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 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 26
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single women who date married menPage 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

If a wife paid more attention to her husband and marriage and was less selfish he wouldn't stray.


I don't believe that is a fair statement to make, and it is to superficial to believe.

There are players, opportunists, hos of both sexes. They think they won't get caught and the sexual tryst is foremost on their minds. Self satisfaction doesn't take much thinking at all..as well demonstrated. They don't think of the harm they are causing for a half hour/hour of sex. Real mental giants here. In some cases, the discovery of this, is just the tip of the iceberg..they have screwed more people then their sexual tryst partner. And once caught..it all comes out in the wash. I've seen it happen way to many times.

That statement slams those people who have tried to make their marriage work, and have done what they could..but a strong relationship, and marriage, is a two way street. Both parties have to be actively involved in making the relationship work.

About 21 some odd years ago, we lost three officers over a sexual tryst. Double murder and then suicide. Two of them were married (to each other). They were all in uniform, and in the employee parking lot after watch. Shame..that hurt a lot of people. There were children involved at home. Absolute shame the pain and embarrassment that caused to a lot of people.

Just not worth it in the long run.

It's almost like an auto accident. EVERYONE knows someone seriously hurt or killed in an auto accident, yet we still get involved in them. Same goes for extra marital affairs..they still go on. We humans are screwed up...
 Kitten189
Joined: 5/25/2011
Msg: 27
single women who date married men
Posted: 8/13/2011 8:55:21 AM

I have friends who engage in affairs with married men. They have indicated that their reasons are due to past painful relationships with single men and the fear of commitment because of the hurt they have suffered.

Oh,boo hoo Honey,we've ALL been hurt by 'past,painful relationships' at some time in our lives but that doesnt justify us turning around and deciding to sleep with married people. Have you stopped to consider the hurt and betrayal affairs cause to the cheater's other half - the innocent party who's being lied to?

If a wife paid more attention to her husband and marriage and was less selfish he wouldn't stray.

"Less selfish"? Again,you cant justify anyone cheating for whatever reason.
All it does is show they have no morals and no conscience and in fact,the CHEATER is the selfish one.
I see you're 22........................
 mysterywoman999
Joined: 3/13/2011
Msg: 28
single women who date married men
Posted: 8/13/2011 9:13:03 AM
I think they do it because they can't get a nice, normal man to stick with them. I know a couple of women who have done this, and in a warped way they have power in the relationship. The "other woman" has to settle for less time with the guy and probably not being able to go out publicly and with family members, but the cheating husband has to be very careful how he handles his mistress. I heard one work colleague say that her married boyfriend had to toe the line in terms of bringing her treats and presents, and being "respectful" of her because she would threaten to tell his wife. Weird power dynamic.
 Peanutbutter9
Joined: 7/26/2010
Msg: 29
single women who date married men
Posted: 8/13/2011 9:40:50 AM
My old boss (who was also my friend at the time), tried to have an affair with me. I was repulsed. He could NOT understand why I wouldn't do it if he was the one cheating, not me. I continually told him, "You may not respect your marriage, but I do." About 6 months of this later, he leaves his wife for a girl 11 years his junior whom he had sex with twice and then the fell in "love". How this girl is able to sleep at knight knowing that she hurt his wife is beyond me.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 30
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single women who date married men
Posted: 8/13/2011 9:49:40 AM
How this girl is able to sleep at knight (sp) knowing that she hurt his wife is beyond me.


It's a me thing..all about them..they got what they wanted, neither cared about the wife involved.

It's a train wreck, just don't get hurt by the debris.
 totalazzhole
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 31
single women who date married men
Posted: 8/13/2011 9:53:24 AM

About 21 some odd years ago, we lost three officers over a sexual tryst. Double murder and then suicide. Two of them were married (to each other). They were all in uniform, and in the employee parking lot after watch. Shame..that hurt a lot of people. There were children involved at home. Absolute shame the pain and embarrassment that caused to a lot of people.


dayum, that is messy..some years ago in London, ON the (female) sergeant running the Domestic Violence prevention unit was having an affair with a married male cop

he decided to end it and go back to his wife, they met to 'talk it over' in her police car - she pulled out her service pistol & shot him, then herself, in the head, both DOA

Irony...the person running the Domestic Violence prevention unit does that.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 32
single women who date married men
Posted: 8/13/2011 9:59:29 AM

Also, why do you assume its the wife's fault?


Probably because the cheating husband said so.
 Peanutbutter9
Joined: 7/26/2010
Msg: 33
single women who date married men
Posted: 8/13/2011 10:01:06 AM
Man why did I write "knight"? HA HA HA!
 FatBottomGirI
Joined: 6/28/2011
Msg: 34
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single women who date married men
Posted: 8/13/2011 11:36:58 AM
While I have yet to have an interest in marriage for myself, I do not mess with anyone else's marriage. Married people should be off limits, period. Men and women that knowingly chase married lovers are selfish, tacky, and pitiful excuses for human beings. I feel strongly enough about that type of deceitful and selfish behavior that I would not even be friends with someone who would engage in such behavior. I prefer friends with good moral character and respect for others.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 35
single women who date married men
Posted: 8/13/2011 1:48:15 PM
wore a wedding ring in college - worked at the local air port. Yep, it was a heady young time. What else was a pervy horny guy to do ? The business tourists were hot, available, and usually on the flight out by the end of the week. Perfect.
I wouldnt call it dating though. I doubt any of them would either.
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 36
single women who date married men
Posted: 8/13/2011 1:52:09 PM
Oh OP, you make me laugh! Hahahaha!! Your curious?

Do you really believe you were going to get knowledge here? NOPE!! Just judgement, would you honestly believe the only ones who could or would tell you are those that do it, and they wouldn't post here and submit themselves to that judging by others who don't!! Hahahaha!!!

Look my 2 cents worth no more than anybody elses is this.

Some are unhappy and have a low self esteem. They have difficulty maintaining an ordinary relationship cause it takes work. So they go the quick and easy route. No strings, no emotions just sex.

They never worry, he or she will always desire them, until it ends. They don't have to act a certain way, there are no pretenses, just carnal interaction.

Now some of the married will cheat, some because the fire has left their relationship, others for lack of attention, still others to feel wanted and of course we have the selfish.

Some are sleep walking through a dead end relationship, that doesn't seem to end or their scared to be alone, others don't even know they will cheat, it just happens one day without intention or forethought.

Now of those who are married and have some of those reasons, yes they may leave to be with the person they cheated with. It won't work, doen't mean their not silly enough to try. Mainly because any of these liaisons founded on deceipt and violation of trust, are built on the very quick sand of relationships!

Most of them frankly are self centered and selfish, I doubt they know why, or how it started or any facet of it.

The only knowledge you really need, is to avoid them like the plague.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 37
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single women who date married men
Posted: 8/13/2011 2:09:26 PM
It does take a lot of this:


I guess some of us have no morals, values or conscience.


but the reasons are many, depending on the mental state of the women willing to be a whore for a married man and yes one does have to jump into that whore/slut/cheap azz category to knowingly screw a married person. And not knowing, that makes you no better really, if you screw someone you don't know well enough to know if they are cheating or not means you are at the very least not at all interested in if they are. I know we all like to pretend it wasn't our fault but come on, you either know who you are bedding or you bed people you don't know. Step up and take the responsibility that comes with having casual sex with strangers.

I know a lot of women (since this seems to be about women who have sex with married men) who get their ego built up by thinking the wife must not be as good or hawt as she is, when in reality a lot of men will screw just about anyone willing and being a booty call is hardly cause to think you must be something great. A lot of women feel in competition with other women and a lot of men use this to get as much sex with as many different women as possible. There are women who are very needy and very insecure who think getting any attention is better than no attention at all. And there are a lot more women that some seem to just like sex, it's really not a gender thing, they think nothing about what's at home, they want what's at home too, but they want sexual gratification from many and they have no qualms about finding it. For every person who is cheating, there is a more than willing person cheating with them. And then there are those who think you can get you a man by taking one from another, then they get all huffy when that happens to them. Really? You didn't see it coming?
 beehearnow
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 38
single women who date married men
Posted: 8/13/2011 2:27:38 PM
ummmm...


"Just because a woman choses to be involved with married men it doesn't mean she is a ho, slut, or a golddigger like some ASSUME ON HERE! My friends are decent, respectible woman with jobs and who are self sufficient."

I join the others in callling bu!!sh!t on this statement. Grow up and learn some empathy and compassion...along with some critical thinking skills, misshoney

And, OP, there you have it. Women do this because they can, just like men do, and they also justify their behavior with all kinds of garbage. I've been approached by a vast number of men that I know are married and they all have the same sort of story "my wife doesn't care what I do" "my wife won't have sex with me" "my wife has a medical condition" "we do our own thing". I say "well, I wonder what your wife will say when I tell her about your request to me?"and then I tell them to get lost.
 femaleandflirty
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 39
single women who date married men
Posted: 8/13/2011 4:16:15 PM
Its true that there are a shortage of good single attractive men and if a woman is beautiful and intelligent she would be fussy. I think it is the non commitment thing and not being taken for granted perhaps. The gifts maybe.....and the illicit sexcitement. Of course many men say they are separated when it simply means they no longer share a bedroom. Many women dont want the daily drudgery of marriage and familiarity breeds contempt for some people. You can keep a romantic illusion alive with only occasional meets but the fact remains that there is a partner that can be potentially hurt and who wan ts that karma? Not to mention any children that may get caught up in it all. I have been there and I dont wish it on anyone else.
 mysterywoman999
Joined: 3/13/2011
Msg: 40
single women who date married men
Posted: 8/13/2011 4:22:18 PM

"Just because a woman choses to be involved with married men it doesn't mean she is a ho, slut, or a golddigger like some ASSUME ON HERE! My friends are decent, respectible woman with jobs and who are self sufficient."


I disagree with this. I think women who have affairs with married men are kinda slutty...definitely ho-like behaviour.
 LabradorOokpik
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 41
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single women who date married men
Posted: 8/13/2011 5:38:45 PM
I don't get why married people cheat and I don't get why people cheat with them, either. Some of us have been single and looking a long time for Mr. or Mrs. Right, and someone who has been lucky enough to find such a person cheats? What, is one person to sleep with not enough? How selfish!

I have a hard time understanding those who hook up with married people too. I get more attention from married men than single ones (if I remember correctly the first person to ever contact me on POF was married. It was someone local who runs a business where I once applied for a job. I didn't get it and apparently I wasn't good enough to hire but good enough to f**k). I always joke that my ego is way too big to get involved with a married man - I'm a main course, not a side dish!

I agree that self-esteem issues are probably a big contributor to someone's reasons for getting involved with someone married. I understand that in life we have to take a chance on falling in love (with someone single) and hopefully things work out the way we want it to, but by having an affair I just figure I am guaranteed to get hurt, so no married men for me.
 1in1000000000
Joined: 10/17/2010
Msg: 42
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single women who date married men
Posted: 8/13/2011 6:09:38 PM
You ask what is the mindset. I really don't believe it is the so-called challenge, because there is nothing challenging about bedding or maintaining a relationship with a married man. I've seen various women do it over the course of decades. Not all of these women are single, either. It's not a single woman thing.

I've personally been propositioned by many a married man. Like others, I too have cut off women who unabashedly entered and maintained such relations. I lost tremendous respect for a long-time friend who entered a sexual relationship with a married man from work who had four children. I cut off a married relative who practically gloated about her serial sexual escapades with married and single men alike. These things frequently start in the workplace with flirting and then going to lunch together (seen it happen too many times), and oftentimes start when a spouse goes out of town to take care of business.

I've read all the responses, to see if anyone might have already said it, in answer to what explains the mindset. What it boils down to is two things, which a couple of people briefly mentioned. #1 is female competition for men. The competition is fierce, and in a way, unnatural. There is a numbers imbalance. Nowhere near enough marriageable men to satisfy the surplus of eligible women. This competition often leads to low self-esteem and playing dirty to "win". #2 is entitlement. You mentioned "beautiful, intelligent women". These women feel entitled to be paired with the cream of the crop, not the dregs--i.e., non-marriageable, non-committal men--even if the cream of the crop is already taken. It is not about NOT wanting commitment, as some say. It's about wanting commitment, even if that commitment is split with someone else. While some of these flings are fly-by-night, others go on for years, even decades.

There are different reasons for becoming the “other woman”, depending on the woman. Some women want to feel a sense of conquering someone else's (the wife's) territory, or claiming someone else's (the wife's) status, happiness, whatever. Those are the most morally and spiritually corrupt/sick/vile women in the world. And they are NOT always single—many of them are married themselves (unhappily so). Many have been cheated by past or present husbands. So they have an ax to grind with whatever innocent bystander wife. They develop a negative attitude toward the wife. They hook up often (though not always) with the lowest quality of married men—men that only that particular woman/wife wanted to marry, men who usually have cheated profusely.

For others, it is something entirely different. I have researched this phenomenon, by interviewing, observing and listening very carefully to women who place themselves in such positions. This second stripe of “other woman” is a woman who will settle for nothing less than the highest quality of man--the Bluefin tuna, if you will--and in order to have him, she is willing to share him with his wife. She may even have to pursue him quite a bit before he is disloyal to his wife. Or he may just be very bored or unhappy in his marriage and want to engage in what he sees as a harmless fling. He may be an otherwise high-quality, good man. The thinking on the other woman's part is that the men out in “the field” or the other fish in the sea are not quality, not husband/long-term material. Otherwise, they would have found a good quality woman to marry, married her, perhaps started a family, take great care of the family (like this husband does his own), and be highly sought after. So the married man is idealized. These women have no interest in or patience for the challenges faced and managed by single women wading through the pool of single, oftentimes non-committal or otherwise less appealing men. This “other woman” has no ill feelings toward the wife, and may even advise the man at times to go home to his wife, or to show his wife some sort of appreciation, such as buying her some gift or taking her someplace nice. Sometimes, the wife herself even condones or overlooks the extra-marital relationship. In SOME cases.

The “other woman” and the married man often mutually agree that they share a personal relationship, no different from an informal (common law) marriage—they may even live together either permanently or temporarily. It's long-term. You might even call it informal polygyny. They may even have a child together. So it depends.

This is the reasoning I have gleaned from my empirical observations and conversations. I don't personally condone the building of surreptitious, extra-marital affairs.
 Malley
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 43
single women who date married men
Posted: 8/13/2011 6:20:45 PM

She said for her it is just for the sex and money


Why not make a career of it? As much sex as she wants,, no attachment and I understand the money is good. What she's doing is no different, in my mind.


knowing he has a wife, and she said it is not " her problem"


Nice. I wonder if she'd feel the same if the situation was reversed?

Do unto others ...

These must be the type to go on to be paranoid controlling S/O's, who eventually become involved with an unattached partner and HAVE to know their whereabouts 24/7. How can you trust when you yourself are untrustworthy?


Either way, I can't imagine anyone who has ever been cheated on being involved with someone who is in a committed relationship--surely they must consider and realize how much this will hurt the third party


Nope. I had a friend who knowingly got involved with a married man after having been cheated on by her husband. It didn't affect her actions. Maybe it's a convoluted method of avenging what was done to her?

I'm of the belief, in many cases, it has to do with lack of self esteem. Why else would someone settle for being second fiddle? To choose a life of week-ends and holidays alone while their lover spends his off days and times of celebration with his wife and children is not my idea of a relationship. It's not ALL about the sex, otherwise it wouldn't continue on for years. Finding someone single for a night of debauchery on demand isn't all that difficult! Eventually, it becomes a poor me, bad wife[\i] attention getting drama.

Contrary to popular belief, it's not every little girls dream to become a mistress when she grows up
!

I refuse to believe any excuse that includes 'you can't help who you fall in love with'.


Ditto. If I discovered someone I'd fallen for had neglected to mention he had a wife, all trust would vanish, as would I. To opt to remain demonstrates a complete lack of love and respect for oneself.

He said he preferred married cos they both had something to hide and no one would be telling on the other.


Ah, only true until one of the cheaters becomes single and decides to out the other in hopes of having them all to themselves or in retaliation for being dumped. Again, how can you trust someone who has proven they can't be?


i can't be mad at the woman alone. It took them both.


True. However, she permitted it and took what wasn't hers to have. How does this differ from shoplifting?

While the third party may not have taken vows they should respect the fact the other two have. To claim 'he' did the pursing does not absolve them of their role in the adulterous affair.

Perhaps, people wouldn't be so quick to become involved in these no win pain inducing situations if there were legal consequences. There'd be standing room only, now, if you had to do time for that.
Some countries take this offence very seriously.
There are still places where fornication or adultery is punishable by incarceration, the death penalty, even stoning the offenders to death.

I have friends who engage in affairs with married men. They have indicated that their reasons are due to past painful relationships with single men and the fear of commitment because of the hurt they have suffered.

Oh well, in that case, it's acceptable! It's high time they get out of the sandbox and accept responsibility for their actions. It's not very mature to shift the blame onto someone else.


Just because a woman choses to be involved with married men it doesn't mean she is a ho, slut, or a golddigger like some ASSUME ON HERE!


Hence the reason she also stated " Okay, that's MY perception of them."

If you like, I could come up with some choice terminology that would accurately describe what they're doing.


My friends are decent, respectible woman


You're kidding right? Respectable? WTF? To who? Themselves? The philanderer? His wife? Their children? Their marriage vows? Call me stunned but for the life of me, I just don't see this.

Be careful of the friends you keep, hon.


If a wife paid more attention to her husband and marriage and was less selfish he wouldn't stray.


OMG!!
Have you ever heard the word communication? If these men feel they're not a priority and their needs are not being met, they might consider talking to their spouse about it. No wait! He's too busy taking care of his poor neglected pen!s while his wife raises theirchildren, to ever possibly find the time to have a conversation to discuss how he feels.
Again, the blame is heaved on another. Don't you think HE is being a tad selfish? As are your two-bit friends. Seems to me they're not taking anyone besides themselves into consideration whatsoever. Damn their pasts for making them like this!

It's always boggled my mind how so many can betray their own gender for the sake of a roll in the hay.

Who knows why people do what they do?

All's fair in love and war? I think not.

Btw, OP, beauty and intelligent doesn't equate to being sensible or having a healthy self esteem.
 Irishmorningglory
Joined: 2/16/2011
Msg: 44
single women who date married men
Posted: 8/13/2011 6:31:06 PM
Wow, what is really disgusting here is just about all the people on this post sound so self righteous. Oh I would never cheat, dream on people their is different forms of cheating... Stop lying to yourself and come back to reality more then 50% of marriages fail... alot of people get married for terrible reasons. I'm not married, I have never messed around with a married man but I cant say I wouldn't... I dont know the future.
 LinuxD
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 45
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single women who date married men
Posted: 8/13/2011 6:34:11 PM
Holy Christ.. non-marriagble men? low quality? non committal men? WTH? So then the trollops go after non marriageable, (as in already married) non committal (already committed but aint being commited in their marriage) Low quality (scumbaggish) men rather than find a single guy.

Perfect female logic.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 46
single women who date married men
Posted: 8/13/2011 6:40:15 PM

Wow, what is really disgusting here is just about all the people on this post sound so self righteous. Oh I would never cheat, dream on people their is different forms of cheating... Stop lying to yourself and come back to reality more then 50% of marriages fail... alot of people get married for terrible reasons. I'm not married, I have never messed around with a married man but I cant say I wouldn't... I dont know the future
different forms of cheating? okay now lets come back to this planet for a second, you know the one that is third from the sun, the OP was talking about single women that DATES Married men, not fooling around, cheating, cyber cheating, sex texting married guys knowingly DATES married men.

And if you would consider dating a married guy in the future well it doesn't say much about you does it kid?
 LinuxD
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 47
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single women who date married men
Posted: 8/13/2011 6:46:00 PM

would never cheat, dream on people their is different forms of cheating... Stop lying to yourself and come back to reality more then 50% of marriages fail... alot of people get married for terrible reasons. I'm not married, I have never messed around with a married man but I cant say I wouldn't... I dont know the future.


You can determine your future by staying firmly rooted in the present.

And if you go around saying I have never messed around with a married man but I cant say I wouldn't it sounds an awful lot like you would. And yes you can refuse to be caught in such a situation.

To each their own I suppose..

Carry on in fantasy land.
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 48
single women who date married men
Posted: 8/13/2011 7:27:10 PM
I have never messed around with a married man but I cant say I wouldn't... I dont know the future
the above said by Irishmorninglory...
wow....i cant even believe I read that statement.

what if you where married Morninglory ...and someone cheated with your husband?

i never date married men. period. and i could say that i dont know know my future either, but i know Myself well enough to know that I wont ever date a married man.
 mysterywoman999
Joined: 3/13/2011
Msg: 49
single women who date married men
Posted: 8/13/2011 7:57:37 PM

I'm not married, I have never messed around with a married man but I cant say I wouldn't... I dont know the future.


You can't say you won't? Why not? That is one of those decisions you make in advance. You know, based on your code of morals/ethics. I can say that I would not knowingly date a married man in "the future" with the same degree of certainty that I know I will not commit armed robbery in "the future". It just is not something that I would consider doing.
 PrunellaJones
Joined: 1/22/2011
Msg: 50
single women who date married men
Posted: 8/13/2011 8:04:47 PM
Oh I would never cheat, dream on people their is different forms of cheating... Stop lying to yourself and come back to reality more then 50% of marriages fail... alot of people get married for terrible reasons. I'm not married, I have never messed around with a married man but I cant say I wouldn't... I dont know the future.


We don't know the future, but some things are a choice and some are not. People have ethics they live by and know they have boundaries they won't cross. To me, thinking 'some day I might have an affair with a married man,' is like saying, 'well, some day I might commit murder.' In other words, though it isn't something you plan it could happen. Thing is, it can only happen if you make the choice for it to happen, if you allow it to happen. Things like that don't happen to you, you have to cause them to happen, it's a choice. People who have boundaries know they won't cross those boundaries. I will never commit murder, I will never have an affair with a married man, not even one in an ltr. Those are my ethics, my boundaries.

To use the excuse that people get in bad marriages as a reason to have an affair is irrational. If someone is in a bad marriage, they get a divorce before they start a relationship with someone else. Simple. No affair is required or necessary.
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