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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Friends with Benefits... WHY!?      Home login  
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 littleinsomniac
Joined: 11/26/2010
Msg: 76
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?Page 4 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
Sorry. Still cannot fathom how you can have Sex with someone you 'dont have feelings for'. I guess its something that becomes more accepted with age? Maybe I'm just a naive 20 year old who still believes in fairy tales.

Also for the HepB... wow dodged a bullet there!

Another reason why FWB doesn't make sense.... the more sex partners you have, the higher risk of STD's...
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 77
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/25/2011 7:26:19 PM
^^^^ Actually FWB usually equals LESS sex partners....

And who ever said there were no feelings?

There's simply an understanding that the relationship is limited.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 78
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/25/2011 7:31:14 PM
Still cannot fathom how you can have Sex with someone you 'dont have feelings for'.


But you DO have some feelings for them - of friendship. Remember, the F in FWB stands for "friends".


Another reason why FWB doesn't make sense.... the more sex partners you have, the higher risk of STD's...


Precisely WHY an FWB relationship makes sense to many people. Instead of fvcking around with strangers, FWBs hook up with each other, as a way to blow off steam and enjoy some sexual fun without (a) humpin' and dumpin', (b) having totally meaningless sex with one night stands, (c) risking psychodramatic behavior...et cetera.

I have personally had several FWB relationships over time. I was in the wedding party of one of my former FWB guys last summer and am good friends with both him and his wife - she is perfectly aware of my former status as an FWB and I'm very happy that they found each other. I have other FWBs, all of whom I dearly love AS FRIENDS whether or not we are still lovers. We do stuff like help each other move (there's a true friend for you!), go to hockey games and baseball games together, hang out...just as friends do...and once in a while we get frisky. Or not. If one of us becomes involved with someone special, the other backs off on the benefits past, temporarily or (in the newlyweds' case) permanently.

Simply because someone doesn't agree that it's good or workable for them does not mean that it's not good nor workable for others. Live and let live
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 79
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/25/2011 7:34:22 PM
*Shrugs* Nothin wrong with believing in fairytales. Just remember there's usually a dark side to them as well as the fairy dust and happy endings.

A lot of men, for a lot of years, have been having unemotional sex with women. I simply made a decision when I was about 21-22 that I wasn't going to eliminate something from my life that I enjoyed. I wasn't going to allow a double standard to rule my life. I don't prescribe to the idea that a man can have multiple partners and be called a stud, while a woman who has had multiple partners is called a slut. That just doesn't work for me.

That being said.. between that age and 27 (5 years), I had 3 partners.. including the man I'd marry. So not like I was a big whore about it. I just didn't limit myself or feel guilt if I decided to have sex with someone I wasn't in an exclusive/romantic relationship with. It does take a little mental excercising to change thought patterns, and there are people who don't want to do that.

We've all heard that old adage about women needing a reason and men just need a place... Billy Crystal said it. Goes along with women having sex to feel love, and men love (loving) to have sex. *snicker*

So OP asked why... I'm simply sharing my reasons for it. I apparently have a rather liberated view of sex and an open mind where physical satisfaction is concerned. I don't expect to change everyone's view about FWB... that would be rather egotistical of me. I'd like to make you think about it tho... just so you see it from a different perspective. That it isn't a bad thing and it can be done without inflicting emotional damage on someone or losing a friendship.

I will say that while the FWB sex was good at that point in time, I do enjoy the sex life I have within the boundaries of my current relationship. What I did and how I lived 20 yrs ago is something I'm not interested in at this point in my life. My current and I started out as FWB because that is all I could offer him at that point. It's grown over the 3.5 yrs, and my feelings have changed along the way, and when they did it was thoroughly and openly discussed. I knew he wanted more, so I felt comfortable telling him things were changing for me. I actually think what I said was "you're stuck with me until you get bored." Apparently he doesn't bore easily.. hehe..
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 80
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/25/2011 7:36:00 PM

I have personally had several FWB relationships over time. I was in the wedding party of one of my former FWB guys last summer and am good friends with both him and his wife - she is perfectly aware of my former status as an FWB and I'm very happy that they found each other.


One of mine was best friends with the ex and our best man and emcee when we got married!
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 81
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/25/2011 7:55:04 PM
I just spent this past weekend with my exFWB (but still best friends) and his wife!
I was also in their wedding and her and I are great friends......probably because she has the same mentality as I do when it comes to ex's not being a threat to our relationships.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 82
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/25/2011 8:38:41 PM
Some people are more sexual then others. It goes for both man and woman. Sometimes you meet someone that you find sexualy very similer to your self but maybe not in a BF/GF way... Its a great way for both people to enjoy life and physical connection. Now its not for everyone, some people have the religious brain wash.. so if someone dont think the way they do they must be wrong. Some just dont like sex as must as others do... So to answer the WHY, Its cause some of us do enjoy sex. We dont look down at others and it works for us. If you need to ask WHY then you would never understand it and you would think like you do. Everyone else is wrong and you are always right.
 eightbitzero
Joined: 4/28/2011
Msg: 83
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/26/2011 9:45:20 AM
Ok... To all the haters that's been hating on me for this thread.. Since there's to many to reply to ill do it as a whole, with just a simple opinion. Of course I'm "open" to suggestions

In my opinion... Any woman that has a fwb or fb in between relationships is in my opinion, suffering from a lack of respect and control... Like the one guy said.. A woman back in the day, that sleeps around would have been considered a slut or whore... But what's the difference between a slut, whore and the modern woman/teen with fb's... NOTHING!... Oh wait sorry.. I'm wrong.. A whore does strangers and gets paid, a slut does strangers and doesn't get paid... And a modern woman/teen... "IN MY OPINION"... Does randoms (strangers) and friends.. And still doesn't get paid... With what in return.. A good feeling of stress relief?...

I'm sorry but why should I respect someone whom obviously doesn't respect themselves... Old fashioned morals and values here lol
 jblack187
Joined: 8/28/2010
Msg: 84
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/26/2011 9:51:34 AM
In my experience, FWB usually works like this.

Guy wants to be with girl. They have sex, and are basically a couple...but the girl is still calling herself single. Hiding behind "we're not official".

I'm sure there's been situations where the FWB thing was mutually agreed on, but for the most part I think those types of relationships have one person that actually wants a relationship while the other one is not committing. I was FWB with a girl for several months before we started dating officially back in high school. It was totally just her being difficult. Not wanting to date me officially until I graduated for whatever reason.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 85
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/26/2011 10:16:16 AM
Any woman that has a fwb or fb in between relationships is in my opinion, suffering from a lack of respect and control

1. As a side note, there's a difference between a FWB and a FB. FWB are two people who are otherwise just friends, but have those benefits on the side. Being on the same page is key there. FB is someone is more like a bar-buddy... situation-oriented-only. That too can be a sexual outlet, as opposed to being a serial one-night-stander with strangers.

2. Lack of respect in reference to what? Lack of control of what? You're basically saying that having sex with someone knowingly outside a relationship is Wrong. That it's disrespectful to oneself (because it's Wrong), thus a lack of control from preventing oneself from doing something Wrong. Okay -- but the ball is in your court -- how is it Wrong, having sex outside of a relationship in and of itself? How is that disrespectful to oneself? You're not leading yourself on (like folks who get involved in LD relationships that have a 99.9% chance of not working), nor fooling yourself of anything.

If anything when one's in between relationships (on the rebound) and not ready for a new relationship, it would be "wrong" to jump into a relationship because one may be fooling themselves and/or the other person in doing so. But why do people do that? Because they have shame when it comes to anything that would be too casual or FWB-like while in that phase. At least with the latter, you definitely have potential to prevent leading folks on and being straight & on the same page.

I think it's just a cultural thing that's doling out disrespect toward others when it comes to knowingly engaging in sexual relations with someone they know, mutually without a relationship in mind. I think it could also be fueled by some bitter people who ended up wanting more with someone and shot themselves in the foot by doing so in yesteryear... or even someone they wanted to get, but found out they weren't ready to date and were blocked by finding out they had a FWB.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 86
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/26/2011 10:46:40 AM
FWB. Is a relationship....just one that is agreed to not progress into marriage or has a shelf life.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 87
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/26/2011 10:50:35 AM
OP you ask why people did it. You apparently already had the answer before asking the question... so why did you bother asking?


In my opinion..

In my opinion.. your opinion doesn't affect me or my life one iota. You are entitled to it.

Also just my opinion, just because you don't agree with someone who's ideals and opinions don't coincide with your own, does not give you the right to be disrespectful and rude to them.

You asked, and many have taken their time to explain to you their reasons why, and you in turn call them names. Curious... does this opinion of yours also apply to men because I notice you are really only referring to the women who have or have had FWB/FB. There's some heavy psychology and sexism at work here.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 88
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/26/2011 10:58:04 AM

Actually FWB usually equals LESS sex partners

Only if they're monogamous...
It's not unusual to have multiple FWB's AND still be out meeting/sleeping with new people (How else is someone going to look for a new relationship while in a FWB)
So two people, both with multiple FWBs etc could actually increase the risk...

Or even for one person who is monogamous with their FWB, but their FWB is out doing it with other people, it's a higher risk than one might think...
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 89
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/26/2011 11:38:24 AM
It's whatever the participating partners agree it is!

Same as any other relationship.
 blueceleste
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 90
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/26/2011 11:56:41 AM
im really shocked as to what i am reading and kinda amused. never heard of someone having fwbs and love them like a real friend. the fwbs i had in the past were just guys i met knew for a short while then became fwbs they were NOT friends only when they wanted something. they only cared about themselves and were very selfish emotionally abusive. i think someone in here said something about fwb had some kind of meaning or something??? i cant remember at the moment, but who stays in contact with their fwb? i got rid of mine while some of them have found me on yahoo IM i wasnt even looking for them. one said 2 bad u have a bf he said he would still wait for me lmao i said u will be waiting for a long long time he kept talking about the past i said not interested i dont care about the past, wasnt there a reason why we stopped talking? he claimed he dont remember lol typical when ur at fault u dont remember anything.

they seem to sit and wait for u to break up with ur bf or gf or they will try to break u 2 up. i always heard if 2 real friends hook up for a good ****, the friendship goes downhill afterwards causing drama claiming i felt used by u etc. i heard stories like that happening then they talk crap about each other yet u 2 decided to be **** buddies! my past fwbs, there was no talking beforehand as to how we would do it, what to expect, what not to expect, etc. a guy told me u dont do all of that u just go in for the kill! lol

i remember there was an fwb post on here quite a while ago and a woman on here said if i cant be the gf then he dont need to be around me. i dont need to be the **** buddy and have my dignity to be taken away from me all for a good **** just cuz "he isnt sure where he is in life or if he wants a gf, so he will try to figure that out by doing an fwb relationship." r u kidding? thats the woman said.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 91
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/26/2011 12:10:32 PM

im really shocked as to what i am reading and kinda amused. never heard of someone having fwbs and love them like a real friend. the fwbs i had in the past were just guys i met knew for a short while then became fwbs they were NOT friends

You yourself said they weren't friends. I would call them FB.. f*ck buddies.

My FWB were friends first... like 10 and 5 yrs before we got naked with one another. That's the difference... there was a mutual friendship between us. Sounds like those guys were only after one thing.

My FB is only ever just the FB. I have never deluded myself into thinking there was more to it other than the sex. He was clear when he approached me. I was equally as clear when I agreed. He's free to f*ck whomever he wants. So am I. There's always plenty of condoms around and it's never been an issue to use them.

People often miss the part where FWB means you are FRIENDS first.
 Romi_74
Joined: 1/5/2011
Msg: 92
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/26/2011 12:27:35 PM
I think the answer is "whatever makes people happy", luckily we live in an era where we can be free to enjoy sex the way we want it.

Monogamous relationships, dating, one night stands, Fvck buddies, etc...isn't this marvellous, think of the times when women and men had to marry the perfect match chosen by their families and that was it...no other choice.

Thank God we have the freedom to decide for ourselves what we want to do with our sex lives, I don't think one way is right and one way it's wrong.

I do hate people that try to impose their opinions on relationships and sex and judge you a slut or a superficial person if you don't agree with them...grrrrrrr!!!!!
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 93
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/26/2011 12:43:27 PM

im really shocked as to what i am reading and kinda amused. never heard of someone having fwbs and love them like a real friend. the fwbs i had in the past were just guys i met knew for a short while then became fwbs they were NOT friends only when they wanted something. they only cared about themselves and were very selfish emotionally abusive

Why would you even consider classifying this as a FWB.
There isn't any friendship here at all.
This is strictly a FB........and not a good one at that!
Does calling it a FWB make you feel better about yourself?
I don't see the need personally......if a FB is what you want.....stand proud.

as no1bby stated...........a FWB is someone that was a friend first. someone you have already established a trusting,compassionate relationship with.
The reason FWB's can stay friends after the "B" ends......is because there is already an established friendship in place.
And yes, most FWB's do talk about the "rules" of their relationship....and respect each other enough to adhere to them.

mchurch likes to go on and on about his player friends having multiple FWB's.....and how they screw around on the side.
I really wonder if these players were truly "Friends" with these women.......or like blueceleste are using the FWB label when in fact it's really a FB situation.
My personal opinion.........these guys don't consider these girls friends......
because in my world.......a real friend would never disrespect another in that way nor would they put them at risk with such behavior.
I've said it before........I'll say it again.........I'm damn glad my friends are nothing like mchurch's friends! and yes, no matter how much you spout ......I do know my FWB is a true friend that respects our friendship.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 94
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/26/2011 3:44:23 PM

Any woman that has a fwb or fb in between relationships is in my opinion, suffering from a lack of respect and control...


but it's okay for men to have a fwb?

got it.

my opinion is that you're a sexist pig who gets off on feeling morally superior to other people.
 scotslady64
Joined: 6/21/2011
Msg: 95
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/26/2011 3:49:24 PM
well said!! Different things suit different people at different times in their life.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 96
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/26/2011 4:47:21 PM
my opinion is that you're a sexist pig who gets off on feeling morally superior to other people.


Thank you, Divine Bovine, that is also my opinion of the OP. So if you don't like that opinion, OP, remember that through your posts here, you created the impression that caused me to have that opinion. Don't like my opinion? Then the burden of proof is on you to prove otherwise, not to keep calling me names because I disagree with you.
 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 97
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/26/2011 6:00:25 PM
*Applauds PittsburghVixen*
 nbeattie
Joined: 7/18/2011
Msg: 98
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/26/2011 8:45:21 PM
but humans have what toys and porn dont............... arms eyes hands most can use their words.............. etc

humans have a natural need for contection even if its never going to go anywhere we settle for that plus playing alone gets old and noone ever plays solitary for long how boring howmany games can u play by urslef.............................
 blueceleste
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 99
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/26/2011 9:15:35 PM

Why would you even consider classifying this as a FWB.
There isn't any friendship here at all.
This is strictly a FB........and not a good one at that!
Does calling it a FWB make you feel better about yourself?
I don't see the need personally......if a FB is what you want.....stand proud.


well, when i was single, that is what i called it. fwb or fb is basically the same thing anyway. mine in the past were just horrible ppl and a horrible experience nothing but drama.
 blueceleste
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 100
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 7/26/2011 9:18:48 PM

im really shocked as to what i am reading and kinda amused. never heard of someone having fwbs and love them like a real friend. the fwbs i had in the past were just guys i met knew for a short while then became fwbs they were NOT friends

You yourself said they weren't friends. I would call them FB.. f*ck buddies.

My FWB were friends first... like 10 and 5 yrs before we got naked with one another. That's the difference... there was a mutual friendship between us. Sounds like those guys were only after one thing.

My FB is only ever just the FB. I have never deluded myself into thinking there was more to it other than the sex. He was clear when he approached me. I was equally as clear when I agreed. He's free to f*ck whomever he wants. So am I. There's always plenty of condoms around and it's never been an issue to use them.

People often miss the part where FWB means you are FRIENDS first.


yea that is true. the guys i met when i was single were not clear as to what they wanted. the prob is they just kept flip flopping which i got tired of and got rid of them.
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