| | Thought I had found the one...Page 2 of 2 (1, 2) | Donna, same situation here. He had an ex cheat on him and walk out on him. The thing I don't get is if you know what that feels like, why would you do it to someone else?
Pete, it was too late. I had already gotten a job closer to him, but hadn't moved yet. Now I m spending over $500 a month on gas to drive back and forth to work at a job I hate for no reason at all. At first I thought it was going to be worth it to be closer to him.
Just found out tonight too that he has a girlfriend that he has been seeing for some time. I'm guessing longer than we have been broken up, it hurt a lot, and what hurt the most was I wasn't even trying to talk to him or find out what he was doing or who he was seeing, his friend texted me with a pic of him and his new girlfriend. | |
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| Thought I had found the one...
Posted: 11/2/2011 8:17:43 PM | What did you fight about, that would seem to be important info since it caused a break up. Why is he calling you names, do you keep texting and calling him or is he just randomly contacting you to call you names? Why do you still have contact with him? Block him, cut him off, why would you keep contact with someone who is calling you names? Is he 12?
Anyway, one guy is an azz and so there are no good guys out there. Why even make a post like this, generalizing and bashing men because one guy didn't turn out the way you hoped. | |
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| Thought I had found the one...
Posted: 11/2/2011 8:44:00 PM | The fight we had was basically about the distance that was between us physically. Living over 100 miles from each other was kind of taking it's toll on me since I was the only one who seemed to be putting n any effort(see previous post).
Also, I wasn't making a random generalization based on one bad experience. Pretty much all my experiences have been bad. I have had guys who have hit me, pushed me, berated me, and even one who took it as far as making me have a miscarriage by pushing me down a flight of stairs. This is not just about one guy, but many over the course of my dating lifetime.
Not trying to get pity here, just stating why I feel the way that I do. | |
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| Thought I had found the one...
Posted: 11/2/2011 9:29:21 PM |
Also, I wasn't making a random generalization based on one bad experience. Pretty much all my experiences have been bad.
The common denominator is you. You cannot want to be in a relationship so badly that you allow someone to walk all over you. You have be willing to walk and not look back when you are treated badly or you'll only attract the guys who sense desperation or loneliness and exploit it. | |
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| Thought I had found the one...
Posted: 11/3/2011 8:19:46 AM | | i can really relate to your story with a few changes here and there. the man i fell for has issues beyond repair for women and nothing i can say or do is going to help him the best thing you can do for you is to cut all ties with him and try to move on. its a very hard thing to do especially for me since im 35 and its the first time ive ever been in love. but its a lesson learned. he sounds like he didnt want to be in it so he blames it on you which makes it easier in his mind to say he did nothing wrong! | |
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| Thought I had found the one...
Posted: 11/3/2011 9:29:36 AM | People who don't take responsibility for the own actions, are doomed to repeat being in the same situation over and over again.
You will not be presented with something new, until you learn to resolve those issues.
You started seeing this guy the end of May, and until your fight on the 4th of July weekend, you put in all the effort and this was not reciprocated.
Have you asked yourself why you did that?
I'm in a long distance relationship, about 200 miles, but before I made a decision that this could work out, I made damn sure that this man was willing and able to put in the work.
We are taking turns more now, but in the beginning, he offered to do all the driving, and I let him. As time went on, due to the nature of our respective jobs, there were opportunities for me to be at his place for a week or so on several occasions, and I took them. But when he's been able, he has always been willing to do the driving.
If you had required this of your guy, you would not have been in the situation you found yourself in in the first place, because you would have found out very quickly that he was not what you wanted. | |
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| Thought I had found the one...
Posted: 11/3/2011 5:17:06 PM | He told me he loved me once while I was there, it was during a playful interaction, so I wasn't sure if he was joking or not and didn't really answer him back.
I'm not really sure where things went so totally wrong.
If there’s nothing important missing from your story, it would seem to me that things went so totally wrong about the point when he told you he loved you and you didn’t respond. Saying “I love you,” makes a person vulnerable to another; why did you assume he didn’t mean it? Maybe the “playful” atmosphere made it easier for him to be vulnerable to you.
Then you try to go on like nothing happened? Without even discussing that he told you he loved you and you didn’t respond. Jeez. You completely disregarded his feelings, then continued to by pretending nothing happened.
Lots of women would be pretty thrilled to hear their boyfriend say I love you. Why weren’t you thrilled to hear it?
He trusted you with his feelings, and you stepped all over them. THAT is where things went so totally wrong.
his friend texted me with a pic of him and his new girlfriend.
You hurt him; he tried to hurt you back. It’s pretty simple.
You’ll feel better about yourself, though, if you continue to blame it all on him, decide that he’s had this girlfriend all along, and convince yourself there are no good men anymore. | |
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| Thought I had found the one...
Posted: 11/4/2011 7:41:36 PM | He is not a stable man and you have found out what he is really like. He may have others around and just blaming you so he can distance himself. Remember you met on a dating site..... that should tell you something...
.When someone comes on so strong in the beginning it often doesnt work out....It just burns out....
Best to try to take it slowly... Living so far apart is a problem anyway for you..''
He is being abusive and you dont deserve any of it. You are better off without him and I would be alerting people so that if he stalks or gets more offensive you will have some kind of protection. I hope he doesnt know where you live.
Block him from your phone and next time get a phone just for dating and prepaid so it is isolated from your main phone.... and if you get another nutter at least it will be an isolated thing. My advice is be very wary of anyone from dating sites in general. | |
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| Thought I had found the one...
Posted: 11/6/2011 9:57:37 AM |
Then you try to go on like nothing happened? Without even discussing that he told you he loved you and you didn’t respond. Jeez. You completely disregarded his feelings, then continued to by pretending nothing happened.
Fleuron,
I didn't really answer him back by saying that I loved him, but I stayed the entire week that week and told him many times over how happy I was to be with him and how I felt so comfortable round him. We had a great week up until the night before I had to leave. That's when we argued about the whole distance situation.
It caught me a little off guard when he said it, and I wasn't really ready to respond to that. I wasn't going to tell him that I loved him back if I wasn't sure if I really felt that way. I don't want to give anybody false hope.
He traded up. Sorry that happened to you
destinymoon,
How do you know he traded up? The girl he is seeing now cheated on her husband and moved her kids out of their home and away from their father for this guy. I don't know any person in their right mind who would leave their kids for something so uncertain. | |
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| Thought I had found the one...
Posted: 11/6/2011 10:00:23 AM | | There are good men out there.But ill tell you this i was married 28 years and really loved my wife.but she got different i dont know why she would not talk about it at all.Ive always told her if i could ever help her with anything just let me know.we been separtive 3 years now.i still love her very much but it is what it is.As a man in the dating world its been a nightmare to say the least.women have alot of baggage and alot of emotional problems.Want to fuss about nothing and wanting all the time.not putting all they have in a relationship.NOT ALL WOMEN BUT MOST. So im sure there are issues you didnt talk about with him.Ilove women with all my heart and passion but its hard when you cant get close. | |
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| Thought I had found the one...
Posted: 11/6/2011 2:31:35 PM | | It seems to me he is a right Bastido.Get shot of him quick as he truly does not deserve you hun,and ANY man that starts calling you names are men that are pure nasty and ya wouldn,t touch em with a barge pole.If he continues to harass you call the Police.They are Brilliant as I have found out to my advantage.Girl Power,there,s nothing like it.Brill feeling.lol | |
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| Thought I had found the one...
Posted: 11/6/2011 3:49:34 PM |
It caught me a little off guard when he said it, and I wasn't really ready to respond to that. I wasn't going to tell him that I loved him back if I wasn't sure if I really felt that way. I don't want to give anybody false hope.
No...of course you don't want to say I love you when you aren't ready.
This is really sad to me, because I think he does love you but between being a bit immature, and having a very fragile ego, he'd rather lose you than be brave and honest with you.
Also I could be completely wrong.  | |
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| Thought I had found the one...
Posted: 11/11/2011 4:33:05 PM |
This is really sad to me, because I think he does love you but between being a bit immature, and having a very fragile ego, he'd rather lose you than be brave and honest with you.
Also I could be completely wrong.
Well the OP said that she found out that he has a girlfriend. I highly doubt that he "loved" her. She was just there until he found something better in his mind. A Man worth anything would never berate his girlfriend of some trivial B.S. That just doesn't happen. Men that do that, never cared for the woman in any significant manner.
OP, I think you need to take a step back and find out why you seem to fall so fast and hard for abusive losers. The common denominator between all of those guys is you. I'm betting that there are some pretty good men that find you attractive, but you are attracted to them. Until you find out why you are picking losers, then you are doomed to repeat the pattern of the failed relationships of the past.
Good Luck with your fishing OP. | |
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| Thought I had found the one...
Posted: 11/11/2011 7:25:39 PM |
OP, I think you need to take a step back and find out why you seem to fall so fast and hard for abusive losers. The common denominator between all of those guys is you. I'm betting that there are some pretty good men that find you attractive, but you are attracted to them. Until you find out why you are picking losers, then you are doomed to repeat the pattern of the failed relationships of the past.
I totally agree with you. I have always had boyfriends that have treated me poorly. I know the common link is me. Honestly, I don't like to be alone. I think in my own mind, I would rather have someone that treats me badly then be alone.
Don't get me wrong, I have lived alone for years, and been single for long periods of time, and not felt the need to have a relationship. I think I have just reached the point in my life where I want more though.
I don't want to be alone forever. | |
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