| | If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?Page 3 of 11 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11) | In response to the first post..............YOUR CRAZY! no disrespect though....
I am a single father of two, i pay child support, do my daddy thig not because i'm expected too but because i'm blessed in having the oportuinity to.
If my ex decieds to date, which is her decision, i know she wouldn't expect a single cent from her new boyfried because our children are our, hers and mine(nobodys elses) responability.
I would think that a woman would mutually agree on two people sharing eachothers time is as important not so one sided, and if the "true" feelings are there between the two, i'm sure it will all work out, but i disagree if the woman expects financial contributions to help support her and ANOTHER MANS kids......
They have a very defined discription of such a woman, the term has been around for a long time, a woman that expects $$ to be with her..........i'm just say'n... | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 8/16/2011 9:22:10 PM | | That is the most insane thing I have EVER heard in my life. The PARENTS are the only ones that ought to be responsible for thier children. To expect a guy I'm dating to help me out financially is ridiculous. I have my own job complete with benefits and I do not expect anyone but my sons father and my own family members to provide financial support to me. When I find that someone special, I would not want him to feel he has that sort of obligation in any way shape or form. If he wants to do things out of the kindness of his heart thats fine. There are so many negative stereotypes about single moms here, we do not need to add this to the mix. | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 8/18/2011 2:50:23 PM | I totally agree that lots of dedicated mothers are too busy to enjoy there children or life for that matter
I think if a guy is involved then he should step up
I've heard lots of guys talk about other people's kids and no one ever wonders
What the children would want, a good mother would find a guy that should fit into there life
Not the child and mother fitting in when it works for him
Not enough men are responsible or able to take it on but congrats to the ones that do
I was raised by everyone but my own family and its important that a child has love | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 8/18/2011 3:02:07 PM | | I don't think so. If a woman does the deed and gets pregnant or comes out of a marriage with kids, she should then prepare herself to take care of her own life, children included. If you marry the woman, then you have a family with her and it is your responsibilty to help provide for the household, BUT the woman should work and contribute also. | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 8/20/2011 1:00:47 PM | To be honest, if I was in the dating stages with a man, I would feel both offended and embarrased should he offer me money to buy essentials for my child.
Having said that, it would be appreciated if he were offering to share the cost of a babysitter, as these can be quite expensive... But just until that point, no further.
If he were to get involved with me, where there is a serious commitment, and he is happy to act as the stepfather of my child, things could perhaps be different. But never before that. | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 8/20/2011 3:48:20 PM |
Having said that, it would be appreciated if he were offering to share the cost of a babysitter, as these can be quite expensive... But just until that point, no further.
If he were to get involved with me, where there is a serious commitment, and he is happy to act as the stepfather of my child, things could perhaps be different. But never before that.
Is he already paying for the date...paying for the dinners...paying for the ????...and it is expensive to pay for a babysitter?
I well understand the costs of sitters...as I was paying for them...and paying for the dates....and paying for my children….never had any lady ever offer to pay my sitters costs…and rarely would they offer to pay or cover ½ the costs of dating…yet we both had sitters at home watching the children…we both had homes and bills to pay….
Now if he at your age was to assume the role of step parenting...he is probably also paying cs from a previous relationship...
So where is your contribution to the relationship? It is after all a two way street?
I would have never accepted any woman paying my sitter or paying for anything for my children. And unlike your situation…had there ever been someone who would have gotten into a serious relationship….very easy to understand boundaries…I pay my way in life…I pay for my children…and I am very capable and do not require someone to be financially contributing to my children, that is after all my responsibility. | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 8/20/2011 4:45:24 PM | One way to alleviate paying for sitters, if you do not have family close-by, is to network with other parents. Be available to babysit their kids if needed. Kind of a "i have your back if you have mine" type of deal. Doesnt even have to be other single mothers, you can also help single fathers and married couples with sitting as well, and instead of charging there is just the expectation that they too, will be available for you, when you need a sitter. I have operated this way for the past decade and it has been quite succesful. It also fosters a sense of community and cameraderie amongst other parents. and the kids having a village of loving adults to raise them.
For example, say the single Dad from your kids school needs a sitter because his kid is running a fever, and he cant miss a day of work, or a married couple you know needs a sitter do they can go out to dinner as a couple and want some adult only time, or something, you watch their kids, and instead of charging them $ just say ok and by the way i may have a date or event to attend next week can i drop my kids off here when the time arises? | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 8/20/2011 5:46:22 PM |
There are so many negative stereotypes about single moms here, we do not need to add this to the mix.
I agree... but compared to the negative stereotypes about single dads, you girls got it fairly easy.
Imagine a single dad having his gf offer to buy something for the guys kids... that guy would be assumed a deadbeat loser for letting her do it. Thats not half as bad as when its the mom's bf buying the kids something.
As I said in my first post, there's no obligation in any way and it should never be used as leverage in the relationship later down the road. | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 8/20/2011 5:54:26 PM | Wow, although I consider myself old fashioned I wouldn't let a man take care of my kids and I if were just dating. I've done this on my own for a long time and I'd hate to take money from someone I don't know all that well.
I guess if you're dating with future plans to engage and get married there's a difference but if you haven't made that decision then you really shouldn't feel obligated. | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 8/20/2011 7:42:43 PM | | Its funny you should say that, Tim. My exes current gf does exactly that. She buys him clothes and has paid for Bday and Christmas presents. I'm not going to stop her but, I don't feel as though she's obligated. He has a spotty work history and owes me a lot of money in child support. THATS the part that really gets me is that she thinks he's good relationship material. For me that would be a dealbreaker in and of itself. | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 8/20/2011 8:16:13 PM | | sorry but i totally disagree with you. if you want to help her with the kids like watch them so she could go to work or something that's one thing. however, there is no reason for a guy to be financially responsible for her children when they are exclusive. the only way i see that changing is if they are living together and plan to get married. he has no obligation to pay for anything for those kids unless he chooses too. they are not his children. | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 8/21/2011 1:15:30 PM |
Is he already paying for the date...paying for the dinners...
When did I say he was? In actual fact, during my dating life, by the time we switch to "romantic home dinners", it was me pulling the weight, workload and cost of the date! I think that, being generous, I have been "invited/paid for" in a date about three times! | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 8/21/2011 5:55:36 PM |
When did I say he was? In actual fact, during my dating life, by the time we switch to "romantic home dinners", it was me pulling the weight, workload and cost of the date! I think that, being generous, I have been "invited/paid for" in a date about three times!
Damn it...Pitt...then I owe you an appology.....or is it the salut?
I keep hear about these woman who actually pick up a tab.....in fact the accountant or auditor for our company I think she picks up most if not all of the costs for their dating?
I just have a problem I guess with my peter meter!!  | |
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okc08
| | Joined: 7/25/2011
Msg: 69 | |
| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 8/29/2011 2:45:00 PM | | As a single mom who does date....Hell no this is not your responsibility. The father of the kids should be the financial backbone for his own children. Dating a woman with children is a package deal, but not for your wallet. Shame on any woman who feels different. If you take her and her children to dinner, yeah, pay for all them. But if you do not live with her, then her bills are her problem. | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 8/29/2011 7:29:38 PM | i would be quite offended by a man who felt the need to try to force his money upon me... sure i might not have everything in the world, but what i do have is mine. Though i am not the most wealthy, I am very stubbornly indenpendant financially. Unless you are living together why on earth would you feel "morally obligated" to pay her bills etc.
now, that being said... if you planned a family outing knowing she didn't get paid till the following week and said thats ok i'll pay for you and the kids to go, thats one thing... if you were having dinner at her house more than frequently and said "here hunny here's $50 so you can pick up some extra groceries", in a case like that i might reluctantly accept it, but when its getting more to the point of "here's a few hundred so you can go pay your bills and keep your own money to yourself"... that is where most women would, and should draw the line. I would be offended by any man who offered such a thing unless he were living with me and sharing finances. | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 8/29/2011 11:10:50 PM | Best answer I can give from my experience is if you are dating a single mother for a very long time, then yes, money will come into play and yes you will probably be contributing financially in some way in that child's life. Esp if you live with the single mom.
I don't know if you are "required" to help out financially, I just think you have to be realistic how money works in a relationship with kids involved, esp not your own.
Try not buying those kids presents on Xmas, if you've seen the mom for a while. Even if its just a year and you are both committed. Try not buying those kids presents and see what happens.
When you go out to eat, often the kids come along, try, go and try and split that bill and see what happens.
There is this magical line, where it's no longer about her independence and her not needing your money and it's her kids and her babies have daddies to You are just a cheap **stard who won't put out and show your commitment to those kids.
If you date a single mother with kids, and you don't have kids, you will have to accept the implied added expense of dating her. It will be more expensive than if she was childless. I'm sure someone will show up and argue trying to cite the one arcane exception to the rule, as if the rule is suddenly invalid for one circumstance out of a thousand. If you stay for a long time, you will evetually be paying for things for those kids and you will incur financial responsibilities in her eyes, whether you are married or not.
Like I said, if Xmas comes and you are dating her and you don't buy presents for those kids, see what happens. Put away all the politically correct comments and what sounds good from people and just think about what will really happen. She might not say anything to your face, but it will be held against you. Forever.
Again, there is this magical invisible line, that she will never tell you about,and you will suffer if you can't predict out of nowhere, a shot in the dark, when you are expected to cough up the cash versus not. | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 8/29/2011 11:55:20 PM | | ^^^Yeah, darn right i would be pissed if my (childfree) boyfriend did not get my kids Christmas presents. Especially after dropping a lot of cash on his nieces that he loves deeply, Christmas & Birthday gifts, taking them out to eat on a frequent basis, taking them on daytime outings to give their Mom a break so she can relax, and helping get them new school clothes backpacks & supplies since their parents are struggling a bit due to their Dad taking a big hit to his hours and paycheck from the crappy economy and state cutbacks. I certainly expect that my own kids would recieve a card and a gift since i always will be there if needed for his family. | |
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| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 8/30/2011 4:02:30 AM | | hiya am a single mum myself and i think that if i guy chooses to date a woman with a child u dont just take on her u take on everything that comes with being children or not as for money wise only if they r living together then yes i know that in my house when i was living with my ex partner then we split everything down the middle even tho my sons dad supports us each week by paying maternice whats mine is urs and what urs is mine . if u didnt live the guy then thats a diffrent story i would say no as ur only dating yeah of course buy gifts for the child and that but its not ur child u dont live with them u never know what will happen it could be over the next week if u r then she is taking u for a ride sorry to say | |
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