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Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > I've finally realized the way to happiness is to detach from everyone.      Home login  
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 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 26
I've finally realized the way to happiness is to detach from everyone.Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

I see couples and single people struggling day by day with the drama of trying to make things work with other people.

I want no part of any of it anymore.


Good, but please don't use that as a excuse in shuting down your heart. As your happiness & the pursuit of it can come in all forms of life,as it should be. Never completely hinge it on just your s/o! lol

A well balanced relationship is the key naturally & many folks can & still do this.
Like in other past posts here,those folks do have a aura, & peace of mind which we all can enjoy in their contentment. It still does exist! lol

.

I've not given up. I just haven't given in. Anyone else feel that they are sooo happy to not be in the 'drama zone' anymore?


My dear mermaid of the sea, time to not give up, but to let go.
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 27
I've finally realized the way to happiness is to detach from everyone.
Posted: 8/28/2011 6:57:51 AM
Do you mean that you've given up on *all* relationships, including friendships? Or just romantic types?

The fact that you state in your profile that you've made many online friendships would suggest that you do actually care about having *some* kind of contact with others...
the only problem is, that on-line friends are often too far away if you need someone to come over in an emergency, or for you to be close enough to help, if they have one...

cats and fish are lovely companions in their giving, non-judgmental ways... but in times of illness, death, loneliness, joy or sorrow when you need to share the emotion, etc. they're not much help...

making and keeping good friends is hard when we live such busy lives, but it is important, if you can, to have at least one person you can rely on... and who can rely on you... one person, even if you don't see them every day/week/month, that you know you can turn to should the need arise.

Good luck.
 Natgoat
Joined: 3/24/2011
Msg: 28
I've finally realized the way to happiness is to detach from everyone.
Posted: 8/28/2011 9:20:34 AM
I've been 'Detached' from everyone...(Except my son, whom I live with)...for years!!
I'm certainly Not very happy about it..!!
Well...Du--Uhhh..!! Why else would I be here...looking for a wonderful Lady..?!!
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 29
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I've finally realized the way to happiness is to detach from everyone.
Posted: 8/28/2011 10:23:35 AM
Meeeaaaah, yes and no.

Yeah, when my first couple of Valentines days came and went WITHOUT someone screaming at me for not doing ENOUGH, it was a welcome silence.

But life is about the struggle to get things done, and to LIVE, not to hold still and watch my favorite shows on TV. The relief of a weekend comes from the fact that I had to struggle to get through the week, not from the fact that it IS a weekend.

I guess that means that I don't think it EVER was supposed to be a choice between having to go through hell to get a few moments of fun within a couple relationship, and being completely alone. I think it's a matter of finding someone who actually feels fulfilled by joining me in the struggle of life, as a team mate. So the "struggle" part isn't the problem, it's what I was struggling ABOUT.
The challenges of allegedly modern life is what I WANT to be struggling with, not how to get along with my partner.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 30
I've finally realized the way to happiness is to detach from everyone.
Posted: 8/29/2011 8:07:28 AM
All joking ect aside OP.

Maybe detaching for a while is good to recover, but NOT the answer in the long run.

You get used to detaching and being isolated.
That's not good for you.

I really beleive you can be happy single but most of us NEED people in our lives.
Friends, family , a mate.
Maybe not all three, but you need interaction with good people IRL to be content IMO.

Everyone seems to hate that word need. I don't worry what others think of my needs.

Things will change after time..and you will feel more open to possibilities.
Maybe keep an open mind..
 Bladesmith81801
Joined: 10/30/2010
Msg: 31
I've finally realized the way to happiness is to detach from everyone.
Posted: 8/29/2011 8:16:16 AM
Seakytten, what you're talking about is building a wall and hiding behind it, telling yourself you're "detached". Sorry, but it's just hiding behind your wall hoping you won't get hurt again.

I did the same thing once, deciding that if I had walls thick enough that no body could get through them, I could be cool and aloof, and laugh down my nose at people who weren't smart enough to build walls like I did, and look at them hurt! Glad they aren't me! I was self eclosed and self sufficient! I didn't need my emotions, they just got in the way! I also didn't feel like I was worthy of being happy. Wall that away as well.

Except deep down, I knew I was lying to myself. I was miserable. I was lonely. And the walls I'd built up were a prison. See, I'd made the walls so thick, I couldn't get out. Then, one day, someone came along who saw through my walls. She saw the person inside and liked what she saw. She was determined to get to that person, no matter what. Didn't matter that I broke up with her for reasons I made up. She waited, patiently chipping away at the bricks and mortar of my walls. When I came back to her (After the worst 2 weeks of my life), apologizing for running, she just smilled and said it was ok. And she kept chipping. Finally, my walls came down (And I helped!), and I realized what a fool I'd been. By walling myself away, I was denying myself all the joys of life. Yes, my heart was safe from being hurt, but it wasn't being fulfilled. She set my heart free from the prison I built, and showed me how great a person and father I could be. I'll always love her for that.

That "Drama" you describe? Thats LIFE, sweetheart. The give and take, the ebb and flow, the joy and the pain. Thats what life is. You cut yourself off from it at your own expense.
A broken heart won't kill you. It just feels that way. But walling your heart away is worse.

Look at yourself. You claim to be above all the drama, but what have you surrounded yourself with? 6 cats? 45 Fish? You've surrounded yourself with pets, who will give you unconditional love, and who won't leave you. You're COMPENSATING.

You want the love, hence the cats, but you don't want the potential pain that goes with human relationships. You're hiding, and pretending you're above it all, but you're not. You've been hurt, and you don't want to be anymore. It's understandable, but you're going the wrong way in your defenses.
You're hurt, and life is pain, but there are some beautiful moments along the way. With people. Don't deny them to yourself. I lost 5 years hiding behind my walls, and you can't get them back. Dont' make my mistake. Cut back on the cats, and get out there in the world. It's a beautiful place.
 Itsonlytiffy
Joined: 8/10/2011
Msg: 32
I've finally realized the way to happiness is to detach from everyone.
Posted: 8/29/2011 8:52:46 AM
Nice to hear you've found happiness in something. I'm recently single and having the time of my life! I just chose a different path. Do what makes you happy girl
 totalazzhole
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 33
I've finally realized the way to happiness is to detach from everyone.
Posted: 8/29/2011 9:11:44 AM
wonder why everyone ( Or most )on here seem to assume that only ONE way (their way) is the "right" way for EVERYONE ?

obviously for MOST people, they are happier in a significant relationship..does that mean that is the ONLY way to go, for 100% of humanity? I think, likely not.

well, this is human nature..people do not want to admit that there COULD be a different way than THEIR way. otherwise it might mean that they chose WRONG.. so the person tied to the 60-hour corporate work week must feel free to denigrate those who chose another route, married denigrate the single, those with children denigrate the childless, & vice versa on all the above. this is part of the reason SOME straight people have so much hate for gay people too, I believe.. (secretly, inside, thinking: "what if they are right & I chose wrong?")
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 34
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I've finally realized the way to happiness is to detach from everyone.
Posted: 8/29/2011 10:58:33 AM
To me, it is this very detachment from others that causes so much drama...people are detached and so they dont care about the ripple affect they have on other souls.

I say if someone is happliy detached, then stay away from me....because if you are detached you dont care.
 Seakytten
Joined: 10/2/2010
Msg: 35
I've finally realized the way to happiness is to detach from everyone.
Posted: 8/29/2011 12:53:28 PM
First of all, haha@ late!!! Great url and spot on! LOL

I think we all get to a point where we step back and realize our life just isn't/wasn't what we expected it would be and have to realize it is what it is. Acceptance is a beautiful thing when you realize all of your upsets come/came from family or friends. Then you can detach from them.

People on the forums make fun of me for having 6 cats and 45 fish. Why? Because I can't physically have kids and all I do is talk about my 'furkids' online? What is it about people that want to criticize you for having animals in your life and are happy with that instead of dealing with the drama of relationships? Does anyone know how hard it is to maintain a 55 gallon aquarium housing 45 fish when you have no fish nanny? You have to change out 50% of the water once a week, clean your filter once a month, vacuum out the fish waste, condition the water and periodically check their gills and scales for infection. THEN you have to make sure your 'bottom feeders' are getting enough protein from the live shrimp you feed them. Oh..and btw, I have a fresh water tank. Just shoot me now if I had a salt water tank... although I plan to take on that challenge later on this year.

And don't EVEN get me started on my cats. LOL

I don't like to get involved with relationships anymore that touch my heart. I watched the movie the other day called 'Castaway' with Tom Hanks and all I could think of was "Dude, you don't know how lucky you are."

Again, and just my opinion. I'm a much better person living with my animals than in wanting or having a relationship...guess my bro' was right when he told all of his friends I was raised by wolves. And damn PROUD of it I might add...

Thank you again for all of your replies.

Edit: At Pepps..I have a few close friends that I keep in touch with but they never come over without bringing a cat toy...*wink*

Kytten
 totalazzhole
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 36
I've finally realized the way to happiness is to detach from everyone.
Posted: 8/29/2011 12:59:35 PM

I say if someone is happliy detached, then stay away from me....because if you are detached you dont care.


and I'm guessing that if they really do want to be 'detached' they care very little (or not at all) about your 'stay-away' order?

some people stay 'attached' so they can manipulate & insert drama into other people's lives, as well. soooo...many, many (most, or almost all, actually) people play games; some are just very serious & structured games, read an older book, but still good " Games People Play" by Eric Berne
 Seakytten
Joined: 10/2/2010
Msg: 37
I've finally realized the way to happiness is to detach from everyone.
Posted: 8/29/2011 1:18:11 PM
My dear mermaid of the sea, time to not give up, but to let go.


Excellent advice my good friend and well noted. :)

Once you've weaved yourself through other's lives and the fabric still unravels then it's time to re-evaluate your life and the choices you've made in your life. I'm not giving up on friendships or relationships, only the ones that are/have been toxic. I haven't always known what was right for me so hence, I tried to push a square peg into a round hole over and over again. It just doesn't work.

I like my life now. It might be hard but it's calm and predictable when it wasn't before.

Isn't that what all of us want?

Kytten
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 38
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I've finally realized the way to happiness is to detach from everyone.
Posted: 8/29/2011 1:35:08 PM

and I'm guessing that if they really do want to be 'detached' they care very little (or not at all) about your 'stay-away' order?


It doesnt matter if they respect my wishes or not...Im in charge of who is allowed into my life.

Once I determine someone is actually detached from all humans, I am not interested so much in them,. and they slip away. It is for the best.

I have had people in my life who are truly not attached to any other human being. Id rather deal with someone who attaches too easliy than someone who is detached completely.
 totalazzhole
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 39
I've finally realized the way to happiness is to detach from everyone.
Posted: 8/29/2011 1:40:43 PM
no.. I meant they are staying away anyway.

sort of like you yelling "you're fired!" (stay away)

and they say "I have already quit." (fine I'm glad to stay away).

so you like the clingy Cling-On, needy, suffocating types? (Better than detachers anyway).

see I don't see how you would really have much interaction with a truly detached person, anyway--certainly not on any real personal or intimate level..maybe work with them, that's about it?
 trinity818
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 40
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I've finally realized the way to happiness is to detach from everyone.
Posted: 8/29/2011 1:58:32 PM
I'm not sure just how literally she meant "everyone". Most humans need some contact with other humans. Family or friends or co-workers. Some kind of interaction. She does go on to say that she has at least a friend or two that she is willing to spend time with.

If you take the phrase literally, then it's probably not a very healthly perspective for the long term. But, in the short term, it may be necessary for someone to "re-group".
 Seakytten
Joined: 10/2/2010
Msg: 41
I've finally realized the way to happiness is to detach from everyone.
Posted: 8/29/2011 2:19:28 PM
@Grandmabooboo..and I LOVE your post's btw. Giving up means just that. Giving in means settling. I won't settle. Ever. Whether it be in a relationship or a friendship.

I've been talked down to, criticized, put down, stepped on and disrespected.. for what? Why?? Because I prefer cats/fish/rabbits/pelicans in lieu of being in a relationship?? I'm done.

Let me tell you what is unique about me. I 'pole dance' to my cat's 6' cat perch to KC and the Sunshine Band..not gracefully of course.. but nonetheless, I'm special in wanting to dance like a fool hussey at my cat's expense. The only way I can get rid of a migraine is to hang like a bat..yes..hang like a BAT!! I need my man to hold me by my ankles and hang me upside down like a friggin' BAT in order to get rid of my migraine..who does that?!?! Nobody does..just me.

No one ever loved that about me. I love that about me.

Detachment from people is a choice for me..but I have some good friends that are just as crazy in wanting to 'pole dance' with their cat perch'es as I am..and these are the people that will be in my life forever.

Kytten
 Coyotefeller
Joined: 8/1/2005
Msg: 42
I've finally realized the way to happiness is to detach from everyone.
Posted: 8/29/2011 2:58:28 PM
Time for everybody including Seakytten to
realize she is here sharing her views and
where she's at, at this time in her life....so
she is interacting and not copping out ! :)
I know what taking care of Fish is like and
keeping a swimming pool in order too but
that is just all smalltalk really !
Seems to me those who talk most about drama
and game playing are the biggest culprits,
the rest of us are just happy when we can get
out from under all that crap and get back to
just taking care of the kittens and fish....
...even if they seem to conspire against the
humans too, once in awhile :)
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 43
I've finally realized the way to happiness is to detach from everyone.
Posted: 8/29/2011 3:21:34 PM

I really beleive you can be happy single but most of us NEED people in our lives.
Friends, family , a mate.
Maybe not all three, but you need interaction with good people IRL to be content IMO.

Everyone seems to hate that word need. I don't worry what others think of my needs.


Yes, pepps,as many have made"need" a four letter word but that negative thing many others have said is the farthest thing from the truth.



I like my life now. It might be hard but it's calm and predictable when it wasn't before.

Isn't that what all of us want?


Yes lady Godiva, as life is like chapters in a book,some better then others for a lot of us.
And for a lot of us were in transition mode,[what the fux is dat?] & hoping,if we let ourselves, we can come out to the other side to touch the wind again.

Yes hon,that is all we need & want in life.
And you, will I predict will be cranking up the cd as you ramble down the road,none too soon.......
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 44
I've finally realized the way to happiness is to detach from everyone.
Posted: 8/29/2011 5:59:29 PM
Bladesmith81801, your post was really touching. Thanks for taking the time to write it.
 JoeFromOzarks
Joined: 11/13/2007
Msg: 46
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I've finally realized the way to happiness is to detach from everyone.
Posted: 9/3/2011 7:21:22 PM
I agree with both Seakytten and Bladesmith81801.

Bladesmith81801 says he wasted five years, but I'm guessing he learned something AND his "public" environment (before hibernation) is not the same he lives in now.

Seakytten has chosen to willingly step away from her "public"environment, taking solitary comfort with her cats and fish and other critters. No more drama.

I'm about three months into my "separation stage." My reasons areselfish; I wish to cease being everyone's "go-to" guy. I'm the fellow with a college education and the ability to fix most of what others can't, or won't. Yes, I'm the guy who ends the evening date taking apart her plugged garbage disposal to tediously remove every carrot shred. The guy who spent a career writing software and buildingcommercial servers and workstations and I can fix your computer too, your kids computer, your folks computer, the techie toys, put new connectors on the audio and video equipment, the list rambles on. I'm the one you call when your kids need a science project completed and help with the math homework. Your dad calls needing advice on adjusting the carburetor on the Snapper. (What?) Your mom can't engage the security alarm (did you check the window in the garage?)

I've rebuilt and replaced entire floors, kitchens, completely rewired homes, rebuilt washers and dryers, fixed DVR's, cleaned remotes, the list seems endless.

I loved every minute of being the "go-to" guy. Then. You know, the feeling of accomplishment, etc. Not so much now, I'm as worn out as Lilly Von Shtup. ("I'm Tired" Blazing Saddles (Madeline Kahn))

So, like Seakytten I'll be alone, but not sad. I'll be hanging out at my bench building electronic thingy's (I don't have any animals) and bettin' I'll get over feeling inadequate because I'm not helping somebody fix something for nothing. I'm still gathering up the tools I've loaned, collecting money I've loaned, and loaning money to those I hope to never see again. I've stripped my profile down to the minimum, leaving the last of the "humor" that causes viewers to call me improper names.

For those of you who are out, living the high life, great! Good for you! For you folks who have hobbies and prefer to hang out around the house, good for you too! For each of the other categories the rest of you are in, great! Whatever it takes to make YOU happy, go for it!! Me? I kinda wish I learned to like Rum and talk like Captain Barbossa, the Pirate Lord of The Caspian Sea. (grin) (Geoffrey Rush, Pirates of the Caribbean) Never know, I might! One of these days. Rum? Yuk.

(OT: Seakytten, about 12 years ago I built a device for a girlfriend who had debilitating migraines. Strung in a door frame, she'd hang by her ankles/feet until she felt better. Several years ago I saw her at the grocery, she's married now and still uses the "hanger.")

Live on!!

:) joe
 gypsysoul52
Joined: 4/3/2011
Msg: 47
I've finally realized the way to happiness is to detach from everyone.
Posted: 9/3/2011 7:39:52 PM
Seakytten......I totally get where you are coming from! I say if that's what gives you peace in your life, go for it!! And don't let anyone try to change your mind, that's part of who you are, celebrate your uniqueness!!
 sweetness-one
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 48
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I've finally realized the way to happiness is to detach from everyone.
Posted: 9/3/2011 8:17:51 PM
Okay, OP, I've got to ask...what the hell is a 'fish nanny'?

As for everything else, I tend to agree with the poster who said it sounds like you're building walls and hiding. Nothing wrong with that necessarily if that's what you need at this point in your life but, I did notice you'd made the distinction of "detaching from everyone" as opposed to simply stating "taking a break from dating for a little while".

It sounds awfully sad, and lonely, to me.

To each their own, and kudos if you know what you yourself truly need at this point in time. I can't say I've ever particularly found dating or relationships to be full of drama, though, simply because we only allow into our lives what we are willing to tolerate. Day to day events, or things that crop up in relationships, I don't consider "drama", I just consider that life. For 'true' drama, I've always just taken a pass whenever it appeared things were heading into soap-opera territory, so I don't quite understand why you would equate any unexpected occurence in a relationship with "drama" unless that's been your experience. And again, that's up to each individual what they allow into their lives and how much of it they are willing to tolerate, so I often wonder to what extent the drama might be created on both sides.

Retreating and recouping isn't necessarily a bad thing, for a short time, but take care not to make it too final.
 Bladesmith81801
Joined: 10/30/2010
Msg: 49
I've finally realized the way to happiness is to detach from everyone.
Posted: 9/3/2011 10:11:11 PM
fleuron on 8/29/2011 729 PM
Subject: I've finally realized the way to happiness is to detach from everyone.
Message: Bladesmith81801, your post was really touching. Thanks for taking the time to write it.


Thanks. You see why I'm still in love with her.
 Seakytten
Joined: 10/2/2010
Msg: 50
I've finally realized the way to happiness is to detach from everyone.
Posted: 9/4/2011 12:00:26 PM
Okay, OP, I've got to ask...what the hell is a 'fish nanny'?


LOL! Glad you asked Sweetness..a 'fish nanny' is a gentle soul that comes around to clean your tank once a month, changes out your filter, checks the bacteria level, coddles your fish, checks for abrasions on their scales and counsels you on how to be a responsible fish owner. It also helps if he has a degree in Aquaculture which he does :) When I lost my job in June I could no longer afford him so I took on the responsibility of taking care of them myself. *Whew!!* It's a big job but a rewarding one nonetheless.

There is nothing sad nor lonely about my life at all. Having to take care of 6 cats and 45 fish keeps me too busy to think about being lonely. There is lonely and there is being alone. I'm not lonely. I'm just alone...and LOVE it.

This hasn't been a good year for me. I don't do well in relationships and I've simply grown out of friendships that do nothing but suck my spirit dry. I'm sorry but 'getting to the salon for a manicure' is NOT one of my priorities in life. I prefer the solitude with my animals rather than the drama that relationships can and often do create.

Just today I was at the pet store picking up fish food and my ears were ringing with kids screaming, dogs barking, parents screeching at their kids..husbands and wives yelling at each other..I got in, and got out!! LOL

To each his own and I don't begrudge people for how they want to live as long as they don't begrudge me for how I choose to live my life as well. :) Being happy has different meanings for different people. Some people are happy enabling others, some people are happy breaking up and getting back together on a weekly basis and some of us are just happy being alone with our pets and wanting to be left the he!! alone. I'm in the latter group and proud of the life I've made for myself. You have to know and understand what you're 'detaching' from and detaching from all people is working for me right now..maybe I'll join the ranks of wanting to be social again in 6 months or so but for right now I would rather have my eyes pecked out by a flock of pissed off pelicans that to surround myself with people right now..what a vision. LOL

Kytten
Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > I've finally realized the way to happiness is to detach from everyone.