Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Head of the household?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 51
Head of the household?Page 3 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
Ah, you've got to love gender essentialism. And by "got to love", I mean "laugh at and then dismiss outright." What on earth does gender have to do with roles in the household? The answer should be "nothing". If the people involved want someone as a head of household, that's fine. But basing it on gender as default is beyond silly.
 Consigliori
Joined: 1/7/2008
Msg: 52
view profile
History
Head of the household?
Posted: 7/18/2011 8:30:25 AM
I don’t know that men possess inherent qualities of leadership, but my personal experience has been that men tend to fill leadership roles more often than women. I see this in business, local politics, charitable orgs, and even in places where women are more numerous such as in educational settings or church.

This is true in our home also. At home we each have our areas of strength, but the really ugly decisions are usually left to me; decisions involving discipline, policy, confrontation or emergencies. My wife is a very strong person and is certainly capable of managing those issues, but she prefers not to.
 ronosaurus
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 53
Head of the household?
Posted: 7/18/2011 11:43:59 AM
The "head of the household" is the "executive monkey"!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ulcers_in_Executive_Monkeys

See also:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stress_(medicine)
 JaxSunVilleGal
Joined: 8/15/2011
Msg: 54
Head of the household?
Posted: 8/30/2011 5:12:06 AM
People wish to have leaders. That is why we vote for a competent President, Senators, Congressmen, etc. At your job, you wish to have competent leadership, because it makes things run more smoothly and makes the company more equitable. If a person has a problem with some sort of service, let's say a restaurant or a store, they say, "Let me talk to your Manager." Or, perhaps you aspire to be or ARE the President, Senator, Congressman, Manager. Regardless, it's born of the desire for competent and effective leadership.

Since the above concept doesn't find itself beholden to gender, we can generally agree it's basically a human wish in general. So it stands to reason that in the home, we would want a competent leader, as well.

By design, men don't have PMS. They are generally not emotional creatures to the point where their emotions wreak havoc upon uniform reason. This is no accident. Men have a genetic predisposition to being the leaders, and that has been taken from them over time. I understand many men are happy about this new freedom to not have to be responsible, as it's allowed them to abdicate the throne and enter a life of serfdom on their own land. It's a life choice, but it has certainly complicated things.

However, there's much to be said about only one magnet to guide your compass. One sun to let your planet revolve around. One red-light to control an intersection. One PrimaryKey for your database. One ignition switch to start your car. One name you are called. One heart to pump your blood... see where I'm going here? Whether it be the man or the woman who does that, it should be so established, else there will be war in the home regularly as the members of the household fight to assert their authority. If no one is in charge, it's domestic anarchy. Many women believe it to be the man who not just should be, but must be the fearless leader.
 maryjay51
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 55
Head of the household?
Posted: 8/30/2011 5:52:26 AM
LMAO... i just watched that movie AGAIN the other day ..too funny, huh i dont believe in anyone being the head of a household .. working as a team is much better
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 56
Head of the household?
Posted: 8/30/2011 5:57:38 AM
^^^^ Hmmmm...i dont know.........

I am somewhat of a type A, like to be in charge of my environment, like to be the queen-bee of my castle type of person, and my late husband was very similar. There was no dominant/submissive or alpha/beta or whathaveyou, because we both had extremely similar personalities.

However, i wouldnt say either of us was in charge over the other, we both were, we both established expectations for how we would run our home, lives, marriage, & parenting, and we never felt like we were competing for authority, we worked very harmoniously together. (even when i became a full time housewife and stay at home Mom after our son was born, i never felt that he was "above me" or in charge of me, nor did he treat me like i was a little helpless servant, he still treated me with utmost respect and as the lady of the house, just as i respected him greatly as the man of the house)

Neither of us were the types to submit to another person either, but it worked, we had a happy, loving, and nurturing home, where both of the adults ran the show.
 Bladesmith81801
Joined: 10/30/2010
Msg: 57
Head of the household?
Posted: 8/30/2011 6:31:24 AM
I have trouble balancing my bloody checkbook....I've no business being in charge of anyone or anything, lol.
 ronosaurus
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 58
Head of the household?
Posted: 8/30/2011 6:45:56 AM
The concept of household lives on at Statistics Canada while the notion of "head of household" has been displaced by "reference person" when naming relationships within a household. See below.


The concept of Household applies to a person or group of person who occupy the same dwelling and do not have a usual place of residence elsewhere in Canada or abroad. The dwelling may be either a collective dwelling or a private dwelling. The household may consist of a family group such as a census family, of two or more families sharing a dwelling, of a group of unrelated persons or of a person living alone.

The above text is from the web site below.
http://www.statcan.gc.ca/concepts/definitions/household-logement-eng.htm


The concept of head of dwelling (my term) is the one who holds legal title to the dwelling; that's me!
 yorkslass
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 59
Head of the household?
Posted: 8/30/2011 6:57:44 AM
im the head of the household cos im the only one living there
 JaxSunVilleGal
Joined: 8/15/2011
Msg: 60
Head of the household?
Posted: 8/30/2011 8:36:12 AM

In reality, the only way a man can be head of the house is if he does so in love then the rest of the house has no issues with it, typically.


Yes. This is where it is at. The man leads the house in a loving (but firm and resolute) manner for the betterment of all who are in the house. And she gives herself to him in love. And he takes the awesome responsibility of being of such character that she can humble herself and let him lead; he knowing what she needs because he invests himself in her. And she, opening herself up and trusting his guidance.

It is not slavery or any other trendy whips and chains club. It's the act of scraping away all the games people play to hold one another hostage emotionally and sexually.

If it is agreed that the man considers his lady in all things with her welfare and best interests in mind at all times, the lady should be relieved and grateful for that and not undermine him.
 Bladesmith81801
Joined: 10/30/2010
Msg: 61
Head of the household?
Posted: 8/30/2011 10:47:29 AM
"Yes. This is where it is at. The man leads the house in a loving (but firm and resolute) manner for the betterment of all who are in the house. And she gives herself to him in love. And he takes the awesome responsibility of being of such character that she can humble herself and let him lead; he knowing what she needs because he invests himself in her. And she, opening herself up and trusting his guidance.

It is not slavery or any other trendy whips and chains club. It's the act of scraping away all the games people play to hold one another hostage emotionally and sexually.

If it is agreed that the man considers his lady in all things with her welfare and best interests in mind at all times, the lady should be relieved and grateful for that and not undermine him."

Sorry, but that's drivel. What kind of crap is that? This is the 21st century, not the 18th. Women are supposedly equal. Where is the equality on anything you said? "Trusting his guidance"? Seriously? Why, did she get a lobotomy along with her marriage certificate? "Humble herself"? Thats not a marriage, it's a shepard with a sheep.
 commonsens_reloaded
Joined: 8/10/2011
Msg: 62
Head of the household?
Posted: 8/30/2011 10:53:19 AM
Rule of command 101:
"....Take the input and point of view of all versus the situation, and then take your decision accordingly"

Now, does it matters WHO take the decision when it is done this way?

Not at all, if it is done rationally.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 63
view profile
History
Head of the household?
Posted: 8/30/2011 1:22:38 PM

Sorry, but that's drivel. What kind of crap is that? This is the 21st century, not the 18th. Women are supposedly equal. Where is the equality on anything you said? "Trusting his guidance"? Seriously? Why, did she get a lobotomy along with her marriage certificate? "Humble herself"? Thats not a marriage, it's a shepard with a sheep.


I find that most women with this mindset are usually religious and that is the teaching of the bible or are at heart, looking for someone to do the heavy lifting in life, IMO they are essentially users. Some call it traditional, I call it being lazy and weak.
 AndyP15
Joined: 5/20/2009
Msg: 64
view profile
History
Head of the household?
Posted: 8/30/2011 2:39:10 PM

When I was in my early twenties, living on my own, alone, when it came time to fill out my income tax forms, I was rather confused. 'Single' or 'head of household'? Thinking I might get more $$ back from choosing 'head of household', I chose that option.


Hopefully the IRS didn't audit you that year! :)

BTW - I've been half expecting to see a reply from Ralph Kramden in this thread...
 Consigliori
Joined: 1/7/2008
Msg: 65
view profile
History
Head of the household?
Posted: 9/1/2011 10:13:04 AM

Rule of command 101:
"....Take the input and point of view of all versus the situation, and then take your decision accordingly"

Now, does it matters WHO take the decision when it is done this way?


Yes. I think this rule means that the LEADER takes everyone's POV into consideration and then makes a decision. I do not think it means that ANYONE in the group, having heard all POVs and being capable of rational thought, should make the decision.

Anytime you have two or more people in authority making decisions - even if rational - you create the potential for conflict, disagreement, delay, confusion, expense, and manipulation by third parties. Dictatorship is the most efficient method of rule. It has an undeniable chain of command and bears undiluted responsibility.

Consig "It's good to be the King" Liori.
 Janet_Always
Joined: 12/7/2010
Msg: 66
Head of the household?
Posted: 9/1/2011 10:16:49 AM
Don't kid yourself guys... a true head of household will do exactly what his wife wants... so he is happy, too.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 67
Head of the household?
Posted: 9/1/2011 1:02:13 PM
Well, the person who lived in the home they now share first typically has home base advantage in lots of ways..

As for head of household? That phrase makes me laugh, lol.. I prefer to share 'the pants' and would never get myself into a scenario with calcified pre-scripted male/female roles.
 Consigliori
Joined: 1/7/2008
Msg: 68
view profile
History
Head of the household?
Posted: 9/1/2011 1:20:07 PM

Don't kid yourself guys... a true head of household will do exactly what his wife wants... so he is happy, too.



I like to let her think that. But really I’m saving up my authority for the day it really matters - like card night with the guys.
 unclezeus
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 69
Head of the household?
Posted: 9/1/2011 1:21:21 PM

why would someone belive that a man is inherently qualified to be the "head of the household" just because he is a man?


Oh about two hundred and fifty thousand years of biology.
But the guy still has to show ability to handle this position in a family unit.

Typically if a guy can not show he is qualified to handle this position , he rarely attracts a mate.


Exactly what is the thought process behind this?


Women naturally look to the man for protection and leadership. This is still the rule and not the exception, merely due to 250,000 years of human existence where the female looks to the male for protection and leadership.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 70
Head of the household?
Posted: 9/1/2011 1:32:58 PM
I work with a guy who just got married recently. He converted to christianity in order to do so too.. anyway, he was recently telling me that his wife expects him to lead to heir spiritual life now.

That kind of stuff just boggles my brain. I can't even comprehend what it means. Like less than a year ago he was an atheist, lol..

But then, I work with another guy who does practically everything for his wife while she sits on her duff. When her car needs to be filled up with gas, she calls him and tells him and he hops up on his lunch break and does it.

I asked why once, and he said 'because that's the way its always been'. Wtf?!

The traditional set up could never work for me. I just don't get it, been on my own too long I guess, lol..
 Monike2011
Joined: 12/18/2010
Msg: 71
view profile
History
Head of the household?
Posted: 9/1/2011 1:40:36 PM
Households function better with two emotionally mature adults contributing their share.
 Susieb
Joined: 7/11/2006
Msg: 72
Head of the household?
Posted: 9/1/2011 1:47:28 PM
Interesting response...........must have taken some time to submit.

In terms of your closing comment - why do there have to be 'losers'?
 Consigliori
Joined: 1/7/2008
Msg: 73
view profile
History
Head of the household?
Posted: 9/1/2011 1:51:34 PM

...thats like saying men are right all the time.


That's true in our house. I am always right unless my wife has a differing opinion on the subject.

And I think she'd say that was correct. So there you are - I'm right again!
 Susieb
Joined: 7/11/2006
Msg: 74
Head of the household?
Posted: 9/1/2011 1:53:37 PM
Haven't looked but intrigued that you find wikipedia such a definitive 'fount'. I don't deny it's 'good' but I hope it wasn't your only source of reference. I'm not quite sure what an 'executive monkey' is/does and I'm equally unsure as to whether I want to know one.
 oompa-loompa
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 75
Head of the household?
Posted: 9/1/2011 2:54:25 PM
Society and the whole alpha male thing that we grew up with.

Insecurities in ones own manhood.

Religious reasons.

Pride? Everyone has a reason, or better yet an excuse as to why they think a man should be the head of household. I don't think it's a huge personality flaw in a guy to believe that, since such a huge chunk of modern society (men and women) think that way as it is.

Personally I don't care. I'll marry Oprah and tell our butler to have her dinner ready when she comes home from work.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Head of the household?