| | Physically abused for the first timePage 8 of 9 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9) | Hope you keep up the resolve to get this pile of trash out of your life. Do consider a restraining/protection order if he fails to stay out of your life at your request. Talk to the local women's shelter on how to further deal if he insists on reappearing. As for the bird who blames the victim for actions, what the hell does a person do to deserve a kick or any physical abuse other than possibly being subjected to it also?
Your thoughts and ideas are way out of logical approach. Actually you are advocating a retaliation for possibly imagined actions or statements. That is what separates adults from the strained thru a bedsheet moron. I have scars, bullet holes in a house and chopped down doors from imagined actions by a drunken maniac who is probably in an eternal barbeque. Some of us take a bit longer than others to smarten up after being knocked down so much. Kids bear the brunt of the whole situation, they take it in and never forget. How the adult deals with it will show that child the path that they will grow up in. Counseling is needed though, once you start take the kids, they need to be reinforced and helped to
work thru this type of horrific life. If you feel hitting someone is so correct OP
wonder if you cried so copiously when Quadaffi, Saddam Hussein, Tojo and Goering were dealt justice. | |
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| Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/23/2011 2:55:31 PM | | I just saw your thread now. Leave him! i was in the same situation but i let it get worse and worse!not good for you or your son | |
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| Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/23/2011 3:13:23 PM | Now get a RESTRAINING ORDER for him not to come to your home, child's school or your place of employment. Also include the places of employment and or residences of family members and friends. You can file this under the domestic violence act and it will cost you nothing. Alert all of your family members and close friends of what's going on. Be clear, careful and aware of what is going on and be on alert of your surroundings and carry MACE or PEPPER SPRAY! | |
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| Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/23/2011 5:29:47 PM | End it! Just because it took him 3 years does not mean he isn't capable of more. The first time someone gets violent with you reguardless of how long you have been together should be the last time.
If he gets violent when drinking that is not unusual, that is when a lot of people's anger and personalities they hide come out.
Once a person crosses the line and becomes violent it gets eaier and easier for them to do it, sure they boo hoo hoo and apologize, but I promise you 99% of the time it will happen again, might be a long time but might not. | |
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| Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/24/2011 11:25:09 AM | Don't try to understand why he did it...
Don't try to 'help him' out with his issues...
Don't look for the pros in the relationship so you can stay together...
The fact is this guy, an adult, could NOT control his alcohol consumption.
He also kicked you in the ribs, NEXT time it could be your head...and you could be in a coma. If he hit you once....he'll do it again. Besides, is this the type of male example you want for your son? That if he argues with a woman and is drunk...it's an excuse that it's okay to hit her?You should leave this relationship A.S.A.P, and find someone else. | |
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| Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/24/2011 4:25:59 PM | | I agree with Peppermint, LEAVE! You've gotta lookout for yourself OP. Any partner that doesn't look out for you is not right for you, period. | |
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| Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/24/2011 4:46:35 PM | Once is one time too many and the fear and uncertainty you will live with will eventually get to you. The trust has been shattered so move forward and take some time to heal.
Keep you and your son safe- LEAVE! | |
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| Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/24/2011 7:23:58 PM | Leave asap! Domestic violence starts off with a push or shove accidentally and progresses to something worse. There is NEVER an excuse for violence and he probably remembers but the point is he showed you his real side.
There are many other men out there and would love to be in a relationship with you. However, they will not be violent. Again leave for the sake of your child and yourself. | |
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| Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/24/2011 7:56:32 PM | No chance. They always promise to "reform". If he hit you once, it is likely he will do it again. No one deserves that. Male or female. I mention this because some women are just as guilty. First the "I didn't know what I was doing" excuses. Then more frequent beatings. Then in front of your son. Then the son. Stop it before it escalates. That's it in a nutshell
JMO | |
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| Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/24/2011 8:11:40 PM | Not the first time... and certainly not the last.
Nor are you unique.
there's many others.
We never seem to learn.
Doomed to make the same mistakes over and over.
What is particularly sad is the next guy/s will end up paying for this boyfriend's abuse towards you.
I guarantee it. | |
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| Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/24/2011 8:21:01 PM | I HAVE to respond to this.
A great guy I was involved with turned psycho one night. I don't have time (or desire) to go into the details. I was crying to my brother about it all and he was as baffled by the behavior as I. Then my brother - the doctor - recalled that my guy had recently started some new medication. Yep. It was the meds. He switched prescriptions and we've never had a repeat. That was several years ago. Just check to be sure before you throw away your relationship. | |
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| Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/24/2011 8:42:54 PM | | perhaps i got it all wrong here, but coming from someone who has escaped a violent marriage, once it happens it only gets easier each passing time and more frequent. ive heard it all, ill stop drinking, go to church , get help, etc... each time it just got worse... sweetie, you gotta do what you gotta do. i left my ex and he was the absolute love of my life and i didnt think i would live thru it, i coiuldnt breathe... but i had to love myself more. ill keep you in my thoughts and prayers! ( sorry for typing im 1/2 asleep lol) hugs.... | |
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| Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/26/2011 6:53:17 PM | My father was a terrible drunk and always claimed to never remember what happened. It's a terrible thing. I've been quite drunk before and never, ever pushed anyone around whatsoever. I don't understand how men can do that stuff. I would never utter a harsh word to my daughter or any woman I was in a relationship with.
If a man does that sort of thing, I would hold off on the relationship and get him some help. If he doesn't take the help or if he continues with his behavior, then leave him or it will never change. It will ruin your life. | |
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| Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/26/2011 7:03:18 PM | | Follow your mind and end that relationship. He just giving you a taste of what to expect once you both move in together. So far he has hid his true self or maybe you have ignored so of the those red flags. (Be safe for you and you child) | |
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| Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/27/2011 7:23:03 AM | Leave now,He did it once , He could do it again. Nip it in the butt while you can,no women needs to put up with it,not even once.I have heard women say that they love them or care for them but love should hurt physically.There are men out there who can be a surrogate dad to your son with out getting drunk and hitting you.Being drunk is not an excuse.  | |
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| Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/27/2011 9:59:31 AM | I wouldn't put a lot of value on the drinking. It's an easy out, an excuse for his behavior. Any person who drinks is just as responsible for whatever they do while drunk, as a sober person is. The alcohol is not a behavioral factor, it just lowered his ability to control his reaction.
Your physical safety is the primary concern. However, contrite he may be, if there is no accountability, there will be no change in behavior. At least temporarily, you should not see him, until and unless he has some intervention. I would talk to whoever he goes to, before you start to see him again and get their assurance that he is "safe". Even then, I wouldn't be alone with him for a period of time until he proves to your satisfaction that he truly has changed. | |
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| Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/27/2011 10:53:48 AM | | If he's done it once to you he will do it again. You have to think of yourself and your son. It is the start of a pattern and with these violent men, there is little chance of change in them. It is lucky for you in a way because now you have seen this side of him before you have moved in with him. What would it be like if it happens again when you're living with him? It really isn't worth the chance when you have children, you are your sons protection. He's probably done it before in a past relationship, best thing to do is to finish it, you may be heartbroken, but at least you'll be alive. | |
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| Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/27/2011 10:58:17 AM | I so agree with bucsgirl!!............
People do what they want to do, need to do, and must do, and using any outside influence is nothing more than an excuse. I remember the days when young and the girls would drink and then do all types of things and claim it was the alcohol that did it....lmao
Most do what they want, and it does not matter if drinking or doing most drugs, it is a part of your personality and style............and those of us that are not abusers, will not abuse no matter what other outside influences are there or not.
cd..............   | |
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| Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/27/2011 2:36:39 PM | | Please listen to me carefully. Dont believe him. My mom dated a man that was wonderful and kind. The family fast fell in love with him. My dad was never around and he filled that spot. At the time He was the best thing that ever happened to me and my family. He became the biggest demon that my mother ever allowed to step through the doors of our home.I was only 4 years old when he came into our lives. At first it was awesome i dont think we had ever been that happy. He would get drunk and anything and everything would set him off. Later he would claim that he didnt remember. He would cry, beg, and plead until he was forgiven. My mother would always forgive him. It just allowed the monster to grow and fell safe. Eventually you become numb to the abuse and accept it as part of the routine. Years later you may even convince yourself ,like my mother, that it never happened. Your child on the other hand wont forget. They will live in constant fear that the monster will get out of its cage. They will lose sleep with worry that it will eventually kill someone. Your child is affected by every choice you make. They are shaped by your decisions. Dont allow this man to damage your child. Sometimes the deepest scars are the ones you cant see. May God give you the strength in whatever you decide to do. | |
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| Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/28/2011 5:12:41 PM | Are you crazy? Forget him!
You feel betrayed and numb now, tomorow you will miss him. In a year you'll be married, he WILL do it again, and you're stuck. I have felt and thought what you have...if you need an ear, you can message me. | |
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| Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/29/2011 11:12:24 PM | | If, you actually have feelings for him, then wait to see if he can actually quit drinking and seek counselling, if not, there really wont be much hope, he most likely will get drunk again, and repeat what just happened, you and your son don't deserve that kind of treatment | |
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