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| How do you feel about interacial dating?
Posted: 11/11/2006 11:39:42 AM | djdothat, in response to this question: "Serenity, yes, the issue is very much still alive and it's not just with blacks and whites. Respectfully, given your age and how far this matter goes back; how far do you feel we've come with this issue?"
i have lived in san jose, CA for the past ten years and although there were the "same old" struggles between the traditional groups (also with many efforts to connect, particularly around the children), i did see a great deal of hope amongst the increasingly larger group of bi-racial (brown) children whose parents were open to each other. in that area, i broadened my ethnic awareness to many of the vietnamese issues (severe post trauma amongst the many boat people), the historic "train ride" pitting the people from india against the people from pakistan, the different tribal loyalties of arranged marriages (i thought i'd fix up a palestinian man with my pakistani neighbor because they were both moslem, but that was insufficient so the dad explained it all to me!), the economic struggles amongst the newly arrived mexican families who do not speak the language, etc. etc.
but the fact was, the children were "mixing" despite their parents histories and sometimes hostilities or fearfulness. i've seen it amongst the nyc jewish people and it's happening throughout all ethnic groups. another young moslem friend of mine just integrated her family and it so much reminded me of the jewish struggle with losing their "people". there is also a struggle here between being african american and african.
my traditionally african american woman friend whose grandchildren now are partially caucasian, partially asian and partially european (different siblings) told me how a child was lost in the mall and while everyone was panicking looking for an african american mom, to her amusement a white lady came running up and the child raced into her arms crying "mommy". my friend says the adjustment is slow when it comes to others, but she doesn't even see it in her own grandchildren any more. they call this a "paradigm shift".
where i live now there's a lot of white intellectual commitment to unity, but if that were the case, why is the area mostly white (it is changing, but slowly)? fortunately, i found the subgroups for my daughter who really does identify with being ethnically mixed, so that she is comfortable in a private school and loves living in nature. plus, we are not that far from her friends who love to visit the beach, etc. and they pretty much run the gamut of color and ethnicity.
as for things changing, i guess i 've been insulated. i see rampant racism and ignorance on plenty of fish. just initiated a thread on illegal immigration searching for "solutions" and legal information and instead i was "shocked" reading some of the posts, although it appears to be taking a turn while the egos tire out. the racist generalizations were overwhelming, so in that sense, the meaness in the human spirit or perhaps the ignorance continues to play itself out amongst groupings and between groupings. the groupings slowly change. over time, race will be less of an issue and as the middle class gets smaller "income" and "class" will dominate, i think.
namaste. | |
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| How do you feel about interacial dating?
Posted: 11/11/2006 11:58:18 AM | | BstKptScrt, i am very confused. you talk about being open to all cultures and that God loves everyone (i agree), but your profile says ebony seeking ivory. isn't that exclusive? what am i not getting? | |
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| How do you feel about interacial dating?
Posted: 11/11/2006 2:05:44 PM | My dearst, darling serenity, the headline of my personal ad is merely an allusion to the fact that ebony and ivory are very complementary to one another. They are, after all, side by side on a piano making beautiful music together, n'est-ce pas? I was unable to produce a suitable quasi-alliterative device for yin and yang ...I do date interracially, simply because I tend to attract women who share my appreciation for diverse cultures; it makes it more interesting to explore the world together without prejudices getting in the way. I would never exclude someone based merely upon their ethnic heritage...that would make me a hypocrite. | |
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| How do you feel about interacial dating?
Posted: 11/11/2006 3:17:08 PM | So the implication is that black women don't share your appreciation for diverse cultures? Speaking for my town alone, I would agree. Most I see on a daily basis are very...for lack of a better word, ghetto.  I'm just kidding with you about black women, though. But not about the ones who live around me. | |
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| How do you feel about interacial dating?
Posted: 11/11/2006 4:34:29 PM | So the implication is that black women don't share your appreciation for diverse cultures?
Not the case at all, pottedplant. What I implied by that is the following idea: a woman with the courage to cross ethnic boundaries with regards to her choice of companions tends to have an open mind about other aspects of life as well. My subjective experiences are all the evidence I have to support this notion, but they're enough.
Pity about the lack of sophisticated black women in your neighborhood. I can sympathize with your predicament, and yours is not an uncommon lament. My hometown is similar in many respects. I suppose that's why the women that I've shared long term relationships with have predominantly been of other ethnic backgrounds as well as from other parts of the country. | |
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| How do you feel about interacial dating?
Posted: 11/11/2006 7:32:46 PM | | See, I wish we had more people like yourself around here; whites and blacks alike around Durham tend to be quite ignorant, racist, ineloquent, and so on. It really starts to choke the life out of you after a while. | |
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| How do you feel about interacial dating?
Posted: 11/11/2006 7:48:47 PM | | I've always dated outside of my race but what is race all about anyway. The issue of race does not equal ones character. There are idiots in all races. So whats in a color, not a damn thing. People are people and once you realize that you'll be all right. | |
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| How do you feel about interacial dating?
Posted: 11/11/2006 8:15:02 PM | | 4 months ago was the first time I dated outside of my race. I dated a white guy and there was no difference other than the color of our skin. | |
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| How do you feel about interracial dating?
Posted: 11/11/2006 8:21:36 PM | To Atta dude 777: Well I married a Jamaican woman and we had two children togther, and thus the score is 2 for 2 for Jamaicans (i.e. my X got bossy too, after we were married, so consider yourself lucky if you found out before). But perhaps it was due to some psych disorder hehehe. We had our share of bigotry from her family, but that subsided and I was accepted (whew, lucky me haha). We have two beautiful children, who are both extremely smart.
But actually, while I obviously have no issue with it, I would not say all peoples are alike. I once read an adage that the world would be better if all the engineers were German, all the chefs were French, all the car designers were Italian, all the police were Brits, all the entrepreneurs were American, etc., etc. You get the idea, it's not about race but as some of the women commented, they had better LUCK with finding a nice black man who treated them the way they wanted to be treated...although most of them talk about the relationship now being "a part of the past". So if you find your love match, be mature enough to live without regret, or else regret what you failed to do. Remorse is always better than regret. | |
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| How do you feel about interacial dating?
Posted: 11/11/2006 8:40:52 PM | "There is no room in this country for hyphenated Americanism. When I refer to hyphenated Americans, I do not refer to naturalized Americans. Some of the very best Americans I have ever known were naturalized Americans, Americans born abroad. But a hyphenated American is not an American at all. ... The one absolutely certain way of bringing this nation to ruin, of preventing all possibility of its continuing to be a nation at all, would be to permit it to become a tangle of squabbling nationalities, an intricate knot of German-Americans, Irish-Americans, English-Americans, French-Americans, Scandinavian-Americans or Italian-Americans, each preserving its separate nationality, each at heart feeling more sympathy with Europeans of that nationality, than with the other citizens of the American Republic. ... There is no such thing as a hyphenated American who is a good American. The only man who is a good American is the man who is an American and nothing else."
Theodore Roosevelt | |
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| How do you feel about interacial dating?
Posted: 11/11/2006 9:04:04 PM | I am half latina and half irish I date primarily Latinos or Black men. I love dark skin it is so attractive to me. Some love red roses some love yellow we all have preferences or attraction's. It is 2006 it is a shame that all nation's of people are not open minded enough to accept one another. I have an old fashioned momma (father deceased) and she lives in a rurla area of New Mexico. I told her I was going to bring home a black man and her only response was that she doesn't know any black people personally. I said mom you are getting on up into years and there are lots of black people, white, brown etc. in heaven and there is no segregation in heaven so when you meet my boyfriend you will know a black man personally and he treats me so good. Interracial dating for those of you who have not tried it........is beautiful. Keep an open mind and open heart. There are good and bad people in every color.........and please don't teach your children to be predjudice we could irradicate racism if we shape our future generations to know all people as God's children..Jacquelyn | |
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| How do you feel about interacial dating?
Posted: 11/11/2006 10:27:55 PM | | i dont have any problem with it. i mean why? and as far as my kids go. they can be with whomever they want. white, black, same sex, whatever.. only reason ill step in is if they are not happy or the other person is treating them like crap. | |
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| How do you feel about interacial dating?
Posted: 11/11/2006 11:12:57 PM | | LOL! What was Roosevelt smoking? American? What is being American considering it's a mixture of ripped off parts of varying cultures. I'll keep my hypen particularly until the US government decides to treat everyone equal. | |
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| How do you feel about interacial dating?
Posted: 11/13/2006 1:52:16 AM | i believe that people should date who they want. if they want to date within their race -fine. if they want to date outside of their race - equally fine.
personally, i love the teddy roosevelt quote. he was making a point about patriotism. from webster's:
patriot - one who loves his or her country and supports its authority and interests. | |
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| How do you feel about interacial dating?
Posted: 11/13/2006 3:54:06 AM | | Couldn't keep my mouth (fingers?) shut on this issue. I personally am 110% for interracial dating. Being a 1st-generation Chinese-Canadian, part of me agrees that it's important to "keep your culture" or whatever reason it is to only date one race....but if you find someone that appreciates your culture (or is at least open-minded), then all the better! My g/f and I joke that she (umpteenth-generation Anglo-Canadian) knows all the good Asian spots in the city that I'm posted to, and I know all the good Western bars and restaurants. It's strange how the world works sometimes! | |
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| How do you feel about interacial dating?
Posted: 11/14/2006 11:37:44 PM | | sorry to disagree, but lack of sophisticated black women is an uncommon lament in my circles. in fact i've never heard such a ridiculous remark. not sure what circles you are travelling in or where you live, but i would think that if the women are unsophisticated, then the same would apply to the men! you don't need an excuse to date interacially or as i prefer interethnically as genetically race has been proven to be a figment of the imagination (or maybe ego) from a biological standpoint. but by the same token to put down women of one ethnic group as opposed to another is a bit "wierd" or perhaps offensive is the word, and typically someone who needs to put down someone else has something "going on". sure often we are attracted to someone whose different or complementary at first (but on the other hand who is like us is also a plus, not so much in looks but interests, beliefs, etc.). typically knowing someone no matter what the ethnic origins, will usually win based on their soul and brain and heart and character and humor and understanding and simply put the twinkle in their eyes--all things we get to know about a person over time, as they shine through to us. maybe they aren't blonde or brunette or exactly the same height or weight that we might imagine, but nonetheless the chemistry will happen if the person is "right" for you and i would hope that isn't so set in stone (be it ivory or ebony!). | |
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| How do you feel about interacial dating?
Posted: 11/15/2006 12:09:52 AM | | I myself have not dated a white and i plan on not ever dating out of my race. I am dating a black man and i have a problem with him because he dated a white woman for ten years and he had the mannerism of white people and this pissed me off for some reason. He and i have been togther for 4 years and in the back of mind i still think he would be happier with a white woman. I still feel if i was to date a white man and he called me some kind of ****, that would be the end of the relationship. my son has a baby with a white girl and for some reason this does not bother me they get along just fine and she is a very nice girl. so this is how i feel about the situation am i a racist? maybe but i say stick with your own kind. | |
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| How do you feel about interacial dating?
Posted: 11/15/2006 7:18:20 AM | lipsticklove, what are the advantages/disadvantages, if any, to being with your own kind? What are the disadvantages to not exploring dating other cultures?
I find it a bit amuzing to hear that because i hear so often from some of my own friends but yet they'll want to sleep with another culture behind closed doors. Yes, some not at all and they think it's wrong.
Regardless if one chooses to date outside their race with other cultures or not, we all will either encounter racism or know of someone who has dealt with in some form of fashion. I think it falls on the maturity of the one who chooses to stand up for it... or against it, in your case.
DoDat
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| How do you feel about interacial dating?
Posted: 11/15/2006 8:01:19 AM | For me, I cannot date at all unless its interracial. I have no choice, seeing as I am made up of like 6 different cultures.
I would also like to say I have dealt with racism from all angles as well. But it doesn't bother me too much, every culture has it's ignorant people.
So for me, it's just another day. What I do now is seek out races I haven't dated yet and seek to check them off on my list, sort of like a game.
j/k
Seriously, it doesn't matter - you are into who you are into. | |
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| How do you feel about interacial dating?
Posted: 11/16/2006 1:01:35 AM | | the advantage of dating within my race for me is to have some same cultrual ideas. I for one have never been a closet interacial dater if i am going to date someone out of my race it would be out in the open. First of all the disadvantages of dating outside of my race is racial jokes i can not tolerate that even if i am not in a relationship and snobbery from family members if i am going to have to deal with these issues i might as well stay within my race. | |
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| How do you feel about interacial dating?
Posted: 11/16/2006 2:21:31 AM | O.K..I'm probably gonna catch hell for this, but anybody who knows me would know I don't give a flying..****
I'm sorry, but anybody that says that they "don't see color" is deluding themselves. Its not a bad thing to "see color". Most of the time, SOMETHING about the other race is attracting you. Maybe its even just the lure of the unknown..but I honestly believe that you definitely SEE it when you first go there. Now over time, sure..you stop seeing everything but the person that you love/care about. Thats true of even same race couples.
Yes, I speak from experience. I've solely dated white men for the last 14 yrs. Why? No, brothas don't get started on me...its purely physical. I like the look of them, the contrast in skin, the variation in eye and hair color. And yes, I sure do recognize and admire a hot black man. I'm seen a few that made me want to drop to my knees (literally  ), but having a preference of this sort is FOR ME is just as simple as folks liking different flavors of ice cream. Some people like chocolate...others vanilla...and still others strawberry.
I think after 14+ yrs I've mulled it over in my head enough. I've married and had biracial children, so its not a passing experimentation. The fact that it did not work out had nothing to do with family acceptance or problems we encountered because of our different ethnicities...my family had no problem with him and neither did his with me. (lucky, yes, i know).
Oh, ya...for anybody wondering, sure..I'll get to know ANYONE who sends me a message because I'm always open to the possibility that someone is gonna blow me away and break the cycle.
Oh, and for this:
"Pity about the lack of sophisticated black women in your neighborhood."
Let me just say that that goes BOTH ways. If there were any brothas in my neck of the woods that didn't have their asses hanging out and their hats turned sideways...and maybe if they approached me with more than "Damn, baby" I might be dating someone of my own race. That being said, I know MANY articulate, intelligent down to earth black men. Unfortunately I'm either related to them or they are married.
Lipstick, I will never for the life of me understand why using proper English and acting like you got some sense is forever labeled as "acting white". If thats the case, thank God my mama taught me to "act white". I owe my career and most of my friends to it. | |
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| How do you feel about interacial dating?
Posted: 11/16/2006 9:18:56 AM | I've dated all races and prefer my own.
As far as people saying race doesn't matter, that's just ignorance. Yeah I know, it's suppose to be the people that DON'T say race doesn't matter that are ignorant.
Read the story of the woman who feel in love with black men in this thread. Did race matter? Did it matter to her dad...to her friends...to others? How did her mixed child matter?
People...don't be pathetically stupid. We're NOT in a color blind world or society. RACE and CULTURE differences DO matter.
In a perfect world...they don't or won't, but that's not planet earth.
interacial relationships matter in your job, your family...your friends. If you don't care about any of those...have at it, but don't be an idiot and say "race doesn't matter"
It's a hard road people choose that race mix and ANY of them that do will tell you...it matters. Love may be color blind, but everyone else sees just fine. | |
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| How do you feel about interacial dating?
Posted: 11/16/2006 10:03:25 AM |
lipsticklove, what are the advantages/disadvantages, if any, to being with your own kind? What are the disadvantages to not exploring dating other cultures?
advantages-
1.no feeling like coming home after a really hard day to a 'concerned' black woman. NOTHING COMPARES
2.Generally like the same foods
3.The feeling of being 'united' comes far quicker.
disadvantages-
1.Communication is alot easier (in bad times)
2.sex tends to be more fun
I have sat and stared at the screen for about 13 minutes....this is a terrible looking 'list' but its all I could come up with...and please believe that I have dated ALL sorts of each.
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