| | what would youu do?Page 2 of 2 (1, 2) | It wasn't cancer, but something similar life threatening occurred in my life. I wasn't supposed to see 18, let alone 44 that I am now - and in fine health.
I purposely didn't have kids (or in my case, try to get married to someone quickly so they could have my child/children), even though I would have loved to have kids of my own. I didn't know if I would be able to help take care of it, take care of *my* responsibilities: emotionally, physically and financially. Moreover, I didn't want to needlessly cause a situation that would be inevitably be a single parent for the mother, or even worse -- having tax payers pay for the welfare of my child.
I'd make the same decision if I have to do it all over again. | |
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| what would youu do?
Posted: 8/4/2011 2:50:18 AM | | I don't know if I could. I do have the dream to be married someday and have children, but I don't think it would be fair to father children if I had a short time left to live, because I would not be there for them, and I feel like I would be abandoning them knowing my end was near. | |
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| what would youu do?
Posted: 8/4/2011 3:30:57 AM | Anna, is your post about you or are you asking to help someone else?
If it were me given the timeline, I'd find ways to spend some time with children in my life or to spend time helping out and being around young ones while I could. I'd also be open to finding a relationship with the full extent of my health issues on the table for a partner to understand up front before choosing to opt in. | |
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| what would youu do?
Posted: 8/4/2011 4:08:28 AM | I think I would make my circumstances very clear to my partner and make a decision together. There are a lot of issues there to be discussed:
Is the other person willing to raise said family as a single parent
Will there be enough financial resources left behind to do right by the children
Who, if anyone, will eventually step into the role of stepparent
Will the person left behind raise the children in a way you would be proud of,. which calls into play issues of moral and social development, education, religious belief systems, etc.
Certainly some major concerns there. | |
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| | Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 29 | |
| what would youu do?
Posted: 8/4/2011 6:52:11 AM |
if you had 2 years to live cause youu had cancer and your dream was to get married and have a family, would you forfill your dreams, knowing that you wouldnt be around to watch your child grow up and leave your husband/wife as a single parent? Advice pleasee.
Your dream is dumb given the circumstances. Also it is selfish, quite selfish. Your concern is to realize your dream, when it should be about your kid(s) and them not having a mother as they grow up. Not to mention how unfair this might be to your spouse.
Also your timeline is extremely tight. You will have to get married and pregnant almost immediately to leave enough time to nurture your newborn.
Furthermore, your cancer might cause birth complications, or even damage to the fetus in its development stages. Not to mention you will likely be passing the deadly gene(s) to your child. Moreover, as you get closer to the 2 year mark your condition is likely to worsen.
And worst of all, your actions, your dream, is now driven by desperation, by the clock. | |
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| what would youu do?
Posted: 8/4/2011 7:02:28 AM |
if you had 2 years to live cause youu had cancer and your dream was to get married and have a family, would you forfill your dreams, knowing that you wouldnt be around to watch your child grow up and leave your husband/wife as a single parent? Advice pleasee.
The OPie is a 23 yo thread starter...this is not about the OPie ...it's a party question. | |
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| what would youu do?
Posted: 8/4/2011 7:13:38 AM | No I would not. Getting married and pushing a baby out is hardly a bucket list item if you are going to die within 2 years. I do not believe an intelligent person would want their offspring to purposely grow up without a Mother. It seems very selfish. Not to mention cancer treatments such as chemotherapy and radiation are hardly a healthy environment to place a fetus in.
Your partner can always have a child with the next woman in his life. | |
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| what would youu do?
Posted: 8/4/2011 7:48:07 AM | I had mesothelioma for almost 8 years, and I finally beat it, thank God, but..........almost 4 weeks to the day, I wound up with throat cancer. It went from the lungs to the throat in a matter of a month and I am stage 3 right now and taking a ton of chemo and radiation plus I had the micro laser surgery on my throat, and all I can do is wait it out being sick all the time.
I don't have two years if it isn't arrested but my faith is pretty high and I never give up. I do have a family, my daughters, grand daughters and great grand son.
I have fulfilled my dreams and aspirations, and made sure my little family is taken care of for the rest of their lives. I gave almost all of what I have away. I have no qualms about doing this as long as they are taken care of.
I don't have a girl friend because of this I guess and I am in a wheelchair.
If a person I would think has cancer and is dying, please give all you can to this person, for they will appreciate the love, attention and the need and want at the same time.
It is very very selfless to do this to your loved one especially when so sick.
Be there for her/him and let them know how much you care. So when that person passes into the next, you are content that you have done all you could do and your conscience is clear and abiding.
If you are in that relationship, do what your heart tells you to do. If you leave it because you can't handle it, it will be in your memory and your heart for many many years. but too, you have to follow your heart and what you can handle....good luck and God bless.  | |
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| what would youu do?
Posted: 8/4/2011 7:58:11 AM | | Sorry to hear that Hawk. Be strong and get well. | |
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| what would youu do?
Posted: 8/4/2011 8:08:02 AM | | Isn't this a movie plot? I keep seeing people asking about movie plots. Just go rent the movie. | |
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| what would youu do?
Posted: 8/4/2011 11:26:44 AM | If you have cancer, I send my prayers to you. My dad battled 3 different cancers for the last 11 years of his life. He passed away last year. For the last 6 months of his life, he pretty much lived in the hospital and got weaker and weaker every day. My mom also lived in the hospital for the last month. It takes a strong heart and mind to be there every day and night.
To marry someone knowing you are going to put them through the same thing, well if they are completely aware of what will happen, get married.
To have a child knowing you will leave them without a mother and pretty much without a father for probably months on end while he sits by your side, there's is just nothing unselfish about that. | |
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