| | 'Stayover relationships' -- Would they work for over 45s?Page 4 of 7 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7) |
I think a ``stayover relationship'' is fine as a temporary measure prior to moving in together or marriage, but as a permanent arrangement, I can't see it. For me, a stayover relationship would mean no committment beyond, ``until the next thing comes along.'' I really can't see how I could stay committed to someone I wouldn't want to eventually marry. It would be too much like a relationship that's always a little short of any certainty and if I want to be that uncertain, I'd just serial date.
Someone on the same page as I am on? What????? lol
Yep I have indeed become a serial dater... That leaves me open to the possibility the right gent might just come along.. Far better in my opinion.. | |
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| 'Stayover relationships' -- Would they work for over 45s?
Posted: 6/19/2012 5:21:53 PM | Hell, I know of a few marriages where the partners keep separate homes.
I personally think it's not a bad way to have a relationship !
You can belch, eat dinner out of a can, watch reality shows, pick your nose, talk to friends for hours, eat a tuna sandwich for breakfast , tweeze your chin hairs (or wherever else), drink out of the container, leave the seat up or down, mutilate the toothpaste tube, listen to music at 3am, sleep with your pets , sit - uninterrupted and do whatever you damn well please - all without explanation , apology, or comment - and still maintain a wonderful , loving connection with someone who enjoys the very same freedoms !
A win-win, as I see it ! | |
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| 'Stayover relationships' -- Would they work for over 45s?
Posted: 6/20/2012 5:58:07 AM |
You can belch, eat dinner out of a can, watch reality shows, pick your nose, talk to friends for hours, eat a tuna sandwich for breakfast , tweeze your chin hairs (or wherever else), drink out of the container, leave the seat up or down, mutilate the toothpaste tube, listen to music at 3am, sleep with your pets , sit - uninterrupted and do whatever you damn well please - all without explanation , apology, or comment - and still maintain a wonderful , loving connection with someone who enjoys the very same freedoms !
Oye Vey now I understand why some of you might want to live in separate homes..Maybe you should.. lol | |
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| 'Stayover relationships' -- Would they work for over 45s?
Posted: 6/20/2012 6:55:23 AM |
...and do whatever you damn well please - all without explanation , apology, or comment - and still maintain a wonderful , loving connection with someone who enjoys the very same freedoms ! Yes!
And I don't get why some are saying that it means the people in such a connection are keeping the way open for finding another to love.
THIS is the kind of connection/relationship they WANT.. they're not out there looking for someone else who would want to move in with them.
I also don't get why some are saying that is not a full commitment between the 2 people unless they live together or marry.
They must have a very different definition of 'full commitment' than I.
But know what? According to these threads here in 'over 45' MANY of them are saying they'd keep their finances seperate to some degree (some totally) if they married again!
Um, what happened to this "full commitment"? | |
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| 'Stayover relationships' -- Would they work for over 45s?
Posted: 6/20/2012 7:34:38 AM |
And I don't get why some are saying that it means the people in such a connection are keeping the way open for finding another to love.
THIS is the kind of connection/relationship they WANT.. they're not out there looking for someone else who would want to move in with them.
I never stated that.. What I did say was I wanted to leave myself open to look so would not get involved in that kind of relationship.. I know quite a few couples that have been together for years living in their own homes.. Although one of them wanted to change that after a few years the other did not.. So they are still living in their own homes.. | |
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| 'Stayover relationships' -- Would they work for over 45s?
Posted: 6/20/2012 7:54:24 AM |
saying they'd keep their finances seperate to some degree (some totally) if they married again!
Um, what happened to this "full commitment"?
Not sure this is rhetorical or not, but I got burned. Not letting that happen again. | |
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| 'Stayover relationships' -- Would they work for over 45s?
Posted: 6/20/2012 10:56:40 AM | | I hear you loud and clear on that one Wales and totally 100% agree. After my divorce I can so totally relate to all of the men who get screwed through the court systems. Tis no wonder why a lot of us would welcome "stayovers" | |
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| 'Stayover relationships' -- Would they work for over 45s?
Posted: 6/20/2012 12:41:16 PM |
I hear you loud and clear on that one Wales and totally 100% agree. After my divorce I can so totally relate to all of the men who get screwed through the court systems. Tis no wonder why a lot of us would welcome "stayovers"
Normally whatever you bring to the party you walk away with.. One of the reasons to have a together place that you both equally contribute to.. No one got screwed in my situation.. but we both made like money.. | |
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| 'Stayover relationships' -- Would they work for over 45s?
Posted: 6/20/2012 1:11:34 PM |
Now you are sounding like my ex-wife.
Wow were you that much of a disappointment? LOL Just kidding but could not resist. Not a single dime changed hands we just both parted ways.. We even used the same lawyer all was amicable.. | |
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| 'Stayover relationships' -- Would they work for over 45s?
Posted: 6/20/2012 2:42:43 PM | Why not just forget the stayover relationship and have sex with whomever suits your fancy?
^^^ I would think the point of this thread is a stayover wherein two people are involved in a monogamous relationship. Not having sex with whomever he or she fancies.
And Ms. Native, you were very fortunate in how your divorce was handled, in a mature manner. And I think the laws differ a bit us. Whatever is accumulated in marriage no matter "who" earned it gets split...plus a bit more if they can manage it. | |
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| 'Stayover relationships' -- Would they work for over 45s?
Posted: 6/20/2012 3:34:37 PM | I love having my own space so after a week together I will help a woman back and then push her out the door, lol.
So 3-4 days together is perfect for me, just need to find a woman that thinks like that too. | |
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| 'Stayover relationships' -- Would they work for over 45s?
Posted: 6/20/2012 3:52:51 PM | Everyone is of course entitled to have their own opinion and their own way of conducting their love lives,
but I have personally witnessed any number of 'stayover' relationships that lasted for years,(one, in fact that was "until death did them part", and others that I'm sure will do the same) - anyone who suggested to any of these people that they were not committed to one another, would have been questioned by those persons-as to the questioners' mental stability, grasp of the language, and general good sense.
Simply making an observation.
I am certain that there are plenty of people here who will attest to the fact that living under the same roof did NOTHING to "ensure" or "guarantee" their partners' monogamy/fidelity. Again, simply an observation.
In my opinion-and my values!-commitment is a state of mind and a matter of personal honesty-and honor!- not something that can be ensured/secured by a visible formalization( living together, married or planning marriage.) For those who make an informed choice to cohabit or marry, that is wonderful-
I cannot see where anyone here is attempting to discredit, discount, devalue or disrespect cohabitation or marriage.
However, to automatically presume that committment cannot possibly exist unless it fits into certain social pigeonholes, ( cohabitation, marriage, engagement) is something I can't support.
Again, I'm sure there are plenty of people who can attest that cohabitation or marriage didn't stop their partner from continuing to look-and sample. And others who will attest how UNWARRANTED accusatory, controlling, micromanaging behavior from their partner destroyed their will to continue honoring the committment.
Committment comes from inside the person, not from external factors and controls.
Cindy O | |
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| 'Stayover relationships' -- Would they work for over 45s?
Posted: 6/20/2012 4:06:11 PM |
And Ms. Native, you were very fortunate in how your divorce was handled, in a mature manner. And I think the laws differ a bit us. Whatever is accumulated in marriage no matter "who" earned it gets split...plus a bit more if they can manage it.
I think you misunderstood what I said was brought into the marriage such as things you owned before you got married, not what you made while in the marriage. The laws I imagine are the same. If you both draw around the same salary in a marriage there is nothing to split.. If you bought certain things jointly then you manage to split those things.. But in our case it was simply one treadmill which I had no interest in having in my condo since I had no room for it, besides he used it most..
Now am beginning to understand it is purely financial reasons for some people why the do not wish to share space.. However that to me is their baggage not mine.. | |
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| 'Stayover relationships' -- Would they work for over 45s?
Posted: 6/20/2012 4:18:24 PM |
I don't need the companionship of a part time partner and I don't have any desire to be monogamous so I can have sex with a woman who needs to feel like she's in a relationship to have sex.
Me neither I do not need a part timer hanging around in my home..I think women and some men are concerned about the health issue.. I mean when they propose the idea it goes like this.. usually after 3 dates.. Well you know I am very attracted to you, so if your attracted to me how do you feel about us getting together sexually. I have Tuesday and Thursday nights off? (this man was a performer/musician) how do you feel about the idea? Of course we would agree to testing first etc etc.. What???? | |
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| 'Stayover relationships' -- Would they work for over 45s?
Posted: 6/20/2012 4:22:26 PM |
Me neither I do not need a part timer hanging around in my home..I think women and some men are concerned about the health issue.. I mean when they propose the idea it goes like this.. usually after 3 dates.. Well you know I am very attracted to you, so if your attracted to me how do you feel about us getting together sexually. I have Tuesday and Thursday nights off? (this man was a performer/musician) how do you feel about the idea? Of course we would agree to testing first etc etc.. What????
OMG lol you didn't pencil him in? people are so facinating. | |
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| 'Stayover relationships' -- Would they work for over 45s?
Posted: 6/20/2012 4:37:16 PM |
OMG lol you didn't pencil him in? people are so facinating.
Sad to say it is soo common I could count them in the 3 digit numbers. There is no love anymore just arrangements made.. either because of baggage (financial fears) or health issues. ( health fears)..
No did not pencil him in, just chalked up another one on this journey..But heck it is always interesting.. | |
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| 'Stayover relationships' -- Would they work for over 45s?
Posted: 6/20/2012 5:07:45 PM | We called it "sleep overs" and for over 6 years, it worked very well.
I have my place and she got hers. On weekdays, I listen to my jazz, read my thrillers and search the internet while she watch her TV, sew and read her mags.
On weekends, we are together. We enjoy each others company.
From day one, we shared the cost of all of ours activities. Dating is so expensive now days.
We were exclusive to each other. Eh, we have a relationship.
That we drifted apart had nothing to do with any of the above. Today's live is fast and furious and we each changed over time and found that we lost that feeling.
If I could find a lady who is willing to share such an agreement, I would be very happy.
Doc Sage | |
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| 'Stayover relationships' -- Would they work for over 45s?
Posted: 6/20/2012 6:41:17 PM | Very funny......We use to call it "can they spend the night" when a kid, then it was "sleep over" when my son was young, and now it is "stay over" for those of us mature......lol
I put it this way........If you want to stay over at my place, I am good with it, if you are and we know why, and if you want me to stay over at your place, I am good with it, if you are and we know why.......so, the only question becomes, is this a stay over or do you plan not to leave.....and then we have a problem.......;)
cd | |
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| 'Stayover relationships' -- Would they work for over 45s?
Posted: 6/20/2012 6:54:22 PM | I have my place and she got hers. On weekdays, I listen to my jazz, read my thrillers and search the internet while she watch her TV, sew and read her mags.
On weekends, we are together. We enjoy each others company.
From day one, we shared the cost of all of ours activities. Dating is so expensive now days
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Why can't you do all that from the same domicile? Have a finished basement or whatever for the man cave. Living separately is more expensive than dating normally. Keeping your options open is the main reason against as far as I can tell. | |
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| 'Stayover relationships' -- Would they work for over 45s?
Posted: 6/20/2012 7:07:37 PM | ^^^^^^
In answer to the above poster.
Once you lived alone for an extended period, living solo become a very pleasant way of life.
I have furnished my home in mid-century modern/post modern, her's in contemporary eastern. The art on my wall are abstract and edgy, one said wall is VERY BRIGHT ORANGE, her's have flowers and birds over beige walls. I am up at 3 a.m. for work, she is retired. Weekdays I am in bed by 8 p.m., she (?).
Our common interests was what made this so much fun. Our opposites was the spices to our lives.
Doc Sage | |
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| 'Stayover relationships' -- Would they work for over 45s?
Posted: 6/20/2012 8:12:37 PM | ...after stripping away the fancy language, would be f*ck buddies or friends with benefits. The term ``stayover relationship,'' is essentially a euphemism, that makes it more palatable to people who would never think of themselves as the type of person who would have an FB or FWB.
Geeze, can't you grasp that some of us can have LOVE and commitment going with someone we don't live with?
You have to put it down to just being f*uck buddies??? | |
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