AZMale
| | Joined: 5/6/2011
Msg: 101 | |
| | Weight. When am I being too shallow?Page 5 of 7 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7) | The biggest issue that I see with the whole weight topic is that people are narrow minded and shallow in general and it makes me laugh. People make judgments on what they don't know more than what they do know. If the person is a lazy deadbeat piece of trash then yes I can see the frustration getting to you. However, if someone is heavy but remains active there are other issues. People will say it's BS and so on but take a look around there are areas of the world where people are larger, there are also reason that animals get larger and have more fat on them. Generally you will see these animals and people living in similar areas or have ancestral roots from these areas.
People crack me up when I am at the gym and working out because all they are seeing is the exterior even when I'm lifting more and pushing myself harder than they are, they don't understand that people can be big and fit or healthy. This is a phenomena mostly in Western Society, thus weight and outward appearances are the biggest things on people's minds when they are looking for a mate. I saw that someone mentioned something about health issues and people leaving each other based on that. There might be health or genetic issues that keep people big. I am myself a large man I make no bones about it I personally don't care what people think about me... I work in an active job working in EMS, and I work out at least 4 times a week and not on the circuit machines either. I personally love the outdoors and going hiking and things of that nature when it's not 115 degrees outside, yet women in Arizona (general statement) have a hang up about big guys.
I think if people in general would take off their tunnel vision and start seeing people for their character and so forth they would be better off, sure I understand attraction and all of that BS but sometimes you can find the ugliest person will make you the happiest person in the world. Until that day happens there will be an influx of single people complaining that they "are looking for a good man/woman," and never finding them.
Ok I'm done now HA HA | |
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AZMale
| | Joined: 5/6/2011
Msg: 102 | |
| Weight. When am I being too shallow?
Posted: 8/3/2011 12:48:23 AM |
Um those charts are there for a good reason... Don't think they somehow don't apply to you or anyone else... I hate to say it, but that is what you should actually weigh, to be healthy...
BMI was developed for a time frame, if you look at BMI people who compete in Mr Olympia/Mrs Olympia are morbidly obese, people who compete in strong man competitions are morbidly obese. Get a grip the "charts" aren't all that make a person's health there are other deciding factors such as cholesterol, HDL and LDL, heart rate, rhythm and quality, amount of physical exercise per day/week, bone density and mass, there are many factors that go into health it's not just height and weight anymore. Someday western society will figure that out :) | |
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| Weight. When am I being too shallow?
Posted: 8/3/2011 3:48:23 AM | Keep in mind also that many people who are overweight lose weight to go hunting or fishing, for a relationship. Once married, or they think they've got you trapped, or hooked, they gain the weight right back again, and they become very defensive about it.
My general rule is, if you're not happy, for ANY reason, leave the person.
Why be with who you're unhappy? | |
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| Weight. When am I being too shallow?
Posted: 8/3/2011 6:40:11 AM |
The biggest issue that I see with the whole weight topic is that people are narrow minded and shallow in general and it makes me laugh. People make judgments on what they don't know more than what they do know. If the person is a lazy deadbeat piece of trash then yes I can see the frustration getting to you. However, if someone is heavy but remains active there are other issues. People will say it's BS and so on but take a look around there are areas of the world where people are larger, there are also reason that animals get larger and have more fat on them. Generally you will see these animals and people living in similar areas or have ancestral roots from these areas. You mean some people are narrow minded? what folks like you don't seem to understand is people are attracted to what they are attracted to doesn't make it right or wrong , its just the way it is, Im certainly sure there are women you're not attracted to, no matter how nice they are.
I think if people in general would take off their tunnel vision and start seeing people for their character and so forth they would be better off, sure I understand attraction and all of that BS but sometimes you can find the ugliest person will make you the happiest person in the world. Until that day happens there will be an influx of single people complaining that they "are looking for a good man/woman," and never finding them. ahhhh but you're doing the same thing by calling people ugly, Ugly is a horrible word, for a guy that says start seeing people for their character ends up saying " you can find the ugliest person blah blah blah".
There is a woman on here Fatbottomgirl, read her profile and some of her posts, she has a great attitude, and Im going to go out on a limb and say I bet she doesn't have problems in the dating world, Ive never spoken to her personally and from what Ive read she has a great attitude and It wouldn't surprise me if it spilled over in the dating world.
The problem with SOME larger folks is they tend to blame their weight for their problems, same as some minorities, Self Proclaimed nice guys, they tend to blame blame blame, instead of looking in the mirror and taking responsibility
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| Weight. When am I being too shallow?
Posted: 8/3/2011 6:51:15 AM | Yep Cdn.....bottom line is attraction. And people like who you are posting about need to really look at the whole picture. Yeah, so someone is " nice" but let me tell you if I cannot see that person naked in my mind ( and in this case I REALLY cannot imagine that )..it is not happening. Ever.
Active does not equal Athletic and in shape. At all.
There is a difference between being " larger" and " very obese". I mean big difference.
Yeah, some of us are really shallow because we are not sexually attracted to obese people. Shaking my head.
Attraction, thank God for it. It is what it is people.
Fitness, life style and things of this nature should be discussed from day one, so there are no misunderstandings.
I know some very over weight people who have great relationships, and * most * of these people, both of them are over weight. Not to say there cannot be an over weight and a fit person together...it happens but rarely. | |
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| Weight. When am I being too shallow?
Posted: 8/3/2011 8:41:54 AM |
There is a difference between being " larger" and " very obese". I mean big difference.
I totally agree with this. This is one thing that most people get angry about when they read a profile and it says avg or a few extra pounds and you meet them and they are obese. I know it's all about perception and sometimes someone not wanting to admit they are obese. But that is what is frustrating to people. For me I'm avg and a little overweight (based on the BMI scale) about 15 - 20 lbs varying from day to day. I had recent surgery so I've gone closer to the 20 lbs over because I've not been active at all...compared to my normal activity.
I know some very over weight people who have great relationships, and * most * of these people, both of them are over weight. Not to say there cannot be an over weight and a fit person together...it happens but rarely.
Where I live I see the opposites everywhere, but its mainly the super skinny tall guy with the obese woman. Hardly ever the muscle guy with the woman and even rarer to see the skinny woman with the obese man...notice I said where I live. It may be different for other places.
Best of luck to everyone  | |
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| Weight. When am I being too shallow?
Posted: 8/3/2011 8:52:21 AM | Nothing shallow about it... That's not what you signed up for. He changed his ways because he got lazy. Tell him what's up...if he doesn't try to improve and get the message - then it's his problem - Get yourself a guy who puts effort, shows respect and understands that attraction is an asset that needs to be maintained.
That being said.. attraction is just a part of the equation. The other half is "compatibility".
That " I am big but I am active" is all bullcrap. I run over 30 miles a week. Let's see how active you're... bah! - walking around the office or short trips to fridge doesn't count... | |
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| Weight. When am I being too shallow?
Posted: 8/3/2011 9:41:58 AM | Ahhhh... the eternal cop out... 'shallow'.
If someone doesn't meet my criteria for being attractive, it's because I'm 'too shallow' to appreciate them for who they are... in all reality, I might appreciate them, but I'm too busy seeing the negativity oozing out of their pores to get a true picture of who it is I'm 'arbitrarily rejecting'.
Give me a break with all the talk of shallow and such. I don't like skinny guys... not because I'm shallow, but because I'm simply not attracted to them... toss into that same group the muscle bound hulks that walk around flexing their arms simply because they can... and the grossly obese that can't even get out of their homes so they sit in mommy's basement waiting for the crane to come get them for their once a decade doctor's appointment / bath.
I like what I like... and if someone isn't attracted to me, by all means... keep on going as there are a few men left on this earth that do still find me attractive...  | |
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| Weight. When am I being too shallow?
Posted: 8/3/2011 9:54:34 AM |
The biggest issue that I see with the whole weight topic is that people are narrow minded and shallow in general and it makes me laugh.
I suppose if you weren't heavy set yourself, you wouldn't be laughing. May I ask, do you date your fellow heavy chicks? | |
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| Weight. When am I being too shallow?
Posted: 8/3/2011 10:03:57 AM | The trouble with assuming someone is shallow/narrow minded because they don't share your value system of judgement in regards to potential partners is that you display precisely the same narrow mindedness. You are assuming that your value system is somehow "better" or superior, and that people who don't share it are lacking qualities of some kind.
I understand this kind of thought process in regards to behaviours that are harmful such as: It is right that we tell murderers their thought process is wrong, because their behaviour is harmful to other people and soceity. Society would not function if everyone murdered eachother. With qualities of propsective partners, I do not think the issue is pressing enough to allocate the same importance.
People think what they think and like what they like. The safest thing to do is to not attribute any sense of right/wrong to other people's opinions in this area, and merely attribute a "are they compatible with me?" to it. Going around with an adversial attitude that people who disagree with you about such things are shallow/narrow-minded/lacking/whatever other deviant term you want to use is a form of bigoted thinking as far as I am concerned. Even then, it still won't change their mind in all likelihood.
There's so many different kinds of guys and girls in this world, so it makes sense that we all have different tastes somewhere down the line right? | |
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| Weight. When am I being too shallow?
Posted: 8/3/2011 10:46:28 AM | People like what they like and that is just that. I don’t think anyone should change their appearance to make some else happy. That is just flat out control of someone else. If you are not happy with the way you look then change it for yourself. If you are happy with the way you look then don’t whine or play the pity party because someone didn’t find you attractive. A beautiful person on the outside can be downright ugly on the inside. Same goes for someone who don’t have much as far as looks goes can the very beautiful person on the inside. It is all in the way you truthfully present yourself. Good looks can only take someone so far and beauty IS in the eye of beholder. After all what I find attractive might not be to someone else. Obviously, for some it is issue of or people would not say someone is being shallow. It is NOT shallow for being attracted to what you are attracted to. So I say to those who need to make a big deal of someone not finding you attractive because you are overweight. Then do something about it. Put down the Twinkie and eat an apple instead.
I know I am overweight, but you won’t ever find me seeking attention for a pity party because some guy didn’t like my big but….LOL Am I doing something about it? Yes, but I am doing it for myself and no one else! | |
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LM326
| | Joined: 1/16/2011
Msg: 113 | |
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| Weight. When am I being too shallow?
Posted: 8/3/2011 1:29:31 PM | | I know what you mean op. I started dating a women in 2005 who was fairly active. Now granted she was 5'5" and about 150 but carried it very well and was a bit on the buxom side. So no complaints. A few years later and the same women stopped any notion of activity. Blamed my cooking. I did most of the cooking and my weight did not change. She on the other hand had to start her day off with a coke and end it with a coke. I mentioned joining a gym. She was too busy. I mentioned taking a walk. She was exhausted from a long day at work. She worked at a accounting firm and I was a welder. Bottom line I loved the women and talked to her about the issue but she had excuse after excuse. Now I will not date someone that does not share the value of taking care of yourself. It is a choice. | |
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| Weight. When am I being too shallow?
Posted: 8/3/2011 2:13:12 PM | I admit I only skimmed the first page or two of this thread, but I'm rather amazed that so many are taking pot shots at the OP for her weight (5'7" and 135-140lbs) or telling her "she has nothing to complain about, considering" and all that. I'm the same height as her, and about 142 lbs, and been a size 6 ever since I can remember; possibly with more muscle since I stay very active and am pretty toned. I too list myself as 'average' since that is average weight for me (haven't been 125 lbs since I was...well, 25, lol). Possibly we have different body shapes or something but, I'd hardly call 135lbs at 5'7" fat, or berate her for her weight. Interesting.
To answer her question, no, I don't think it's shallow either to not be attracted to a major weight gain in a partner. Although, depending on the height of the man, a 20lb weight gain might spread itself out quite nicely over a taller frame. If it's all sitting as a tire around the middle though, no, I wouldn't find that attractive.
For suggestions on how to gently mention this to a partner, I'd suggest taking a proactive approach. It can be something as simple as just saying "Hey, how about we go for a hike tomorrow?" and things like that on a regular basis, without even mentioning the weight gain. If that doesn't work, I'd likely still make it a joint effort, but add "I think we've both been enjoying a few too many romantic dinners lately, want to join me in exercising those off?" or something like that, a bit more forward.
Failing all else, I guess I'd gently but firmly discuss the subject. After all, I'd certainly want to know if my partner was losing interest in me because of a weight gain and would appreciate him broaching the subject, so long as it wasn't done in a rude manner.
I'd expect most people would want to be desirable to their partner, so while their feelings might be hurt a bit at first, I'd think they'd appreciate the gentle honesty. JMO. | |
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| Weight. When am I being too shallow?
Posted: 8/3/2011 2:56:21 PM | AZMale, I've said it before and here I go again...you're gorgeous, I ONLY like bigger guys....big strong guys....others somewhere on this forum do too, so don't give up or ever think you're less than because you're big, strong, and manly!!!
Oh, and I just love how the "athletic", non-overweight smokers in this thread do their usual superiority act as they do in every single thread having to do with weight. | |
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| Weight. When am I being too shallow?
Posted: 8/3/2011 3:22:29 PM |
Oh, and I just love how the "athletic", non-overweight smokers in this thread do their usual superiority act as they do in every single thread having to do with weight. Hence it being Survival of the Fittest...
Since when did it become a crime to be a person that isn't obese?  | |
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| Weight. When am I being too shallow?
Posted: 8/3/2011 3:36:50 PM | I've dropped 50 pounds since last September, I had gotten lazy and depressed and Ben and Jerry were my therapists.
Back then I got 1 email a week on this site, from heavy girls.
Now I get about 5 or more a day, from mostly thin/average girls. That is all the "science" you need right there.
Attraction is HUGE in life, along with money and kids and...every other drop down box found on the site.
And you don't need to start exercising, just stop stuffing your face, 90% of weight loss is diet. Line up 2000 cal worth of the crap you're eating now next to 2000 cal of lean meat and veggies and tell me which pile is bigger. | |
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| Weight. When am I being too shallow?
Posted: 8/3/2011 4:01:23 PM | couldnt give a flying f*uck about anyone losing or gaining pounds unless there was some underlying,serious medical problem
Kitten...This would be my concern....Has he started to gain at a fairly quick rate...if so this could be medical problems..... | |
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| Weight. When am I being too shallow?
Posted: 8/3/2011 4:14:53 PM |
Oh, and I just love how the "athletic", non-overweight smokers in this thread do their usual superiority act as they do in every single thread having to do with weight.
That's silly. The only way one could feel others are 'superior' is if one themselves feels inferior or is insecure, after all. So this is simply projection.
This would be my concern....Has he started to gain at a fairly quick rate...if so this could be medical problems.....
This is very true ^^^. I think most posters weren't speaking of medical issues (ie--say, knee surgery, or things that would incapacitate a partner physically and cause major weight gain) though. After all, those things are unavoidable when they happen.
If they were simply overeating due to internal concerns though, like insecurity or lack of confidence, that's really up to the person in charge (aka themselves) to overcome, IMO. One has to be at peace with themselves first and foremost, to be emotionally healthy as a solid partner. JMO. | |
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| Weight. When am I being too shallow?
Posted: 8/3/2011 4:15:16 PM |
I've dropped 50 pounds since last September, I had gotten lazy and depressed and Ben and Jerry were my therapists.
I can relate to that. Two years ago, the last relationship I was in ended with him being taken away in handcuffs. Turns out the so called prince charming wasn’t one after all. I gained 80 pounds from the depression I was forced into from his abuse.
I got the help that EVERY victim of domestic violence should get. Got out of the depression I was in and doing something about the weight, I know I need to lose. I have lost about 20 of those pounds so far. As I stated before I don’t think what a person is attracted to is shallow. I view myself as few extra pounds overweight for the simple fact my clothing size fits into that category. Others might not see it as that is how they feel and I am not going to argue that.
I don’t have an issue with someone being overweight do to a health issue and suffering from depression is a health issue. True there are many others, but that is long list of things that don’t need to be stated. What I have problem with just flat out laziness and eating too much junk food. A proper diet can only go so far without exercise. | |
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| Weight. When am I being too shallow?
Posted: 8/4/2011 8:36:00 AM | "And you don't need to start exercising, just stop stuffing your face, 90% of weight loss is diet."
Just out of curiosity, do you have a link where we can find this info? | |
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| Weight. When am I being too shallow?
Posted: 8/4/2011 8:53:04 AM |
Oh, and I just love how the "athletic", non-overweight smokers in this thread do their usual superiority act as they do in every single thread having to do with weight.
When I read this I actually thought she was referring to the thin/muscular people who rant about a healthy lifestyle, and then behind doors are partaking in completely unhealthy activities to maintain that figure (smoking, weight loss supplements, steroids, etc.).
I think that the amount of smaller people who secretly partake in unhealthy products or activities to maintain that is probably directly proportionate to the larger people who partake in unhealthy products or activities to maintain that size. One undereats, one overeats. One excercises too much, one not enough.
There was actually a magazine article a month or two ago (I could find the link if someone wants it) that caused a lot of outrage. The magazine had a bunch of health buffs (for the stars) who help celebrities maintain their shapes/weights list what they ate on average a day. Some of them (these are the health people) didn't eat freaking breakfast OR lunch!!!! Sooooooo not healthy. It was crazy. That's exactly why people get frustrated. It's not realistic to not expect people to eat just to maintain society's standard of physical perfection.
What really needs to happen is our society and culture need to stop focusing on weight and physical appearance, and instead focus on health. You can be unhealthy no matter what weight you are if you are putting crap into your system. Or putting nothing (starving yourself) into your system for that matter. | |
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| Weight. When am I being too shallow?
Posted: 8/4/2011 9:27:25 AM | I so agree with you Easy
And it makes you wonder when peepz take those "for better or for worse" vows , should they leave out "UNLESS you gain a couple pounds" ??? | |
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