| | If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?Page 5 of 11 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11) | | In light of the fact you can identify with the struggles your own mother went through, you never offered once? | |
|
| |
| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 9/11/2011 5:46:45 PM | | Forgot to date... It's not the man's responsibility to pay for your babysitting. If the man is already paying for the dinner, the drinks, the entertainment, the gas to come pick you up, the least you could do is find a friend that can baby sit for you so you can go out and PAY THEM YOURSELF. If you cannot afford that, you should not date. There has been many of times I had to decline a date because I could not afford to pay my babysitter. But there are quite a few woman like myself who have the father in the picture, so I usually schedule the nights I go out when he has my son. I understand that if the father doesn't take the child for overnight visits it's more difficult, but everyone has a social network unless you are a complete hermit. Have your dates scheduled in advance so you have time to plan accordingly. Find a friend who wouldn't mind doing a favor for you. There are plenty of girls at your local high school that wouldn't mind making $20 to watch your child for 4 hours. You have plenty of options, most also don't include breaking your bank or hitting the man up for babysitting money. | |
|
| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 9/11/2011 5:53:15 PM | No I never offered because its not my responsibility to pay for her babysitting, there are plenty of nights Ive taken her out on the town and I paid.. FlyyinSolo made some excellent points so no need to re iterate.
Second my mother didn't date, well at least she didn't let us know, The limited experience that Ive had dating single mom, they were financially sound and certainly didn't need my assistance and if they did they didn't share it with me. | |
|
| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 9/11/2011 6:15:29 PM |
This is what I'm reading as well... if a man wants me to go dutch on a date, then it's not really a date in my opinion. It's friends getting together to go out... so don't be surprised if I invite others on this night out as well...
Actually if I ask the lady out I expect to pay…..and if she asks out…or wants to go somewhere there is nothing wrong with her paying?....but then I prefer educated self reliant woman as opposed to ones who lay arounbd looking for someone else to pay their bills or pay for the pleasure of their company either the ones who do it professionally or the amateur who does not realize they similarities they share?
I remember years ago when I was working my way through university....waiting tables at a dining room in Winnipeg where the guys with money would be in with their "dates" showing them good time and trying to impress them....what was at times funny? sad? was the previous week or even a few days earlier that same woman was in with a different lawyer...as they checked out options....I even dated a few as they played with the idea of boy toys….it was great safe sex…they would never think of accidently falling pg with the boy toy!!
At the time I did not see a problem...and even today...what the heck...check out viable options to see where the bread is better buttered...or which guy is better suited for the long term….or is that which guy has the best portfolio?
After all you get what you pay for? Or you get what you invest?
At the same time I know of a few guys where the woman pays everything....but they are effectively bought and paid for...as they best know their place?...My problem was never being able to keep my place or my opinion to myself….still remember “Boots Parker” telling me at dinner I was allowed one drink…as she introduced me to some of her friends!!!
So you see going out with a guy as only a romantic in a situation he pays....so effectively you are selling yourself...and not investing in yourself and a potential relationship....partnerships suggests a two way street... the lady of the night or the one at the corner of ??? the cash goes only one way?....just like what Lint is suggesting as what she views as a date???
I far prefer the suggestion of friends going out and if the potential relationship develops into a partnership of mutual interests....I long have known the ones where I simply paid and either sooner or later....reimbursement…. | |
|
| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 9/11/2011 6:53:44 PM |
So you see going out with a guy as only a romantic in a situation he pays....so effectively you are selling yourself...and not investing in yourself and a potential relationship....partnerships suggests a two way street... the lady of the night or the one at the corner of ??? the cash goes only one way?....just like what Lint is suggesting as what she views as a date??? Nice stretch.
I have no qualms with accompanying a gentleman as his guest to dinner or a movie, etc... to accept cash in exchange for my company turns the entire situation into a business arrangement.
Nice try though...  | |
|
| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 9/11/2011 7:38:20 PM | | I am a fulltime single mom since my sons dad is not in the picture at all. I do not believe that whoever I am dating is responsible for financially providing for my child. That is my responsibility. Of course say if we all go out to dinner and he wants to get the bill then that is ok. But when it comes to providing for diapers, food, clothes..things of that sort, that is not his responsibility. If i didnt have a child I would never expect a man to pay my bills. | |
|
| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 9/11/2011 8:16:59 PM | is this like it makes you to drink or drinking hot chili peper s.
any way if you got money and you really like her and etc. I do not know why not . but if it's for companionship , ??? that is only questionable relationship.
why in this world you bring some one to your life , well in your house and consider it unfriendly relationship? if you do not trust someone then don't bring her to your home.
i can not even undrestand this darn question, i must say. | |
|
| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 9/11/2011 8:56:26 PM | | brava , you must be very smart to make enough money , any way if a guy offer you financial help and you live with him , take my advice , accept it. I would help the one i am married to or have real relationship and live in the same house with her does not matter what. what in this world people live with each other in the same house but their relationship is so questionable that money as help or etc is problem. | |
|
| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 9/11/2011 10:24:10 PM | Naadirah
Personal Choice, not an Obligation.
Another option, instead of helping with her expenses, paying her bills... maybe some thoughtful gifts or gestures that maybe she couldn't otherwise offord.
The OP's question reminds me of a STUPID statement my ex said to me when I hadn't even been dating the guy I'm with that long. ex,"Doesn't he help you pay the bills? NO! ex, Why not? " me, Because I wouldn't ask him to." ex, "Really, you mean you sleep with him for free?" 
My SO only hands me over money if him and his kids have stayed at my house and he feels he should help pay for groceries or things like that. I pay my own bills and don't expect him to. He does pay for meals at restaurants and pays for my kids if they are along too. My mom babysits for us and my SO gives her money sometimes to help her out. None of this was when we first were dating though. We have been together over 2 years and have discussed if he minds paying for things. He makes considerably more than me and told me he wants to help me out.
He recently treated me and my kids and his to a stay at an expensive motel with a water park. We could of never afforded it on our own and it was a nice vacation with all of us together. | |
|
| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 9/13/2011 10:49:49 AM | Its the mothers and fathers job to support the kids not the man the mother is dating (unless they live together)
If a man asks a woman out I believe he should pay but I also believe that if the woman asks him out its only fair if shes will to help out too (prevents the type of woman who's hungry or needs shoes and pulls out the black book)
I also think that if the man asks the woman out and she cannot afford a sitter then it is reasonable that he offer to help after all it was him who wanted to go out | |
|
tezza3
| | Joined: 10/2/2010
Msg: 112 | |
| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 9/16/2011 6:13:53 AM | No way!! Why should the man have to support her and her kids - don't be so dumb! If you want to be a doormat thats up to you but we're not all as stupid as you! Let the mother and father pay - they bought the kid into the world F**k no i'm not paying for no ones elses baggage  | |
|
| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 9/16/2011 8:00:59 AM |
If you are just "dating", then it is the biological parent's responsibility to care for the child financially. You do not "owe" the child anything, and really, you shouldn't be getting involved in caring for the child until you are more serious anyways to avoid confusion for the child with a rotating door of men coming in and out of his/her life. If you still are keen on "providing", I would suggest you do it in a more subtle way - you can be a gentleman and pay for the dates, etc.
If you are more serious (engaged/married/etc.), then I think the household financial responsibilities should be combined. Additionally, if you are at that stage, then you should be looking at the fact that you will be becoming a role model for the child, and a parental figure as well (even if you aren't the biological parent) because you will be taking on the male role in the home. So yes, everything should just be equal at that stage.
What She said.
For me personally I make an above average salary and live within my means. If you feel you want to pay for a date then do it because you want to and not because I am a single Mom. As a warning though...I may shout "look at that car!" and then pay the bill when your head is turned ;) | |
|
| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 9/16/2011 8:27:47 AM | Which teeza3 is why i said in other forums your single, It confuses me if your so anti single parent why you post in these forums??
If you date someone with kids and move in with them, marry them etc the family is who you are responsible for not just the person your in a relationship with | |
|
| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 9/16/2011 3:16:33 PM |
Nice stretch.
I have no qualms with accompanying a gentleman as his guest to dinner or a movie, etc... to accept cash in exchange for my company turns the entire situation into a business arrangement.
Nice try though
No stretch....a financial benefit is being received or being paid for even if it is not directly received in your pocket....so an honest individual would acknowledge they have received a financial benefit ....in that they have not had to pay out anything for what they have accepted.....Financial gain...
Now the proffesional would also require direct compensation along with the indirect compensation...At least most in the business world understand the baseball tickets or the hockey tickets given to the buyer is a form of compensation for the business he or she will receive or have received...the same thing with most woman who just feel they are entitled to to be taken out...no difference in they are just being bought in the same manner as the street lady....which is why business with integrity either do not allow it to occur or everything must be transparent and equal....where Lint is just talking dates as when the guy pays....
I would suggest at least in some business transactions they opposite party has some honesty in the expected returns?
But perhaps Lint is like Clinton....the guy who never smoked dope...as he never inhaled....or the guy who never had sex.....he just was given oral compensation....no direct compensation as that would mean ??? how did she put it??? turns the entire situation into a business situation like actual sex...as opposed to just receiving benefits...without actually equally being a part of the transaction.
Bought and paid for....be it direct cash in your pocket or just paying for goods and services you did not pay for yourself....no difference just different levels of being paid for.....just like you would I hope have issue with your politician receiving gifts for being the mayor...commisionar...the senator....bought and paid for....at least the hooker is honest in her being paid for? | |
|
| |
| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 9/16/2011 7:28:28 PM | John:
If a guy is only "dating" a girl with children then no, he is not finincially responsible for her kids (that is the job of the Mother and the Birth Dad). Just like he is not responsible for discipline or parenting her children. If they are living together, that is another story. | |
|
| |
| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 9/27/2011 1:27:17 PM | | I am single parent of 1 child,and I don't ask or expect financial help.Be 4 real,the responsibility doesn't belong to the person dating a person with kids. If a man offers more than once ,they either agree to it or some one is using that person like a cash dispenser. A good parent can supply the needs of thier family. If a man or woman is generous and likes doing it,it is thier priority and relationship.Some couple are stingy and rather stay home than leave the house . Ladies and gentlemen should be considerate and not users and abusers. | |
|
| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 9/27/2011 5:37:45 PM | | Why would you think you are responsible for paying her bills? The father of the child should be helping her financially. If you want to do something nice for her, that's very nice but you do not OWE it to her. When I went out on dates years ago, most of the time my dates offered to pay for my sitter, which was very nice & generous for them to do that. But they never gave me money to pay my expenses, & I would never expect them to. If you are living w/this girl or married to her, that's a different situation, but you are only dating her. Stop paying her bills & see how long she sticks around... | |
|
| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 9/27/2011 6:17:13 PM | forgot to date wrote:
have great credit, I have no debt, I try to take 1 or 2 classes a semester to make a better life for myself and my children and work fulltime. For most women, it is easier to not seek child support because it is a dead end road.
Well I GUESS you have great credit and no debt; pretty easy when you expect that men will foot the entire cost of a date with someone as precious as you, including a babysitter to boot. How is it their problem or concern that you're a single Mom? They are not in any way responsible for you being put into the position of being a single Mom. It's clear that you would expect the lucky man who gets a date with you to pay for the gas and whatever event you both participate in; you expect him to shell out for a babysitter, too? What else do you feel you're entitled to; reimbursement for the electricity that you used to get ready for him? or maybe reimbursement for the amount of time you gave up to spend with him that would be equivalent to the hourly wage you receive at work?......reimbursement for a portion of grooming and beauty products you used for your date? (hairspray, shampoo, shaving cream, make-up, toothpaste, dental floss, laundry soap that you would have used to wash the clothes you wore on the date? etc)
And your comment about seeking child support being a dead end roads leads me to believe that in actuality, you figure that because your children's father hasn't paid child support that any man you date in the future should pay (financially) for the sins of your ex?
We are precious gems, sacraficing our lives for our children, and wanting to find someone to share this great life with, and you people are himming and hawing over $50.
I think the key word here is "SHARE." Sharing usually implies equality but it seems evident from your posts here that you feel that single Moms are so precious and special that they somehow deserve special treatment and a nice free ride all for the great privilege of dating her.
And it's amazingly ironic that you bring up people "himming and hawing over $50" when you are crying about having to afford a babysitter. Is it only himming and hawwing when it's someone else's $50? | |
|
| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 9/27/2011 6:23:45 PM | | Are you serious? No good mom would ask for help. By choosing to be a single parent, she knew what she was in for. Until a serious commitment is made, money should never be involved. And yes, I am a single parent. I take care of my daughters myself and wouldn't respect myself if I didn't. | |
|
| |
| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 9/27/2011 10:37:21 PM | This is not something to be taken advantaage of in a man. If he insists, and would be insulted if you dont then let it go and give him a very warm THANK YOU.... a small gesture is acceptable.
NOW.. to take advantage of that giving nature well then it turns into nothing but EXPECTATION and greedyness and its completly unfair. A man does it becasue he is being sweet and offers, not becasue the woman is standing there fullly expecting him to pay.
He's under no obligation to unless HE FEELS AND OFFERS TO DO SMALL FAVORS, OUT OF HIS OWN FREE WILL, a man like that is a rare gem.
Most women like me say no thanks I got it becasuse its my job, and obligation I will never take advantage of a mans good nature, thats just cruel. | |
|
| If a guy is dating a girl who has kids, should he help her out financially?
Posted: 9/30/2011 1:04:34 PM | I work hard to make sure my son and I have what we need...I get c/s fom his father to assist with the costs of raising a child....My disposable income is probably less that some of the guys who ask me on dates....However I sort my childcare and I will usually get myself to and from the date as I rarely drink.
Most guys seam to ask you out on a first date and pay and if thats what they wish to do fine, I will get a round in, always offer to pay half or in the very least leave a tip at a restaurant.....
However, If a guy has paid for the first date I would instigate and pay for or provide a second date.....It may be I cook dinner, it may be a picnic, a drive and a coffee in a cliff top cafe or ill rent a film and get a bottle or two of wine...but to me a relationship of any kind is a 50/50 thing, give and take, I may not be able to put as much money into it but I sure as hell can make sure Im not lacking in effort, thought or kindness when planning 'my' dates,
If you get serious, discuss moving in etc then I guess the rules change, But as a single mother I DONT EXPECT, WANT OR NEED a man to pay for my child who he has never met (nor will he for a long while) Thats my job! | |
|
Home
login 
