| Does he/she really love you?
Posted: 11/22/2007 5:58:48 PM | My guy was doing a very good job of showing his love all over the place and bending over backwards not to say it. He tells me he was doing a FINE job of hiding it, but it was incredibly transparent and really sweet too, since it was also obvious he was concerned about not putting pressure on our budding relationship.
One day (after one of his clever grabs..."I love youR eyes") I started... "hey, we have these feelings for each other..." But paused as I realized my point had no context because "I love you" hadn't been spoken by either of us yet. So, I interrupted myself and said...
"I mean, I KNOW you love me."
He roared with laughter "Oh I do, do I?" "yeah" I said, "you're a very smart man"
Of course, I have yet to live this down... but what can I say, it worked. (Gawd I love this man).
BTW, the point I was going to make was... just let feelings Be and develop however they're going to develop or not, all on their own without trying to define them or fit them into some rules or timetable about when or how or what's ok. | |
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| Does he/she really love you?
Posted: 11/22/2007 6:14:04 PM |
BTW, the point I was going to make was... just let feelings Be and develop however they're going to develop or not, all on their own without trying to define them or fit them into some rules or timetable about when or how or what's ok.
couldn't have said it better myself.
I'm head over heels myself just now, I found it very hard to say when I first realised, but then he told me he thinks he's in love with me and sorry if he's scared me, before I'd made my feelings aparent verbally, and now, I'm having to stop myself from saying it too often...
All I can really say, is when it is love, you know, because it feels different than any relationship you have ever been a part of before; it is hard to explain, but it gives you a kind of shyness at first, because you feel that if you put a foot wrong, you are going to lose a hell of a lot, which is silly if the feelings are mutual really, because it would take something awfull to put a foot wong  also, well for me, my perspective has changed, and I feel so content and secure with him around, and all we do is hang out and enjoy each other's minds, bodys and hearts; What i mean is it is the first time I've been in a position with a relationship where I dont have to 'try' to make it work, it just IS, it doesn't require any 'work' to make it good, and it's beautifull, and close and it really makes you feel like alot of life's bothersomes don't matter at all because everything will work out... | |
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CESSKA
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Joined: 10/24/2007
Msg: 64 | |
| Does he/she really love you?
Posted: 11/22/2007 6:23:18 PM | | don't ask questions that might give u an answer u don't want. anyway men say other things that might be misinterpreted as love, such as being close to u opens a window to my soul, well that guy didnot want me. | |
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| Does he/she really love you?
Posted: 11/22/2007 6:23:22 PM | IF THEY ARE NOT READY TO SAY "IT" THAN JUST BE PATIENT, DO NOT EXPECT TO ALWAYS HERE THE WORDS I LOVE YOU. jUST NOT FAIR TO THE OTHER PERSON.  | |
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| Does he/she really love you?
Posted: 11/22/2007 8:46:54 PM |
One time, a guy told me he "loved me" after only a few weeks of dating. I honestly said, "That's so nice, thank you." I think it's important NOT to lie and say "I love you too" if you DON'T feel that way. Yes, it's ackward when both people are not at the same point in a relationship, but to me, LYING is even worse. I explained to him that I was sorry, but that I wasn't feeling the same way about him - that I liked him a lot, but I wouldn't lie to him - that he'd have to wait and be patient.
Thats a good point! I think a lot of people would say "I love you too" without meaning it just to avoid conflict. I handled it by responding with "you're so sweet" and pampering her with a lot of kisses and cuddles....luckily it worked because my backup plan was a terrible idea! Telling someone you're not at the same point in a relationship could make things awkward, but I still admire your honest approach. | |
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| DOES HE/SHE REALLY LOVE YOU?
Posted: 11/22/2007 9:18:49 PM | Anyone at any time can say 'I Love You'
For these are only words
Find someone who proves they Love You
Not by what they say
But by what they do
.....
I agree with u i think all we need s that | |
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| DOES HE/SHE REALLY LOVE YOU?
Posted: 11/23/2007 1:57:47 AM | Well last night lying in bed he asked me (for about the 50th time) if I was happy with him. Said I was very, very happy. We were then joking around and he said "I quite like you, you know" and I said "Quite like?" and he said "well okay then a lot!" and I kind of went silent. Then he said "You must know how I feel about you by now" and then there was a kind of silence while I dropped to sleep....
What's he trying to tell me?? He keeps saying to me that "I must know how he feels about me by now" but he hasn't said any words.
Also if I'm slightly quiet he keeps on asking me if I'm okay. I say "yes of course" but he worries. Then he'll ask if I'm bored of him etc, etc.
I don't get it... | |
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| DOES HE/SHE REALLY LOVE YOU?
Posted: 11/23/2007 5:47:46 AM |
What's he trying to tell me?? He keeps saying to me that "I must know how he feels about me by now" but he hasn't said any words.
Ahh, carmelcakes my guess is he loves you and is freaked that maybe you don't feel the same. Loving someone can move you into a particularly vulnerable place, suddenly you have someone that you would mind very much if you lost. He might well be interpreting your silence as the awkwardness that you don't quite feel the same yet.
To me, the clues he is feeling this way are incredibly loud... problem is, or so I think, you're interpreting what he says from a similar vulnerable state... so the two of you are walking around in circles, eyeing each other, but not stepping outside of your own vulnerability to actually name those feelings.
"don't worry you didn't say anything embarrassing like I love you" ... (suggests HE is embarrassed about the strength of his feelings/saying the words out loud.)
"well okay then a lot" ... (oh my, right on the verge of an "I love you" ... this just screams to me "I love you but I'm not saying the words yet because... it isn't time/I'm not sure you feel the same/don't want things to get awkward... you fill in the blanks)
"you must know how I feel by now" ... ( you must see he loves you by now)
"are you ok", "are you bored" ... (these worries show he is vulnerable to losing you and trying to figure out "the emotional temperature" of your relationship - you you feel as strongly as he does.)
Oh take the bull by the horns caramelcakes! Put the poor guy out of his misery. Tell him "I love you" directly (and why not? I'm assuming you do, or you would be relieved he is not saying those 3 little words rather than all bothered by their absense).
If you're feel weird about that, ask him what he feels about saying people saying "I love you" - when it is appropriate, etc. That will create the opening to find out what is going on between you without putting yourself (or him) in a vulnerable place.
But, really, why not tell him how you feel? What are you afraid of caramelcakes? And why are you so quick to assume he wouldn't have a similar fear? | |
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| DOES HE/SHE REALLY LOVE YOU?
Posted: 11/23/2007 6:59:29 AM | Hi Itsmargo,
Thanks for your advice.
I don't want to say the words and then be in a right state if I don't hear them back!
I keep hinting saying how I'm so lucky he' s my boyfriend and he'll say "really?" as if he never quite seems sure! Then he'll say he is so pleased I am his girlfriend and that I am a wonderful girlfriend. We have such good times together laughing and talking about almost anything but this is the one thing I really want to know! It's on the tip of my tongue to say it so many times.. | |
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| Does he/she really love you?
Posted: 11/23/2007 8:16:35 AM | [Actions speak louder than words......some people use the 3 words so quickly these days (was said to me two times in the past within weeks). If he treats you well, pampers you with a lot of love and affection do you really need "the words" to feel loved???]
YES! If you've ever read this wonderful book called "The Five Love Languages", the fact is that some of us DO need the words. No matter how many nice things a man does for me, I do not feel or believe that he loves me, unless he tells me.
Let's face it, if you have a dear close friend, they will do nice things for you, and you for them. That is not romantic love. That is friendship. So the only way to tell whether the feelings have crossed the line from close friendship to love, is if the person actually tells you, in words, that they love you. Anything less is, well............less!
It seems a lot of people don't get that for some, actions do not speak clearly enough. Certainly the words are empty without the actions, but the actions are not all. Some people, like me, need both in order to perceive the love. | |
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| DOES HE/SHE REALLY LOVE YOU?
Posted: 11/27/2007 4:17:53 PM | | actually i can relate to this one pretty well. maybe at the time they want to say it but are afraid if they do that it will ruin everything that has happened before,or maybe they have been traumatized by something in their past and need to be shown love again before they feel they are ready to say it.just because a person doesn't love u the way u want them to doesn't mean they don't love u with all they are. | |
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| DOES HE/SHE REALLY LOVE YOU?
Posted: 11/27/2007 4:22:24 PM | | Actions do speak louder than words...but the words "I Love You" are like music to my ears. I love that song. | |
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| DOES HE/SHE REALLY LOVE YOU?
Posted: 11/27/2007 5:26:50 PM | I totally agree! You should only say "I love you" if you truly mean it and it's coming deep within the heart and soul. Otherwise, there is really no real reason or point. I think you should only say because you truly care deep down within for the certain someone... Too many people say it just because... I am sick and tired of these words being misused and not being used enough in the right ways!!!!
DolceSempre | |
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| Does he/she really love you?
Posted: 11/27/2007 6:38:39 PM | | If someone looks deep into your eyes, and says "I love you (insert name)" (and not during sex), I would believe them. Anything else doesn't really mean anything in my opinion. | |
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| Does he/she really love you?
Posted: 11/28/2007 2:40:02 AM | | Well, saying these words, hard to believe, it's actually HARDER on guys than on girls. Like, seriously, in my opinion, guys are scared and wants to know what it really means, before he actually say it(I love you), but when he does, be HAPPY | |
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| Does he/she really love you?
Posted: 11/28/2007 3:24:42 AM | Those are not words that should be rushed or forced. When a person says they love you, it may just mean they love things about you. Now on the other hand, when a person is in love with you, you won't even have to ask. You will feel it and see it in everything they do.
Don't force those words, you don't want to be fooled by them. Some people use them too freely and others hold onto them until they are really sure.
If YOU feel it, than say it. Tell the person that they don't have to respond every time you say it. Tell them to only say it when they are ready to. That would take a lot of the pressure off, and would give them the chance to truely be themselves without expectation from anyone. | |
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| Does he/she really love you?
Posted: 11/29/2007 3:07:58 AM | The issue of love is one that has been debated for years. For me it was not until I found true love, then I found what it was that was missing in my life. Too much of anything is wrong, there has to be standards. We as human beings want to complicate matters as much is possible. Love is truly an emotion and the main ingredient is faith without this would be like trying to make a cake without flour. For you ladies and gentlemen that Cook from a box you would have trouble separating the flower. back to the issue of love just trying to keep it lite.
In the times we live some people can think about food during this time of year and gain weight. Is it not the same with love, love is the ingredient that handles the disagreements in relationships. Many of us had to use a personality profiles here on plenty of fish. It is only when you can re-read your profile assessment and it followed your thoughts of yourself that you will be able to understand love. That is the love that was shown for you a long time ago. He gave himself so that I can hold my head up long enough just to see someone else besides myself. When any person reaches this point they are aware of unconditional love. Blind faith without it it cannot be love. So if you're guarded it is not love. We tend to flight, is like a wild mustang someone is trying to get a free ride and we like running free, these the days of our youth.
We are now some of us the wild mustangs of the past. Some of us have been carrying a load for a long time. For me I only need to look at nature to understand the part that comes next. With food and water I will be able to love until I die. This I can give am responsible for today. Yes I still have my moments but love is never over. Only delayed or missed never over. Eternity is a very long time and I can't change that so I guess I'm stuck.
By the way I'm always looking for new friends stop by anytime and we will chat. As always Jim    | |
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| Does he/she really love you?
Posted: 12/7/2007 5:13:05 PM | So how long do you think is a reasonable length of time to have been involved with someone before it's realistic to expect they might possibly love you? And is it reasonable that if they don't love you after that period of time to assume that they never will?
And if that's true then what is a kind way to let them know that it's time for you to move on, and let them go find someone that they can love? I mean those words are really hard to think of, especially when you do love this person you are about to set free. And really, if you do love them, and they don't love you, the kindest and most loving thing you can do for them, is to let them go to seek their happiness elsewhere, right?
So any brilliant ideas? | |
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| Does he/she really love you?
Posted: 12/11/2007 3:57:55 PM | I'm not sure why EligibleRespelled decided to quote some Scriptures dealing with love of fellowman, and love for God, I have no clue. To show somebody(who???!!)they have some type of theological training/knowledge??? Whatever! In that case, why the heck wasn't the Apostle Paul's description of love used? Certainly more appropriate on all levels:
"Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails."--1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Of interest to note: Dr. Gary Chapman, a marriage counselor for over 30 years, wrote a book called "The Five Love Languages--How To Express Heartfelt Commitment To Your Mate" that details the five different ways we individually respond to love.
I could not feel completely loved unless my mate primarily expressed his love for me through physical touch, and little gifts(heartfelt expressions)of love throughout our relationship. The other ways, words of affirmation, quality time, and acts of service should all be present in my relationship, but since I respond more readily to touch and 'gifts', these two ways would have to come naturally to my mate. If they were absent, I would question how the relationship was progressing.
For just a brief outline, copy and paste this address:
http://www.familyfed.org/bfd/five_languages.htm
Really interesting reading. | |
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| Does he/she really love you?
Posted: 12/11/2007 4:42:20 PM | yes, I've read that book, and it's excellent. Really gave me good insight into my own communication needs, as well as my partners. I actually read it first some years ago in order to learn how best to communicate with my kids and make them feel loved. I see now that there is a book on this philosophy specifically about kids.
I found it exceptionally helpful. I highly recommend it. | |
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| Does he/she really love you?
Posted: 12/11/2007 4:45:49 PM | | yes action speak louder than words.... For words could only mislead you... Blindsided | |
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| Does he/she really love you?
Posted: 12/11/2007 6:20:44 PM | To AJAE(d576565)
If you are his dream girl, you will definately hear the words " I LOVE YOU", even before you blurt it out to him. That's how you will know! Carolanne 60 | |
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| DOES HE/SHE REALLY LOVE YOU?
Posted: 12/11/2007 6:30:29 PM |
If you really have to wonder whether or not your loved then you probably aren't. ....Amen | |
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