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 ComplekCity
Joined: 1/17/2011
Msg: 126
Ending Up Alone - Who fears The Reaper?Page 6 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I've always thought dying in your sleep was the best way to go - but does it really work like that or do you actually wake up briefly, long enough to realize you're about to die and feel pain ?

Experts ?
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 127
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Ending Up Alone - Who fears The Reaper?
Posted: 9/7/2011 10:20:24 AM
@Jogging - I was gonna send you a message re that, but your email restrictions exclude me.
 LauraTseven
Joined: 8/26/2010
Msg: 128
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Ending Up Alone - Who fears The Reaper?
Posted: 9/7/2011 11:55:52 AM
'So, my wrinkly, mortality time-bombs - how do you feel about being found by the smell emanating from the dwelling?'

I know I won't be found alone by the smell - not in the house, anyway.

My house has had a revolving door of family, kids, friends and pets coming and going for years, and it isn't likely to stop anytime in the future either. I like it that way - and should I find a SO at some point in the future, he would have to be willing to at least accomodate the traffic, if not add to it from his colletion of friends, family and critters.

I enjoy my alone time - but in small doses. Life is meant to be enjoyed, and in my case, that enjoyment is increased if it is shared. I don't need to have a man in my life, but I do need my family and friends, and I know they depend on me, too.

My mother is 87, I lost my Dad 10 yrs ago. Mom still lives alone and is very healthy and active with friends and church activities. She lives a few blocks from me and I see her almost every day and talk to her a couple of times a day. My brother and sister also check in on her regularly by phone, and she has many neighbors and friends here in town who know me and who would call me (and have) if they had the slightest worry about her. A few months ago she became rather seriously ill - I was scared we were going to lose her - she was in the hospital and rehab for a month. I was literally overwhelmed with dozens of people checking up on her and wishing her well. I had to set up a system for dealing with all the calls & visits! She recovered very well and is back to her normal active life, driving her friends around town, doing her lunches, committees and card games. Go MOM!

Mom is loved.
and even if she happens to go quietly in her sleep while sitting by herself in her own living room with the TV blaring away (which is very likely) , she will never be 'alone' for long. She has her faith and her family and her friends - and I hope I still have the same when my time comes.
 LADYINRED126
Joined: 10/10/2010
Msg: 129
Ending Up Alone - Who fears The Reaper?
Posted: 9/7/2011 9:34:12 PM
The solution is simple: Provide your keys to your kingdom to one of your colleagues/coworkers and simply just continue to work which we will all be doing way into our 80's given the current economy. If perchance you don't show up at work, your colleagues/coworkers will know where to find you. Just be sure to arrange that pre paid burial, no one wants a hot mess on their hands. The trick is to make each day above the ground count for something and make someone happy and yes, in doing that, you will be happy too and maybe live a little longer in the process.

"THE SHRINK"
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 130
Ending Up Alone - Who fears The Reaper?
Posted: 9/8/2011 12:04:40 AM
My late husband and I were blessed in that he died suddenly at home, with only a brief second of awareness as to what was happening. We were in the kitchen, after breakfast, and I was doing the dishes while he was taking his medications. He had only be out of the hospital for congestive heart failure for about 10 days. He had awakened me in the middle of the night to tell me what a good night's sleep he was having. Crazy, adorable man! He had a healthy breakfast and was feeling better than he had in a while and was taking his meds, standing next to me, when he suddenly said, "Oh, no!" I looked at him and said, "Oh, no what?" and he went over backwards and was gone before he hit the floor. As a respiratory therapist, I immediately started CPR, knowing all the while that it was no use, and I called 911.

I'm grateful that I was with him, that we had a lovely breakfast together and that he was feeling well that morning. He had a brief moment when he knew what was happening and then he was gone. He always said that he considered death on of life's greatest adventures and he wasn't afraid. I'm just so glad I was there when he left and got to say goodbye. I know he didn't suffer and that helped tremendously. And his attitude has helped me no longer fear dying. Following his death, he showed me that there is something beyond this life and that gives me a great deal of peace.

My guy and my kids will make sure I'm not alone, as I will for them, if need be.
 satx78218
Joined: 10/30/2007
Msg: 131
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Ending Up Alone - Who fears The Reaper?
Posted: 9/8/2011 3:50:31 AM
"Dendreon came up last year with a drug that helped prolong the lives of Prostate Cancer patients, not a cure, just a treatment. "

Provenge, for advanced cancer patients, "bought" them an average increase in survival of only 4 months for $93,000. About $25K/month, basically $1000/day. And of course one's quality of life, QOL, in the last 4 months is most often non-existent, esp due to the intense bone pain which is where prostate cancer most often metastasizes.

Yes, a great "business" for Dendreon and its investors.

The multi-decade War on Cancer has been as successful as the multi-decade War on (illegal) Drugs ... only in enriching the warriors.
 Kevjohns
Joined: 8/9/2011
Msg: 132
Ending Up Alone - Who fears The Reaper?
Posted: 9/8/2011 7:13:58 AM
Agreed satx, my point is there is plenty of money to be made by any company who comes up with cancer treatments let alone cures. The charlatons who try to sell bogus cancer cures would be filthy rich if they truly had something that worked. Instead they scam the public by selling expensive but useless trestments, maybe even convincing the gullible they have cancer whrn they don't, to sell their worthless herbs and vitamins.
 Consigliori
Joined: 1/7/2008
Msg: 133
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Ending Up Alone - Who fears The Reaper?
Posted: 9/8/2011 8:01:51 AM
Maybe it’s the dog in me, but I’d prefer to die alone. Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife and kids. I was blessed with caring brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews and I enjoy spending time with them, but I’d like to spend my last hours seated on the edge of the Grand Canyon with a bottle of Basil Haydens and a couple of cohibas contemplating the glory of it all. No doctors and nurses poking me with needles trying to get a few more minutes out of my corpse, and no crowds of people weeping and wailing and gnashing their teeth or trying to get a peek at my Will. Nope. Just me and the Great Beyond.
 swamp_dude
Joined: 7/23/2007
Msg: 134
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Ending Up Alone - Who fears The Reaper?
Posted: 9/8/2011 8:05:06 AM
Well .... skepticism is good to have but needs good management.

There actually has been a great new advancement in cancer treatment that may actually turn into a cure. Using viruses that only attack the cancer cells. Its still in testing but looking real promissing.

 Kevjohns
Joined: 8/9/2011
Msg: 135
Ending Up Alone - Who fears The Reaper?
Posted: 9/8/2011 8:18:38 AM
agreed. We are on the cusp of some serious advancement in the treatment of cancer. The question is which companies to invest in to ride the boom.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 136
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Ending Up Alone - Who fears The Reaper?
Posted: 9/8/2011 8:33:19 AM
I've always thought dying in your sleep was the best way to go - but does it really work like that or do you actually wake up briefly, long enough to realize you're about to die and feel pain ?

Experts ?

I'm certainly no expert, nor would I want to be ~ all I know is that when my son died, it was in his sleep and according to the coroner's report and subsequent autopsy findings, it was likely pain free. Apparently he had not woken up at all. His roommate actually saw him "sleeping" on the couch, left for work, only to return and find him exactly as he had seen him 4-5 hours earlier, which alerted him to the fact there was something seriously wrong. Apparently there was no loss of bodily fluids or any of the sometimes "usual" things that happen when the body dies. Maybe these "findings" don't explain if he had pain or not, but I'm thinking if there was, it was miniscule under his particular circumstance. I'd personally like to think dying in one's sleep is the "best" way to go. None of the shock factor of seeing a truck about to hit you, or to know the air plane is going down, or to feel the horror of fire or drowning, nor the human suffrage of long-term illness(es) ~ but ideally? I'm likely someone that would prefer Dr. Kevorkian ~ that would indeed, be pain-free is my guess. But we all know we can't just call in assistance when we're ready to go. JMO

~OT~ I don't fear my own mortality. I'm quite comfortable knowing that's the way this is going to end up ~ with me dead at some point. I do fear a painful or a long-suffering death, but definitely not my idea of an after-life or not being here on this planet in this body anymore. Seems silly to me to worry about something I have NO control over. But that's just how I see it.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 137
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Ending Up Alone - Who fears The Reaper?
Posted: 9/8/2011 9:56:09 AM
My last job before I retired was in-home hospice. The one before that was an aid in a nursing home. In both cases, death was simply a relief. I'm not quite ready for that relief yet (as if I had any say, lol!), but I don't fear it. I'd *rather* go alone, and easily, but again, not my call. So I do what I can to stay healthy, live alone, and hope I don't poison the cat.

At least one wouldn't have suffered months or years of pain. . . . And *that* is a good death as far as I'm concerned.

 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 138
Ending Up Alone - Who fears The Reaper?
Posted: 9/11/2011 7:18:13 PM
There are no guarantees that anyone else will be with us at the end, no matter how we plan it. I don't fear the reaper but I do dread living too long. My mother is 92 and is starting to just physically wear out. Too many miles on her odometer, and a lot of those miles were over rough roads.

I don't want to be so elderly that I'm just sitting around waiting to die, like she is - but waiting to die from Alzheimer's, or some other cognitive disorder, would be even worse.
 testingwaters01
Joined: 8/22/2011
Msg: 139
Ending Up Alone - Who fears The Reaper?
Posted: 9/11/2011 8:08:22 PM
This doesn't bother me at all. I have a friend who's promised to delete my browser history on my computer the instant he finds out I'm dead. I will be saved considerable posthumous embarrassment.
 RubyWaxxx
Joined: 10/23/2010
Msg: 140
Ending Up Alone - Who fears The Reaper?
Posted: 9/11/2011 8:50:34 PM

I don't fear the reaper but I do dread living too long. My mother is 92 and is starting to just physically wear out. Too many miles on her odometer, and a lot of those miles were over rough roads.

I don't want to be so elderly that I'm just sitting around waiting to die, like she is - but waiting to die from Alzheimer's, or some other cognitive disorder, would be even worse.

I'm watching my darling beautiful auntie go though this, PittsburghVixen. She's almost 90 and lives with my cousin and her family. But she's fast heading towards being put in a high-care facility and..it was her biggest fear to end up like that.
What am I to do? My cousin has looked after her mother for seven years now but it's getting to be too much. My aunt is physically ok, but not great. And she's becoming more and more confused...it's heart-breaking. She was the funniest and cleverest woman I've ever met.
I don't want her to be sitting in a facility, trapped in her dementia, surrounded by others like her. I can't bear the thought.
 LezlieJ
Joined: 7/13/2011
Msg: 141
Ending Up Alone - Who fears The Reaper?
Posted: 9/12/2011 12:19:03 AM
I'm allergic to felines and don't smoke cigars or like whiskey .... so, I guess I'll pay my cable bill and keep boxed wine in stock.
 Consigliori
Joined: 1/7/2008
Msg: 142
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Ending Up Alone - Who fears The Reaper?
Posted: 9/12/2011 8:59:27 AM
I'm likely someone that would prefer Dr. Kevorkian ~ that would indeed, be pain-free is my guess.


Dr. Death got a lot of bad press. I never really understood that because it seem like an important social dialogue and it would be a nice option. Perhaps he just before his time. I understand that the State of Oregon permits assisted suicides under some conditions. Maybe I need to establish a dual residency as part of my estate planning...


This doesn't bother me at all. I have a friend who's promised to delete my browser history on my computer the instant he finds out I'm dead. I will be saved considerable posthumous embarrassment.


Lol. I think my friends would probably publish my dirt. Can you imagine the fall-out if people were to discover the cr@p we posted on pof?


I'm allergic to felines and don't smoke cigars or like whiskey ....


It’s never to late to acquire good taste...
 femaleandflirty
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 143
Ending Up Alone - Who fears The Reaper?
Posted: 9/13/2011 1:24:15 AM
Thankfully I have friendly neighbours and friends who call me every day so if I dont answer then they are around to see if I am okay. So I may be on the floor dead, but not for long. My affairs are taken care of, including my own funeral expenses so I am quite prepared and dont fear passing over. I prefer to be largely on my own with no hassles but a companion for dinners out etc. is nice.
 femaleandflirty
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 144
Ending Up Alone - Who fears The Reaper?
Posted: 9/13/2011 1:26:20 AM
I have a father who is 93 and has to go into high care soon after always being independent. The medication is keeping him alive and his quality of life is fast disappearing. I dont want to get old and will take steps to ensure I wont.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 145
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Ending Up Alone - Who fears The Reaper?
Posted: 9/13/2011 9:38:28 AM
Unfortunately, I think the only way of avoiding being a burden to others, aside from dying, is to end up alone. I should think that being alone in a home waiting to die is a pretty grim situation, but having someone you love tied down to you because you need constant care is equally grim, although you probably can't do anything about it by then.

Don't go to the Doctor, take the risk that whatever is killing you can't be cured or controlled.

No easy solutions to this one. At least in the historical extended family context there were many to share the load.

The other issue to me is "Talk is cheap!". What you actually end up doing when the time comes I would bet is rarely related to what you say you will do before being faced with the reality of the reality.
 Iascaireachta_arís
Joined: 7/28/2011
Msg: 146
Ending Up Alone - Who fears The Reaper?
Posted: 9/17/2011 5:43:05 PM
I wasn't fearing the Reaper so much until today...two prominent vivacious women died ...both only 51...

May their families find the strength they need during a time of grieving.

Kara Kennedy
Eleanor Mondale
 Artistee
Joined: 7/24/2006
Msg: 147
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Ending Up Alone - Who fears The Reaper?
Posted: 9/22/2011 4:58:53 PM
Many of us fear the reaper...Whenever it happens, it happens...I wouldn't mind coming back as a ghost!
 timestandstillfla
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 148
Ending Up Alone - Who fears The Reaper?
Posted: 9/24/2011 7:33:24 PM
I already met him.
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 149
Ending Up Alone - Who fears The Reaper?
Posted: 9/25/2011 4:46:37 AM


So, my wrinkly, mortality time-bombs - how do you feel about being found by the smell emanating from the dwelling?


Well the dying alone thing ain't $%#@, it's more of "how". I knew I would be alone in my teens, for some reason being a young man I always felt I had one foot in the "pine box". What's strange is my Grandfather died on the crapper by himself and wasn't found until 3 or 4 days later. To be honest my worst "fears" have already happened, so in a way death is a welcome sight even if he's looking over my shoulder as I write this at the ripe old age of 28.

I just hope I don't become the decrepit old dude who needs help to and fro to the crapper. Who has to depend on other people(last thing in life I want to do, period), if that's the case hopefully I get the balls to blow my brains out or purposely start a fight with a youngster whose not afraid to crack an old man's head open (for some reason I can't do the suicide thing"yet"). lol I hope this is black humor-ish enough for this thread.
 viper1j
Joined: 11/30/2005
Msg: 150
Ending Up Alone - Who fears The Reaper?
Posted: 9/25/2011 8:38:19 PM

how do you feel about being found by the smell emanating from the dwelling?


In a word, terrified. Not specifically of that, although I lost a cousin very close to me that way. He was found on a Wednesday when the cops kicked in the door to his apartment, but the autopsy showed he had died the previous Saturday, when he failed to show up for a family function.

What terrifies me, is that I have a dog. and under the same conditions as my cousin, how much of me would be left for the cops to find? If her food dish was empty after the first day, it wouldn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what she would eat to survive. It would be me.
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