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 PrimeWoman
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 51
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Afraid to commit or just a player ?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
OP
Why are you counting the number of times she is active (what defines active) 0n PoF?
I am active in forums...not in fishing mode...was active on PoF when I was in a relationship....in forums.

keeping options open? that's the insecure way to view it.

deleted profile in hopes she would do the same- her response to your discomfort was to share hers...and that is immersing fully into a relationship at this point in time. Her actions by your account seem congruent with her words if you are gauging trustworthiness. Is your discomfort more important than hers?

all of the above are a yellow/caution flag for me...you-insecurity, trust and control issues?
 Melannie1
Joined: 9/8/2011
Msg: 52
Afraid to commit or just a player ?
Posted: 9/14/2011 2:07:59 AM
Hi blazing_saddles_50! She does not want to commit.... Melannie1.
 Melannie1
Joined: 9/8/2011
Msg: 53
Afraid to commit or just a player ?
Posted: 9/14/2011 2:08:46 AM
Sorry for the spelling..... commit LOL... M
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 54
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Afraid to commit or just a player ?
Posted: 9/14/2011 2:53:14 AM
Some people meet someone and want to delete their profile, trusting that it will work out. Some need more time.
Since everything is going well I'd give her more time. I'd also keep your options open.
I don't like being in a relationship where I know he is on a dating site, talking to other people. Lack of respect in my opinion.
Up to you to keep your emotions in control if you decide to take a chance she'll choose you because she may end up with one of the men she is "talking" to.
Everytime I dated a man who stayed on here looking, he was looking for something "better".
Everytime I dated a man and stayed on here I was looking for something "better".
Good luck to you.
 Wrenchturner
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 55
Afraid to commit or just a player ?
Posted: 9/14/2011 3:55:31 AM
You are on step five of the relationship ladder and she is on step two. You can either wait for her to join you on step five, which she may never do, or you can break things off and try to find a woman that is willing to join you on step five. It does not sound like she is playing you since she has stated openly that she is not ready for a committment and is not denying or trying to hide her presence on POF. I guess the big question here, and one only you can answer is, is this woman worth the wait and can you handle it if she decides never to pursue a long term relationship exclusively with you?
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 56
Afraid to commit or just a player ?
Posted: 9/14/2011 4:33:12 AM
Keep her as a F-buddy...and just keep banging her. I would give up on LTR though as others have stated. Go back on POf and into the fish pond..for a LTR..u 2 just arent on the same wavelength when it comes to relationships. Stop talking so much about (ur feelings) too..u come off as being a wimp. Man up and maybe she will begin to respect you. You have become wayy too easy for her..give her a taste of her own medicine and see what happens.Good luck.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 57
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Afraid to commit or just a player ?
Posted: 9/14/2011 5:31:36 AM

u 2 just arent on the same wavelength when it comes to relationships.


I think that sums it up simply, although I might modify it to be you two just aren't on the same wavelength when it comes to *your* "relationship". You want commitment, she doesn't... either you accept that, or you move on - but don't "whine" about it.
 weathervanes
Joined: 3/31/2010
Msg: 58
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Afraid to commit or just a player ?
Posted: 9/14/2011 6:19:02 AM
Take a step back and think this out in detail.....then go with what your head is telling you not your heart........
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 59
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Afraid to commit or just a player ?
Posted: 9/14/2011 10:08:52 PM
Sounds like the OP sexed this woman and expected commitment without having had "The Talk". Bad idea IMO. Frankly, I wouldn't expect "The Talk" commitment without having "The Talk" beforehand, no matter how good the sex is or what I anticipate the sex to be like beforehand.

Frankly, a physically and otherwise compelling-attractive person with an active PoF profile has no reason to delete their profile or otherwise declare on their profile that they are not available to other potential suitors after several dates and uncommitted physical intimacy. I've been in internet-dating scenarios where I've wanted to get "physically intimate" without discussing the issue, and I've NEVER explore the physical intimacy without having a 99%+ idea about her level of commitment.

You can't judge someone who is on PoF 2-3 times a day without you being on 2-3 times a day yourself. Therefore, someone who lives in a glass house should NOT be throwing stones at someone, ESPECIALLY if they cannot communicate effectively outside of PoF what they expect out of their partner's commitment inside of PoF.
 franw1961
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 60
Afraid to commit or just a player ?
Posted: 9/15/2011 1:59:05 AM
shes afraid to commit and sadly shes a player by the sound of it ive just posted nearly the exactly the same message on here blazing sadly there a lot of people that are on here to play mind games and live in a imaginary world
i hope that you find someone who really love you
x
 cavemanrob
Joined: 4/15/2010
Msg: 61
Afraid to commit or just a player ?
Posted: 9/15/2011 3:23:25 PM

...met this woman here on POF ... we hit it off right from the start ... we went on several dates after the initial "Meet and greet" ... we have this amazing chemistry together, and have been texting and talking on the phone every day and have been seeing each other practically every other day since the day we met.

We crossed the line into intimacy, and as expected, we have this amazing intimate chemistry together. After a short time, I decided it was time to Delete my profile and focus on building a relationship and told her what I was feeling in regards to deleting my profile with hopes that she would feel the same.

She said that she isnt ready to fully commit to a relationship but still wants to want to see me ... while at the same time, she is active on POF every day (sometimes 2-3 times per day)

I told her that it makes me uncomfortable knowing that she is still active on POF while trying to build a long term meaningful relationship with her and her reply is that she just isnt ready to fully commit to a relationship ... and continues to stay active on POF

She contends that she isnt seeing or meeting anyone else, but is just reading messages and sending few replies back ? keeping her "options" open ?

All the while, she shows interest in me and displays genuine affection, we talk and text several times per day, and still see each other practically every other day.

What Gives ????


What Gives?

You have this all backwards.

You shouldn't have been pursuing her for a relationship, that's not what guys typically do.

Your job is simple to be an attractive guy and let her worry about where the relationship goes. You are too easy, you put all your cards on the table and showed her your hand, you ceased being a challenge, a goal to achieve and you became like every other guy that wants to be with her but she doesn't want to be with.

Continue dating her if you want but open up your profile and continue dating other women. Until she pursues you for an exclusive committed relationship, you should just consider that the two of you are dating and having fun and in the end what's wrong with just that? Why are you in such a rush to pin this girl down? Just because she's the first gilr you've clicked with in a long time doesn't mean she's the only one, they call this site plenty of fish for a reason, there are plenty of fish, go out there and have some fun and enjoy yourself and new experiences and stop talking relationship talk to a girl that never initiated those talks with you, it makes you sound like a girl to her and she wants a man, plain and simple.

I hope this helps.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 62
Afraid to commit or just a player ?
Posted: 9/15/2011 3:33:26 PM
Wrenchturner:
You are on step five of the relationship ladder and she is on step two.
Are you referencing 'Mars and Venus on a Date'?
 3xsacharmsotheysay
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 63
Afraid to commit or just a player ?
Posted: 9/15/2011 3:39:55 PM
Never really defined how long but I think if it been 4-5 months u would have said.. I say if it's as great as u say give it time !!
 RandomScause
Joined: 8/16/2011
Msg: 64
Afraid to commit or just a player ?
Posted: 9/15/2011 3:47:25 PM
A very interesting first opening post, man.

She is in the driver's seat. You are enamoured, coz she IS special.

She is attractive and vibrant and warm to you, to others, to whoever meets her. She knows that. You don't know that, you just know how she affected you.

So she knows she can get any man, almost any man, and not just for sex.

She is yours, now, and she does not deny that this is not going to be permanent. You want permanence with her, coz she is a gem, but you are not alone in wanting permanence with her; 3 billion other males want it too, or would, if they dated her.

She is a class or several classes above most normal people. If you get your head over heels into her, and she breaks your heart, you will have nowhere to run.

"you got the best of me
It's so hard to see
You had me on the lovers' cross a while
When you got a taste of paradise, it's as cold as ice,
I'm gonna miss you...
I miss you, Miss you,
couldn't make you change your point of view
...

You're leaving.
I'm sitting here alone, wasting my time
I just don't know what I should do...

It's a tragedy for me to see the dream is over
And I'm never gonna ...
etc. etc. etc."

--- Mangled lyrics, from memory at the spur of the moment, of "I miss you" by Milli Vanilli, the dethroned Yammi winners, who had this song conquer the world before it turned out they were not singing the words.
 Fire_Sta8tion
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 65
Afraid to commit or just a player ?
Posted: 9/15/2011 3:48:48 PM
Oh please don't believe am reading this?? Are you Joking yeah?? What the hell are you complain about?? You got a friends with benefits and so what??

Do you realize that there are LOADS OF MEN that would love being on this situation??
Man she told you that just want you as F-buddy and you don't enjoy it??
Come on we got plenty of guys on here that would love finding someone like her,no stress,no ties and just fun,man are you serious??

About you open new profile,go on hunting again and have fun,laughs,life is too short and must living it,remember you are on a position that many men would love be,so take on and enjoy as much as you can,if you know what I mean,yeah enjoy!!!

PS: Keep her as back up on those nights that you feeling horny,sorry but can't help,isn't true??!!
 Rascal300
Joined: 9/1/2011
Msg: 66
Afraid to commit or just a player ?
Posted: 9/20/2011 7:48:38 AM
Good answer Abelian. I should have done that. You shouldn't invest anymore into her than a FWB. Some people want to think its greener on the other side. Remember weeds are green too! I had exclusivity, but it only means something among honorable people. Your lady did show herself as at least somewhat honorable, in that she wasn't ready.
I would take the advice of some of the other posters, repost your POF profile as similar as the one before, and start backing out of the relationship. She is probably looking for something better herself. Please do not invest yourself any further, it will only make it harder, later. My guess is that by doing this she may just have a change of heart.
If you ever show any weakness, you will not look like the guy she was attracted to. She will look for a "man". BE the guy she met, Be yourself. But most of all, Be ready to walk away. You already sense a crack in this relationship.
Peace
 Jer13601
Joined: 1/30/2011
Msg: 67
Afraid to commit or just a player ?
Posted: 9/20/2011 10:16:41 AM
OP, she stated she wants no commitment. But, it appears to me that she may use you as the "relief pitcher" so to speak: a booty call boy. It's your call as to what you want and what you want to do. I'm not seeing ltr at this time. I do see her as someone who likes you, but it'll her way with no strings attached. Sorry that her feelings aren't the same as yours.
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 68
Afraid to commit or just a player ?
Posted: 9/20/2011 11:35:51 AM
met this woman here on POF ... we hit it off right from the start ... we went on several dates after the initial "Meet and greet" ... we have this amazing chemistry together, and have been texting and talking on the phone every day and have been seeing each other practically every other day since the day we met.


We crossed the line into intimacy, and as expected, we have this amazing intimate chemistry together. After a short time, I decided it was time to Delete my profile and focus on building a relationship and told her what I was feeling in regards to deleting my profile with hopes that she would feel the same.

She said that she isnt ready to fully commit to a relationship but still wants to want to see me ... while at the same time, she is active on POF every day (sometimes 2-3 times per day)

I told her that it makes me uncomfortable knowing that she is still active on POF while trying to build a long term meaningful relationship with her and her reply is that she just isnt ready to fully commit to a relationship ... and continues to stay active on POF

She contends that she isnt seeing or meeting anyone else, but is just reading messages and sending few replies back ? keeping her "options" open ?

All the while, she shows interest in me and displays genuine affection, we talk and text several times per day, and still see each other practically every other day.

What Gives ????


Words are what someone WANTS you to think who they are. Actions show who they are.

You are doing the classic thing women usually do. It's not confusing. She's dating and sleeping with other people and to be honest not counting the possible STD's there are many other problems including messing with your mind and heart.

She knows you are into her and is using her. Be man enough to tell her that you respect her decision and then move on. Dont' talk to her, dont email her and dont get fooled again. For you this is magical; for her it's just another guy. take care and spend your time and money on someone who deserves it.
 toots1981
Joined: 8/17/2008
Msg: 69
Afraid to commit or just a player ?
Posted: 9/20/2011 2:43:37 PM
In my recent experience, if someone has 'commitment issues' then you should cut your losses before you get sucked in and hurt more (he's set up a profile on here-joy!).
Fair enough not deleting your profile and keeping it 'just in case' but actively being on it a couple of times a day shows she's not taking what you have seriously. I know it's easy for an outsider to say but I've found that telling someone you have 'commitment issues' is just a disclaimer.
 sashazee
Joined: 9/16/2011
Msg: 70
Afraid to commit or just a player ?
Posted: 9/20/2011 4:00:08 PM
OP: I was in what was considered to be an exclusive relationship (by both parties) and discovered he continued to fish. I was hurt and felt rejected and it ended badly. After I got over it I was relieved and grateful I did not invest further. His loss. I would venture to say that some people in relationships may have some need for attention and find it in their POF in-boxes. Others will have "the grass may be greener" attitude. Regardless of the reasons, I see a red flag.
 Erinheleece
Joined: 9/16/2011
Msg: 71
Afraid to commit or just a player ?
Posted: 9/20/2011 6:17:12 PM
You want a relationship, she doesn't, you two are incompatible move on. Focus your attention on a woman who has the same objectives as you. Dang...this sounds like the reverse of what uaually happens. Usually its the woman who gets all attatched after sex and start making the relationship more than what it is. Guess everybody is different.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 72
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Afraid to commit or just a player ?
Posted: 9/20/2011 6:25:07 PM
She's honest...

She isn't either...

Be open to the same...

Sorry she's not ready and you are...

On two different pages is hard when you want and can't have...

Good Luck, She may see what she may miss and change her mind! Don't give up!!!
 shyone267
Joined: 10/13/2009
Msg: 73
Afraid to commit or just a player ?
Posted: 9/20/2011 9:59:43 PM
I think she may have feelings for you , but for whatever reason she may want somethin more....:( It isn't really fair to you, but if she is honest about not committing, then, she isn't trying to deceive you... Give her some time, but perhaps you shoud keep your options open as well.
 Natgoat
Joined: 3/24/2011
Msg: 74
Afraid to commit or just a player ?
Posted: 9/27/2011 7:50:27 PM
My family always said I should be committed...but noone had a straightjacket that could hold me..!!
As far as relationships are concerned, I'm committed
as soon as I feel that *SPARK* in that first really good Kiss
Too much a gentleman to be a 'Play-a'...!!
 blackchic
Joined: 1/13/2011
Msg: 75
Afraid to commit or just a player ?
Posted: 9/28/2011 8:44:37 AM
this aint gone last!!!! It pisses me off to no end when guys do this, it goes against nature. she will do what u want her to do, in due time.....by applying this pressure, you are pushing her away.
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