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| | If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?Page 10 of 11 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11) | Never would any man a woman dated owe it to her to help her out with her kids. Any woman should be able to take care of her and her kids needs before trying to get into a relationship. Male or female - when seeking a relationship, you are seeking to make life better... not worse....
I can say, male or female, if you are dating someone with kids you should be prepared to be a positive role model in their life... Not a parent, or a money tree... | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 7/2/2012 5:15:25 PM | | So what is the deal with ranting on single moms like that? I know lots of women without kids who use men as a personal ATM. People really stop downgrading the ladies who work their ass off to take care of their children all by themselves. You should be applauding their efforts, not ranting. Ridiculous! | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 7/2/2012 9:03:15 PM | ~~~~~~~~~
No, not up to you to pay for someone else's problems/mistakes........maybe said mom should make BETTER DECISIONS when it comes to who she gets knocked up from? Jesus, why does it have to be this difficult.
If said single mom(s) are having trouble paying their own bills, for their own kids, go after their ex's for the $$$, they were in such a hurry to procreate with these ****ing idiots before, why not go after them for child support? if he "cant pay the money because he's a deadbeat" or doesnt have a job, then why the **** would you have kids with someone like this? No excuses either. Why should some new guy have to pay for little Johnny and julie come christmas/birthday time? he shouldnt, Im not, and I dont feel anyone else should. They wouldnt like it if done to them(and thats obvious, thats why they're in the situation they're in now), so dont do it to someone else.
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First.. this thread was started by a man who stated it was HIS responsibility to pay for her AND her kids.. and ALMOST every reply has, including those from single mom, have said the opposite.. so get your facts straight firstly..
Secondly.. if all you are going to spew is hate and malice then kindly exit the forums.. we have enough of those people already on here..At least the others on here, who spew similar views as yours, have some modicum of decency and some level of intelligence and understanding towards what they speak of.
Third.. You have NO idea what situation a single parent is dealing with. So to make a statement such as you have above just demonstrates your lack of understanding and/or knowledge of the topic.
Fourth.. If i'm dating a man and it's serious.. he should get my kid something for his birthday/christmas.. I'm not talking hundred of dollars.. 10 dollars at target can get you plenty.. Why not? You get everyone else important in your life something including their kids, why is it different?
You are right in 2 things you said tho.. Nobody HAS to pay for any child that isn't theirs.. ... and There's no excuses for the parent who bailed on why they don' t contribute to caring for the child. | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 7/3/2012 1:20:39 AM | I have bought gifts for a Significant others nieces.
They were not my children, & not even his children either, but ya know, birthdays & holidays it seems only natural to give a gift to the children present in your life.
This Mother would be offended if my SO did not gift my children anything for holidays or birthdays.
Especially seeing as how my children have given him gifts for holidays, birthdays, & even fathers day as a gesture of respect for him as the man in the household, & i have been more than generous to the children in his family. | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 7/3/2012 3:42:45 AM | quote] Especially seeing as how my children have given him gifts for holidays, birthdays, & even fathers day as a gesture of respect for him as the man in the household I don't consider a man I'm dating as the man in my household nor have I ever encouraged my children to give a Father's Day card to anyone.
I think it's presumptuous to expect someone to pay for another's children... if you want to give a gift, then give it freely - don't attach conditions. | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 7/3/2012 4:28:32 PM | | So why do you think all single mothers got that way thru procreating with a so called loser. Some women adopted a child alone, they are single mothers. Sometimes a husband dies, leaves not on his own accord and yes the woman is a single mother. Sometimes the father has a masters degree and moves to another country for a job. There are many circumstances out there which then leaves a woman alone to raise a child. You work in security? I would say you do not make but 1/3 of what I make in salary per year. I would say your issues are with your own lack of a good job. If you think spending 10.00for a small gift is such a huge deal. I buy small gifts for my child's friends birthdays at pre- school and I do not know them or their parents. Why is that such a huge deal. I would never expect any guy to support my children that is my responsibility and yes I work my butt off to make sure they never want for anything. Judgemental people should not discuss topics that they have no personal knowledge/experience in life with. | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 7/3/2012 5:18:41 PM | if you choose to enter the life of a single parent, then you will have to include their child in your life. How could you possibly think it's ok for someone who is dating a single parent to basically ignore the child? I don't expect anything from a man other then what he is willing to give freely.. however I find if very disrespectful towards me and my child if a man I am dating simply ignore my child, especially if it's his birthday or it's Christmas and the guy is spending the day with me and my son or attending the party. I find it very disrespectful and insulting if anyone shows up without something for my son on his birthday..it doesn't have to be huge or extravagant. Just something for him to open and enjoy. And honestly.. I've never, save once, had a guy ignore my child that way.
I also don't see giving a birthday or Christmas present as equivalent to someone paying for my child. If that's the case I pay for a lot of children.
i said it in the other thread.. if one parent decides to not support the child and walk away.. that is NOT the custodial parents fault, that is the other parents fault, who walked away. I didn't force him or made him do it, he did it on his own. No excuses.. so yes if I do not like his choice then I have the right to air that frustration. That doesn't mean i'm negating my responsibility.
Why not go after the father? because we can 't make them take care of their child anymore then we can make anyone else take care of the child. And yea.. if he ditches his child then he is a loser.. no matter what the reason.. barring extreme circumstances of course..
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Judgemental people should not discuss topics that they have no personal knowledge/experience in life with.
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Which infers you have experience with this.. which infers that your experience is bad and you are either the guy who paid for a kid who wasn't yours or got raped in the cs court..Which explains a lot.. | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 7/3/2012 6:56:17 PM |
nor have I ever encouraged my children to give a Father's Day card to anyone.
When a man has developed a close relationship with the children, & has been an active participant in the family & in their lives, & loves the kids, & they love him in return, damn right i will encourage the children to acknowledge the man on Fathers Day. Dinner at place of his choice, a fun afternoon activity, balloons, card, a couple gifts, new pajamas, slippers, & old spice. They love planning it & seeing how happy it makes him & how special he feels on his "all about me day". Why would you not do so?
I think it's presumptuous to expect someone to pay for another's children... if you want to give a gift, then give it freely - don't attach conditions.
I really dont think giving a gift equates to "paying for ones children". If that is the case, I have been "paying for" my mans 5 nieces, between 5 gifts a piece on holidays, 5 birthdays, & 5 day vacations i took them on. (I only have 2 children) While i understand the sentiment of giving without conditions, i really dont know many people who would be ok with giving, giving, & giving, only to be un-acknowledged when your own kids birthday rolls around, or a holiday arrives. In my holiday/special occasion gatherings, all children presently involved are expected to be included in gift giving & all the festivities. It is a lot more fun that snarling at each other "im not paying for YOUR kids"....oh yeah im not paying for YOUR 5 nieces". | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 7/4/2012 9:16:57 AM |
Why would you not do so? I don't understand women that parade an array of men in front of their children and allowing them to give such an exhalted title to each of them in turn.
I really dont think giving a gift equates to "paying for ones children". What you are doing isn't gifting, it's exchanging. There is a difference.
When I give someone a gift, it's with no expectations of someone giving me something in return. Gift are free.
When you start expecting or demanding gifts, I would then call it a payment. | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 7/4/2012 9:50:23 AM |
I don't understand women that parade an array of men in front of their children and allowing them to give such an exhalted title to each of them in turn.
A partner who is a part of the family is hardly a "parade", or "array" of men.
If someone takes on an exalted role, damned right they deserve an exalted title, along with exalted treatment & recognition. In my home, we dont do "us & them"....we are ALL part of the family unit.
What you are doing isn't gifting, it's exchanging. There is a difference.
Ok. mutual respect for each other & shows of affection & regard for the little ones involved in our lives is what I would call it.
You would be ok with being above & beyond generous to somebody and/or their children, only to have them turn around & be like "i aint payin for YOUR kids, not MINE.? Ok, cool, enjoy that.
When you start expecting or demanding gifts, I would then call it a payment.
We were both raised that all the children in a family, even extended family/non-blood relations, are to be acknowledged on holidays/birthdays/special occasions. As for expecting repayment of some sorts, not quite, I am happy with a card & a stuffed animal or cool toy. I am the one who goes all out lavish on all the children, Disney trips, fancy video games, shopping trips, etc. I certainly dont get back cent for cent what i put out, nor expect to, but if i treated someones little ones like little queens & kings, i certainly would not want to hear "i aint payin for your kids" when my own little ones have a birthday or special occasion roll around. Even if someone is broke, a card & a dollar store toy would be an acknowledgement. I recieved a card, some dollar store body spray, incense, & a a pack of little candles from my boyfriends nieces for my birthday.. About 4 bucks spent. I was beyond thrilled that they actually took the time to pick stuff they felt that i would like. if i expected repayment, 4 bucks would not have cut it. Their family doesnt have much $ (the parents have some issues), I would never expect them to repay what we have given them, but the fact that they picked 4 bucks worth of little knick-knacks to try and make me feel special on my birthday, priceless.
They picked out some dollar store toys for my son on his birthday, he still loves those toys to this day.
I have never, ever, thought of helping his family out as "paying for his kids". (they arent even his kids, but nieces rather, but because they are children that are part of the man i loves family, i treat them as if they are.
I, dont understand people who would be ok with their kids being treated like crap after treating someone else's kids like gold. But if you like that sorta thing, have fun with it. | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 7/4/2012 10:00:49 AM | Wow, a lot of venom on this question. Simply:
1. No, a man is not obligated in even an exclusive dating situation to take financial responsibility for children who are not his own
2. Yes, a man can freely choose to do so. I did that with my wife's two children for two years before we got married while she was in school and living with her widowed, retired mother. Did I feel obligated? No. I chose to do so. | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 7/4/2012 11:45:11 AM | Is really really simple..
If a man I am dating doesn't care for my children enough to get them a present then I will not be dating them. I don't
"expect" or "demand" it. However.. If a man I am with can't afford to get my kids something.. well then I probably can't afford to have them as a boyfriend..as I have my own dependents to worry about and I don't need to take his issues on as well. If a man I am with decides not to get my child something for Christmas or his birthday simply because he doesn't want to "pay" for my kids or he is testing me in some way... then I am facing the fact that I am dating a selfish, tight fisted, thoughtless, possibly uncaring man or untrusting man.. and I don't want that either. My son expects nothing from them or me for that matter.. he's happy with a card a little token.. and he's 13. He knows it' the thought that counts and he knows he can't always get what he wants.
A man who is unwilling to accept or acknowledge my children has no business dating me. End of story..
I don't really see why this is such an argument.
It would be like your girlfriend not getting you something for your birthday and just ignoring you.. same premise.. | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 7/4/2012 12:34:39 PM |
It would be like your girlfriend not getting you something for your birthday and just ignoring you.. same premise.. Not the same premise at all. We're talking about dependent children, the cost of babysitting and other such sundries as opposed to a significant other purchasing a gift for the person they're with in a romantic relationship.
My children are my responsibility financially and socially - not the responsibility of a guy with whom I'm going on a date.
Get the natural father to kick in... not the poor schmoe that has asked you out to dinner and a movie. | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 7/4/2012 2:57:35 PM | Although I wasn't talking about "the cost of babysitting" or any other cost associated with child rearing. I was referring to a man showing up with a gift for my child birthday versus him not doing so.
It's not his responsibility to pay for child care or any other need my child has.. i never said that. However i don't see it as wrong for him to bring a gift for my child on the kids birthday or when he brings others gifts on Christmas. I can't even believe people see this as an issue. I was raised that when you go to a friend or acquaintances home for the holidays you bring something for the host.. if you bring presents for everyone then you also bring one for any children in the household. I was raised that you bring a present to children who are important in your life, on their birthday and on Christmas and you bring for the kids before you bring for the adults. If you can't afford both I was raised you always get for the child first as they are what matters most. I have never run across a person who thinks anything different in life other then when I come online. One guy in my past is guilty of not doing this.. and we had a short lived relationship. It just shows how important you and your kids are to someone. One guy bought my son a hot wheels care.. it was great! That's all that matter! That myself and my child is important enough in his life to be a consideration. If the guy is not involved with my son at all, that would be a slightly different story, because if he's not involved then I don't want my son getting gifts from a random stranger. It sets a bad precedent. I was under the impression this thread is aimed towards a more serious involved relationship (and honestly.. most guy I've dated got my child something anyway for me to give to him if I felt comfortable with it)
Honestly I think this is only a real issue with the men who are in the lower income brackets.. or those who have been flat out used before. Luckily that's not the majority of them. | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 7/5/2012 4:49:15 AM | "She is making a sacrifice in giving him attention while she's already busy with her kids, so, him helping her with her expenses is the LEAST he can do."
We already converted marriage/relationship into a legal form of prostitution with the invention of alimony, palimony and wrath money.
Women also get financed by loco parentis and estoppel doctrine, the possibility of doble dipping and paternity fraud.
If you want to do it... do it.
Warning: to delet your profile will be a mistake... you can earn extra pusy points. | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 7/5/2012 9:29:33 PM |
your brats
My children are not brats. Why on earth would you use such a disrespectful term on little precious human beings?
Ah dear, this would be for a SERIOUS relationship
This is a serious relationship I am speaking of. We both genuinely care about the children in both of our lives.
most likel;y some shitbag loser knocked you up and left you with them
I am a widow. And my husband was not a sh*tbag loser. Quite the opposite.
it's because you're another in a lonnnnnggggggg line of women who feel they're ****ing "entitled" to shit they didnt earn, because they're a woman, or they have kids, and their shitbag fathers left them with the kids, and it's a "feel bad for me pity party".
U mad bro? | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 7/6/2012 6:18:35 AM |
My children are not brats. Why on earth would you use such a disrespectful term on little precious human beings? Keep in mind that your children are not necessarily precious human beings to anyone other than yourself.
This is a serious relationship I am speaking of. We both genuinely care about the children in both of our lives. This thread is about dating, not established relationships. Congrats on taking the thread off topic though... | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 7/6/2012 11:11:54 AM |
Keep in mind that your children are not necessarily precious human beings to anyone other than yourself.
They are indeed precious, & human beings. Children are precious, & they are people too. (And many people besides myself adore them. They are the apples of many a persons eye.)
To disrespect a child, an innocent precious life who has never done anything to you, is quite disgusting.
To insult a little human being to build up your own little ego? What a sad, sad lowlife.
If my children were to insult someone in YOUR family, say a parent or sibling or any other beloved family member of yours, & deemed it acceptable because it is not THEIR family member, you are perfectly fine with that?
If someone started calling your Mother rude names, someone who doesnt even know her, would it be ok because it is not their Mom? Where I come from, disrespecting peoples families is not cool. Perhaps you were raised differently, or live in a trashy area where people have no morals or respect for self & others & families.
This thread is about dating, not established relationships. Congrats on taking the thread off topic though...
All relationships start off as dating, so yeah. | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 7/6/2012 11:46:41 AM | Queenbee... you have a huge chip on your shoulder. Your kids might be precious to you, but to me they're not. That's not an insult, it's a fact.
If my children were to insult someone in YOUR family, say a parent or sibling or any other beloved family member of yours, & deemed it acceptable because it is not THEIR family member, you are perfectly fine with that? I would understand that they don't know me or my family and slough it off as it deserves to be...
Perhaps you were raised differently, or live in a trashy area where people have no morals or respect for self & others & families. While I've not insulted anyone, you've just gone off on a little tangent and have chosen to insult me.
I'll be the bigger person and not take offense to your comments...
Have a fabulous day... I know I will. | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 7/6/2012 9:04:08 PM | ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
But youve just probven my point, that most women ARE vindictive and DO "rape men in court" for all they can, thats why the divorce rate/court system, and child custody situations in this country are so ****ed up
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wrong.. 1 instance of that happening doesn't mean most women do that. Furthermore.. my sons father claims he was "raped by the cs court" but he barely pays anything and I didn't have any part of the decision or the amount they determined and he didn't challenge it.. So it's all perspective. and no.. cs decisions have nothing t o do with divorce courts. Divorce happens before cs.. and what's messed up is that lots of people give up too quickly on the relationship. Instead of trying to work through it they just leave.
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if he's not, arresting him makes no sense, whats that going to do? he cant work and pay you money if he's in jail right?
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Who said arresting him?? You did. I didn't. I actually don't think that's a good idea. I have a whole different idea on how to "fix" the deadbeat issue.. although you can't really make it go entirely away.
Love the "make better decision" argument.. that could be said to both sides for the same reason.. and both sides can say how the "true colors" surfaced after the fact or how they grew apart or some other reason.. and yea some of them did decide to just walk away.. pattern or no pattern..It still doesn't' make it right or acceptable. | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 7/8/2012 8:56:05 AM | I read the first post right.
I am a single mom, who does support her kids without any help from others. No man should ever feel like he will be out any expense just because he is dating me...
Sadly enough, there are enough women out there that do expect that that most men are afraid to date single moms.
I know perfectly well what single moms deal with, and yes they should be able to support their kids, or use some type of birth control, get an education or something...
Any man that I am dating should NOT feel obligated to get my kids anything for Christmas or birthdays. My kids have been taught that birthdays and Christmas are more than presents. Presents will only get you so far... They would much rather a moment of someones time than something money can give them. Still there is no obligation, a gift is just that... a gift... not a requirement. | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 7/8/2012 12:55:58 PM | | **** no...(u do that at the beginning, it could cause her to have "odd feelings about you"....because she hasnt demonstrated any value...and u r trying to spend money on her) she might even turn you into a "breadstick" and u may never have any sexual relations with her...Or that could put u in the "friendship zone",,,and u dont wanna be there.... | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 7/9/2012 5:31:50 AM | | I am a single mom fully capable of supporting myself and my children. I have had to cut off "luxury" items like eating out and cable to feel more financially secure, but those were easy choices. One guy I dated would say things like "good thing you have a rich boyfriend who will buy you cable" and it would really piss me off. I don't want or need someone to pay my bills for me. If you want to do something nice, take me to dinner or on a weekend trip. Or don't and we'll cook dinner and rent a redbox... makes little difference to me. I want you time and attention, not your money. | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 7/11/2012 5:40:45 AM | I am a single mother and I totally disagree with the opening post. No wonder men don't want to date single mothers if that's what society is expecting of them. Until a commitment is made and the couple decide to form a family unit then the man should not HAVE to take on any financial responsibility for the children. Should he choose to do so, you'll probably find it will be a bit of a struggle for the woman to accept, but that would be his choice.
My kids, my responsibility. | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 7/11/2012 7:08:50 AM |
If you are more serious (engaged/married/etc.), then I think the household financial responsibilities should be combined. Additionally, if you are at that stage, then you should be looking at the fact that you will be becoming a role model for the child, and a parental figure as well (even if you aren't the biological parent) because you will be taking on the male role in the home. So yes, everything should just be equal at that stage.
Agreed 100%!
If you feel like you want to help the woman by paying for a sitter when you go out, or maybe treating her kids to a good time (once you are more serious) then by all means. But until you are very serious, I wouldnt make it a habit... | |
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