beaut To pay for sins Sins of the flesh And suckle on Her subtle breast To pay with money Silver and gold Am I condemned Here take my soul I have no use For such a thing For when she came I heard her sing I heard her sigh I heard her cry And in that moment I could have died Ah so my son You lay with the whore But please don’t stop Please tell me more All the details You most tell me now How you rode That beast that cow Every detail You must spare none To receive repentance My sinful son To be fully cleansed You must confess What she wore Under her dress Every detail I must hear it all Did you come Did she call Did you take her Many times Tell me tell me Ease my mind Hurry tell me Every detail Did she come Did she wail And what’s her name This wench this beast And her address Asked my priest What’s her name Her cell phone He demanded In whispered moan What’s her name For she is sick Tell me tell me Tell me quick T’was then I stood Rose from my knees And from the confessional I did flee From the Church I was repulsed For this man was filled With savage lust And to the beast I did return And for fifteen years My passion burned | |
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| Partisan Poems Posted: 3/10/2012 11:43:27 AM | Love In Boxes
She said I loved in boxes I said she was wrong I loved on pedestals Witnessed in song I loved on pinnacles I loved in curses I loved in wounds Bandaged by nurses She said I loved in boxes Compartmentalisation As if it was a sin Procrastination I replied she was wrong Completely biased She’d distorted logic Saying such lies I loved on pedestals On which she was placed Me at the foot Worshipping on grace I loved at altars I loved in prayers I loved with my soul Open laid bare I loved with a magnitude Arms wide open With which she was frightened Never a token Never in a box Never a half measure I loved her more than gold It was she who I treasured She said I loved in boxes I said that she lied Until I went to my coffin After I died Then I came back As she lay in her bed And I said she was right The words that she said I loved in a box Oak with lined satin With six foot of earth And a stench something rotten I loved in a box Lying below the grave And my love in a box Would always be a slave I loved in a box I whispered above her bed To the woman I loved Who refused to get wed Who thought rings were manacles Marriage was a chain And having two children Was something insane Who despised convention And boxes and titles And I told her I loved her In ghostly recitals I told her I loved her From six foot below the ground And in a box called a coffin Love could be found | |
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| Partisan Poems Posted: 3/10/2012 1:27:53 PM | Astute Woman!
Your opinion is something For which I do not care I don’t claim to be equitable Just or fair Your opinion is something Which counts for nought I do not gloat I do not pout Your opinion is Only that Biased musings Falling flat Your opinion is something You hold dear Mouthed when sober Drunk with beer Your opinion is Based on hate Of which you feed on And cannot sate Your opinions are Never facts They embarrass youself And all your sex Your opinions are nebulous Not set in stone And still you shout And still you moan You opinions are things I cannot see That’s what my last girl Said to me Astute Woman! | |
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| Partisan Poems Posted: 3/10/2012 1:55:38 PM | Victoria
Her name was Victoria Meldrew I should have known All she ever did Was moan and groan Her glass was half empty Never half full A manic depressive As a rule If the bus arrived Just a minute late She cursed the Gods She bad mouthed fate Never satisfied She was a fecking dragon Her mouth turned down Always sagging She never smiled She’d only grimace I’m glad we’re over Glad we’ve finished Her days were dark Her nights were black She even moaned During sex Isn’t it over She would say Hurry up Have your way Get a move on Corrie’s on I’m ever grateful Now she’s gone No more sex With Victoria For she’s moved back in With her ma and pa No more abuse From her turned down lips No more sarcasm No more quips No more depressive Manic wants No more of Victoria’s Sycophantic rants | |
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| Partisan Poems Posted: 3/19/2012 6:16:37 AM | Chalk and Cheese
She wanted to have fun So she upped and left I can’t say I was surprised I wasn’t bereft She wanted to have fun We were like chalk and cheese Better she went her own way Her soul to please She wanted to have fun Simple and pure The call of far off countries And other allures She wanted to have fun I wanted to have meaning I wanted to have a purpose She preferred dreaming I wanted to make a difference Make some form of contribution Not fearing death Or God’s retribution But I wanted to have a purpose Not high and mighty She wanted to have fun Be flirty and flighty She wanted to enjoy All the years that were left I fully understood So wasn’t bereft Whenever she went Walked out the door She wanted to have fun For life was a chore She wanted to enjoy Life’s finer things Drink fine wine Enjoy what life brings She wanted frivolous For your a long time dead So we decided to part We’re no longer wed She wanted simple Hated complicated I wonder in hindsight If we ever were fated I wanted to have a purpose Have an objective perhaps a goal Something with meaning To satisfy my soul Someting to say My life was not wasted I didn’t care for rewards Or for finer things tasted I wanted to make a contribution Not just to take part So that’s the reason We’re now living apart | |
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| Partisan Poems Posted: 3/19/2012 8:19:58 AM | Home Truths
Too many too frequently Too often too late Search for the truth Then love to blame fate They search all too infrequently They don’t want to know Content with illusions Get on with the show Who wants to know truths That will only bring hurt So their mouths open wide Lips start to pout Demanding the truth Praying for lies Inwardly pleading For plausible alibis Their lives are comfortable Going nowhere fast They prefer deceptions Distortions that last Who wants to know truths That shatter old dreams When women are rejected Paupers not Queens Who wants to know truths To shatter illusions Distort all pretences Bring only confusion Bring only sadness Madness and tears Who wants to know truths Only prophets and seers | |
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| Partisan Poems Posted: 3/19/2012 8:37:50 AM | Money For Love
Give us your dollars Give us your coins If you want full membership Test out your loins If you want to have sex Perhaps find a mate Give us your sterling Then pray to fate Give us your dollars All your old notes Write us a cheque You stupid old goats All looking hoping Searching for a mate Give us your credit card numbers We’ll help you find a date Give us your pounds Your dollars and cents If you want to find love You know it makes sense You old and you lonely You sad and you wise Give us your money We’ll find you a prize Give us your dollars We want to get rich If you want to find a lover A wife or a b*tch Give us your sterling We must have your money And in exchange we’ll advise you You have to be funny You have to be considerate If you want to find love But when all is said and done When push comes to shove You have to pay dollars Silver and gold So send us your money Just do as you’re told Send us your money For full membership No arguments no dissention None of your lip Send us your money Hurry we haven’t got enough Give us your money Give us lots of the stuff Just seven pounds a month If you want to get laid If you want to get a man Or a woman in your bed Seven pounds a month Just one pound sixty nine a week For the love of your life For the partner you seek | |
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| Partisan Poems Posted: 3/19/2012 10:33:56 AM | I’d Love to Say
I’d love to say I was tall dark and handsome And women were my playthings Their feelings I could ransom That I was well educated Well qualified But the words I might say Might only be lies I’d love to say I was extremely fit Considered humorous A bit of a wit A member of the establishment The old school brigade But my words might be lies A fabricated charade I’d love to say I was well endowed A man among men Standing up proud But alas and alack This might not be true And this lie could haunt me If I ever met you I’d love to say I was contented with life Looking for stability A partner and a wife But I’m betwixt and between I’m uncertain what I want So I don’t want to say things That tomorrow I’ll recant I’d love to say I was a gentleman Nobel and virtuous That I’d hold your hand Open the doors Give you my seat I was the crème dela crème I was one of the elite I’d love to say That I was very secure I was intellectual And my mind was pure That I was extremely wealthy Considered worldly and wise I’d love to say it But my words would be lies | |
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| Partisan Poems Posted: 3/19/2012 3:04:31 PM | The Angel
She was stunningly beautiful Out of my league Those where the rules That was my creed She was too bloody gorgeous With her long black hair It’s not about equity Or about life being fair She was simply a vision An angel from grace Her body was perfect As was her face She would drive men crazy With a glimpse of her thighs She captivated men’s hearts If they stared into her eyes Her lips would move But no sounds would be heard That’s the way life is Isn’t it absurd All men would give chase Well all men but I No point why bother No word of a lie Why chase after the impossible Why hanker after a vision It only brings pain Self centred derision She was simply stunning Too good for me Now all those years thereafter She’s still single still free She never settled down No man ever asked For all men just like me Didn’t feel up to the task | |
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| Partisan Poems Posted: 3/19/2012 3:36:24 PM | Sunday School Songs
You are my sunshine my only sunshine You make me happy when skies are grey You never know dear how much I love you Please don’t take my sunshine away You are my sunshine I sang softly All those years back in Sunday school Standing beside my teenage sweetheart Even back then I was a fool You are my sunshine in the daytime You are my sunshine in the night time too You are my sunshine in the summer And in the winter when feeling blue You are my sunshine I sang softly With my sweetheart by my side Now all these years I still sing softly All those years now since sunshine died You are my sunshine you are my sunshine Even though you’re long since gone You are my memories you are my words You are my vision you are my song | |
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| Partisan Poems Posted: 3/21/2012 11:14:36 AM | Conversations
Conversations One to one Talking about the weather Talking about the sun Talking about the wind The clouds and the rain Conversations Going around again Conversations Words spoken Tears in between Laughter and joking Talking about politics The budget the economy Talking about religion Perhaps Deuteronomy Conversations Talking to oneself Nobody listening Poor mental health Taking about sport Talking football Talking about rugby The scrum and the maul Taking about the match Ad-infinitum Talking about whatever Is likely to excite them Conversations Devious twisted Talking about topics Usually blacklisted Talking in metaphors About life and facts Then out of the blue Talking about sex Conversations Getting flirty Conversations Turning dirty Conversations On internet sites Talking about underwear Crutch less tights Conversations It’s always the same Women are innocent Men get the blame Conversations Don’t you dare talk to me For from conversations I like to stay free | |
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| Partisan Poems Posted: 3/21/2012 2:34:52 PM | The Road Less Travelled
She had grandiose tastes For one as simple as I So many places to visit Before she did die The strange and the exotic The distant and the far By ship and by plane Not by bus or by car By the Orient Express She wanted to travel Not by bike or by foot On bit-mac or over gravel The Seychelles she said In the Indian Ocean She wanted to drink Chablis Or other such potions She wanted to visit Aztecs Inca Civilizations And somewhere in the Bahamas To bring her elation She was far to grandiose For someone as simple as me Except for that one day When she asked for a can of peas Canned peas I quizzed Only to be rebuked With such feeling of contempt A distained look She wanted to see Hong Kong And Zanzibar She wanted to travel first class She wanted to go far To the Indian Sundarbans To Table Top Mountain And dance in Rome In a classical fountain To see the aurora borealis And climb Ayers Rock She would tease me How she would mock When I said I was content Nowhere else did I wish to go Except to the Western Isles Passing through Glencoe Nowhere else in this world Did I wish to visit before I die Than the Great Glen and Loch Ness On my way to Skye No other Continent No other cuisine or style No other landscape That the green Glens of Argyle So we agreed to differ She went on her way She to somewhere called Patagonia And I to Dumfries and Galloway | |
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| Partisan Poems Posted: 3/22/2012 2:21:58 PM | Chris Rea Review
Standing watching Chris Rea Playing the Ace of Hearts Listening to the music Smelling the farts Of the fat old ladies In the Ulster Hall All aged about fifty At the Chris Rea Ball Middle aged chubbie’s With their husbands in tow Listening to Josephine Watching the show Chubby Chaser husbands And boy-friends et al. Sweating profusely At the Ulster Hall The crowd were bopping The bellies were flagging Shirts well padded Looking like lagging Listening to Julia Before Driving Home Snapping Chris’s photo On the mobile cell phones Rotund bellies No waists in sight It suddenly struck me This isn’t right Middle aged women With their middle aged spreads Gyrating nay wobbling Before going to bed Looking for the Summer Way back On the Beach Unfortunately their toes Were way out of reach Then came the stench That whiff that strange smell From the chubby fat women On the road to hell | |
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