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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Friends with Benefits... WHY!?      Home login  
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 goodkindacrazy
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 201
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?Page 9 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
At this point in my life I am not ready for a committed relationship. I have some leftover financial baggage from my marriage I am trying to clean up plus I have three teenagers living at home. I don't think its fair to ask a man to take on this kind of situation, nor do I actually want a man to. I spent most of my life in a committed relationship and now I just want to enjoy some me time. I am not bitter against men, quite the opposite. I enjoy a mans company and I enjoy the intimacy of sex. I like FWB because I can spend time with someone that I care about, someone that cares about me in some small way and know that neither of us is expecting more than that.
 Bladesmith81801
Joined: 10/30/2010
Msg: 202
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 8/31/2011 3:47:14 PM
I think a better question is why NOT?

Grown adults who aren't ready for a relationship decide they want to enjoy each others physical company, thats their business. We all have needs, and some people are a little more honest/open about what they want.

None of my business.
 rottenbrat112
Joined: 5/23/2011
Msg: 203
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 8/31/2011 7:44:15 PM
player two

i totally agree with you.. i dont get why women would allow this .. it makes us few good woman look bad... i think its disrespectful to herself to even have a fwb.... and if hey have a fwb i can assure you they have more than one. but the guys do it too...as much as women.. i think its a guys excuse to have their cake and eat it too with no commitment... not all guys ....you the first guy i have ever heard to think fwb's aren't okay.. ur one of the few good guys left... im begginning to think this site is a joke becasue its mainly used for that not "dating or to find ur soul mate" .. thats just my take on it just saying...
 gentleplus
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 204
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 8/31/2011 8:40:01 PM
As men mature and hormone levels drop slightly we discover relationship is deeper than Mr Happy..... And FWB is not an easy thing to do for anyone of either gender..... we are all preprogrammed to make pair bonds..... thats the end of it
 Cliche
Joined: 8/17/2011
Msg: 205
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 8/31/2011 9:14:53 PM
I've never quoted anyone before so lets see how this works.
/quote i think its a guys excuse to have their cake and eat it too with no commitment.

You hit the nail on the head. Except it's not only the guys excuse, it's a mutual agreement between the guy and girl, to have no commitment. And you both are sitting down enjoying the cake. It's not like only the guy is reaping the benefits of sex, it's a mutual engagement.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 206
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 8/31/2011 9:30:19 PM

and if hey have a fwb i can assure you they have more than one.

Wow, it must be really cool to know exactly what every person in this world is doing or not doing!!


it makes us few good woman look bad.

prove to me that I'm bad because I have a FWB, and try doing it with facts instead of your personal judgements.
 Jypzee
Joined: 6/22/2011
Msg: 207
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 8/31/2011 10:09:51 PM
it is erroneous to assume that a person with one fwb will have several fwbs all at the same time ..(shudder)..
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 208
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 8/31/2011 10:18:29 PM


it makes us few good woman look bad


How so?


i think its disrespectful to herself to even have a fwb.


How so?

I think you're suffering from the "Golden Pu$$y" syndrome....you see sex as a commodity to be exchanged for respect, love, security or a relationship.

You know what trading sex for something is called don't you?

You are part of the problem with society trying to control women with the slut stigma!

Really you are intimidated by free spirited women who allow themselves to enjoy whatever they enjoy...it's because you view them as a threat! In your eyes men won't be interested in buying what you're selling because they can get it free elsewhere...

In reality that's not true... men will walk the earth for what they want. two women, with the same qualities...of course the man will gravitate toward the one who doesn't play manipulative games!

Now, if there is a woman offering sex but the man is interested in a good woman who fulfills his needs... he will ignore the free sex woman.

I know, you're gonna say you've experienced the opposite, if that's the case then only YOU were the one thinking you were fulfilling his needs....OR... you didn't pick a GOOD guy!




and if hey have a fwb i can assure you they have more than one.


Prove this?

I've had a few FWB's...never at the same time...
 PurpleFusias
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 209
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 8/31/2011 10:59:57 PM
I seem to see this in a lot of threads here as a comment and no one ever defends the other side. So, here I go....

I think you're suffering from the "Golden Pu$$y" syndrome....you see sex as a commodity to be exchanged for respect, love, security or a relationship.

You know what trading sex for something is called don't you?



Just because I wait for a relationship, or respect, or love, or security DOES NOT mean I am trading sex for those things. It's not as if any woman or man who does this is sitting there giving their SO absolutely nothing and expecting them to fall over them and do anything they can to get in their pants!!!
I give a certain amount of respect straight out and it grows or lessens in getting to know someone. I give a certain amount of 'love' straight out which also grows or lessens while getting to know somebody. I have my own security in myself to be able to take care of myself and make it through whatever someone else might put me through!!
If I'm giving you the same things already and then ADD in sex because I'm comfortable with the progression, it wasn't a trade off for respect and a relationship!

With how many men I am friends with and talk to on a daily basis telling me that they DON'T respect women that fall into their beds the majority of the time and could NEVER see themselves being in a relationship with these women, why would I want to be 'Just another girl he f*cked?'

I'd much rather be a friend before having sex! Usually a strong friendship equals mutual love and respect...meaning...a good amount of the time, but obviously not always as everyone's preferences of what is OK are different, this leads to a 'exclusive' FWB situation, meaning they really are just having sex with that one person for a certain time frame.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 210
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 8/31/2011 11:16:58 PM

I've never done the FWB but If I was going to it sure as hell wouldn't be a monogmaous thing...


This explains a lot about your attitude about sex and relationships!


That's not even taking into account that I might want sex more than once in a day... at which point I could easily see having sex with two (or more - LOL) women in a day... See one FWB for part of the day then go see the other later on....
Again, this explains a lot about your position about relationships...especially FWB's. You've been harping forever about FWB's just being about sex and being a pig! ...Well, just because that's how YOU act, doesn't mean that's what they are about!

In fact, people like you are what gives FWB's a bad name...actually it's men like you that give men a bad stereotype! I'm embarrassed for you... I have no respect for men who deceive, use or play women.


Just because I wait for a relationship, or respect, or love, or security DOES NOT mean I am trading sex for those things.
This wasn't directed at YOU...or even women in general. It was in response to the poster who chastised women who CHOOSE to have a FWB as disrespectful to themselves and all women.

That attitude is BS....women have as much right to enjoy sex and their bodies as much as they want and in whatever manner within the law they see fit!
 PurpleFusias
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 211
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 8/31/2011 11:26:14 PM
This wasn't directed at YOU

I know, hence why I wrote any man or woman who does this.....

That attitude is BS....women have as much right to enjoy sex and their bodies as much as they want and in whatever manner within the law they see fit!

You're right, but without close-minded people not able to see that other people are different....we wouldn't have such great debates available about ....umm...everything
 Jypzee
Joined: 6/22/2011
Msg: 212
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 9/1/2011 12:04:43 AM
some of these people act as if a fwb hasnt ever turned into a love relationship
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 213
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 9/1/2011 12:09:44 AM
^^^^^ Purple...please read these instructions about quoting, it will make your posts easier to read.... and to figure out what you are saying or responding to...

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts469064.aspx


You're right about close-minded people...I don't see Msmicki or others going to religious threads or monogamy threads calling those people out....I DO see the morality patrol seeking out FWB threads to insult the participants in them.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 214
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 9/1/2011 4:07:11 AM

it makes us few good woman look bad...


you think you're "good" because you're on a moral high horse?

the simple answer is - if you don't want one, don't have one - or many, since you seem to think that "you can't have just one".

 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 215
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 9/1/2011 4:10:39 AM

try doing it with facts instead of your personal judgements.

Ummm isn't that almost impossible..? I mean, isn't "good" or "bad" really a matter of personal judgement anyways... facts or no facts....?
At least that's how I see it...LOL
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 216
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 9/1/2011 4:21:35 AM

In fact, people like you are what gives FWB's a bad name...

Considering I've never had a FWB that's a pretty strange thing to say... There's a reason I don't do FWB, and a big part of that is because I wouldn't use a friend for just sex... But then, neither have I had a need to do so either....


I'm embarrassed for you...

That's your personal opinion...


actually it's men like you that give men a bad stereotype!

Ahh, there you go again, insults... and little digs... See, I'd insult you, but then I'd be feeling embarrassed for doing it... Insults are no way to have a discussion or an argument...
But then, that' my opinion...


I have no respect for men who deceive, use or play women.

Tha'ts ok... I don't need your respect, nor did I ask for it...
 twillorn1
Joined: 6/3/2010
Msg: 217
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 9/1/2011 5:30:58 AM
Friends with benefits.... Because 1. you don't have time for a real relationship. 2. the other person isn't ready for a real relationship. 3. Why not...

It's never as uncomplicated as it seems...
 jsdominant
Joined: 8/2/2011
Msg: 218
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 9/1/2011 6:35:58 AM
I am with you sister!
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 219
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 9/1/2011 7:17:45 AM

try doing it with facts instead of your personal judgements.

Ummm isn't that almost impossible..?

actually it is quite easy.......you can offer your opinion without the judgements or name calling.
But an opinion isn't always a fact, so blanket demeaning statements about those that have different views on a topic just make the poster sound ignorant and judgemental.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 220
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 9/1/2011 7:28:29 AM
Msg: 202: At this point in my life I am not ready for a committed relationship. I have some leftover financial baggage from my marriage I am trying to clean up plus I have three teenagers living at home. I don't think its fair to ask a man to take on this kind of situation, nor do I actually want a man to.
I spent most of my life in a committed relationship and now I just want to enjoy some me time. I am not bitter against men, quite the opposite. I enjoy a mans company and I enjoy the intimacy of sex. I like FWB because I can spend time with someone that I care about, someone that cares about me in some small way and know that neither of us is expecting more than that.

If I may, goodkindacrazy, I would point to your post as an example of an FWB (or candidate for one) that I would seek if I were considering a Friend with Benefits.

Someone who…

already has much experience in committed relationships and enjoys men

is not bitter and confused, or emotionally unavailable

has circumstances in her life that preclude a traditional relationship at this time

wants a limited but caring partnership – for good company and friendship, and intimate sex

…and (my addition) is content with monogamy.


My usual definition of FWB in the past (to be literal about it) meant having a friendship already in place to which the benefits of sex were added

or a romantic relationship already in place, from which certain expectations of each other have been reduced or removed, but the sex remained.

But I am revising my view… I don't see why the “Friend” component couldn't be in the “FWB” anytime a genuine friendship is established, from the time sexual intimacy begins or even after. Who's to say Fcuk Buddies couldn't become genuine friends?

But I notice in discussions about FWB (and there’ve been many), about 95% of the participants describe a relationship that doesn't include “Friendship” at all.

It seems that FWB is now a euphemism for Fcuk Buddy or Bootie Call or almost any casual sex, or even a convenient “come-on” for various predatory sexual practices.

So I think when FWB is being offered or discussed it’s wise to look past the label and consider the actual relationship under consideration.

In my view, for a FWB relationship to be genuine and successful, the people in it must be willing and able to be friends. They must want to be friends. They must be capable of being friends. And they must be able to conduct themselves responsibly in that friendship.

If those requirements were met, then 95% of the real problems would be addressed. And about 95% of the imaginary criticisms here would be dismissed.

They’re not about FWB or a friendly relationship. They’re about some other kind of sexual arrangement or exploitive agenda that's crept in under the umbrella.

Be wise. When considering arguments here, for or against, or when fielding offers from abroad – Look Past The Label!
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 221
Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 9/1/2011 7:57:41 AM
You are 100% correct, MutedEnthusiasm. Your observations & the comments by...I think it's m_church...are why many people have a negative view of FWB. It's why I can't let myself get into that situation. It's not because I am judging anyone & think it's morally wrong. It's because my past experiences have been so bad. I know myself. It is not for me.
 dudeinmt
Joined: 10/5/2010
Msg: 222
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 9/1/2011 9:05:41 AM
lol fwb? that is for ppl that dont want relationships and usually in my experience the feelings are mutual, but let me say one thing... if u have ever had a 1 night stand with a friend, or a short 1 week relationship, and are still friends with that person, then u have a fwb. so all u ppl out there dissing on the fwb thing, take a hard look at the things u have done in your life and ill bet my left nut u have had them too, but u diss on them, why?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 223
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 9/1/2011 10:26:22 AM

Your observations & the comments by...I think it's m_church...are why many people have a negative view of FWB. It's why I can't let myself get into that situation. It's not because I am judging anyone & think it's morally wrong. It's because my past experiences have been so bad. I know myself. It is not for me.

I respect this post. This is really what this thread comes down to. A combination of having a bad experience with FWB, or something someone told you was FWB, and knowing it's not your thing. Know yourself.

If it's not for you, it's perfectly healthy to be aware of it and choose not to participate. What's bad for you isn't bad for everyone. If others choose to - let them. It doesn't make them wrong, it just makes them capable of dealing with it. Don't worry about what others do. Live your own life.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 224
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 9/1/2011 10:42:04 AM

actually it is quite easy.......you can offer your opinion without the judgements or name calling.

I agree, but what I specifically meant, deciding something is either good or bad IS a judgement... What is Good or Bad is really not cut and dried. Even to something being Good to one person, while it may be Bad to another...
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 225
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Friends with Benefits... WHY!?
Posted: 9/1/2011 11:03:07 AM

In my view, for a FWB relationship to be genuine and successful, the people in it must be willing and able to be friends. They must want to be friends. They must be capable of being friends. And they must be able to conduct themselves responsibly in that friendship.

I think this is at the heart of the issue for it as well...

From the descriptions people post on here, I think MsMicki ( I hope she doesn't mind me singling her out) comes closest to having what I would call a true FWB. Long term real friendship that has evolved (and I say evolved as a compliment) into an 'intimate friendhsip' (for want of a better term)... It's probably why she finds a lot of the comments on here

It seems that FWB is now a euphemism for Fcuk Buddy or Bootie Call or almost any casual sex, or even a convenient “come-on” for various predatory sexual practices

All too often, FWB is seemingly more a case of "AWB" ("Acquaintance With Benefits")... Wherein the two parties are friends sure, but more casual friends or short term friends... Or the guys that date, break up and try to put the women into the role of a source for steady sex, while they move on looking for more...

I do know a lot of men who have FWB's and to be honest, they are all having multiple partners (as would I if I was in their shoes - If I had a so called friend that I valued so low that I would treat her that way. ) I'd bet none of the women these men are boinking regularly know about the others... Whether anyone agrees or disagrees with that is not important... The fact is, it does happen... and It's entirely possible that some of the women are screwing other men as well... Again, it does happen...

Which I don't, I value my real friendships too much to throw it away on sex. Let's face it, any fool can get sex. I don't think sex is worth the potential of throwing away a real friendship over... I'd be reluctant to even try a full relationship with a real friend...
And this is why I've said in the past, I don't do FWB's and that the only way I could do that, would be if I considered the 'friend' to be disposable... (as in acquaintance) As I've said before, I don't keep past lovers around to meet knew ones, and I don't want to meet my partner's Ex lovers either... Hence why I'd have to consider any "FWB/AWB" to be disposable... as the friendship would also have to end once the benefits did...


They’re about some other kind of sexual arrangement or exploitive agenda that's crept in under the umbrella.

I think that's what the bulk of the FWB's really are... The idea in itself is probably good, but there is a natural tendency of many people to exploit the other or to want more, that overshadows it....
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